4 Yr Old Afraid of Teen with down Syndrome

Don't force the issue on her (she doesn't have to spend time with him), but don't let her hide either. Have a frank and honest discussion with her about what makes him different and why that isn't bad. Children are scared of things that are different but she will have to observe on her own that it's not bad to be unique.

Well at this age, developmentally, they have "fears."
And their emotions, are not even fully developed yet.
So their sense of articulate comprehension of appearances or what they mean, in conjunction with social aptitude.... and empathy, are not yet, fully developed as well.
And their 'imaginations' and cognition, is still forming as well.
They don't make sense of the world, like we Adults do.

Your Daughter is 4.
The aptitude and ability for 'deductive reasoning' is not fully formed at this age either.

Don't force her.
Just comfort her.
But in time, teach her about people. Knowledge like this is gained, in stages.

Maybe if she sees YOU... interacting with this boy & the Dad, and making it no big deal, she will, via observing you, learn from that. In time.
Just let the Dad know, your girl is only 4 and she is not yet, aware.

In Kindergarten, my daughter had an Autistic classmate. He had an Aide with him in class. She asked me what is Autistic. I explained to her, that he is a child just like her, but he learns & understands differently. So the Aide helps him. But all children are special. And everyone is different. My daughter then was not 'afraid' of him. In fact, she was the only student in class, that made friends with him. She tried to make him feel comfortable etc. and would talk to him. His Mom was so grateful. To this day, his Mom remembers my Daughter. And she is now 8 years old. She still looks out for him too. Around campus.

Kids in time, and per our teaching them, will learn all sorts of social constructs and that people, are varying.

Also socially, a 4 year old, is still learning. They are not yet fully mastered in social nuances. So don't expect her, to 'play' with him or interact.
Some kids, take time to warm up to people. Even if they are the same as them. My daughter is like that. But she is aware of people. Because she is taught.

If your daughter gets really upset and distraught over it, then is there a kiddie classroom she can go to? Many churches have that for the kids.
But I would not force her to befriend this boy.

Special needs or not, kids this age get freaked out about the looks of people. My son, when younger, would freak out when he saw my cousin. Because, something about his "hair" made him scared. This cousin, has real bushwhacked hair... like a cave-man.
My Cousin, just treated it like no big deal. We didn't make a big deal of it, either. My Son now really loves this cousin.

Also, my son was already 4 years old last Christmas... he STILL didn't even want to go anywhere near the "Santa" at the Mall. He was scared. No biggie. I didn't force him to take photos with Santa. He would only stay like 15 feet away from Santa. That is the closest he would go.
So now, I have a photo of my son "with" Santa... but standing like 15 feet away. Its cute!

all the best,
Susan

As a mommy of a special needs child myself, it's hard to hear these stories but at the same time I completely understand. I would pull up some videos on YouTube about small children with DS so she can see in the privacy of her own space that DS kids like to smile and laugh just like she does. If I were you, talk to this young mans father and ask him if your daughter is making his son uncomfortable. If he says yes, then you'll know that your daughter just isn't ready to understand the differences between her and someone with DS. I remember being a small child and there was a gentleman in my church congregation that was confined to a wheelchair that was always drooling and making really loud moaning noises, I was petrified to go near him. Kids imaginations are huge, especially when things don't look like or act like they know they should. She'll come around eventually but don't stop educating her on the importance of being a good friend in her life to everyone:)

A friend of mine had a son with Down Syndrome, and he was the sweetest, most helpful soul I ever met, truly a child of God. He lived to 40 years of age, died in an accident, and the church was filled with people talking about what a great human being he was.

You definitely have an opportunity to teach your daughter that different doesn't mean bad or mean, or that anyone is better. It simply means we are all different. Keep talking to your daughter about his good qualities, how helpful he is, and when she says he has mean eyes tell her that's how God made his eyes, he's not being mean. Continue to talk to him and interact with him, and if she cries and hides put her in another class while you tend to your duties until she warms up to him.

I agree with the poster who said explain that he he is a special child of God with special needs. Then don't push it. Go ahead and bring her with, but don't push her to interact with him. Over time, she'll probably get over it (and this is a good opportunity to teach her about disabilities and not judging or being rude, just in small baby steps.)

I have made special needs kids my business and so I get to see a lot of different reactions from lots of people. Most of the kids are pretty good since special needs kids are not hidden away from society. I saw a very wonderful video about down syndrome people on You Tube. I think this would be the best way to show her that everyone looks different but has very unique qualities. Dealing with anything out of the ordinary can be difficult for little children. Let her warm up to the situation in her own way. I was in a car accident and had brain damage. I went through so many phases and stages. The other kids were not nice to me and for the most part it was because they did not understand. Education is the key to understanding!!

Have you actually told her that he's not like everyone else? That he is an extremely special soul that God sent down for everyone to love? Maybe if she knows more about him, she could learn to be ok around him.
If you have already talked to her. . . .I have no idea. Can't wait to read the other responders.

I Agree 10,000% with the wonderful advice that S.H. gave you...let your daughter see YOU interacting with this young man...let her learn from YOUR example how to be caring and kind to people who may not be exactly like her.
That being said...sometimes young children just zero in on one thing and decide they don't like someone...you just have to give them time to work through it . I can still remember...about 10 years ago...one of my best friends grand daughters suddenly decided that she was TERRIFIED of a delightful man at our church that ALL of the children normally love and adore!!! I personally think it was his beard, and the fact that he is big and tall and loud...but for some reason everytime that Ernie came within sight poor little Brittany would go into spasms of crying and hiding behind her Grandma's skirt!!! We just basically ignored it and allowed her to warm up to him at her own speed...now they are best of buddies!!!
I wouldnt force her to be around him...let them interact from what seems to be a safe distance to her...allow her to see you and others interacting with the young man...and things will change over time.

If you stop bringing your daughter because of her distress and anxiety then you're going to teach your daughter that this boy and his differences really are something to be afraid of. Instead, as others have said, this MUST be a teaching situation. It can't just be about educating her while he's around, but also when he's not. She needs to be taught what his differences mean, and that there are appropriate ways of handling her anxiety and fear. The more she's around him and gets to know him and can interact, the better she ought to feel.

However, if these situations are distressing to the boy then that affects my answer. Talk with his father and ask for some advice and I would go so far as to ask him to talk about his son to your daughter. If he's willing to do that, and I'm positive that he would enjoy a chance to offer his son a chance to make a new friend, If his son is upset over the situation, you may have to ease them both into the teaching moments.

I say this as a mother to a child with Autism. I've taken up the advocacy torch, but not all parents are into helping other people or their children with teaching moments as I am.

She's 4 and has plenty of time to learn acceptance of others. If the kid was her age, I would be all for it being a learning situation, but he's not! If it was a teen without Downs, would you be so apt to force the friendship or would you listen to your baby? Don't set your child up to be nice to everyone. She needs to know it's ok to trust herself and be cautious.

Are you sure he is a nice boy? Have you interacted with him? Just because a child has Downs does not necessarily make him a nice person. He is just a kid/nearly man who looks a little different and could be going through hormonal changes. She may have better radar than you are giving her credit for. He is a teenager not a child her age.

Politically correctness is not an option when it comes to the safety of your child. I would stop bringing her for a while. Get to know the boy yourself.

I think you're overlooking an great opportunity to impart the concepts of "inclusion", "differences", "challenges" etc.
Talk to your daughter about the hair colors of all of her friends and how different they are. Point out the fact that your skin tone is different than hers--not exactly the same. Talk about canes, walkers, wheelchairs and DIVERSITY!
Explain why this boy is different. Explain that it's not good OR bad--just a difference.
Really, this is a very important topic and a great opportunity to clue her in to differences, inclusion and acceptance.

You can keep telling her he is nice, etc but don't force it. I agree with another mom about seeing a youtube video or something on teens with down syndrome that is a positive portray so she feels safer in her own space and can gradually work herself up to it. While it is disheartening for her to be scared of him I would never force a child around anyone because there could always be an angle you don't know or just forcing them around people they don't want to be around can end with her forcing herself being around people that actually are dangerous because she'll feel "rude" but in reality it will end bad for her. But, I would educate her on people with special needs and then let her decide. She has to know the good and bad side so she will know when she needs to back off too. Give her time. Until that time comes and after you educate her, I would stop bringing her.

maybe when you guys get home you could tell her that even if he looks different he might be a very nice boy. Also teach her to respect all differences.

If she is so distraught a cooling off period may be beneficial, when you come home express to her how much you missed having your little helper with you but you understand her fear and although differences can be frightening at times God made each of us with wonderful and unique characteristics and that boy is very special. Express to her each time you leave without her how much her company will be missed and pray together for her acceptance of the teen. Good luck!