My 15 month old son thinks it's hilarious to hit and throw things at people. I've tried telling him and showing him "gentle hands" but he is not getting it. I've tried distracting him by playing ball outside and that works for a while but as soon as we get back into the house and play on the floor he starts throwing things again. I need some advice on how to stop this.
Thank you in advance :)
Tell him at a neutral time that the next time he throws something that you will take it away. Then you need to follow through. If he throws something you take it away for at least a few days or more, if he doesn't change his behavior. He'll stop throwing pretty fast.
That's when my daughter started hitting and throwing. Especially hitting Mommy. I think it's early Terrible Twos coming on. We have tried everything, even went as far to cry when she hit us, she just laughs.
Unlike the previous post, I think they still understand the time out process. I dont think she completely gets it but so far it's the only thing that has helped.
I give her a warning. "We do not hit, we do not throw, be nice". Then she'll look right at me with a determined look in her eyes and hit me or the dog again. Just to prove she can. That's when I pick her up. Look her right in the eye and say "That was not nice. We do not hit/throw." I sit her on a piece of carpet we have set up and say "That was bad, now sit". Give her 30 seconds to a minute. She really doesnt fight it as she's not sure what it is. Then I go in there, sit at her level, say again "That was not nice, we do not hit/throw, now you be nice, and go say sorry to ____." Hug Mommy, hug whoever she hit. She smiles and off we go. Again it's the only thing that has worked so far.
The only problem we've had so far is she likes her time out spot. Takes her bunny, goes there with a book and reads to her bunny. So she hasnt got it completely but at least it stops the hitting.
Hope this helps! Good Luck!
You can't really do time out's this young (my opinion anyway) but you can continue to verbally tell him "gentle hands", "we don't hit our friends, family", "we don't throw our toys". When he throws a toy, calmly say "uh-oh, we don't throw our toys, now it goes a away for a while" and move it away for the day. Also, when he hits, say the same thing, and then move him to another place in the room away from who he hit. At this age it's all about calm repetition.... they do get it : ) hang in there.
My 19 month old son has been doing this since he was 8-9 months old. It is so, so frustrating. I've tried the brief time-outs for hitting, and I take away whatever object he's thrown and put it up high where he can still see it, but I don't know if any of it's sinking in. I asked about this at his 18 month check-up. My pediatrician said time-outs are ineffective at this age. He told me to leave the room every time he throws something at me, or if he hurts one of his siblings or the cat, then to give all of the attention to the hurt sibling or cat, and completely ignore him. It seems to have helped a little bit, but I think it's going to be on-going for awhile until he gets more verbal. He can't say "I'm angry", so he hits or throws.
We were a little lucky with the whole hitting stage. Our daughter learned real quick that hitting was no fun when people left. We had been caring for an outdoor cat. The cat is very friendly and has known our daughter since he was a kitten. Everything she would be rough with him he would simply getup and walk away. We would tell her she needed to be gentle if she wanted to play with him. She quicky learned that she could not hit or pull if she wanted him to stay. When she started to hit us we followed the cats lead... we told her not to hit and if she hit again we would leave the room for a few minutes. If she threw a toy at us we would take the toy and leave the room.
The hitting and throwing stage last a good two weeks then stopped.
Toddlers have to test and try things out over and over to see what will happen. It is how they learn. Unfortunately, they figure out what gets the attention (negative attention), and they keep doing it.
It sounds like you are doing lots of great things- giving him opportunities and places to hit and throw things, teaching him that hands are for gentle touches, etc. You should definitely keep doing these things!
You can try to ignore the undesirable behavior when he isn't in danger of hurting himself or someone else. It is difficult to do, but when he stops getting a reaction, he'll get bored and stop the behavior. Sometimes you literally have to turn your back so you are still close by but he can't see your face! And staying un-emotional helps, too. If he knows he can't get a rise out of you, it might not be as fun for him.
You could also have some things inside that he CAN hit- like spoons on pots and pans, or one of those toys that you hammer in the pegs. Then you can say things like "pegs are for hitting" instead of "don't hit ______." (Which you may not be saying, but the point is that you can give him ideas of what TO do, instead of what NOT to do...) You can also give him something that he can throw indoors, so when he starts throwing things, you can redirect him to things that are throw-able. Then you can say something like, "Blocks are for building, (help him stack them). Here are some ______ (balls?) that you can throw."
My favorite balls are those splash balls you use in the pool- made out of sponge, with a fabric layer on the outside (not a huge danger of him biting chunks out of the sponge unless the ball "rips".) They wont damage anything if he throws them and he can throw as hard as he wants! You can even give him something to throw the balls into or at.
Hope this helps- just know that he is a toddler, he is a boy, and these behaviors are pretty age-appropriate for him. Toddlers do these things to get a reaction, and not because they are "bad" or want to hurt people.
My son went through this stage around the same time. Hitting and biting. We did everything that others here have already suggested...until he started doing these things to other people outside our immediate family. That's when we knew he wasn't getting the message to not hit, bite, or throw things at people. Mind you, our son's personality is that he learns by trial by fire. He has been that way from the time he started crawling at 6 months old.
What worked for us (and I know the other Moms here will probably gasp or think we are terrible parents) was to bite or hit back at him immediately. It took us biting him back 3 times and firmly telling him NO Biting, biting hurts for him to stop biting people. He used to try to hit us in the face. It took abut 4 times of us hitting him in the face and firmly saying No hitting, hitting hurts for him to stop hitting us. We just bit him hard enough to leave a slight bite mark, just enough for him to feel a little pain. We slapped him in the same fashion that we was slapping us, again just hard enough for him to feel a little sting. Once he felt the pain himself, he stopped the behavior.
With our daughter (who is more sensitive and hesitant) all it took was 1 bite back and a firm NO Biting and she was done with biting. And 1 slap back and a firm NO Hitting and she was done with that behavior.
Hi L., I have a 15 month old in my daycare who throws as a way of playing, what I do is i say don't throw, I give him 3 chances then i take the toy i put it up and he goes into the play Zone that I have (It;s really neat) I have other children and baby's I just can not allow throwing. J.
