How Do You Deal with a Teacher You Do Not Like?

I wish I knew.
My daughter has a teacher this year that my son had before. She is not a nice person, and treats many of the kids very badly. She never liked my son and she doesn't act like she likes my daughter. There is no other class for my daughter to go into.

Good luck.

Hi A.!

I think the most important piece of the puzzle is that your son is happy. Once you know that then try taking the personality out of your reasoning for wanting to pull him out. Is he receiving the care that he needs to from her? Is he learning? Is he happy? Is he making friends? Is he social? Does HE have any complaints? Your answer is in your answers. Think about the answers to those questions and then determine if it would be wise to disrupt his schedule and security by pulling him out and putting him somewhere new? This teacher may not be great with adults but she may be wonderful with kids if the kids like her.

Good luck!
S.

You don't say whether you're paying for this. If so, find a new program! Surely there are other local programs with kids who will follow your son to kdg.

If you're not paying, is there another pre-k classroom at the same school that he could transfer to?

If not, it may be best to evaluate your son's fit with this teacher. Some teachers are amazing with kids and just awful with adults. If he is happy and learning and excited about school, and if his at-home behavior has not changed, then maybe this is a good teacher for him, even if you will have to struggle for the rest of the year.

But if he's having a tough time, think hard about transferring to a private preschool. If you feel that his first learning environment should be as positive as possible, it's your job to ensure that's what happens. Inexpensive private preschools do exist - they may not have the fanciest toys or the most modern buildings, but all that really matters is the teacher.

Good luck!
-K.

I had a similar situation with my daughter's teacher at preschool. She had the same teacher for 2 years (for the 3s and 4s). I didn't see her often, because I work full time, but the times I saw her, I felt like all she did was say negative things to me about my daughter (like "I just want you to know that your daughter had a meltdown today" or "your daughter really didn't do well during nap today... she woke up the other kids"). She never said anything good about her (like praising the fact that my 4 year old taught herself to read). All the other teacher's aides in the class told me how funny my daughter was and how wonderful she was to have in the class, but not the main teacher.
Listen, I'm not one of those moms who only wants to hear good things and tunes out the bad. I like to hear the negative because it gives us things to work on. But to hear NO positive things just drove me nuts.

THAT BEING SAID, my daughter seemed to like the teacher and had no issues with her. My daughter liked the classroom, the kids, and school generally. So, even though this teacher drove ME nuts, inasmuch as my daughter wasn't bothered by it, I left it alone.

Someone told me something that stuck with me. There is another teacher's aide (she was supposed to be in my daughter's classroom but there was a last minute switch) who I love dearly. She's outgoing and loves to read and is sweet... BUT, the head of the school said that even though all the PARENTS loved that aide, sometimes the kids found her too loud and overbearing. So I found that interesting... that parents and kids can like different types of personalities....

So, if your child seems happy, I'd just leave it the way it is. But if your child is unhappy, then I'd ask to have a switch made, if that's possible. It would be a bit weird, though, to switch schools entirely in the middle of the year. Probably would be h*** o* your son.

Hi! I have to say, as a teacher, it's mostly about the kids.Of course you want a good relationship with parents but you can't please everyone. Teachers go crazy trying and get burnt out doing so. If it was effecting your child then I would say look into another program. But if your child is doing well and happy and likes their teacher then I would suggest sticking it out. I have had a few experiences with parents who didn't like me at first, for whatever reasons, and later in the year became more and more friendly as they got to know me. One parent actually apologized to me for giving me a hard time all year (and wrote a beautiful letter of recommendation to the superintendent). What might help (and worked for me) is to volunteer and see the teacher in action and offer to help with preparations for events, crafts etc. This way you get to see another side of her, the most important one, how she is with the children. Good luck.

Dear A.,

You've gotten some great responses already, but I just wanted to add that there are some adults out there who are great with young children but uncomfortable around other adults. If your son is happy and learning well, I think it's important to focus on his relationship with the teacher, not yours.

That said, there's one "kid likes the teacher, mom doesn't" scenario that would make me concerned, and that would be if I felt the teacher was withholding information from me. Parents NEED to be involved in their children's education, and if I felt like a teacher was forestalling that possibility for me, I would be really concerned.

But if you've just got a teacher who focuses all her energy on her relationships with the kids, not the parents ... well ... if you wind up with a little boy who's learning and socializing well, it sounds like a "net positive."

Hope that helps!

Mira

Hi A., How do the other moms feel about this teacher? I would think a pre-school teacher should be the warm and fuzzy kind. If you do not want to move your son and he is OK with her then have as little to do with her as possible, If a majority do not like her, speak to someone in authority. There is strength in numbers. Grandma Mary

Why do YOU have to deal with her? If your son likes the school, he must like the teacher and getting along ok. So why do you need to talk to her that much? Drop your son off and pick him up and dont speak to her unless she asks. Often times people clash for no apparent reason, the same way people become fast friends for no apparent reason. Just avoid her as much as possible and dont spoil your son's love of school.

Hi A.,
I had a very similiar experience, it was my daughter's nursery school teacher. None of the moms liked her. She said the most unbelievable comments to us at drop off and pick up. I really had to bite my lip at my parent/teacher conference. I was so torn because it was nursery school, her first school experience and to end up with this woman who was everything opposite of what you would imagine would be with 3 year olds. BUT, my daughter loved her. LOVED her! She did not have a single complaint in her class and thrived beyond what I imagined. My daughter is now in 1st grade and every now and then, she'll mention that class. I still keep in touch with a few of the moms and we laugh at how stressed we were and how much love our children had for her. Give it a chance. While you may have your own reservations about her, she may lay very positive groundwork for your son's academic future. You will probably spend the rest of the year learning how to grunt through clenched teeth and smile simutaneously, but it may also be a wonderful one yet.
You mentioned him really liking this program. She is hopefully doing what she should in the class and if he's not complaining, she probably is. You want to be his only warm and fuzzy in his life anyway! :0)
Good luck.
M.

I can understand your feelings - not everyone gets along. I agree with what others have said - your son should be happy and thriving. Now, be careful because your own feelings and tone with his teacher can affect how he perceives his teacher. And someday, he's sure to not like a teacher who you think does a great job.
When I was choosing a preschool for my daughter I was extra critical of every program and teacher due to my own experience teaching. Finally, a friend helped me relax by saying: You are the parent and there's no way that your kids are going to get everything from school. You'll make sure that whatever gaps there are in his social experience or education will be addressed outside of school.
Also, there are a lot of non-nurturing people in the world - and some even work with kids. It's important to expose our children to all different types of people and personalities so that they can learn how to cope. If they only encounter "warm and fuzzy" people, they will be devastated when they get a strict math teacher in 5th grade.

Does your son have concerns with the teacher? That is the question here. It won't be the last teacher that you don't care for, but your son needs to feel good when he's in school. Talk to the other moms and see how they feel. Sometimes just the comeraderie with your son's classmates mothers helps ease the frustration. Been there!

I can totally relate. My daughter had a teacher who assigned numbers to each kid in the class and my daughter was known as #20 all year!(so instead of writing their first and last name she wrote Miranda 20 and all of her papers..after learning in Kindergarten and earlier to write her full first and last name..oooh I hate that to this day!!) I say if your child is progressing and has no issues with the crappy teacher then let it be. That was one of the hardest decisions I had to make.. to change her into another class room and disrupt the year or leave "well enough alone". Just do not back down if you have questions, make the teacher answer them. Stand your ground and maybe the teacher will learn a lesson all her own.

Dear A.,

If your son is happy and she is not unkind to him, and the program works for him then I would say suck it up. I own a preschool and I have to say as a director all of my teachers must be warm and fuzzy (isn't that what preschool is about)and if they aren't they would not be teaching at my school. Preschool is supposed to be a warm and friendly place for children to go to learn, feel loved, and comfortable. However as long as your son is happy and he has made friends I would let him be. She may not be your cup of tea but as you said you don't want to effect him so try to overlook her. I once had a parent that was so cold and nasty to the teachers that I requested a meeting. During the meeting she said the same thing I am not warm and fuzzy and I am allowed to be stoic. My response was stoic comes off as rude and as long as her child attends my school
I expected you to treat my teachers with the same level of respect that they gave to you. Needless to say she remained STOIC!! But not rude and I could not wait until the year ended and we did not have to see her any longer. Point being is at this point I do not think she is going to change so keep the conversation polite and limited. I don't see any other choice short of pulling him out. Have a great holiday!!

If your child is happy and safe being in this class, why change this.
What are your concerns? In what way is she difficult to deal with?
How do the other Mom's deal with this teacher? Maybe it would be helpful if you talked to some of them. Maybe you will find out you aren't the only one with the problem...it's always better do deal with the superintendent as a group of concerned Mothers.

Hi A.,

You've gotten a lot of good advice. I would only add that as your children go through their school careers (ours are in college now, so I have lived through a lot of that long process), they will often find teachers you don't and they don't like. The truth is that they will also find this to be true when they go out in the world to work and generally relate to other people. School is a great time for you to teach them to build the coping skills of how to deal with people they won't necessarily "click" with but with who they still have to relate/work. The worst thing we can do for our kids is try to make their lives too perfect. (Okay, the actual worst thing is not to love them sacrifically, but you get my point!) If they are taught as children they deserve perfection in this terribly imperfect world, then when they grow up they expect the world to work itself out to be perfect for them, which leads to disappointment, depression and bitterness. Hang in there. All things have the potential to work for good.

If he's not happy I would have second thoughts, but I would not move him if he's happy, especially if it has kids he'll go to kindergarten with, that's a good benefit. Unfortunately there will be times when either you or your child don't click with the teacher. It's a real problem if your kid is unhappy, not learning, being bullied, etc. But short of that, it's part of life.

I'm acutally there with you, my son's preschool teacher and I do not click. But he is there for free through the town, and it will be the elementary school he attends, so the benefit of him getting used to the building and routine are great.

I had a problem with her witholding recess the second day of school for talking, esp for age 4. She just said to me, well, we like to be firm early to establish rules. So I gave it another chance. She then sent home a note asking me to re0inforce that he could not talk in class. I beleive that school is also where kids learn social skills. So I approached her with my son and the note the next day. She was with another parent, I waited hanging back, but she motioned me over to address the issue in front of the other parent. I have all sorts of issues with this, but decided it was not private to me so I asked her my question in front of the other parent. I told her that we talked about not talking while the teacher was teaching, or doing work. But then I told her that at our house when I reinforced when the kids cannot do something, I also let them know when they can, so I needed for her to let my son and I know when it IS ok for the kids to be talking. You could tell that at that moment she felt very much put on the spot in front of the other parent. It got her to tell me that the kids could talk quietly before class, at snack, when on the rug, etc. My son insists that before this he was not allowed to talk before class or at snack, but now he is. At this point he likes school, and like I said for him there are extra benefits. But honestly, if he was still miserable I would have second thoughts about keeping him there.

I would just keep talking to the teacher about specific issues when they come up, try to keep things calm and ask what the two of you can do to resolve the issue together.

Good luck!

I agree with the comments about how your son feels about the teacher? If he doesn't have any problems than I wouldn't worry to much. Try to talk to him and get a feel of what he's thinking. If you feel the teacher isn't doing something that she should, like she isn't giving you information you need/want or isn't following your rules then I think you just need to be stern, yet respectful and just keep communicating to her. Discuss both sides and come to an agreement on how to proceed so you are both satisfied - I know its not easy, its YOUR SON we are talking about and I know the feeling! I've already been through A NUMBER of teachers at my sons daycare and there were things I certainly did not like and teachers I certainly were not a fan of. I was not happy with someone else taking care of my child to begin with let alone doing things I didn't like - however, Try to keep your emotions in check - are the issues really a matter of importance or are they a matter of control and her just not doing everything the way you would? I ask because it took me a while to let some things go...this is my first child though - you might be better than me! I can remember my son's one daycare teacher - she didn't jump through hoops for him, she was stern with him and that made him angry - I HATED IT - I didn't want my child crying or upset or anything and I HATED HER FOR IT. I didn't like her style - but I realized her way was ok - maybe not how I would do things, but it was a good learning experience for him. She didn't neglect him she just didn't let him get away with everything - she isn't his teacher now, but he gets so excited when she's around now. He learned patience and respect. I've learned you sometimes have to choose your battles with the teacher and most importantly BE NICE and RESPECTFUL - not saying that you aren't being that way, but I find the nicer you are to them the more responsive they are to you - as I would expect ANYONE would be, right? Why do you feel that when you speak to her about your concerns it makes matters worse? IF there are MAJOR issues, (neglect, dangerous situations)then you would need speak with her superior again. Chances are then that you aren't the only one having issues and her boss needs to know that. If its a personality issue, or something "minor" then you just need to handle it tactfully and count the days until your son is out of her classroom! ; ) Good luck! Your son and you will have to deal with difficult people all throughout life - I think removing him from the classroom so its easier to deal with the teacher probably isn't the best thing to do, but in life you can't just remove yourself from everyone you have a problem with and thats not the lesson you want to teach your son - unless there is truly a dangerous situation going on.

Hi A.,
What is it about the teacher that you don't like? It sounds like your son is having a great time. When kids get to be school aged, we need to be careful not to confuse our needs with theirs. Is your son happy with how the teacher deals with him, and is he learning?
Not all teachers are warm and fuzzy, and that doesn't necessarily make them bad teachers. My daughter had one of these not warm and fuzzies for kindergarten and while I didn't feel the teacher related well to the young kids, she had the best academic program of all 5 kindy teachers in the school, and if your kid had any problems with reading, speech, etc she was right on it.
The fact is that you cannot control who your child's teachers are. Even if you think that you can, a teacher can leave, can take a maternity leave, and you can have a new teacher or a sub and you get what you get.
The important thing is to encourage your son to think of school enthusiastically and whatever the reasons that you don't care for his teacher, don't let him know this. Good luck!

Mindi gave the perfect response. Your issues whatever they are- are between you and the teacher. Do not let it spoil your son's enthusiasm for school and learning. That would be a crime. I'm sure the teacher can also sense some "friction" between you, that may not be good either. It wil probably make the situation worse. Just encourage your child to do well. You and the teacher need to be allies, not opponents.

I have been in your situation! I did not like my daughter's 3rd grade teacher and changing her class would have taken her away from good friends she loved as well as, make her uncomfortable. My 2 yr.old's current teacher is unpleasant as well and it is a parent/child class. I thought many times of leaving but my daughter would miss out on many positive things the class has to offer and truthfully, I could care less whether or not the instructor likes me or my daughter. My advice is to try to think of positive things about the teacher. She might be well structured and organized. There has to be some good things of merit to her. Did you like all of your teachers when you were in school? If not, you learned to deal with it and that teaches you and your son how to deal with many people that are unlikable, which is guaranteed he will cross many times in his life. A year goes by very quick and soon you will forget about her and occasionally look back at that teacher and see that she taught your son and you to deal with someone like her and the outcome for you both is character building.