How Do You Not Meltdown When the Kids Are Meltingdown.......

When my son was around that age and was just driving me INSANE, I'd put him in his crib and I'd walk away for 10 min.

Sometimes MOMMY just needs 10 min. - What many people won't tell you is that we SHOULD be taking 10 min away if we need it. So, I'm saying moms should take 10 min when needed!!!!

: )

Hello,

I know that when my kids melted down at that age and I knew I was starting to melt down, I would put them in a safe place, like the play pen or somewhere where I knew I could walk away for a few minutes to calm down. Then I would come back. Usually takes a few big deep breaths and a few minutes in my room to calm down. Meltdowns happen to everyone, it is how we deal with it that counts. Don't just build all the anger up and hold it in, you have to have an outlet.

D. P.

Did ya see the post about spritzing them in the face with water? lol

Are they on a schedule? Overtired? Sometimes boredom & being tired makes kids super cranky.

Pop them in a crib or pack & play and give yourself a 5 minute time out!

If they are screaming, put them in a safe place (crib, pack-and-play, bouncer, swing) and walk away from them for a few minutes. Don't leave the house, but there's no reason why you can't walk into another room and take a few minutes to yourself.

Babies cry for so many different reasons and sometimes it is overwhelming and having someone else swoop in to "fix it" really makes it worse. You are not a bad parent if you have the occassional meltdown yourself- it happens!

I would suggest also trying to get them to play independently for periods of time (5-10 minutes). Many times when we are home with our children, we try to be the all-day entertainment and not only is it wearing on you, but it's over-stimulating on your children. It's perfectly okay (and actually good for them) to spend some time playing on a blanket with blocks, board books and other toys. Let them have some time in an exersaucer or another stationary activity center so that they learn to entertain themselves and don't look to you as their sole source of fun and activity!

Wow, 8 month old twins?

1, 8 month old was tough. I guess just get some earplugs to at least tone it down. Place them in swings and make a cup of tea.. The come back and BF 1 and then the other..

Sometimes, turning on music helped (all different types). Sometimes, taking our daughter outside in the sun helped. I would lay her on a blanket or push her in a stroller.

IF I asked family to come over, it was to watch our daughter so I could nap. I suggested they walk he in the stroller..

My twins are 5. When they were born, our son was 2 1/2. Occasionally, I had all three screaming. :'( You have received some great advice. Sometimes I did meltdown, honestly. I would make sure they were safe, and I would go to the other room and cry. Seriously! It wasn't often but sometimes a good cry helps! When they are napping, make sure you are doing things for yourself sometimes. The temptation is to get as much work around the house done while they sleep but you need to take some time to relax. Grab a good book, write in a journal, paint your toe nails, exercise, whatever works for you. Sometimes I carried the monitor outside and worked in my flowerbed. I had it up so loud I could hear them breathing. It helped me relax and refocus.
You CAN do this! It gets easier! Hang in there!!
Also, when our girls were little I was involved in a moms of multiples group. It helped a lot to talk to other moms in my shoes. You can find a local group at www.nomotc.org.

Sometimes, if you can't beat 'em join 'em! Honestly, sometimes a good cry will get all that frustration out and you can start fresh. It's much healthier than yelling, screaming at or hitting your children (not that I'm suggesting YOU are doing that).

But for the most part, I try to remember that my kids are learning how to control themselves and I, as an adult, should know how by now. So, I ignore the tantrums. I tell them that I can't understand what they need/want when they're carrying on like that and I'll talk to them when they've calmed down. Then I ask them to go to their room and cry because the noise is hurting my ears. Sometimes it works. Sometimes not (see the first part of my comment! lol).

Just know that before you know it your babies will be toddlers, then preschoolers and big kids. Try find the little joys in every day and don't let every little thing become an issue. Know that you're not alone and this too shall pass :o)

I make sure the kids are in a safe place, the stove is off, the doors are locked, and I either go into the bathroom or my bedroom and do some breathing exercises for a few minutes. I also have a stash of chocolate to help boost seratonin levels. ;-)

This may sound crazy, but I'll sometimes go do laundry to keep from melting down. My laundry "room" is in my basement and the kids don't like going in the basement. I get to concentrate on something else and I get away for a few minutes.

I do have anxiety and depression issues, so I see a therapist frequently for talk therapy which helps a lot and I'm on medication which also helps immensely. It's possible that you have some post-partum depression contributing to your stress and anxiety, especially with twins that are only 8 months old. PPD can show up as late as 2 years after delivering a baby. And if you don't have much help or adult contact and your other issues, that would contribute. I suggest talking to your primary care physician to get a referral for a diagnosis of PPD and a psychiatrist (they can Rx meds) or a psychologist (don't Rx meds).

Sometimes you just have to let them scream (in a safe place) while you go into a different room to regain your sanity for a few minutes. It's hard to see your kids melting down, but even the happiest babies lose it from time to time, and there's not always something you can do to resolve it. If you feel like they're melting down because they're tired, try putting them down for a nap BEFORE they get over-tired. For instance, if the horrible meltdown always happens at 3pm, put them down for a nap at 2. That may help a lot.

Hang in there. It will get better, I promise! :)

I'm with you, I have a 7 year old and 17 month old twins and my husband works a lot of overtime. I asked my doctor the same thing you asked and she told me to use deep breathing when I'm feeling really overwhelmed with cranky babies (this is especially in the evening!) She told me to take a very large breath, as you inhale, make sure the air is going all the way in and your stomach is expanding. Then a long slow breath out through your mouth. I usually do this 5-10 times, depending on how stressed I'm feeling and it really does help take the edge off to get you through the day.

Side note- I've found bubbles to be really helpful when the twins are cranky and restless. Even indoors, I blow bubbles for the babies, it kind of snaps them out of their moods and distracts them for a while. Hang in there :)

Also, if you haven't already, I would highly recommend joining a local Moms of Multiples club. They usually meet once a month and a lot of them have free childcare during the meeting. It's so nice to meet other moms who know what it's like with multiples and going to the play dates during the week is great for you and the babies to have fun and get a change of scenery.

A change of venue is nice. When the kids start to fall apart - of course I want them to sleep and I want to sleep too. That's always my 1st go - to. If sleep isnt going to happen, then I would get them in the car and drive them around. That soothes a lot of kids. Although dragging 2 8mo olds in thier infant carriers to the car is pure work! At least everybody gets a change of scenery. Then you can go through a drive through and get yourself something to calm your nerves. Like a sonic drink or starbucks or whatever. My kids love the drive through car wash.
When mine were small I would sometimes just sit and sigh and wonder when will it get better. It gets better every new stage. Better when there are no more diapers and bottles. Better when they can do things for themselves - feed themself, dress themself, go to the bathroom. And better when they can communicate thier needs with words and not crying! As time goes by things get easier. This is a tough age for them, but it gets better.

Ohh it's soo hard especially when they are babies and can't say what's wrong. Sometimes you need to put them in a safe place and walk outside for a couple of minutes. Do you have any neighbors close by with little ones who might be able to help? Or a pre-teen or teen who might be able to come over for about 2 hours a day to give you a break? Pay them $10-$15/day to play with the babies or hang out while you run an errand or go for a walk. Sometimes just getting out of the house, even if they are sleeping at the time, helps you to keep your sanity.

you have to put them in a safe place ie crib/pack n play and walk away for a few min, put your fav song on your ipod or talk to a friend for 5 min.

I also have this struggle. I have recently improved somewhat, but honestly I think it's because I started an anti-depressant. I had a baby 8 months ago too, and was depressed without really realizing it. So, make sure that is not the case for you. Sometimes it manifests in that feeling of being overwhelmed. My husband works alot too, and just being without any adult interaction brings me down at times. I am definitely a work in progress :)

But, what I am trying to do is this...
1. Choose my battles (I have a 3 year old that makes "strong-willed" seem like a huge understatement). I found myself correcting every little thing, and I'm trying to give him a little "space" to be himself. I was really nit-picking him, I think. That just made him rebel more. I try to save the real discipline for the times when he is outright defying me or doing something unsafe. I have had to except that little boys will be little boys though :) I know this one may not apply to you yet, but maybe down the road.

2. For tantrums, I used to try to talk him down or get upset, and that usually seemed to frustrate him more. I have started just ignoring him until he calms down, and so far, it's helping. He's a big talker and he hates when I don't talk to him...so I just started telling him that we can talk as soon as he calms down. I know he's older than yours are, but maybe if you show them early on that fits don't get them anywhere, it will help.

3. Sometimes I can re-direct him. Now that I know what sets him off, I try to look ahead and get him thinking about something else. We spend alot of time outside, because he loves that.

4. For extreme cases of frustration, I make sure they are in a safe place (crib, playpen, room) and I take a few minutes to regroup. It also helps to have some time away, so I would encourage you to get someone to keep the kids while you get out of the house. Even if it's for a short time, do something that makes you feel good.

Like I said, I am still working on it. You are not alone. Things have gotten better now that my son is old enough to spend the night with grandma! So every once in awhile, we get a break from each other. I end up missing him and all the chaos! Hang in there...it must be tough having twins!

LOL - and no, I am not Laughing at you, but inwardly at myself and thinking of the book "It's Not Mental" (http://www.ItsNotMental.com). Yes, the screaming and turmoil can be very very difficult. I had to learn techniques. Breathing techniques were essential. And walking away. I'd leave myself notes to help remind me. A believe in psychological jargon they'd say I was practicing "being in the moment" or "cognitive behavior therapy" on myself. I had little sayings for myself ("Like water off a duck's back") as I'd imagine the screaming being like the water and me the duck, of course.

It is also possible at home to teach a child that if they need to have a meltdown, run into a specific area and do it. Sometimes they actually do - lol - sometimes not, but worth it for when they make it to another room at least.

I don't know if this will help yet it's something that I've been working on for many years with my kids. When they are having a tantrum or crying I try to look at them and see them as cute and remind myself how much I love them. This makes me smile. Then as I smile they start to look perplexed, which causes me to giggle which either makes them really mad or stumps them. If I can't find it in myself to relax during the chaos, I choose to go to another room such as the bathroom and do some breathing exercises. This time apart can sometimes calm things down. Sorry you're going through this and remember each day they get older things will change so enjoy it in the moment the best that you can...

I used to remind myself that crying is not going to hurt my babies and they are only exercising their lungs. That helped me stop feeling guilty for not being able to make them happy. Good Luck!!

Hi,

You seem to already have received lots of great advice so I don't have too much to add. My twins will be 3 next week so I totally understand what you are going through. Are you a member at a gym that offers child care? If so consider going to work out. My gym started taking kids at 3 months old and just walking and listening to music helped keep my sanity. Are you a member of any mom's club? This also helped as I was able to arrange playmates so I wasn't alone with the kids all the time. This helped for the times when it was just the 3 of us. I had hung out with other adults so I didn't lose my patience as fast. Finally, definitely take advantage of family but by having them watch your kids and you leave the house. Go get a pedicure, walk around the mall, grocery shop without them so you can recharge. This way when they melt down, you don't also. Being a mommy of twins is tough but it's also wonderful, especially when they are old enough to play together without you. You'll get there I promise, it definitely gets better.

Good luck,
S.
Stay at Home Mommy to Sammy and Jessie who will be 3 on he 25th

At that age I would have just put them in their crib and walked away for 5 minutes. If I was unable to console them and could feel myself getting wound up that was always the best thing for me to do. You cannot reason with them at that age so just taking a moment to breathe is sometimes all you can do.

Separate them. Let them play alone for awhile each day. Or even take them to the park, let them run around and get out some of that cooped up energy