Going Back to Work

Hi J.,
I used to teach pre-school and have a lot of experience being on the other end of that crying child. I will tell you its usually far worse on the parent than it is on the child! Here are a few thoughts: if at all possible, go to daycare with your child for just a bit over the next couple days. Show him around, play for only a short time but leave him wanting more. Then say, "should we come back here tomorrow?" Of course, he'll say yes. Most of the crying done by children when being seperated from parents is because they aren't familiar with the surroundings or its simply a stage. Be sure that once you leave the daycare, you NEVER go back in because you hear him crying. Stand outside the door and listen as long as you need to but don't teach him that if he cries long enough you'll come back. (and don't let him see you peeking in either) BTW-you may want to drop him off early the first couple days so you have time for this. Lastly, always say, "you GET to go to daycare" never "you HAVE to go to daycare". I wish you well!

I am new here, but I think I have some soothing news for you.
I too was a stay at home mom for 5 years, and had to go to work. My son who is now 12 has multiple diagnoses of behavior issues, and mood disorders. At the time that I had to go to work, he was not a happy camper either, nor was my daughter.
I explained to them in a manner that they would understand, why I was leaving, and I would read them a favorite book, or watch their favorite thing on TV/movie after supper for "just us time" The only stipulation is that he/she had to be good, make new freinds to play with, and have fun all day while I was at work. How hard is that as a kid.
I would pick them up after work, and get the scoop of the day, and usually the first 1/2 hour was the adjustment period, the rest of the day they had fun things planned, and did art projects for me to hang on my "wall of treasures". The wall was in a place that I would see everyday, and I wouldn't take the items down until he/she made me a new picture to replace it. I made it a big deal, so they could be proud of what they did for me while I was gone. Remember, you have been there for the kids since they can remember. Practising before the day actually comes is a good idea too. You can teach them and if appropriate, you can reward them with a good job hug, or an extra story.
It will be hard at first, but will be beneficial for all.

Well I am familiar with this.At the end of 2004 my son's father and I seperated.I was a stay at home mom and didn't work for probably a year before my son because my husband didn't want me to.Any way the best way to approach this is to go to daycare with your son, stay for a little while and see what happens.My son loves daycare and has made a lot of friends.He also has learned so much.If you start out like daycare is a place your visiting and see how it goes, then go from there.Sometimes jumping right into it is what you have to do.My son cried the very first time he started but he wanted to go back the next day and we use to be inseperable (literally).He went everywhere with me and only me.Any way I hope this helps and if you have a more specific question please let me know, I have been there and my son and I are fine.

J.

I know I'm a little late responding to this...but...I guess I can't help much with advice on the separation thing. I am a full time SAHM with a 3 & 5 year old, they have 1/2 day special schools that they go to (both special needs), and I know how hard that is to leave them crying. I have found though that once they get inside they stop crying right away and I am usually the one crying harder than they are. (-: Trust me, you wont be the only one with tears in your eyes on that first day, and your child will not be the only one crying on that day also!! This only lasted the first 1-2 days of school.

When it comes to the move though...when we moved one of their teachers told me to set their room up first. Get familiar things out right away, and to set their room up exactly like it was in the old house, or as much as possible anyways. She said after 6 months or so then things can be changed around. That's what I did and it really seemed to help. The room size was completley different but I put their wall decorations up the same, same curtains, everything possible. We have lived here for a year now and I just changed their room around with no problem. This way they had at least one room that they felt comfortable in right away. It 's hard in a new house not to do all new stuff right away. But after it feels like home again, then things can be changed.

Good Luck!

J....I totally agree with Amie. A 4-year-old boy should be able to understand that sometimes he can't have everything he wants....including his mommy. I'm sure your son's smart enough to know what's going on as long as you tell him why. Often kids are just as smart as adults, sometimes even better. Mom(you) being outgoing and happy, your son's probably the same way. I think it won't take long for him to adjust himself to the new settings at all. He may find the daycare/preschool quite exciting. Have you already picked a daycare? I have experience with both in-home daycares and centers, and concluded that centers with nice staff and good pollicies/structures are generally better than in-home daycares. Centers normally have so many different activities(art/outsoor activities, field trips, etc) that kids enjoy.

The bottom line is, don't worry! Your son will be fine. :)

When I went back to work I found a nice daycare for my son and I took him there a few times to see what they do and to see how he reacted. He stayed close to me until the day I had to drop him off and go to work that day he ran inside and I hardly got a goodbye out of him. Also as soon as he realizes you will be back when you say you will be back he won't be as scared. He won't be wondering when mommy is going to come back or wondering if mommy will come back. So make sure you are on time. He needs to learn that he can't always be with you but that he can trust you!! Now as far as for when he started school I just got him as excited as I could. I told him he would be making new friends and learning new things like how to read and write. He was so excited. I walked him almost to the line he was supposed to stand in and he looked at me and said mommy I can do it myself.

Whether your child likes it or not you have to go back to work. It will be hard for him at first. But hopefully being around other children will help him adjust more. I would try to get to know your new neighbors and see if they have any children his age. Friends always help a difficult transition for children.

Hi J.,

I know it will be hard leaving your son to go to work. In this community, they just passed a law where the state is now paying for four-year old Pre-Kindergarten classes. I don't know what your community offers but last year I had my daughter in a four year old Pre-Kindergarten class that met three days a week from I think it was 9-11:30 am and some kids were fed lunch and then went to after school daycare. Although he will be there all day, it will give him the chance to meet new kids for the upcoming year in Kindergarten, if you send him when he's 5 (some parents wait another year with boys)!

As far as moving, we also just moved this last December and it was a BIG move. There is no way around the chaos that I know of besides trying to keep some consistency with naps/night time routines/reading before bed, etc. I had to burn lots of midnight oil to get cleaning and packing done and still was far behind!

One very good tip that I can give you is give him lots of exercise, let him ride his bike, take him swimming for 30 minutes or to the park for 30 minutes. This will be towards your advantage seeing how it will make him more tired and he will sleep better and perhaps longer. This is hard to do with trying to move because you really need all your time for packing/cleaning!

Another option is to ask for help from local neighbors/church friends/family if they could watch your son a couple nights a week - even with church, on Wednesday our church has AWANA classes for the kids and its 2 hours long. This is something that he could attend on Wednesday nights and it could give you some time to pack as well.

There is always T.V. as much as I hate to say that, but when all else fails - use it to get some packing done. My kids don't usually watch that much T.V. but when moving, I let it roll seeing how I would rather have my kids with me then at someone else's house.

Good luck and hope you get lots of really good advise for your situation!!

as the mother of a 4 year old boy, you need to or should have started "weening" yourself from him a while ago, my son had this problem last year and i slowly started getting him involved in other programs, like the ymca, and tot classes through my local park and rec, and first he was emothional but now he loves it and im working him up for kindergarten. its best to start now before his first day of kindergarten, you dont want him to be the only one crying at elementry school do you? its heartbreaking to see your baby cry but a nice easy transition will help him adjust, its for the best, good luck to you both!