My 5 yr.old Son Is to Curious About Sex Stuff and I'm Very Worried.

It sounds fairly normal to be completely honest, most children go through this curiosity and he's not thinking sex like you are, he curious in difference between boys and girls because they're different, not because he's interested in intercourse, he's too young, which is why he thinks sex is 2 people being naked. Now you should tell him, that we don't kiss our sister like that and we don't touch other people or let other people touch us in those areas, because it's not appropriate, but I think he's probably more curious because you're so freaked about it, he thinks there must be something more. I understand you had a horrible experience and maybe talking to a counselor will help you to deal with that and be better able to teach your children the appropriate behaviors without getting too upset about it. You don't want to have bad feelings about your child or their behavior for something that's fairly normal. Good luck!!

I feel that if you deal with your trauma of what happened to you, you will see what your son is doing in a different light. He is not curious about "sex" because he doesn't know what sex is. He is just curious and may be repeating what he has seen. You are right to stay calm and redirect him to more appropriate behaviors. No don't kiss your sister on the mouth, kiss her on the cheek. That way he will not grow up thinking kissing is wrong.

Learning and exploring the body is very natural and healthy. Just help him to keep it in the right perspective and guide his exploration. He will be okay and so will you.

God Bless

S., Have you told your counselor about this? I have much I could say on the subject, but I think this is a job for a professional. Please talk to your counselor about this problem. I think it could cause some serious problems for you and your family if it's not dealt with soon. Best of luck to you and God bless. ~D.

Hi S.,
What your son is going through is a normal stage. How your family responds to it is very important. If you keep things secret, he'll become more curious. Try to be open, without being too detailed or graphic. With my son, we explained that guys and girls have certain parts that are different. That's how you can tell who's a guy and who's a girl. That the parts that are different are special, and that no one but you, or a dr. should touch them. That also means that you shouldn't touch someone else's special parts. We also mentioned that people need privacy when they are in the bathroom or changing clothes... When you are in the bathroom or changing, shut the door. When you see a closed door, knock on the door and wait for an okay...etc. For the kissing part, we are going through this too. We explained that only old people who can drive cars like Moms and Dads were allowed to kiss each other on the mouth. Everyone else gets eskimo kisses (nose rubs) or a kiss on the cheek or forehead. They try to sneak bedtime kisses on the mouth, but I can usually catch them first.
Good luck,
M.

You didn't write if you have a faith or belong to any particular church, but this might be a good opportunity to teach him about what you believe morally. Explain that you and Daddy are married, therefore if he sees the two of you kiss, it is because you share a special bond that takes place when a man and woman marry. Teach him that it is natural to be curious about his body and sex, but it is something he will learn more about over time as he continues to mature. Teach him just clinically about his own body parts. At 5, he's probably not as interested in the full-blown details as you think. But, if he knows about people being naked to engage in sex, I'd probably ask him where he learned that much. If it's at school, then I'd probably go further to see in what context. If it's TV, then, restrict TV to PBS. As for your own issues, do not project your own past tragedy onto that of your children. If it seems your son is looking at you more often, it could be just your imagination. If it is real and he has a heightened sense of sexuality and you cannot determine why, I'd ask (in private) his pediatrician about that to ensure there's no hormonal imbalance or if this is indeed normal.

Let me first say that I have no experience in this area but I did see a show the other day with a medical doctor as well as a psychologist talking about this very topic. Per their advice it is best to be totally honest with your child and explain to them what sex is and what is/isn't appropriate behavior. Perhaps if your son fully understands (as much as a 5 year old can) then he won't be so curious and the interest will fade. I'm sure give your past experience this would not be an easy task for you so could your husband possibly sit him down and talk with him?

Best Wishes!

Robie Harris' books are excellent. http://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growi... Look one up and I think it will help explain things to your son and maybe help you. I ageee with the lady who said some of your past maybe coming into play here. (seeing something that maybe not there) But by all means have it checked out. I once had a school teacher tell me that my daughter has the personality of someone who would turn to drugs or suicide and that she was very depressed. I took her to the doctors, shrinks, counsolors etc I was going crazy to find her help..... Every professional said that she is very quiet but she is happy. She doesnt feel she needs alot of friends, they fact that she is not boy crazy and disrupting class and gossiping doesnt make her despressed. I guess all I am saying is dont wait for something bad to happen act on it but dont over react either sometimes our own childhood comes back to bite us.

My best advice it to not try to keep anything a secret per se, just give him the bare bones in a clinical fashion and let him know that it's only something for grown-ups to do, because it makes babies, and only grown-ups can take care of babies. Let him know that when he is older, like say 12-13 years old, you will tell him all of it, but until then it's not appropriate for him to know any more than what you already told him.

I always told my son that any area covered by his or anyone else's swim suit was an inappropriate place for another person to touch, unless it's a doctor or a parent and they need to see/touch it for health/hygiene reasons. I told my son that those were the private places of his body and that if he needs to do something with them, like go potty, scratch himself, adjust himself or even just touch it, that he needs to do that in a private place. I let him know that it's considered rude to do these things in front of other people and will make others uncomfortable around him.

I really think you just need to have a talk with your son and stress how everyone has "privates" and that they are just that...private. Whatever you do, don't make him feel dirty for his very natural and healthy curiosity. Just let him know that it's not ok to touch those places on other people from now on and that's he's not to blame for trying before because he didn't know. I used this method with my son and stressed that now that he's getting a little more grown-up, he can know more of what's right and wrong.

I think you are doing the right thing by seeing a Therapist...because as someone who was also abused you have to realize as I did that this isnt your sons issue it is your issue.There is nothing wrong with your son,he is at an age when they start to realize that girls are different from boys and they have differnt parts.You are a very lucky women because when your son had a question about sex he felt comfortable enough to ask you about it...this is what you need to encourage with him,an open honest relationship about sex so that you can set healthy boundaries with him about it all.The thing is that all these little things he is doing he is doing right in fron of you and out in the open..so he doesnt even realize they are wrong...he is just mimicking what he has seen somewhere.You need to take a breath and realize that what happened in your childhood doesnt have to still haunt you in your adulthood,and dont let it change your relatonship with your son...I feel like you are being too overly sensitive about it because what has happened to you...it is hard not to be I know but you have to try for his sake or you are going to end up making him feel like he is dirty or there is something wrong with him when he is just a NORMAL little boy.Most motheres when there kids first ask a sex question react in a very"oh man I cannot believe we are already at this stage way" you are ready to make him see a thearapist.My son was 5 when he first started asking sex questions...my sisters son was 4 when he started asking,my best friends son was 6...so as you cans ee your son is at a perfectly normal age to be aware of this and more than liely he is hearing about stuff at school already.Thats how it happened with my son,an older kid on the bus said something about sex and so my son came home and asked me about it.It is apart of life and you need to be open and honest and answer his questions in an age appropriate manner.Good Luck

S.,
I am honest with my 5 yr old son... and yes he has sen me without vlothes on. but he also knows that if a door on our home is closed to knock on it first and wait for an answer before entering the area.
as far as the kissing goes. my son either gives me a kiss onthe forehead(as we all have did ) or anose kiss)

Hi S.,
I have a younger son who is interested in the differences between men/women and it is just curiousity in our case. It doesn't have to be about sex - more about anatomy and science. We talk about parts of the body being private and that seems to work for us. Have you thought about getting him a body parts book or something similar so you can foster his curiousity in a very safe and non-threatening environment? I'm sorry I haven't really addressed the sex issue since I have not yet had experience, but I hope that something may have helped. Good luck.

I think this behavior is pretty normal. You are seeing it however through the eyes of a sexually abused person and this is tainting your view.

S.,

He may have just been playing as normal 5 yr olds do, however if he was trying to kiss as adults do. I would suggest you take him to a counselor.

Here is why I suggest that. When my now 20 year old was 5 she began trying to kiss friends, her daddy and granddad like I would passionatly kiss my husband. It alarmed me and my mother. However I did not do anything about it except tell her that good girls do not do that. That she should kiss on the cheek. She would get upset and finally it stopped. She went through years of displaying an underlying anger at her dad that no one could understand.

She was an otherwise an exceptional child perfect grades, perfect behavior, except with her dad. When she was about 16, it all came out, he had raped her during that time when the kissing issue was going on. It was suspected, but nothing was done about it. I did nothing, I was afraid to.

So I understand what you are going through, believe me I do, on all accounts. If you have any doubts that the child is acting out more than just childish behavior don't hesitate to let him talk to someone. He will be better off, and so will you. I live with the fact that I could of done something for my daughter and did not.

C., mom of three, remarried to a better man. veteran

It is totally normal for kids to be curious about sex and the differences between the male and female body. It is part of your job to teach him about these things, just as you would teach him about head, shoulders, knees, and toes. My mother taught us what sex was from a very early age, using age-appropriate medical-type books. I can remember understanding the basics of how babies were made when I was maybe 4 or 5. It was no big deal and my curiousity was satisfied. My oldest hasn't reached that phase yet, so I can't really recommend any good books on the topic. But we have set the stage by always using the proper names for all of his body parts. He also "helps" bathe his baby sister, so he can see for himself how she is different, although he hasn't asked any questions about it.

I guess I don't understand the problem with your son trying to kiss his sister when they are playing. It sounds like he is being sweet. He's not trying to make out with her, is he?! I mean, I might be concerned if they were teenagers, but they are just a couple of innocent little kids playing. I think you are projecting your issues onto him. Just remember that sex is a normal, healthy part of life that he has a right and a need to know about - at an age-appropriate level. That doesn't mean you have to let him fondle you - explaining proper boundaries is part of it, too. Just know that he is a good, normal, innocent child.