Having Four Year Old Son in Delivery Room When His Brother Is Born?

It is awesome that you have the older child involved with the pregnancy. The one thing that came to mind while I was reading is that having him in the room will open up more questions that he will ask that may not be appropriate for a child. He also might not want to see mommy in pain either. I suggest to have him there, but let him into the room after you are cleaned up. That way when are ready to talk to him about where babies come from (if you haven't already) you can.

I myself prefer a little privacy...I certainly wouldn't want him in the room while the baby was made, and I think the same thing applies here.
Also, I don't know why he'd WANT to be in there...I'd think the whole thing would be awfully boring for a 4 year old.
As a side note, many people have suggested having someone in there to take him out just in case something happens. I don't think you realize how quickly something could go wrong though, just a matter of seconds and doctors could end up shouting and who knows what. Just something to consider - it could end up being 'exposed' to more then you'd like him to be even when you're expecting things to go smoothly.

It is very interesting to read all the responses to your question. I find the adamant "no's" funny because when I have told others I had my kids in for their siblings birth firworks seem to light the room! LOL

Trully it is your call! I would follow the advice of age appropriate info before hand and knowing your child's personality is a given. Having the extra adult to take your child is very important I feel more for the safety issues. Everyone plans for a good delivery but, you just don't know if something may go wrong. Sometimes just minor things make the doctors move very quickly! The adult assigned to your child will need to have good judgment on how to react without alarming your child. Sometimes it will only require maybe a "great idea for a soda down in the cafeteria"and then back for the birth.

No matter how you do it your child can always come in right after the birth and experience the beauty in the room of a precious new life that has just started! It is a wonderful spirit in the room that only is present after the birth of a precious spirit born to a family.

fyi...my 3rd child was born with his 8 yr old brother and 6 yr old sister present. they loved beginning there! Thought is was gross but loved the closness of the family during the experience. I gave both children the option to come or not during the delivery of my fourth child. (now the boy is 10 and girl is 8) They both were very adamant on both being there! My son however wanted to change position from watching the birth to standing at my head. He didn't want to miss the event. I do not deliver quietly and I do use all the epidural that can be given. My children learned of the sacrifice it is to bring a baby into this world. My son has a desire to help is wife in the future and says he will know exaclty what to do!LOL
My daughter says she wants to wait to have children until she is 30! Great birthcontrol for when she falls "in LOve" during high school! The 3rd child was at the fourth birth and well he loves his little sister but thought it
was gross that mom "pee-pee'd" her out! LOL he was only two. He still tells people he saw that. Others ask if it scared him and he says NO everyone has to pee-pee! Gotta love little boy's!

I guess I should step away from my memory lane! Good Luck! You will make the right decision for your family and your family needs. That is what is more important than others opinions! Mine included. Happy pushing!

When our second son was born, I had my five-year old in the room, and it was wonderful. I had my sister bring him in and stay with him, knowing she was there just for him. He came in towards the end and knew that he could be there or leave, be with me at any time during my labor or not. I had shown him some birth videos beforehand and talked with him extensively about how the mommy was feeling some pain but it wasn't going to hurt for long and it was okay because his brother was going to come out that way. He watched the whole thing and gave me strength. I think it's really important to have someone else there for the child, though, so you or your partner don't feel like you have to take care of them. I have sweet pictures of him helping me breathe through contractions. He felt very close to his brother. When I started pushing and my water broke, he said, "YUCK!" We still laugh about that. And after everything, he whispered to me, "You're not the bravest mommy." He was thrilled to be a big brother, and fascinated and excited to be there to see his baby. It was a natural labor, NO EPIDURAL. There was no trauma, there were absolutely no regrets about him being there.

When their sister was born, the boys were nine and four. They were both there and it was really amazing and beautiful. They were both rubbing my back and helping me breathe deeply. They were right there to kiss their baby sister. They felt like an important part of the process. Once again, it was natural, peaceful, and amazing. There was no trauma. The posts recommending epidurals to spare the child from seeing pain or saving them the "trauma" of watching birth are missing part of being alive! Showing them that it's natural will help them in so many areas of their lives. Our bodies are built just right, to make the baby, to bring the baby out. There's nothing traumatizing or disturbing about it. Your attitude will matter a lot here, too.

I love the idea of having little ones see how normal and natural birth is, respecting what the body can do, seeing their mom in all her glory bringing life into the world. Seeing that something painful can bring something beautiful. Seeing someone work really hard for something important and getting the prize at the end. There's so much to share with them.

I would make sure it's what he wants, talk with him and show him videos before to make sure he understands what will be going on, and explain in very clear terms that you might be making noise, there will be blood, that you'll have to work very hard, and that it's all going to be okay.

Best of luck to you! What a lucky boy to have such a thoughtful mom! Bottom line, birth is a natural process and a wonderful way to bring life into the world. If your son is interested in being there, it's a wonderful gift you can give to have him see what you can do. To be there for his baby being born.

I had both my boys there when son #3 was born.
My oldest was 10 at the time and stood near my head but my very bright and inquisitive 3 year old was front and center (literally).

My OB let him guide the head out. He bent down and kissed his little brothers face as soon as it emerged (we have a darling picture of this!). He literally caught his brother (with the OB's help) and layed him on my tummy. It was such a beatuiful moment!

I will say that I would not have done it if I had been in any kind of pain but the epidural worked so well for me that i had a completely pain free birth. I think seeing me in pain would have changed the whole experience for them both.

I agree with a prior poster that you should have another adult ready to take him out if he wants. I had several family members in the room who could have done so.

Good luck! Happy pushing!!!!!

I think you ptretty muched answered your question with I don't want him to be scared. It is very busy & loud in a delivery room & at that age might get scared specially when Mommy herself will be making loud noises he won't understand. My girls are 3 yearsd apart & I didn't even consider having her in the room.. Good Luck

In my opinion he is too little to understand what is going on and I wouldn't do it. My mom wanted me in the birth room when my sister was born (I was 7 at the time). I remember it and it didn't do me any good. There was a lot of blood, my mom was in pain and it really freaked me out. My entire life I said I was never going to have kids until I finally decided to at 25. I think 4 is too young. This is just my opinion so other moms might have different thoughts. You do what is best for you and your family. Good luck.

:)

My son was 3 when we found out we were pregnant with #2. He was so excited, he told me frequently that he wanted to catch her. I prepped him as much as I could, took him to a birthing class, watch a lot of shows and made sure he understood that Mom was going to be in pain (totally natural birth) but that was part of getting his sister here, what babies looked like when they came out, etc. I also found a doula that completely supported him being in the room, then her and my hubby would take turns taking care of me and him. If my midwife could have been there for the delivery my son would have gotten to catch her with help, but the midwife I got was not supportive of him being in there. Thank God for the doula she spoke up and said he will be in here as long as he wants to be in here. In the end we were in labor at the hospital for 8 hours before she was born, he watch DVDs, colored and read a lot of books, but when it was time he stood by the side of the bed right by my butt with a perfect view of his sister coming out, her head turned to look at him and he got so excited and exclaimed 'she's beautiful', when they laid her on my chest he climbed up next to me and with some help from Daddy he cut the cord. It was a beautiful experience that I would recommend to anyone who had a child that wanted to be involved, he was 2 weeks shy of turning 4 when she was born.

I know this is an old thread, but I wanted to add my two cents, if that's ok. I don't understand all the aversion to letting your children experience life events, like the birth of a sibling. if they are prepared for it and you don't view it as traumatic, neither will they. You explain to them that there will be blood, but that doesn't mean Mommy is hurt. And that Mommy makes noises when the baby is coming out because it is hard work. And you let them know ahead of time where the baby will be coming out! Each of mine saw their siblings born. They knew what would be happening and they were glad to be part of it! When #2 was born #1 was 3. When #3 was born #2 was 2 1/2 and #1 was almost 6. I birthed upstairs in the bedroom in a birthing tub and they came in and out as they pleased. It was great for everyone and they bonded immediately rather than me just bringing some strange baby home. They know that birth is a natural family event and not a scary, sick, or hurt one! You know your own child and what they can "handle" though, so the only person who can really answer what's best for your family is you ;-)
C.
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My opinion is NO! Just because a kindergartner can add two and two and is good at Math for his age doesn't mean that he is ready for quantum physics right now! Someday he may be ready for it, but not now. Please don't expose him to that knowledge/ pain/ blood that will change his world. Let him be the great big brother and love and care for him without that to think of. Bring him in right after you are covered up. Thanks!

My oldest child was 4 years old when I had my 4th baby, so he had been thru it 3 times. However, he has been very freaked out by the hospital. My mom has brought him in each time after the baby is born and every one is cleaned up. Still he seems very distrubed by everything. Even if he sees pictures of me in the hospital after having a baby he gets concerned and asks if I was okay. Each child is different, but I would not let my kids in the room while I gave birth. In fact, I had it all lined up for my 3 little ones to go to the hospital child care center in the event that a friend couldn't get there to take them in time when I went into labor the 4th time (only 3.5 hours long). Also contemplated my husband missing the birth to be with the kids. Best wishes! Besides, I would want to focus soley on giving birth without worrying how my kids were doing in the room. And, God forbid, what if something did not go as planned... Just my opinion.

I say do it, as long as he isn't disrupting with what's going on or at least have someone else in the room that can remove him if he does (ie: grandma, friend). I've done it, albeit my kids are 8 years apart, but I believe it's a wonderful, memorable time that is not forgotten even at his age.

My mother gave us the choice if we wanted to attend the birth of her last two children. I was 8 when she had my brother at a midwife center in north Albuquerque. The midwives were wonderful by showing us books and having us draw pictures. We also went to many appointments which allowed me to feel like a part of the pregnancy/birth. My mom had my youngest sister at home when I was 10 and it really gave me the insight to view child birth as a natural experience. I think it really helped me when I delivered my first child because I knew what to expect. I've been blessed to have two children naturally and am expecting my third in May. I don't think I'll let my 2.5 year old son attend just because he's so active and I think it would be a distraction. It's really just a personal decision for your family. Some of my siblings were grossed out. I think it would have been better for them to view at the head of the bed rather than by the feet. We also had my grandparents in the room in case we needed anything. Communication is key! It's definitely an awesome experience to see new life brought into the world! Congratulations and good luck!

Hi Mystyque! I say that if you are comfortable with it than do it! I had my second baby real quickly partly in the car on the way to the hospital (this is a bit embarrassing but... we were about 2 miles from the hospital and I told my husband "I can't hold it, I think I am going to pee my pants", he naturally replied "just go". The next moment I tell him, I am not going to the bathroom, the baby's head is coming out! So he pulled into the ambulence area at the ER and a nurse came running out, she and my husband carried me right through the door onto the strecher and as my pants came down the rest of the baby did to. The whole time this was going on my 1st child (who was turning 2 10 days later) was in the back seat saying "mommy owie, mommy owie?" -everyone visiting the ER that day got to watch me give birth, and believe me I didn't notice a soul in there! But we sure had many visitors throughout the day to see the speedy er baby.
When I had my third baby the other two were almost 4 and almost 2 (their b-days are 9-21-02, 9-11-04, 9-1-06 -very close together!) Both my girls were there, he came at 1am so I had to wake my husband and the girls up when it was time but especially the 4 yr old thought it was amazing. I am fortunate to have super easy labors and two pushes and the baby is out (or no volentary pushes at all!). And with my third since it was in the middle of the night the lights were off in the hospital room, the only light on was pointing right where the baby was coming, it was quiet, the doctor sat on the bed with me, no stir-ups, calm voices, just a great experience, and I am really glad that my whole immediate family was there together to welcome the next member.

It is also great for kids to learn, getting the basics of life in simple age appropriate form I think will make it easier to transition into the whole "birds and the bees" when they are older and be more comfortable because you have talked little by little over the years.

Now the short version answer to your question!

Personal experiece I highly recommend having your 4yr old there, bring activities, there is the tv dvd players there to entertain. Giving birth is a miraculous occation, just because he is young doesn't mean he won't see the greatness!!

Best of luck to you, your family and your new one to come! How exciting!
E.

If it were me and I wanted my first born to be a big part of her brother's/sister's birth, I'd make a very specific plan.

First, I'd select someone I trusted (like a family member or my best friend) as well as my husband - so that he could be with me and the friend/family member could be with my child at all times. That way, if for any reason things seemed to be leading to a place where they'd be too much for my child, my friend could make that prediction and take her out to the waiting area. I'd have an epidural, so that after the first difficult pains of contraction had subsided, I could bring my little one back in. But before the pushing began, I'd have her taken back out to the waiting area and then brought back in as soon as the baby was cleaned up.

Obviously you know your child better than anyone else...

My little girl (who is 3) is very sensitive about everything... so watching me push and thinking that it was painful or even the slightest bit difficult - would scare her. I definitely don't think she could handle watching the actual birth... and I don't think I'd do very well worrying about her feelings, even if she were up near my head.
So... I'd try my very best to include her in every portion that seemed the least difficult for her (and me) to handle. I'd tell her that sometimes the doctor needed to talk to mommy by herself and that she could come back in as soon as the doctor said it was ok for kids.

Have a happy rest of your pregnancy and birthday for the newest addition to your little family!

that seems pretty traumatic for a 4 yrs old. my oldest was 13 when his little borther was born and that was trumatic for him. i didnt mean for him to be in the delivery room but it all happened so fast the baby came as soon as i got on the bed and he just happened to be there. all i could see afterwards was his face in the back of the room. it was a combination of awe, nausea, and worry. he told me it was like taking my upper lip and stretching it up over my forehead. he didnt want kids after that, didnt want ot put his wife through a birth. he was engaged for 10 yrs but she broke it off because she wanted kids. he finally married and has his first baby. he was born by C section thankfully for him but he was still truamatized during the whoel pregancy jsut thinking he may have to see his wife giving birht naturally.

I'm totally for letting your child be a part of a natural miracle.
It's too bad that society has "protected" us from parts of our body and it's natural expressions.
Sounds like you're birthing in a hospital, therefore, I'd have folks in the waiting room for a backup plan if your son gets to the point that he wants to leave or you decide you'd like some privacy.
The bottom line, I'd let him decide not until the birth happened, and let him know he can change his mind at any time.
good luck!

I only skimmed the other answers. I believe it is your call and you know your son. First, a child does not have all the "baggage" of a grown up and definitely not a man. Young children accept these things easily, especially if you are comfortable and make it natural.

I have home births, but I found having my child there was too distracting to me to focus on laboring. But maybe a medicated birth would be different? I don't know. But I did have my kids come in right after, maybe even with cord still attached?

If you are expecting to be yelling, explain that you will be yelling, but that it's because you're roaring like a lion. That you have to be strong to push a baby out. Make sure he understand you are in no danger.

If your vision of a beautiful birth includes your son, than it is not inappropriate. I know tons and tons of people who include their children. Good luck!

You know your child best...how do they handle it when you get injured at home...minor pain?
Hospitals have plenty of their own restrictions. You may not have as much choice in this as you think. (Why I chose homebirth).
I would definitely give the child the right to "opt out" even if he is in the delivery area when he changes his mind....have another adult able to guide him out and watch over him.
Good luck!

Hi Mystyque, I just slightly skimmed the other answers, so I'm sorry if I repeat....I personally do not feel it is inappropriate. I am just under 5 years older than my sister and I was in the room when she was born. It was one of the best experiences of my childhood and it prevented a lot of sibling rivalry (well, until we got older...). My mom had a close family friend there to help with me so I wasn't in the way, etc. One of the nurses tried to kick me out (for no reason) and my mom insisted that I stay. I'm hoping to have my next child when my son is about 2.5 years and I want my son in the room for the birth. I believe that as a family, we should all be a part of such a monumental event. Your fears about your son being worried about seeing you in pain are valid. That's why I believe it's important to have someone (other than your spouse) present to help. They can explain that mommy really is okay. When I was in the delivery room part of my job was to keep the cold wash cloth on my mom's head and to hold the cup of ice chips until she needed them. I felt like such a big part of the whole process and like I was just as important as mommy and daddy! In the end, it's your call...my opinion is that you should do it! Make sure you talk to your Dr about it now if you haven't already....it's possible that the hospital might have restrictions....Good luck!

My kids are exactly 4 years apart. Even though I had a very quick, easy first birth and every reason to believe that the second would go just as well, my second birth did not go easily. With all of the stress, worry, and fear in the delivery room at the time, I remember feeling very relieved that my oldest was not there. So, obviously you should decide what is best for your family, but if you elect to have your son in the room, definately be sure to have a back-up plan in place that you can enact quickly, just in case things don't go as smoothly as expected.

I think it would be great! When I was going to have a home birth my midwife said including the sibling is awesome, as long as they WANT to be there and you explain to them what they will see. I'd bring him lots of DVDs and movies and let him come and go as he pleases. Also, have someone there who can take him out if he gets scared or it gets to intense. If you teach him how to help you breathe, etc. and have him sit up by your head and be your helper, he might feel very special!

When I had my daughter, I would have been fine with my son being there, it just happened too fast :). My son was only 22 months at the time of her birth, but I think he would have been fascinated.. He did come and hang out with me for part of the labor, but my hubby took him home to nap then to grandmas. I transitioned very quickly and my hubby himself almost missed the birth. I didn't have an epidural and had an all natural birth (minus the pitocin I was on), but I'm not a screamer, handle pain well, and only pushed for 15 minutes. He probably would have loved to be included!

Maybe have him watch National geographics In The Womb video. It shows conception (no sex ;)) to birth and shows a very tasteful live birth. That will help him to know what to expect.

My son was 3 1/3 when my 2nd was born. He came to the hospital with other family when I was still in recovery and got to hold his brother right after he was born. I was in the hospital for a few days and he came each day to visit. He loved playing in the bed, pushing the buttons, watching TV, writing on the dry erase board, even took a bath. He felt very involved, got to spend time with me each day, and his new brother. It was the perfect amount of involvement for him at that age.

I actually had my (nearly) four year old in the room when my daughter was born. It wasn't planned, but it worked out just fine. My husband stepped out to get some breakfast for himself, and my mom had stayed at our home overnight with my son and was bringing him by to visit. My transition with my son was really fast (4cm to ready to push in 30 minutes), and sure enough when my mom showed up the same thing happened! My husband made it back in the room literally 5 minutes before my daughter was born (she came out in just two pushes). So, there really wasn't time for my mom to take my son out, as very shortly after she arrived so did the doctors and nurses for the delivery. My son did great! He actually sat down and was drawing a picture the whole time, and did not pay the least bit of attention to me. We saved the picture in his little sister's baby book. My little sister (ten years old) was also in the room, and watched the delivery. The doctor was great about explaining things to her. I am sure it made a difference that my epidural was fabulous and the delivery was so quick. Neither my sister or my son had to see me uncomfortable or in pain.
What I would reccommend if this is something you want to do is to have an adult in the room, besides your fiance, who could take your son out if need be. Also, check with your doctor to see if they are OK with it. My son does not seem to remember it, but he is in the pictures so I am sure some day he will ask :)

Good luck, and congratulations!

If you decide to go along with your plan...I would suggets telling him everything that will happen beforehand. If he knows what he is in for, he should be ok. There are tons of books that will explain how a baby is born so that he knows (or is at least comfortable) with what will be happening that day. Good Luck!

No - no, no, no. It is traumatizing for some men to see a baby being born. I cannot imagine the effect on an inquisitive 4 year old. I would advise against it!

I think it is fine to have him in the room and let him decide whether he's comfortable being in there and where he's comfortable standing. Make sure you have another adult in there that can care for him besides your husband. Also, if you are giving birth in a hospital, make sure they allow young children. Some of them don't. I wish you a beautiful birth and a happy healthy baby! Congratulations!