Grumpy 6 Month Old

I think you should always use a lawyer. You never know what can happen. But then again, my father is one. You are in a hard spot but I think that it is much better to leave now rather than wait till later. Let me know if you want my dads number.

If you are miserable, get out now before you spend a lifetime of regret with this man. Never let anyone disrespect you, especially a husband. You and your son will be better off without someone like that in your life. Good luck!

We all have highs and lows in life. when we get low in the valley it is never good to make major decisions because they are based on fear, anxiety, desperation... Make these decisions when you are out of that valley.

Society says: 90% of our decisions are made at our lowest points in life, and then later they become regrets!
Wait it out, give it a chance, having a baby is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, and the hardest thing your husband will ever do too! Men can be empty headed, too proud to realize what women go through when having a baby.
You are strong, don't worry, love yourself, live your dreams, enjoy your amazing gift of life, enjoy your baby! stop worrying about him and take care of you! your husband is a big boy, he can take care of himself. Be the mother to your son, not your husband.
Deep breaths!

I wish I could give you a hug. I hope your days get better and there is help for you out there. How long has he acted that way with you?

Sincerely,
M.

I don't know where you live, but I would suggest going to a class called, "Hope for my Marriage". It is free of charge and held at Friends Christian Church in Placentia/Yorba Linda. It helped me when I thought things were headed for divorce...that was 5 years ago. I do feel for you, but also for your child...he does need his dad and should you be able to "fix things", he's the one who would come out on top...

hi Bek,,... aren't you being too hasty about things?
When you make decisions, make sure you don't look back with regret. Post partum blues can make you see ghosts were there aren't any. Same if you have been confined to the house for awhile. I know for personal experience (i have 5 children),, that right after I delivered my babies I was ready to file for divorce...lol. My husband was going crazy and I was contributing to him withdrawing from me and the commitment of parenthood. When you evaluate his behavior, please evaluate if you in any way are contributing to it, and reverse that.
Maybe he doesn't understand you right now, maybe you both are going through a marital crisis. If you only see divorce as the "exit door" you will never be successful in any relationship because you are only learning to bail out when things don't go well. We ALL have gone through good and bad times in marriage, I can promise you that.
Man tend to get jealous of the time and attention you give to the baby, so make sure you don't neglect him.
Remember, if you make him feel like a KING... he WILL make you his QUEEN.
fondly, M.

Go through a lawyer! You will regret it later if you don't. Make him sign the form that you will have full custody and that he pays you Child Support!

Don't hire a lawyer. They'll suck the life out of you. Go to your local court's Family Court Facilitator. You can look it up on the internet through your various courthouse. They will guide you through the whole process for FREE.

Hi Bek,

Have you discussed any of this with him? Do you trust him? Without trust and respect in a relationship..what do you have. Only you know what truely goes on behind your closed doors. What in your thoughts is the best thing for you and your son now and 10 years from now. Once you have the answers to these questions you will have the answer on how to proceed but only you can answer them.

if you choose divorce an attorney is good but a paralegal can do the same thing and is cheaper. If you both agree on everything when you split I would suggest the paralegal but if its going to be a fight then I'd suggest an attorney

D.

Bek,

I went through the same situation as you. My ex and I separated while I was 3 months pregnant and only 6 months of married life. He also made a lot of empty promises. But in my situation, it was easier for me to leave because he was also threatening. Needless to say, I went through the pregnancy and birth without him.

Everyone's situation is different, and you should really think about yours and your baby now. It may be anxiety on everyone's part... But, if it ever gets to the point where the situation is harmful for you or your baby...get out!

You and your husband may be seeing different sides of the promises. But at this point, I really think you should give marriage counseling a try. If that doesn't work, go to your county court facilitator for legal advice,... it's usually free. Lastly, if your husband hires an attorney, then you should hire an attorney, an experienced family law attorney. Make sure you check the attorney's track record. Ask around your area or you may even want to sit in court to listen to several of his/ her cases. It won't be cheap, so you should do your homework and make sure your money is well spent...to level the playing field.

Also, protect your child by not exposing him to the ugliness of a divorce. Control what you say and do about your ex. Your child is a baby now, but he will soon know and question everything. My 2 year old is going through his questioning/ exploration stage. Thankfully, he only questions me about Elmo, Big Bird, and Barney :)

I have no regrets about my decision... but I think my ex does. I have primary custody, and my ex has visitations. I also have court-ordered child support now. Fortunately, I have help from a respected divorce attorney.

Hope this helps...Take care.

Bek, think about this, why did you marry him? Love? support? father of baby guilt? love? Lots of people start their life with another person ( and a child) with dreams. many of those dreams are not realistic for now and maybe not forever. What are your expectations with this marriage? does he have a job to fulfill those dreams ( realistically? ) How old are the two of you. before you divorce,,,, think about it, talk about it. If you truly LOVE him, talk to him.... try to work it out. good luck P.

what I thought was sad was that you expect he will not care about custody at all... if that is accurate, you are right

Hi Bek
I would be glad to discuss your situation with you. Please call me at ###-###-####. I am a divorce mediator and could probably make a number of suggestions to help you. You can call me at ###-###-####
L. D

I'm sorry for what you're going through right now Bek. Before deciding on divorce, have you asked your husband to go to couples therapy? If he's already secretive and disrespectful, I don't know if he's willing to do that. However, if you have tried all avenues to try and save the marriage and nothing has worked, then definitely use a lawyer to handle the divorce and custody issues. I've known a few people who did it on their own and it was a hard fight for them and for some, still is. If you need a referral, just send me an email and I'll give you a friend's contact information. Good luck and hang in there!