Help Getting My 4Yr Old to Go to Sleep

I read an article somewhere (I think it was parents magazine)about another mom with a similar issue. The advice was creative! They gave her 2 or 3 artifical flowers. These were her "passes". She could make a request, but then she had to give up one of her flowers. Once she was out of flowers, there were no more requests. This person who used the idea said her daughter was so excited and liked the flowers so much she didn't want to give them up, so she stayed in bed and didn't make any requests!

Maybe it would work for you too!
Good Luck!
J.

I have a similar problem with my 3 year old son. He won't go to bed. He pulls the same thirsty, hungry, hafta pee stuff your daughter does. I have been trying the stern route. I make him lie in the position he does when I see him falling asleep and tell him not to move, to be still, to take deep breaths. He's usually on his stomach. It's still a fight, but he gets to sleep.

I have the exact same issues with my 3 yr. old. If I had two younger children, I do not know what I would do! I empathize with you. The situation has actually gotten worse for us - now my daughter is not falling asleep until 11 or 11:30pm and doesn't want to get up in the morning (understandably)! Tal about having not time to myself. I have tried the Super Nanny technique the other reader mentioned but she absolutely flips out and wears me out before she falls asleep, then I give up and lay with her. The other thing that kills me is that if she sleeps over her aunt or grandparents house, she happily and easily goes to bed!! This REALLY makes me feel like I am being manipulated by her. And that's probably all is. Although I also think that my daughter is not getting enough physical exericse during the day to wear her out. I think I'm going to talk to my pediatrician for advice and appreciate all suggestions from anyone reading this as well. Sorry L., I am probably not much help but just sharing my same pain with you - you're not alone!

Have you tried playing a sleepy cd? My 4 yr. old son does the same with the questions, but we play Kenny Loggins Return To Pooh Corner music cd and it works every night. Plus I have read it is good for kids to go to sleep by soft and classical music. It is good for brain developement. Hope this works. I also got a fish aquarium lamp and it moves and sooths him to sleep also. Good Luck!

Hi L.,

Sounds like your daughter is figuring out how to keep you in bed so she doesn't have to go to bed. It also seems like you have tried the typical things; how long have you done the sticker chart thing? Any change in behavior is going to take more than a week, especially a big one like sleeping in bed alone. If your daughter is used to having you there with her, she is going to have to learn to be w/out you. And the longer you linger, the longer it will take for her to get used to being in her bedroom alone.

And you also have to be consistent with your expectations. If you say no, then follow through. No matter how tough it is, the little rough patches now will pay off in the end. I would stop laying with her only because she is learning to sleep with you and not without you, which is what you want in the end.

Try finding some library books about going to bed, sleeping in your own bed, etc. YOu could also give her a photo of you to keep next to her bed for her to "talk to" and keep there so you are "there" for her. And once you leave, don't go back in the room! Unless you know she is sick, there really isn't a reason to go back into her room. If she gets out of her bed, be very firm in telling her to get back into bed and stay in bed. You could also use a music box; we have one that is on a time, so after fifteen minutes it shuts off.

I am a Kindergarten teacher and also the mom of a 18 month old. Kids between four and five like consistency and follow through with rules and expectations, so you have the hardest part right now. When you feed into every little whim, your daughter is learning that she can control bedtime instead of you. Do all the bathroom/drink stuff BEFORE stories and getting into bed. Read two or three books, then lights out. If she asks for anything, say no, you are all done for tonight. Quick hug and kiss, and then leave the room.

Our daughter has been used to laying in her crib by herself since birth, so we rarely have problems with her wanting us at bedtime. We also make sure that she is tired enough so that she wants to sleep. Hope these ideas help. Good luck and sweet dreams!

Perhaps before bedtime you could spend special time with just her. It sounds like she misses being with you. Carve out an hour with her doing what she enjoys, even if just fantasy play. She wants to know that she is special to you. Don't lay down with her when it is bedtime. Let her know that is the place and time for sleeping. Be firm and confident in letting her know you love her, but we all need to get our rest.

Have you thought about getting her a TV for her room? I'm not suggesting a regular, scan cable channels TV. We got one for our sons that doesn't play channels. We hooked a DVD player up to it and each night they can pick a movie to watch for a bit. You could put a time limit on it and go up and turn it off after a bit. Worked wonders with my sons! It's great now for when they are sick because then they get to lay in bed and watch movies.

that is so hard, especially since you must be so tired. It sounds like she just wants more of you. If it is at all possible, perhaps you could spend 15 minutes special time with her every day, maybe that would be when everyone else has been put to bed. That 15 minutes could be something of her choice: some child led activity. The parameters might be that (if it is right before bed) it be a bit less rambunctious. Explaining to her that it seems like she is having trouble getting herself to sleep because it seems like she wants more time with mommy. Explain what you have in mind; "every day for 15 minutes you get all of me, no interruptions and you can decide what to play". Then we get ready to go to bed. See how that goes.
Good luck!
J. Shapley, MSW
Momsupport.org

I don't know if you ever watch "Supernanny" on T.V. but she has some great ideas for getting your kids to go to sleep. She has a couple of books out as well that detail the techniques she uses on her show. I highly recommend them. The technique she uses for sleep is to go through your bedtime routine (like you are doing), tuck the child in, say goodnight and leave the room. The first time the child gets out of bed, say "It's bedtime love (or sweetheart or whatever)", don't say anything else, don't answer any questions or engage the child in any other way. Take the child back to bed and leave the room. The next time the child gets out of bed, say "It's bedtime", don't engage in any other way, take the child back to bed and leave the room. If the child continues to get out of bed, say nothing, make no eye contact, just take the child back to bed and leave the room. Do this until the child stays in bed and falls asleep. Sometimes this can take two hours or more on the first night. BUT, the second night is better and the third night is even better and before you know it, your child is going to sleep! You might also make sure that the bedtime is appropriate for a 4 year old. Sometime between 7-8pm is what I've read. Good luck!

we went through the same problem with our son...our neurologist recommended "melatonin". it is available in liquid at most health food stores. 2 to 4 drops in a small amount of juice 1/2 hour before bed...nite nite!! it works like a charm. my husband and i both tried it before we gave it to him. ask your pediatrician...

Hi L.,
Establishing a bedtime story routine is fantastic. I would suggest a last chance for a drink while she is brushing her teeth and then into bed for 15 min(?) of reading. Then be loving and firm, a kiss, an "I love you, goodnight". Then leave. Since you have lingered, answered questions, stayed awhile before, you could ease the change ahead of time by saying "I have things to do tonight so after the story I'm leaving", but stick to your plan. She is old enough to doze off alone and you NEED some time.