Good Boy Turns Bad for Mom

This same thing is going on with my aunt and the best advice I can give you is tell your daughter when her boyfriends kids are away for the weekend she needs to spend 1 on 1 time with him. Im sure thats all he needs. Does she work? Im guessing thats were she is when you watch the little one. Maybe she can ask for 1 extra day a week off or maybe just get out early every once and awhile. Its hard going from getting all mommy's attention to having 3 more people and three more dogs all getting his moms attention. She could take him out just the two of them... maybe the park, a movie, something were they'll both have fun and hell know mommy will always have time for him.

I am a grandma, too and I run a home based business where I get to know hundreds of moms....so I have seen it all... I have to tell you that it is very typical, that when a mom allows her needs to override her child's (moving in with boyfriend, taking on the "new" family and dogs), that her existing child feels rejected and unloved and replaced. Thus he acts out. A lot of moms think their child should just "adjust" or get over it. But they cannot. You are probably not the best one to tell her this. Maybe counseling can help, and they can try that, but the resentment and pressure could break the new couple up eventually, anyway..... after the damage is done. Have you have ever heard of Dr Laura Schlessinger(Books and radio and former TV). She is very direct and sometimes seems harsh, but she tells it like it is. She would tell you that it may be a bitter pill, but mom has to back away from the "new" family and take care of the one she is truly responsible for (her son). There will still be time for her to have a boyfriend after her son turns 18.Sorry to have to be so negative, but I have seen this scenario dozens of times.I am certainly no professional, and I do not have all the answers... just a lot of observation. God bless you all and I hope everyone gets through this.

It may be for attention or there could be other things going on that you are not aware of. Maybe the other siblings pick on him. Maybe the Step Father is doing things he shouldn't. The best thing you could do is go to your daughters house and observe what is going on there. Until you get the entire picture theres not much you can do. Maybe talk to him and tell him if he isn't good at home he can't come to Grandma's for awhile. It's odd because most of my neices and nephews are great when at home and act out when they get to Grandma and Grandpa's because they know they can get away with more. My girls tried it once and I put a stop to it right then and there. Maybe your dauther isn't strict enough with him. Or then maybe she doesn't have the time for him that he needs. Could be a lot of things but if she doesn't get it under controll he will be even more trouble when he gets older.

I think you hit the nail on the head with the reason why. When he is with you or his father, he gets all the attention. That is not the case when he is with Mom - he is sharing with 2 older children and 3 dogs. My suggestion would be for you daughter to pick something that they can do together by them selves as a ritual. Whether it is going to the grocery store every week or folding clothes (my son loved to try to fold clothes at 3). Something to remind him that he can be the center of attention with Mom still.

My other question/recommendation would be with the other children. Do they interact with your grandson at all or do they feel they are too old? Maybe she could start a game night. There are plenty of games that the older kids could play that he could play as well. It would be educational and fun, but most importantly it would bring the entire family together in a situation where everyone gets the spotlight when it is their turn.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

I think your instincts are spot on. When my son turned 3, he started acting out it ways I wasn't prepared for...tantrums, etc. and nothing I did (time outs, taking his "currencies" away) seemed to work. I learned that I needed to change my behavior on how I reacted and responded to him. I also created more one-on-one time with him (I have 2 other boys). What a change! My husband still tells me that the boys are different when I'm not around. I can believe that. Us moms have a different - and special - relationship with our children. To me, words can't express how and why. It's a knowing. Talk to your daughter and encourage her to dedicate one day out of the week (like her ex-husband does) with just her and her son. Best wishes to her. How lucky she is to have her parents so actively involved in her life! Happy Holidays!

There may be some extra attention seeking going on there. But, i'll tell you....I have been watching the same kids here for 1-2 years. Since some were just infants...They are all now 1&1/2-3 years old. They are all ANGELS for me, REALLY! As soon as mom or dad walk through that door, they throw fits, wont cooperate, scream for their binky, etc. When all day here they are calm, fun and binkyless! So, I'm not really sure if its anything more then what kids their age go through. I would encourage her to promise him alone time, and follow through with it.
And 3 years old is old enough to behave properly, there needs to be consequences, just make sure she doesnt take away the mommy time away because of behavior. Good luck.

And who said wisdom does not come with age. I think you hit the nail right on the head. Every child needs to feel that they are special. He wants mom to show him he is important to her. I think you can lovingly tell your daughter what you think is best for your grandson. Be loving though. It is hard for us mothers to here we are making mistakes.

Hi C.!
Part of the growing or maturing process os learning to share attention and not always be the center. It sounds to me that it is,as you say, an attempt to draw the attention to himself. Also the fact that someone else has the final decision may well be playing into this.
It strikes me that it would work well to harmonize or balance the 3 environments. While to me all 3 sound like they have their positive points and I am not about to be judgemental, he is! It also sounds to me that he has decided which way he prefeers it and is attempting in hos way to change hos Mother's world into one which is more like the other 2.
This is the one place that I will state a personal opinion. He is after all a child and he does not & should not be allowed to decide what & how in an adults world. What I would suggesst woild be for the 3 worlds to become more homogenous as far as he can see.
Giid Luck to all of you on this!! I do deel that all of you need to try to work this out w/ him so that his behavior stabalizes.

S.