How Do You Get Your Kid to Listen to You?

hi my name is J. i have a 9 year old girl with odd and she dont like to listen either... it all depends on what i ask her to do is how i handle it... like picking up or putting her cloths away i normally sit up there and help. sometimes you cant do that and that understandable. some of the time i throw her i will give you so much money on what shes is told to do. or i tell her going out to play is a no if she wants to sit there and throw a fit, and not do it. good luck hope i helped a little...

It looks like you've gotten some good advice. I've run into it mainly with my girls, the boys were pretty easy comparatively!! It is true, though, that they often mirror us and test our limits to see if we're serious and consistent. An example of tough love I recently used on my four year old was we were at Barnes & Noble and she saw the kids' area. I said, be good and listen to mommy and I will take you there when we are through over here. She wandered off and did not listen when I called her back. At the end of my looking for the book I came for, I paid and walked her out. HUGE fit, I calmly told her that I told her she had to listen and she didn't, maybe next time. And I refused to discuss it further, although she pried and prodded to try to re - engage me in conversation. Make eye contact when talking to her, do not holler from across the room or house. Whatever you do, do not respond to the screaming and whining at ALL. I've taken to giving it a look and walking away. The daycare girl screeches at times and I will walk her to the time out corner and tell her we do not scream and walk away and refuse to talk it over. She knows the rules. When she is calm, she returns to playing and I do not bring it up to her again. I hope you get a variety of coping strategies. Also, it sounds like you need to get a little mom time!! I know that's hard sometimes, but I do know how it can make a huge difference! Do you belong to a mom's group? Do you know of a daycare you can do drop off with? I actually went to the mall of America and budgeted $25 for childcare on a day when I only had my two youngest with me. I put my 4 year old in the big childcare there, took the baby in the stroller - he can't say my name and beg, yet!! lol I got about three hours to myself and it felt just - rich, like chocolate cake. It helps you when you don't feel put upon and I am sure she's bored of you, have to create some excitement for herself!!

My son is almost 3 and has the same issue...In my opinion, it's not that they don't take us seriously. They're testing their limits, i.e. How far can I go before Mom loses it? It's the age they're in, and it helps me to remember that doing this means that my son is developmentally on-track.

What I do: I tell him that we need to work on his listening skills (literally, this is what I say). If he keeps on ignoring me I tell him that I would hate for a him to go into Time Out over something this silly, especially when I know he's a big boy and knows how to listen. And here's the no fun key to it- if he keeps ignoring me, he goes into time out. I don't want to over-use time out, but since he's testing limits, he needs me to demonstrate that I will absolutely enforce them. Honestly, it's a rare day that he does time out for not listening. Although not at all rare that we have to discuss it several times over the course of the day.

On the positive end, enforcing limits also gives your child confidence that you enforce limits across the board, meaning not just with them, but with all people. Theoretically, this gives them a better sense of security.

And when none of this stuff makes me feel better, I call my mother and ask if she can watch my son for an hour or so, so that I can get away and decompress for a little while.

When you tell her to do something, you have to follow through immediately when she doesn't listen, otherwise you teach her that she doesn't have to listen because there are no consequences. For example, if she is playing with something she shouldn't and you tell her to stop, but she doesn't listen to you, you need to immediately go to her and take the object away or take her away from the object, etc. She will likely cry or scream BUT if you are consistent she will soon learn that you are the boss and that she must obey you.

The "just a minute" is another test of your authority. You don't have to be so strict that she has to run to your command like a little soldier, but when "just a minute" becomes "I'm not really coming until you get angry" then it's time to step up your expectations. Again, consistency is the key--if you only do a few days of quick response to her when she is ignoring you and then stop, she will stop listening too.

DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY BUT CHILDREN MIRROR US. SHE IS LIKELY MIMICING YOUR BEHAIOR.

My 4 year old daughter used to be the same way and it was because I wasn't consistant. If she does something wrong and you warn her that she's gonna get a time out if she does it again, you need to follow through. Don't be a push over because kids thrive on that because they always know they can get a lot farther than you say they can.
I also tell my kids that talking back isn't ok. If I tell them to do something that they need to do it now and I don't want to hear "In a minute" (my foster son is good with that). I tell them that if they need to respond it should be a simple "ok" or a "yes ma'am".
It will turn around, you just have to be firm and consistant.
Good luck,
J.

I agree ~CONSISTANCY~
She needs to know that you mean it. She needs to be made to follow through no matter what.
If she ignores your request go right in front of her on her level and repeat it to her, If she still doesn�t comply you could say � If you don�t (whatever you want her to do)you will be put in time out until your ready to. So that even if she chooses not to do it right at that moment she will still end up doing what you asked. YOU WIN!
Eventually she will get the message and do things when she�s asked This can be tiring for you both at first but stand your ground and be consistent don�t let one opportunity to teach her slip by, no matter how small the request. Also give great praise when she does what she�s asked even if it�s something simple, strike up the band!!!!!

Good luck!
T.

Again, H., sounds a lot like my little guy. I agree with Maura, it sounds like she's testing her limits and she knows she can get away with a lot right now.

My son does the same thing - we remind him to tighten up his listening ears (which works with a younger kid) and if that doesn't work, we move swiftly to take him out of the situation he's in and enforce consequences for not listening/following directions. It sounds harsh, but 2 minutes in the "thinking chair" (we don't call it time out) for him to think about how he needs to behave usually does the trick.

The biggest challenge for us has been being consistent with enforcing whatever consequences we lay out. It's easy to keep saying, "tighten up your listening ears" but eventually it loses meaning when you don't have anything to back it up. So, we try to remind him either once or twice and say, "next time, thinking chair." Then we have to stick to next time thinking chair.

One thing I try to never do is respond to the tantrums. I try to ignore them as best I can (much easier when you're at home than out in public) then when they subside, we talk about good behavior and what we expect from a big boy. I try to never label him as good or bad, but talk about how a big boy behaves... sometimes that gets challenging too!

It's frustrating, and I know when we've spent a lot of 1:1 time together it's even worse because we get tired of each other. My best advice is to stay consistent, remember you're the mom and you set the rules and also remember that you are doing a great job. You are giving your daughter a gift by spending time with her and trying to be the best mom you can be.

It's good advice to take a time out for yourself when/if you need one. Know your limits - even if you can't escape totally for a few hours by getting a babysitter, it seems like your daughter is old enough to have 20 minutes of quiet time so you could take a shower, a bath or just sit in a room by yourself and decompress by reading a magazine or something. I know sometimes taking 5 minutes to myself in the bathroom with the door shut when I know my son is safe, occupied and in no danger is the best medicine and can help me get through the rest of the day!

One last thing - sometimes turning a frustrating situation into a funny one is the best thing for us. We still get our point across, but when you're not locked in a battle of wills (which can get heated at our house! We're all stubborn!) you can sometimes get a lot more accomplished.

Anyway, long response, but I hope it helps out!

Good luck!

I have a dighter that did this. Especially the just a minute thing. I noticed I was saying that to her alot. SO I started making sure I would answer here o go see what she wanted 50% of the time without making her wait. Also try saying Yes instead of just a minute. "Mom can you fix this toy?..."yes, I need to finish cleaning the table and then I will fix your toy. Also to get them to listen you can offer choices. Two choices that you will win both ways but they think they won. "Do you want to brush your teeth before or after your PJ's>, You decide". (make sure to say "you decide") This way you get both done but they think they made the choice not you.

I run childcare for toddlers and preschooler and have two of my own so I'd thought I'd let you know what works for me.

Good Luck ...Glad to hear she's getting better.

Read this Book! "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

A consequence right away for not listening. Then, after the consequence is over, she needs to practice again. So you give her the chance to do it right so she can be praised. Say "Okay, sweetie, come here." and she will say "Yes mommy." and run over. Keep practicing that, and have an immediate consequence so that you don't get angry.