Happy, Healthy 4M Girl but Very Demanding and fussy-Need Help

Hi T., My Youngest is 21 years, I two was a stay at home mom,the differnece is I didnt have a business to run-If your girl has been cleared of any medical checks, I suggest that make sure she is breathing clear with no allergies blocking her.That would keep her waking if she is having a difficult time breathing easily-Also, with all your activities, if you are overly anxious and stressed she to will feel it and will respond with:all the signs she is showing...crying, sleeping less maybe eating changes-Our children feel our pain & stress as well as our happiness.Raising my children was my passion,now that there grown I have been somewhat lost finding something as wonderful as being a full time mom-All the best.Ann Rogers

I think a chat with the pediatrician is in order. My little guy has always been a lousy sleeper (18months old now) but most of the problem when he was tiny was from reflux. He didn't spit up much, but he would not sleep and would spend a lot of time in pain, crying, if I laid him down.

Ultimately we worked with a gastroenterologist to find the proper medication while his body matured to correct this problem...and we learned to let him sleep in his bouncer to keep him upright, at a 45* angle.

Hang in there. My pediatrician tells me that some babies are just bad sleepers. This is more common with breastfed babies than formula fed babies...which doesn't mean you should switch, just gives you something different to expect. (I'm still breastfeeding despite the fact that my son has still NEVER slept through a single night.)

It sounds like you need some support. Start with a conversation with your pediatrician and rule out medical issues. Then you can decide on how to best work on the sleeping issue. My guess, however, is that if you are second guessing yourself about the period of time she is crying it out, you already know that is not the best thing. Ultimately, I tried co-sleeping part of the night and it is what allowed us to survive these rough times. I just allowed my son to nurse, while I was able to get a few minutes of sleep.

T.,

First off, you are not alone and this is normal. Many moms have been where you are and many will be there. Every child is different and is born with a different personality. I have four and each and every one of them are different from the others. But, the one that was closest to what you are describing was my 9 year old daughter. She nursed every 2 hours (sometimes 1-1/2) and she was Miss Demanding. She was sooo strong willed and she totally drained me. It was as though I was just living to serve her alone at all times.
I nursed her for over two years.
My advice is: Perspective. I had to change my perspective. I had to realize that it was no longer about me, but that I had to lay self aside and make whatever sacrifices I needed to so that I could give her the best that God had for her - breastmilk. I also had to give up several things in my life temporarily so that I could get sleep and function without wanting to seriously hurt someone for lack of sleep.
I layed myself aside and put my daughter first. I resolved that my primary objective was to meet her needs and if anything else was convenient, I might consider it.
You may also have to let your husband know that the workload of recreational director will have to fall on him for a while if he is unwilling to offload you with the baby. Or that you will have to give it up until further notice.
You only get one chance to do things right with your kids and then, either you have regrets or you know you gave them your best.
You have to make a choice. You can't do everything, no one can. Let yourself off the hook for some things and then, relax and enjoy this time with your daughter so you can appreciate her for who God made her to be.
As a mom, this is our responsibility. We can enjoy it and make it a priority or we can let other things steal our joy in parenting.
Once you let go of the extras, you will enjoy the things about your daughter that make her special.
Take Care and May God Bless You,
T.

According to Pediatricians who believe in crying-it-out. Babies should not cry it out until they have reached 5 months of age. Crying for naps should be limited for 1 hour (before the nap takes place...ie laying them down to sleep and allowing them to cry. If they wake after 45-to 1 hr go to them immediately, if shorter than that, allow to cry up to 1 hr) and night time crying that is not a result of hunger should be unlimited. Hunger cries during the night happen at unpredictable times...not at the same time each night.
4 months of age is filled with sleep problems because it is when the infant like sleep changes to adult like sleep. Some babies handle it with no problem (my daughter) and some babies have a very hard time with it (my son). The lack of sleep causes behavioral issues during the day. I recommend buying the book "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child".

T.,
Well, your request caught my eye for one reason....I am in your shoes!!! I have a son who is 4 years old and was an AMAZING baby. I thought he was a "normal" baby, but I have realized since having my daughter that he was a GREAT baby! My daughter is a little over 3 months old now and is almost exactly how you described your daughter. I have also called her my little diva and "high maintenence"! She is SO happy when she is happy, and then like a light switch she is screaming her head off, holding her breath for no apparent reason. She has been like this since she was born. Granted, she is ALOT better than she used to be. The doctors have told me that she is colicky, but honestly I just think it is her personality. Colic should have gone by now. I love my kids more than anything in this world and never thought it would be this hard for me to adjust and get her on some sort of routine. I too, am a stay at home mom, work part time sometimes for my old boss, go to school, and the whole bit. I know how hard it may be sometimes, and this is just my opinion, so I am no professional. My husband is gone a lot because he is in the Navy as well, and I have NO family here, so I know how hard and crazy it can be when you do it alone. Sometimes you DO have to simply walk away and take a deep breath. Make sure she is not hungry, diaper is changed, and she is burped really well. There have been times that my daughter has cried constantly for an hour and I am bouncing her, rocking her, holding her close to me singing, and EVERYTHING you could think of. As soon as I would lay her down in her bed and walk out of the room, she would cry for maybe a minute and stop immediately. I have learned that it is OK to walk away sometimes and it will not break any sort of bond between you two. Babies can sometimes sense your stress and sometimes they like to be alone. I think it all depends on what your baby is like and what she wants. Hope this can help!!

My daughter is now 5 months old and at 4 months she did the same exact thing. I chalked it up to a growth spurt. That is all the symptoms and it's very common at 4 months. I just kept sticking to the schedule and after about a week she was kind of back to normal, not perfect but after about 2 weeks she was pretty much fully back on her schedule. Maybe try and google "growth spurt" and she if that follows your symptoms.

Babies "crying it out" is not healthy for them. It appears you will not have as easy a road with this one as you did your first so just plan on a lot less sleep for the next 8 or 9 months! Maybe you may have to let go of some other things so your focus can be on your little ones and yourself. Good luck.

Personally, T., I think she is too young to let her cry it out yet. She is ONLY 4 MONTHS. I think you are wanting her to grow up too fast. She can be having waking spells for several reason. Separation anxiety because you are trying to make her independent too fast, heartburn, colic, she could have the first push of her first teeth coming. Have you tried giving her cereal. My son was pitching fits at that age. He needed cereal to get his digestive system on track. If you arent giving her anything but milk, you may try a tiny bit of cereal and see if it makes a difference in her behavior. Not all kids do well waiting until 6 months for food.

Also, how much bonding time is she getting. I know when my daughter was born the bonding time was very rare and on days when she didnt get any she was very clingy and cried alot. I started setting aside some time each day (15-30 min) to spend just cooing and holding her. Really connecting with her. She is still way more dependent by nature than my son, who never even cared if I was in the room as long as Daddy was around, but she is not so clingy (she is now 8 1/2 months).

I think if she was sleeping until 5 and is now up, there is a reason. Try giving her some infant tylenol when she wakes at night. If it settle her down in 15-20 min, its probably a discomfort issue, maybe teeth. If not, I would still give it a week or so and see if it settles out on its own. My daughter was doing the same thing. She has settled back into a routine now.

I think you can't give them enough of what they want before 6 months. Its hard, I know, exhausting. But, they need us to be all about them in the first 6 months of life.
Whatever way you go, I hope things settle down soon. Try not to compare the two too much. I do the same, but it isnt fair to the little one. They are their own person and she will be easier with some things and harder with others.

Hang in there. The second one is killer and completely overwhelming at times, but you'll make it. I think you have a little post partum and if you would like, please write back to me at my e-mail and I'll be happy to send you my phone number. I'm a stay at home Mom, so I can be a sounding board for those moments when you are alone and feel at the edge. I remember standing on my front porch with my daughter at that age after she had been crying for 4 hours and thinking "which of my neighbors can I go to and say "Take my baby, she isnt safe with me right now." Thankfully, I pulled it together and the day finally ended and the next was better (as they usually are. We have all been there, especially with the second one. Please reach out if you need. Take care and be well.

demmanding???
she's an INFANT.
she is not doing this with any actual THOUGHT process, she is doing her JOB, being a BABY.
Please mama, HOLD that BABY.
WEAR that baby! you CANNOT SPOIL a BABY.
so look at www.thebabywearer.com/forum
and find a babywearing group near you for some real-life support! As recreation director, you can even hold local babywearing meetings and classes and really get into it!!!

I say NO sleep training; she's a BABY.
does she have reflux? there is SILENT reflux, too...this is with no spit-up, it's a double-burn- acid goes up & is swallowed back down...she is most likely nursing all the time to soothe the burn!
sounds like REFLUX. Get to a pediatric Gastroenterologist, do not 'bother' with a pediatrician...just get a referral....

I never did or will believe in "crying it out". She's a baby, after all. I don't think she is "strong willed"; but in pain. Have you taken her to the pediatrician? Also, where are you located so I can perhaps recommend an Holistic practitioner.
If still nursing, make note of your diet.
Your stress with your husband is also a factor...
Know that all this will pass, so please take a deep breath (often) and choose to calmly get through this phase.
Blessings to you and your family

I would recommend the book Baby Wise. It will have great tips for you that you can customize for your family. I have had 2 "high maintenance" babies and 2 easy. I know how hard it can be, but I'd like to give you a little picture into the future if I may. You're in the midst of "they're little and demanding and will this ever end?" stage. Let me assure you IT WILL! My "high maintenance" babies are 13 and 8 now---I blinked and they are 13 and 8! :>) After reading how many other responsibilites you have outside your children, one recommendation I would give is to cut out some of the "extras" for now. I'm sure you immediate reaction is "Impossible!" but I would urge you to FIND A WAY! Your focus needs to be on those babies right now. When you have a baby that takes a little more attention (or a lot) you need to adjust your life to that baby, not the other way around. I promise you won't regret it! Some babies just need more attention than others. It's ok, that's how God made them. I'm NOT suggesting that your world revolve around jumping for every little wimper either! Schedules are good for babies and it's healthy for ALL children to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them all the time. But trying to be "superwoman" and "have it all" will lead you directly to a nervous breakdown and at the least shortchanging you family. You can't give your very best to SO many things! Take time out to give your best to those precious blessings that will be gone before you know it! You only get ONE chance to parent! Make the most of EVERY moment you can and ENJOY this brief moment in time!

T.:

Your baby girls is most likely cluster feeding...she may be having a growth spurt. She may very well be teething now too. Your daughter is her own person. Every child is different with different habits and patterns. I personally won't let my babies "cry it out" I feel it may traumatize them. As for the Mommy exhaustion,I just drink extra coffee and take a good shower every morning to wake me for the day:)

At four months she is way too young to let her "cry it out". She is crying because she has a need and if you want her to have a deep rooted sense that you will take care of her and her needs, you need to respond. Some babies like your son set a schedule and keep to it. More often than not babies change their schedules as their needs change. They may fluctuate on their feeding schedules according to growth spurts, same with their sleeping schedules. Some babies are fussy, some are not. She is not able to tell you in any way other than crying when she is hungry, has gas or stomache pain, is too cold, is too hot, is uncomfortable in some way, is scared, needs to be touched, etc...and every child is different. At four months she is not old enough to be manipulative, she has a real need. I know it's hard, but hang in there, keep meeting her needs, and before you know it time will pass and all of this will be behind you.

It sounds like your daughter is classified as being a 'high-needs baby' as per Dr Sears (http://www.askdrsears.com/).

[In my professional opinion, Baby wise is harmful to nursing babies and mothers. The concepts sound good, but end up starving the nursing bond physically and emotionally.]

My daughter was 'high-needs' at the beginning, but with the practices of attachment parenting - breastfeeding, baby wearing, etc found here: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130300.asp - she became a wonderfully grounded young child.

Also, find a La Leche League group in your area and call the leader(s). They are wonderful ladies who have been trained and heard it all! http://www.lllflorida.com/groups/index.html

And for some laughs about parenting/mothering/breastfeeding/attachemnt parenting/etc check out http://www.thecowgoddess.com/
or
http://www.mama-is.com/

Many blessings and thoughts your way! Just remember, you are working on the cornerstone/foundation of your child, and the work you put in now will last a lifetime!

Hi T.,
I truly believe that us mommies need to be calm and happy in order for us to be good mommies. I think if you are truly overwhelmed to put her in a safe place like her crib and take a 10 minute time out. After you have collected your sanity, go in and try to help her out. My son loves his pacifier, so instead of feeding all of the time, try that. Also, maybe give her a soothing bath to help her to calm down. Bouncy seats, swings, different toys and colorful rattles, and soothing music do wonders. Also, check her fingers for hairs cutting off circulation in her fingers. Babies can't die from crying, but I wouldn't leave her alone for longer than 10 minutes crying. That is just me though. Good luck! You can do this, and it won't last forever!!!

Personally, I think 4 months old is still an infant, and should not be left to cry it out. Some other moms will disagree....and I guess it is harder when you have another one to look after, plus a job. But clearly there is something wrong with her. Did you take her to a Dr.? When did it start? After she had her shots?
At the end of the day, no matter what other people suggest, You need to trust yourself, your baby and what you feel is ok & not ok. Period. The end.

after being sure she is ok, put her to bed and egnor her. you can get a baby walky talky and hear what is going on in her room. Everytime you give in you enpower her to fuss more answer her slowly when she fusses. Teach her to wait.

Hi, my daughter did the same exact thing and I started her on cereal and it helped and I also bought Hylands teething tablets and they worked miracles!! They are natural and my pediatrician said they were fine and if she has stomach pains/gas they do help with that as well. I just asked the pharmacist and he handed them to me. My daughter is now 4 and she still is very demanding compared to how my son was. I cant wait for pre k this fall and hopefully this will help her!! Best of luck!! S.

Hi T.,

I am a first time mom so you definitely have more experience than I do, but I just wanted to share my thoughts. I don't think a baby her age should cry unattended for more than 10 minutes or so. Keep in mind that she is really, really little and she is surely not crying to manipulate you or be demanding. My daughter started teething very early and perhaps that is what is happening in your case. You seem like a really caring and empathic mom so I'm sure it's causing you some pain to hear her crying. I personally think that leaving a little baby alone and crying for long periods is teaching them that they are alone and that no one is there to meet their needs. I may be over-thinking things, but how do we know what kind of long-term psychological damage that may cause? When I am having a rough time being a mom, I remind myself that every phase (good or bad) has only seemed to last a few weeks and then we are on to the next new thing to deal with. My daughter is 11 months yesterday and she still doesn't sleep through the night consistently. I have never let her cry for more than 5 minutes (constant screaming/crying) at a time. I have let her cry/whine when it's on and off and she is just having trouble settling down for 15 to 20 minutes - but again, not the hysterical crying. Even when we were training her to sleep in her crib and she cried pretty much all night - I sat in her room next to her crib patting her the entire night! I never left her alone because I wanted her to feel that I would not abandon her. It worked for me because in less than a week she was taking naps and going down at night even when you laid her down wide awake - with no crying.

I always felt she was very fussy when she was smaller and she still seems to eat every few hours (she is more of a grazer, but very big and healthy). The main point is that if it's possible and you won't go crazy - try to keep doing your best to console and comfort your daughter in any way possible. At the very least, you will be able to look back and know you tried your best :) And always remember, this too shall pass!

Last, with a newborn baby and another small child, would it be possible to cut back on some of the other things going on in your life. Just for a few months until your little one gets a bit easier to manage? I sold my CPA firm when I found out I was pregnant. I always tell myself, if I died tomorrow I would never look back on my life and wish I had worked more (although, don't get me wrong, I still work - have to pay the bills). Even looking back at the last 11 months - I feel like it was flown by and knowing that I probably only have another 10 or 11 years before she wants nothing to do with me :) - I try to be really present and in the moment whenever I am with my daughter. I feel your pain on being constantly exhausted and wanting to cry sometimes. Just know that it is all worth it because YOU are miraculous being that created her, that sustains her physically and emotionally and for a short while in her life - you are her entire world and all she really needs. Good luck!!

P.S. I read some of the other mommy responses and I agree with the baby wearing mommy. I wore my baby in a ring sling when she was younger and it always seemed to calm her down (won't help when you are trying to sleep at night, though). We also swaddled her until she was five months old at night and she seemed to really like this. I just really believe in the attachment parenting concepts and although you can MAKE your child do anything you want, I think it is quite unnatural to force an infant to deal with anxiety (physical or emotional) alone. There is always a reason they are crying - it's just sometimes hard to figure out why. Don't give up - and remember you can never love your baby too much!

Dear T.: I can appreciate your frustration and concern for the amount of crying. Is it possible your daughter is sensitive or hypersensitive to EMF (electromagnetic frequencies)? Do you have a baby monitor and other electronics in her room?

I've read many compelling stories like yours and a common denominator was increasing wireless technology in the home. Cordless phones all have an antenna to reach the base station, cells range is clearly further to a cell tower. All these release EMF / EMR that affects every one of us, some more than others.

Her cries are her only way to communicate and you have to be the magician to figure out why. It comes with the territory. Hang tight, with this group you will get responses and our prayers for you will prevail.

Blessings, patience and persistence...C. P

I she getting teath? mine did at 4 months, and that is why she wants to nurse more...

Hi T., I'm Mom to 3 kids- 12, 5 and 2. I nursed them all, coslept and practice attachment parenting. I also work at home, with my kids, as we are unschoolers as well. Here's my two or three cents with your situation. :)First, your baby sounds like she's restructuring her sleeping patterns, and growing!, and at four months, my kids all (my one smaller child, and my two bigger ones) started eating baby cereal, and baby food, along with the breast milk. Some people and doctor's say it's too early. I say, if your kid is hungry (keeps waking up to eat over and over again), they are hungry for food too! My son started eating cereal at two weeks old! None of my kids EVER slept through the night. You're lucky you got that at all! LOL My two year old still doesn't, and still drinks alot of regular milk or soy milk. I stopped nursing her a little earlier, cause my son wouldn't stop! So I just had to stop both of them, it was too much for me. My two youngest are both very big kids.I'm sorry your husband doesn't want to help, but he really needs to. You need to be sleeping when your daughter sleeps, as much as possible. The best scenario is if your husband could help mostly with your son right now, which will free you up to take care of your daughter. He needs to know that if you can't get more rest and sleep, you will not be able to do anything. Ask him what he would do if yout got sick and couldn't take care of either of your kids. I hope you're taking vitamins, drinking enough water every day, and also, if you can cut back on the hours you're helping your husband and working at home, it would be ideal- atleast for the first year. I know that this is hard, and even though we'd like to be Wonderwomen, we are not. I had to do it too. Actually I do it for like the first 3 years, but have worked more in the last year- but it's hard. Your kids only go through this one time, and they need a Mommy who's not so tired and frustrated she's crying all the time! Trust me, I know. And I personally won't let my kids cry any longer than a few minutes or so. I slept with them on me so many times when they were fussy- OH, and used something so great, we really can't live without it- Hyland's Teething Tablets!!!! It's homeopathic chamomile, and some other homeopathic stuff in it. We all use it. When she is fussy, give her a few of these, and magic... Your daughter may also be starting to cut teeth, and this will wake her up over and over again too. You can get the teething tablets (and you can use them too to help you relax and fall asleep- we all use them all the time) at Walmart, Walgreen's, ebay.... and they taste good, so she will love them! Please get some! I think that covered just about everything. I also have no help- no family here, and my husband works alot too, but helps when he can. If your husband could also schedule in time to give you an hour- a whole hour, just to yourself (close the door, sit or lay down and just relax) every day or every other day, along with helping with your son, you will feel so much better. I also set a few rules for myself after the third one, that I'm not killing myself cleaning (I'm a very neat person), and if my husband didn't like it if I left the dishes or laundry, he could do them! And he would. Things will get easier, but it does take teamwork if possible. Good lucky with everything, and hope I am a help! Blessings... V.

Can you afford to work less? You might be more relaxed, and that would relax your whole family. Can you get a family member to come help for a week and take one night feeding (you can pump) to help you get some sleep for a week? I think a lot of your emotion is sleep deprivation.
Because you are stressed out, you are more sensitive to and aware of her fussy periods. And of course she is responding to that too. I think you need to find some way to give yourself some time to relax or just to feel that you have a better handle on everything, and I think that will help everyone. A friend of mine got me a housecleaning from a service for a gift, and that has been the best gift ever! If you can afford it or can get someone to give it to you, that might help too.
For crying it out, I think you need to decide what you are comfortable with and then use a timer. If it's ten minutes, go in after 10 minutes and pick her up and cuddle her. If it's 20, do it after 20. If it's 30, do it after 30. You know your daughter and her patterns; if it normally takes her 25 minutes to fall asleep on her own but occasionally longer, then use that 25 minutes as a guide.
If she is fussy during the day too you can get her checked out for reflux. That's a very common thing. You can try the silicone drops if it's gas that isn't moving through very well, and you can try baby fart exercises (google it) for the same thing. For the silicone drops, try them for a straight 24 hours (dose as recommended) before you give up on them.
Four months is still within the colic parameters, if you think that's it, and in the next month or so it might even out. She could be going through a growth spurt and simply need to nurse that much for about a week or so. Also, when my daughter was that young in day care (I know yours isn't, but she could be doing the same thing) she would take bottles during the day. She would hold off and not drink much from the bottle, and then nurse like crazy to tank up all night. If your daughter is too active and isn't feeding well during the day she could be making up for it at night.
Is she sensitive to wet diapers? You could try changing her when she wakes up, or changing diaper brands.
If your husband just doesn't get, it's probably because he doesn't choose to. You may need to be very practical and offer solutions for him, like "I need my mother here for a week to get some sanity and some sleep, how about she comes in two days?" or "we need a babysitter for X hours a week or I can't help you on Tuesdays and Thursdays from now on." Or how about taking fewer classes? I think your basic problem is that you are doing too much and somewhere you need to cut back.

I'm a little surprised that no one has mentioned what looks to be post partum depression in you. Just based on what you said about crying all the time, easily aggitated, worrying about losing a bond, etc. I suggest going to your doctor and figuring out for yourself it you need help during this time. It isn't a sign of weakness or "craziness".
As far as the baby goes, she's still pretty new at only 4 months old. I would check the reflux as the other moms suggested. Be sure to burp her really well. It could be trapped gas that causes pressure when you lay her down. Put a wedge under her mattress so she has an incline to sleep on. Swaddle if she'll let you. They still like that feeling of being held and snuggled. I don't suggest the cry it out method for an infant that young. Schedules don't really work, but routines are very helpful. Look up the difference and try to implement those that work for your family.
Good luck! I really hope you seek help for you as well.

Hi, I have a 3 year old daughter and a 4 month old son. I feel for you because my older one was a much more intense baby than my son now is. She behaved very much like your daughter. I think I'm lucky because I had the harder baby first. I think when you're used to an easy baby, having a more spirited baby becomes a challenge. My daughter was a decent sleeper until 4 months old and then her sleep went bonkers. She'd wake up 20-30 minutes after being put down for the night. She went through a phase where she would wake up the second her hair brushed the mattress as I was laying her down. It was super frustrating. She was a frequent nurser and rarely went 3 hours until maybe...hmmm...9 months? Here are my thoughts on it...

1. You aren't doing anything to make her this way. It's just her personality. Some babies are just more intense. My son might fuss a few minutes before all out crying; my daughter went from 0 to 60 in 5 seconds!

2. I think she's way too young to cry it out. I can't endorse any crying it out personally. I believe that being a parent is a 24 hour a day job. I don't stop responding to my kids just because 8 pm rolled around. I let mine fuss, but if it escalates to crying, I get them as soon as I can. With intense personalities, it's better to go to them sooner rather than later. I found that the longer it took to get to my daughter, the worse she cried and the harder she was to settle. I know the feeling of resentment and wondering if you're creating a demanding monster. But truly, responding to her needs at night has the opposite effect. She becomes more secure because she knows you'll always be there for her. My "demanding" 4 month old is a very talkative outgoing 3 year old who's rarely shy with strangers. I didn't "spoil" her.

3. A lot of babies have sleep disturbances at 4 months. It's normal. Their sleep cycles become more like adults at this age and the transition is hard for some babies. Even my easy son who was doing 12 hour stretches last month is waking at night and it takes a few tries to get him down for the night now. Here's a link on waking 4 month olds:
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/4mo-sleep.html

Babies can have physical growth spurts at 3 and 4 months. So maybe some of the waking to nurse IS for hunger. Teething can start at 4 months and nursing often helps with the pain. Also, there are mental developments that take place in all babies around 19 weeks. Here's a great book that tells you when these mental developments occur:
http://www.amazon.com/Wonder-Weeks-Phases-Magical-Forward...

Anyway, I know as parents we just want to do the best we can with our kids. Once we think we've got a routine nailed down, babies are great for changing it up on us. I think feeling overwhelmed at this stage of the game with 2 young ones is normal. I get agitated too. Being a mom is hard and sometimes you just need a break. If your husband won't help you, do you have family or close friends that could watch the kids for a couple hours while you recharge? I know how hard it is. You may find it easier to deal everything when you're taking care of yourself too. Take care and as annoying as this phrase is, it's true; this too shall pass!

my daughter was the same way when she was little. she would wake up screaming so loud that the neighbors could hear her. and when one of my relatives would talk to her or look at her she would throw herself on the floor and scream. it was very embarrassing and thankfully she grew out of it. however, until she was 2 and i had my son, she was waking up every 30-45 mins. fortunately i am a SAH, so i could nap and everything and at the time she was my only one. but it took me having my son and a stay in the hospital and her father staying with her that made her start sleeping all night. but as far as letting her cry, it's not going to hurt her, and no one knows your baby like you do. when i had to let my daughter cry (and she slept in the room with me bc my husband worked nights) i had to pull the covers over my head and i would get hot and start to sweat bc it bothered me so much. and honestly, it didn't do any good. with my son, i started with him when he was 6 months old sleeping in his own room. i laid him down when he was still awake and if he cried i would go in there and check on him but not get him up or hold him. if he woke up in the middle of the night i would go in there and check on him and give him a bottle, but still not pick him up and then leave him again. and he has done really well for the most part. the crying just depends on how long YOU can hold out.

Sounds to me like she was getting into a good sleep routine at about three months, and them something disrupted her routine and now waking to feed has become a habit for her. I know a lot of moms out there will disagree with me, but I am going to give you the advice of my pediatrician. He is great and has helped me with loads of issues with my boys, everything from nutrition to sleeping, to potty training and then some.

At four months old, almost all babies (barring any health or weight issues) no longer "need" to eat during the night. Most do so out of habit and comfort, which is fine, unless it is causing a problem for you. Also, there is nothing wrong with nursing/soothing a baby to sleep, IF that baby can then put herself back to sleep during night wakings without more nursing/soothing.

I would ask your pediatrician for advice. If he/she has nothing to offer you to help your baby sleep though the night, then you may need to do some research on your own on sleep training methods. Our ped. recommended a modified version of the Ferber method and it worked wonders for my son. It did nothing to hinder the bond between us, and he is a happy, healthy, great sleeper nowadays.

I won't go into to too much detail, but basically, it boils down to having a consistent bedtime routine, and putting her to bed awake. Checking on her at set intervals until she is asleep and repeating the process each time she wakes at night. You should not just close the door and leave her to cry for hours on end...there is more of a "method" to it. With my son, I cut the night feedings cold turkey at six months, but you can reduce them one by one if that is easier for you.

You can google "sleep training" or "Ferber Method" for more details, or ask your pediatrician.