Help! My 11Mo Old Daughter Has Begun Screaming at Bedtime After STTN for Months!

Hi K.. I replied to your other post. As with the night waking my son has been doing a similar thing after always going to bed easily with the same routine (and the night waking). I am more and more sure it is the separation anxiety - I have found for the going to sleep bit, is that it's worth bringing them out of of their room for another 10 to 15 mins so they get calm. Giving them a cuddle and reading to them (ie quiet activities) and then trying again. Keep on repeating this if they start crying again. Basically I am reassuring him that I am there but still putting him to bed again.

Has she been vaccinated or been sick in the past month?

One of the most important lessons children learn during the first year is self-soothing. It is possibly harder on us parents than them at times, but it is a lesson I believe helps them more in the long run. It definitely helps their independance and confidence. My daughter (21 months) wakes during the night as well, but has learned to play quietly until falling asleep again. For a while, she decided that she didn't want to go to sleep at her normal time. Other times, she did have separation anxiety. Sounds to me that she is starting to assert her independance and wanting to make some choices. She wanted you and she got you. Sometimes, it isn't a bad thing. You sound like a good caring mom. If you hear her 'hurt' cry, just make sure you go to her. If it's just the 'fussy' cry, I would give her a few minutes to work it out herself. Good luck.

I don't want to make you feel bad, but to answer your question about making her feel abandoned, I personally do think that's probably what happened. You may just have to build that trust up again by coming to her at night... hopefully it won't take too long! Elizabeth Pantley has great books and advice on these types of problems, if you're interested: http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/

Good luck - I hope things get better :)

I'm not sure exactly what is going on but both my kids (now 4.5 and 22 months) had phases of needing a parent nearby to get to sleep. It gets tiresome for the parent if it goes on a while but works if all else fails. My younger one is now going through a phase of giving us a hard time with bedtime (she was so easy and went to sleep on her own until 18 or 19 months). I sometimes have to go in every 10 or 15 minutes for over an hour.

Could she have an ear infection? My son is a pretty good self-soother, but there are occasional nights when he needs to see me to settle down. Sometimes he just needs to hold my hand, and that might happen two nights in a row.

Tomorrow night your daughter may be fine. She knows you are loving her and keeping her safe, I am sure. if she continues to be fussy, keep am eye on her behavior, maybe she is getting a cold. Remember separation anxiety is a type of milestone, showing a level of cognitive ability. You show her that you are trustworthy in many ways, and she will realize that, so don't beat yourself up. You are doing a good job.