Help with My 9 Year Old Neice

THIS IS A HARD ONE. FOR THE MOST PART, IT IS IS AN INNOCENT GAME OF CURIOSITY, BUT STILL KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN. ALL CHILDREN EXPERIMENT, BUT YOU STILL NEED TO BE AWARE OF WHAT'S GOING ON.

K.,

9 is a little old for this game. 4-6 years old is pretty typical, when they are realizing that they are different from the opposite sex, and curious about how and why. By 9, most kids, especially girls, are beginning to develop the modesty and desire for privacy that would rule this kind of thing out.

Talk to her. Talk to her about whether she's ever played this game with a grown-up, especially. After that, just reinforce the idea of privacy, and whet we keep covered around other people, because they are private. Please be careful through this to not make her feel ashamed or uncomfortable, because that's no good, either. It's a really hard line to walk. Talk to your son and nephew, too. Make sure they know it's not okay to play this game, either at hom or with their other friends. You do NOT want that phone call...

Jess

I don't know if this will help or not, but I did the same thing when I was that age with playing "doctor", maybe a little younger, unfortunately I was sexually abused when I was young by a friend of my older brothers. In all honesty I did not put the two together, but it does seem to make sense. I don't really know what else to tell you, but if there are any other behaviors that you notice I can tell you if I was the same way, off the board please.

It sounds like there is something going on, and I suspect the situation is a little more complicated than just what you've written. It is hard to say what is going on, but 9 year olds generally will not experiment with another persons body like that. I'm guessing that something has happened to her, but I wouldn't immediately point fingers at the father. Offenders of this type find ways to access children, so the fact that she is displaying traits of having possibly been molested doesn't mean that it was someone close to her. (Although no one should be ruled out at this point.) Absolutely talk to her about it. DO NOT be confrontational. Chances are that she is old enough to know that she shouldn't have done it and she is old enough to be embarrassed about it and try to defend her actions. You don't want to get into a battle of wills with her. Send her to a therapist if need be. And above all, supervise her more closely. If she has sexually tendancies, it's not fair to let her victimize someone else.

ask her what happened

I really don't think its anything that you have to worry about. You defenatly need to get it to stop, but its perfectly normal for kids to be curious about their bodies. You should have a talk all togeter (the ones that were involved) with all the parents as well. This will show them that it is a very serious subject. They need to understand that its normal for them to be curious but its not ok to be naked around other people at that age. Does she get dressed in the same room as the other children? Does she still take baths with the other children? If so express to her about how its her body and she has to protect it. Get her to be more private when it comes to things that have to do with taking off the clothes.
If she continues to have problems where someones clothes are missing, than tell her you will have to punish her for that . I am going through a constant battle like this with my son. He is only 6, but he can not be trusted alone with girls.
If you just can't get it out of your head, it will not hurt to have her see a psycologyst. That might make you feel better and it may help her as well with the loss of a parent.

L. S

I know it sounds weird. But this is about the age that kids start to notice that there is a difference between boys and girls. And being kids their curious. And it becomes the "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" game. Sit down with her and tell her that it's not o.k. to show other people her "parts" and that these are private things and that if anyone touches them then she needs to tell an adult.

K.,

"Playing doctor" is not necessarily an indication that anything has happend to your niece on her previous visits with her biological father. It is a normal stage of development. All children as they grow up become curious about their own bodies and about the bodies and differences in those bodies of others. Don't make to big a deal about it but let her know that we all have "Private parts" and that this type of play is not appropriate. Also be open to her and her curiousity. Answer any questions she may have so that way you can find out why she is playing doctor. If you stay calm and don't get angry or upset then she will be more likely to open up to you and talk to you about what she is doing, where she got the idea, and why and then you can decide if you see any more "abnormal" signs that could indicate something has happened to her.
My daughter is seven and she has started asking questions about her body and the difference between boy's and girl's bodies, it is very normal behavior and very seldom is it sexual behavior. I just try to keep the lines of communication open with her and answer her questions honestly but appropriately for her age and her level of maturity.

well it could be innocent enough pending on what she see's like on tv and stuff and if your concerned something may have happend in the past there are child doctors that specialize in that area (just went thru it with my son.. at a much younger age (two 4year olds and him 3).) so i would start with the ped. and ask them i dont know were your from but we went to a place called cornerstone and saw doc. meyers. (his peds son).and also try talking to her NOT FREAKING OUT but like calmly ask her were she saw people play like that why does she.. that girls and boys shouldnt that kind of stuff. good luck and i would seek a pro's help.. dont worry they wont look at you you wouldnt be calling :)

#1 investigate these wierd behaviors, what you have to do is bring her to the doctor and try to see if there was any trauma or stuff like that. he probably wasn't doing anything to her just taking pictures ,but make sure to investigate the problem.

p.s.
if you can search her biological fathers house (for pictures)

thats all i know to do in a time like this,sorry

That is definitely not normal behavior of a 9 year old. You have good reason to be concerned. You need to act on this right away. I have a 9 year old, and I would take steps immediately if I saw behaviors like you described.

You should re-think this game of "hospital" play with them. Board games, Card games, etc. I hope you know what direction to go in to get help for the 9 year old and the other children involved...

K.,

It sounds like a lot of people are giving you conflicting advice/opinions, which, in itself should point you to the fact that we are not trained experts here, and this is a pretty serious topic. A family doctor might be able to give you a better idea of what's normal for a 9 year old, and he/she might have some resources if there is really a problem.

That being said...an acquaintence of mine had similar issues recently (with her 4 yr old girl and a 5 year old boy)and a child psychologist said that it is completely within normal limits for kids to play doctor. First of all, supervising her a little more strictly might enable you to stop doctor games before they start. But talk to her about it without making her feel ashamed of her body and her natural curiousity. It's human. And I would get her an anatomy book for kids so she can satisfy her curiousity without getting the boys involved.

Hey K. my name is C..I have a daughter named K..Well any way in answer to your problem i would sugest you take her to a counslor.Trust me i normally dont share this with people i dont know but when it comes to things like this its important.I was sexually abused as a child and did the same behavior your niece did when i finally was able to talk about it my mother turned me away because it was her husband and she did not want to believe me.Please dont be nieve to this.The only way a child acts in that manner is that there taught it from somebody and its usually an adult.If you need anbody to talk to im available trust me thats one thing that i wiil go to the ends of the to protect my children from.