Helping My 2-Year-old Adjust

Just let her know you love her and that the baby is loved too and don't try to over do the attention to her. I would let her help you with the baby by bringing diapers and telling her how much you need her help and how wonderful it is that she is a big sister and things like that. Of course that is true but the more she helps and sees her role as a big sister who is still loved and needed the better she will be. I would still give her alone time when the baby sleeps, read to her then, etc. and then let her know the baby has to take time too. It will work out before too long at all. Some times it was hard for me too, the mom, to adjust to my baby being the older one.

I haven't been there and I can't help much. But your daughter is still young and doesn't fully understand things. All you can do is keep up what you're doing. Give her the love and attention she needs. Cuddle with her and baby. Find some you and her time when baby is sleeping or someone else can help out.

The shower time and what not. If dad's home, let her freak out, she's in good hands. She'll see you return. At bedtime, find a good routine and stick with it. After the nighttime ritual (story etc.), let her know you'll check on her in a few minutes if you think it'll help. Of course you could stay with her til she falls asleep, but that can be a hard habit to break.

Hopefully some who have been there have better advice!

Have her be your "special helper."
Send her for things around the house.

For brothers bath time.. place the wash cloth the soap the toy duck at a level so your daughter can be an assistant.. As you need them ask her to hand them to you and then hand them back to her and ask her to "watch them till you need them again"..

If you bath him in the sink, set her high chair close by so she can watch..

Give her a baby doll so she can bathe it and feed it and change it while you do these things with brother..

Ask her to tell you a story..while you are BF. Ask her to tell baby brother a story. Have some puzzles in the room you breast feed in so she can work on them while you feed brother.

Then when he is asleep, and you need a nap, have her pat your back and read you a story so you can go to sleep.

Just include her in his care, but remember to try to spend time alone with her. While preparing meals, she can sit in the high chair and pull the grapes off of the stems. Give her a toy knife and let her cut bananas. Let her cut the butter.

Let her set the table, even if it is not perfect.

Let her help you put the clothes in the laundry basket.

Just give her some tasks.. 2 things will begin to happen. She will learn to help or she will be bored and avoid these times with you and want to play on her own..

we had our second in june, our eldest was just under 2.5 years old. What seems to work for us is giving her mommy time and daddy time all to herself at least for a few minutes every day (good to do when baby is sleeping)- and getting her involved in helping with the baby! She fetches diapers, will give the baby her pacifier, loves to hold and cuddle the baby (with help of course).

Once your daughter realizes that she isn't being "replaced" by the new baby, things will get easier. My daughter likes to play "baby" every once in a while... and I don't mind.

Also, take a breather for yourself. I tried to be "supermom" right off the bat the first few days and then I got hit hard by the "baby blues". It is ok if you want to just cuddle in bed with your babies for a bit rather than "seize the day"- that is ok... if the laundry stacks up in the first week or so... that is ok too. The most important thing is to get into a routine with your kids... rest yourself... and start to adjust as a family.

In a month or so, you'll feel like a pro! Good job mama!

-M.

PS: if the baby is crying and you have a behavior issue with your daughter at the same time... DON'T try to discipline and deal with the baby at the same time- do each one at a time. I find that is the baby is crying I tend to lose my temper with my older daughter and be too harsh with her... instead I take a deep breath, deal with baby... then with my eldest so I am more calm and rational.