How Do You Discipline Your Toddler?

Hi RM. You are a good momma for caring enought to write for advice on this important topic. As a mother of a budding toddler, I have recently read Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Discipline Solution" as well as Dr. Sear's "The Discipline Book" They were both very helpful, and I learned that to discipline in comes from the latin "to teach" which also was good insight as well.

GL

I didn't get to read other responses, so sorry if this is a repeat. What I've found works for my 23 month old is to bend down on his level, look him in the face, and tell him the rule. Also, what works well is when I give him two choices. When he doesn't want to hold my hand or walk with me I say "You can either hold my hand or I can carry you. Which one do you want?" and he always makes a decision. So in your case, I'd bend down to his eye level and say "You can either lay in your bed right now, or we can read a story and THEN lay down. Which do you want?" and there are no other options.

Good luck!

Terrible 2's and even worse 3's get ready.
He actually sounds very normal. He is testing you. he is so mobile and aware of everything, he is going a mile a minute, but he needs to learn your rules and learn to listen to you.

Time out should be for 1 minute per his age.. so right now that should be 2 minutes. When you sit him down tell him why he is going into time out, when his time is up ask him, why were you in time out? Have him answer you. Let him start over, if he does it again or something else that is not acceptable, repeat timeout procedure again.

When you tell him something start by saying his name, then say "listen to my words." then give him instructions. If needed ask him to repeat it to you.

You can do this. Get ready for possible tantrums soon. He does not have the skills yet to know when he is tired, frustrated ,angry, over exhausted, so be prepared to walk over him and ignore his tantrum at home. If out in public be prepared to pick him up and leave EVERY TIME. It really usually only takes 1 or 2 times for them to learn that you do not respond to that behavior.

My son is 29 months old, and like your son is very smart. I find myself having the same difficulty. At the moment what works for us is taking away his favorite thing if he doesn't listen. In my sons case it is PBS computer games. I have only had to do this once- the threat was enough to work the next time. I said it's nap time, I'm not saying it again (after about 3 times). You make the choice, no nap- no Curious George computer time. He chose no nap. I followed through and when he wanted to play that night, he was smart enough to ask Dad and not me. I had him tell his Dad why he was not allowed to play that night. It seemed to reinforce what happened. Next time he acted out about nap time I reminded him about how he couldn't play his games and that he would have to tell Daddy. I don't know why this has worked- but it has. Find his favorite thing, allow him to make his own choice and hold him to it. We did the same with dinner time. Sit on your bum and eat or its bath and bed. He only didn't listen once. I reinforced through pjs this was HIS choice not mine, I would like to eat with him and talk about the day. Im sorry you don't want to. Again, I only did it once and now when I say sit on your bum and eat with us or bed, he does. I hate to say it, but my parents had it right!

We get tired of repeating ourselves to them... and they get tired of hearing us repeat it too. They get desensitized to it.

What I do sometimes is, I just validate my kids for their feelings. I tell them grown-ups get icky too. But we are a TEAM.
Or, I will actually just disengage... and then let them deflate by themselves, if there is no dire needs to intervene.
Or, I will actually tell my kids that MOMMY is going to nap TOO... and its quiet time. Then everything gets turned off, and its quiet time. I lay down on the sofa. But because I have a DAILY ROUTINE about it... my kids know that and like auto-pilot. So they do get in the groove of things.
It is the EVERYday routines, that you have for the child... and allowing them to wind-down too.... before a nap. When a kid is tired, also, they have a hard time listening... because they are tired or just too overly stimulated at that point and their threshold is full. Like an over flowing cup. But they have a hard time getting themselves keyed down... and focused. So, giving a head's up to them about what is coming next... "transitioning" them etc.
Or have an egg-timer on... and use that as a "cue" for your child.
Give him 1-2 "choices"..... then that's it.
Activities need a full-circle to it too... they start an activity, play in that... then there is a "finish" time and clean up. If there is a regular routine to that... then the child has a better way of cooperating. I always let my kids "finish" something first, before I stop them from it. Then they know when it is "done"... then it is nap time, or another thing to do.
Some kids just need more structure too sometimes... and it gets them in a pattern about it all. This is what schools/teachers do. So the child is more apt to then cooperate etc. At certain times is a certain activity... and end time, then nap time, then lunch, or what have you. Versus just having the child do it themselves.

My kids, know "my" routines... since it is a regular thing. And this helps them to then "know" what to do, what is coming next, what is their responsibility etc. Routines. That is real helpful. Patterning the child INTO the daily "schedule" of things.

Anyway, just some quick thoughts, It is never perfect, LOL!
All the best,
Susan

Two books that I still use are Magic 123 and Positive Discipline. I have read many, but these are my favorites.

Also being consistent. I teach my kids that they should mean what they say and I role model that also. So it I say "if you don't pick up your toys in the family room before bedtime, they will be mine for two days", I make sure I do it. This may cause a fuss at first, but once kids realize you mean business, there won't be much fuss after a few days.

Hope that helps and good luck:)

N.

I've recently read the book "1-2-3 Magic", and I highly recommend it. We're still implementing it with our 31-month-old son, but it has worked well so far.
The arguing, not listening when told to do something, or pushing limits gets "counted", and at 3 they get a time-out. For more serious offenses (hitting, etc..), it's an automatic time out. There is also advice in the book for motivating kids to do something (a "start" behavior vs. a "stop" behavior). I found it very helpful and will continue to reference it at our kids get older.

I think first time obedience is the goal, but the counting gives the little ones time to make the decision to shape up and realize that mommy's not playing anymore.

I wanted you to know that you are not alone in this struggle. My son is 31 months old now, and has been a great talker, and we still have this issue. I'm hoping it's a phase and that things will get better, but this is an ongoing issue for us. I do resort to yelling sometimes, but that doesn't seem to work either, it's just hard not to get frustrated. I'm also 7 months pregnant, so my patience is very low. I will often tell him that if he does not cooperate, there will be a consequence- no TV time after his nap, or we won't be able to go to the park, etc. It works about 50% of the time or so, and I do make sure I follow through on what I say. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, and that I think it is part of the age. You know they hear you, but they are too busy being silly to really pay attention.

Good luck,
T.

Try playing the "game" BEAT THE CLOCK.. he is also at the age where children outgrown their nap time... you may have to call it 'quiet time' if you insist on him taking some time out per say and allowing you to get things done that you would if he would be napping. An hour would be sufficient, possibly... my daughter would lie quietly if I put a movie in and sometimes if she was sleepy she would fall asleep other times, she just rested. You may have to adjust the time he gets up and goes to bed as well, you don't state that so, I can't help you at this point regarding that, but by all means you know your own child and do what is best for you and your family.

My daughter is 29 mos and just went through this problem too a few months back. Also to complicate things, she shares a room with her 15 month old sister, so the "antics" she pulled would delay her nap too! She would also do all these things at bedtime too, so it took forever to get her to bed.
What has helped us is the "first-time obedience" principle. If they don't obey the first time, they get a consequence, like they lose their book time (or one book if we read two). To our daughter, this was a huge consequence, so she learned pretty quickly she didn't want to have that happen and miss time with daddy. If she continued to do things to delay the process, the consequences would just multiply and there have been some nights or naptimes (she is still in a crib since she lost the privilege of having the rail off since she was bothering her sister) that she gets put in her bed with no privileges because she has disobeyed on all counts. Ofcourse there was protest (much crying) when this was the case.
They are testing the boundaries a lot at this age + they want the social time with us, and he may be dealing with his sleep patterns changing like he may not need as long a nap in the afternoon. We have found that the main thing is to be quick in response to the disobedience, firm and consistent. That way the child knows what to expect from us as parents and we have more peace since we have laid the rules out to them and just follow through with what has been conveyed.
Best wishes and you are doing great!

At 27mos. I think he is doing very well. Its hard to discipline a little one at this age. What I am reading though is that you are giving in to his whims. Like you said if he doesn't get a book, you will and then he will act up. He is getting your attention whether it be good/bad. Its attention. Stop what your doing. If he isn't listening and starts this little game its time for you to walk out of the room.
I'm not trying to sound rude here, and I know every child needs discipline but I think your trying at to early an age. Children this age whether they are bright or not, their attention span changes just like you would change the page in a book. I think your asking to much from him. This is something that I would maybe try at the age of 4. Even then, there attention span is short. Your saying he's being stubborn and ultamatum (what does this mean to a 27mos.old child). It doesn't!! You have to remember you can't put an old man's head on a young child's shoulders'. It doesn't work. Even before trying to disciplining at bedtime. Let him have a playtime, don't just take him to bed and say okay book time, or never mind I gave you an ultamatime. This is a child we are talking about. Give him space, his own, and I don't mean running and jumping etc. but wait until he is ready to settle. It sounds like you yourself are setting ground rules that this poor little guy doesn't understand. Are you trying to put him to bed to early? Is your voice a little high? Are you yourself tired and agitated? All of these play into your childs' mind unfortunately. This is the brightness of them. They pick up on our moods and they will act on them. Have you ever noticed you were in a bad mood, and normally being an Ace Kid starts to destroy everything? He's picking up your mood. The more you push (he feels it) the more he will push back. Its a battle!!
I wish you all the luck in the world however, my opinion (if it counts') would wait at least another 6mos) Good luck, Mom

The key is to be consistent and not show him that you are getting frustrated. When you put him in time out, if he tries to get out of it, just sit with him. I did this with my niece and it worked great. She would always try to walk around or scoot around rather than sitting in the corner. I would sit with her so she would have to stay in the same spot and then I would use my watch to time how long we had to stay there. If she didn't follow directions we started over (use this in extreme cases, only do one minute per year...ie. 3 year old, 3 min. , 4 year old, 4 min.) Once she realized that I was serious enough to stop everything that I was doing to make sure she stayed in time out, her behavior improved. Most of the time, when the child rebels against it it's because it works. It is so easy to want to try to finish what we are doing, but I just felt like it took longer to argue and compromise with a toddler than it did to just sit with her. Whatever you decide to do for discipline is up to you, but just make sure that you are consistent every time, no matter what's going on. Hope it helps.