Help for a Child Who Says She Has No Friends

What are her loves and hobbies? Perhaps, you could get her involved in a hobby group. If she loves to leave, see if the local library has book clubs. If she loves to draw, get her in art classes. Get her into an activity, where she has something in common with others. I was more of a reserved, shy child. However, I always did well when there was something to build off. I enjoyed camping and crafts, so my parents put me in girl scouts. I found a few very good friends, who I had a lot in common with. She might just need an easy ice breaker. Something in common, from the beginning will help.

Poor baby!

DO what some of the others said and get her involved with something with kids her age.

My 15 yr old is like this still. I could not afford to and was physically unable not able to take her places when she was small to get some social skills.

Talk to your daughter's teacher! You would be suprised how easy is is for a teacher to make opportunities to pair up students and help kids with common personalities and interests "find each other".

I agree with those that say get her involved in some activity. Check out girl scouts and 4-H. They have something for just about every interest.

You can also plan a Christmas party at your house and invite some or all the kids in her class. By "hostessing", the party your daughter will have to step out of her shy-zone, and the other kids will see a new side of her. You can't make them like her, but you can help them get to know her, and you can help her learn to step out and put herself into the friend market.

Wow, I feel for your daughter and you. Since you say she has emotional problems does she see a therapist? Perhaps they can give you some guidance. It's hard to help her make friends and at 7 girls have a tendancy to already be clicky and hang with a certain group of girls. Can you get her involved in a sport or music? Maybe making friends outside of school could be easier? Talk about putting Santa in the spot(lol). The best you can do as I have as well is just keep encouraging and looking for opportunities to get your child in a social activity. Best of luck.

Hi
I agree with Rebecca try to get her so see that best friend can be a concept. Maybe try a pet that could be her best friend. My daughter also has some anxiety issues and she is receiving help for it. I make every effort possible to schedule play dates with consistent children and their moms so that she gets to bond. We go to the movies, lunch, plays it really gives her something to look forward to and she is bonding with them. Good luck.

I felt like that when I was young, from kindergarten up through high school, even when I DID approach other girls, they were friendly enough , but then turned around and ignored me again, or didn't invite me to sleepovers/parties, I was even a voted a class favorite one year and a cheerleader and it never made sense to me how come I never had any close friends.... and my mom just kept on telling me to be more assertive, but it didn't work.

I agree with another mom, talk to her teacher, she can help pair girls up, encourage girls to be friendly and involved. Let your daughter invite a couple of girls over, maybe one on one would be best so they can't pair up and give her the cold shoulder. Sign up for her to be pen pals with someone in the us or on another side of the world. Put her in extracurricular activities she is interested in where she can also make friends outside of school, and develop who she is.

She can also adopt a soldier and be his/her penpal,. I had a soldier penpal when I was her age and loved it!:
http://adoptaussoldier.org/

Help her develop her talents and see her true inner self. Help her to try and not rely on other's opinions of her so sees she's still just as awesome, even if others don't give her a chance.

penpal organizations:
http://amazing-kids.org/get-involved/amazing-kids-penpals...
http://www.friendship-by-mail.com/pen-pals-for-kids.html
http://www.studentsoftheworld.info/

I also had a child who never could relax, and cried alot. Social situations were very h*** o* her. Finally in 6th grade we found out she had other issues as well, and we worked to correct them.

Because the huge change I saw in her, and then in other kids I worked with, I have become a bit of an expert in early development especially the integration of the primitive reflexes. Many kids like her have a retained Moro reflex. This is present since birth, and most people integrate it by 4 months. However, many people do not, and it causes anxiety and the startle reflex. Other symptoms of a retained Moro reflex are:
Motion sickness
Poor balance and coordination
Physical timidity
Visual-perceptual problems – Fixation, excessive blinking, maintaining eye contact
Light sensitivity
Auditory hypersensitivity
Allergies
Adverse reaction to drugs
Poor stamina
Dislike of change
Hypoglycemia
Anxiety
Mood swings
Hyperactivity followed by fatigue
Difficulty accepting criticism
Low self-esteem
Math difficulties

If your daughter has 3 or more of these symptoms, chances are she has a retained Moro Reflex. If this sounds like her, and you would like to know more, Google Moro Reflex. If you would like to know how to integrate it, it takes a couple minutes a day of a simple exercises, for about a month. I have made a DVD series for parents about the primitive reflexes called the Pyramid of Potential series. The Starfish DVD contains the exercise.

Good luck with your daughter. I have been there, and know what you are going through. It is so hard to hear your daughter cry, and you want to do whatever you can to make her feel better. I know I did!

K. Johnson, MS Ed
www.pyramidofpotential.com

Having no friends is not the same as not having a best friend. Set up play dates with other girls and get her involved in some activity like basketball or Brownies or dance classes. Kids at school play with the kids who they have play dates with or who they know from scouts or dance. Also, if she is extremely sad a lot of the time and has emotional problems, she needs to be seeing a therapist. If she is always sad and emotionally needy, this may be a turn off to other kids
Good luck

Is your daughter naturally shy? Shyness can cause anxiety. I was really shy at that age and my mom said the same thing - just go up to the other kids and ask them to play with you. It didn't work becuase I was too shy.

For me, I liked to make friends in smaller groups than a school with a class of 25 kids or whatever. I think it would help to ask her to invite over a kid from her class, just one kid, to your house after school to play sometimes. She can pick the kid. Then maybe after you have had that kid over several times, invite another kid over so that she has two friends that she is comfortable with and that are friends with her at school.

She also may think that because no one is coming up and trying to be her friend, that there is something wrong with her and that she is not likable. Shy little girls don't get that if they fade into the scenery, kids don't notice them. Does she take sports or music classes or something like that to boost her self esteem?

i would talk to her teacher and try to get another perspective on how she interacts. last year, my 7 year old son was having some friend issues. he just wasnt good at initiating, tried too hard, was awkward, that kind of thing. i just gave him a little ball and a couple of coins that he could smuggle onto the playground at recess. i taught him how to play hit the penny and told him he can ask other kids to play it with him. so simple and it worked so beautifully. i think just having a tangible item and direction helped him so much. best of luck

"Best friend" is such a loaded concept in schools - maybe ask her what a best friend means and see if you can parse it for her to see that there are aspects of best friendship all around? Sometimes it's mommy, sometimes a friend at school or an afterschool activity, sometimes a pet, sometimes it's her all by herself. This might seem ridiculous but I'll tell you - at one point in my life, I was looking for a best friend and after failing to find her, I decided to be my own best friend. Literally - I imagined what that imaginary best friend would do and I did it myself. It was goofy - things like "has a leather jacket" or "goes out to silly movies." (I was in college, ah, so this is probably ridiculous advice for a 6 year old, but what can I say - your note really struck a chord!)

Oh, I have tears in my eyes! Poor sweetheart. I justed wanted to respond because my 6 year old son also has considerable anxiety and is also shy and awkward in social situations. And he also has two very charasmatic, outgoing little brothers. He reminds me alot of how you have described your daughter to be. He was recently diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and asperger's syndrome. Therapy with a child psychologist has helped him with relaxation techniques (try having her take deep breaths and blow bubbles each night for practice). Therapy for his newly diagnosed asperger's has only just begun, and is quite multi-faceted. It may be worth it to do some quick research to see if your daughter fits the description for it as well.

Hi. I didn't read the other posts yet....but I would sign her up for a team sport or activity. It is also sounding like she's having esteem issues, and sports a great way to build self esteem while forming new friendships at the same time. But be up front with her about fake friendships and maybe she will change her mind (or stop worrying so much) until the right friend comes along for that BF spot. Best of luck with your little girl.

OH -that breaks my heart too! I'm sorry that you and your daughter are dealing with this. I'm glad she does have some friends, but she's at that age when girls particularly seem to hone in on having a very best friend. Does she do any extra-curricular stuff like sports or dance or anything? Maybe expanding her horizons would help her meet some new people. Are you religious or spiritual at all? If you have a belief system of some type, perhaps she could get involved with a kid's group at a place of worship. I had friends at my school, and for a few years my best friends were at my school, but for the most part they came from my church and friends I met through others at church when I was growing up.

Also, you mention that she has a lot of emotional problems and never relaxes. I'm sure you've seen a child psychologist or therapist, but if not -please do. If she's currently seeing someone, bring it up with them to see how they would handle it or what suggestions they have. She should be working with someone on different relaxation techniques and therapies she can use when she's really becoming anxious or stressed. Good luck!

I agree with the suggestion of talking to her teacher about pairing her with a buddy. My teacher did this when I was a new student in first grade and at 40 years old, I'm still in touch with my buddy (who became my best friend for many years). Also encourage other activities after school (preferably ones tied to the school where she can make friends she'll see every day).

Sadness, emotional problems and anxiety should be addressed with medical professionals. If you aren't already pursuing help, get in with a therapist and/or psychiatrist. It can be hard to take this step but it can be so helpful. Our seven-year-old son takes an anti-anxiety medication (initially for his OCD, but now takes it for depression) and it's worked wonders. He also sees a therapist as needed. Specialists can determine whether her issues are strictly due to the trouble making friends or whether there's a larger problem there. In any case, it's worth seeking the help to help your daughter be a normal, happy child.

Agree with the other moms, get her involved in some afterschool programs or sports. GirlScouts is great for self-esteem and learning to be a part of the community. You could also invite another girl that she likes but is not very close to, from school over one afternoon and do some holiday baking. With you there to help, you could help with the getting to know eachother process and everyone would have a great time.