Transitioning to Daycare

Updated on August 19, 2008
T.K. asks from East Lansing, MI
7 answers

We have been very lucky since my daughter was born and between my maternity leave, a layoff for my husband and then summer vacation she has not had to attend daycare and has always been home with one or both parents. Summer is coming to an end and my husband has a new job so my daughter must start daycare at the end of the month. She is eight months old (she will be almost nine months at that point) and will be attending a large group day care center. I am a total wreck about sending her to daycare. I am sure anyone who has gone through this can relate. Unfortunately not only is mom having separation anxiety issues my daughter has started with stranger anxiety and typically only wants mom. I am really anxious about this transition and am looking for advice on how to prepare both myself and my daughter for beginning daycare. I would really love to hear your ideas and what has worked for you to transition her into this new phase.

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T.

answers from Detroit on

I totally understand. My first son was with grandmas for the first 1 1/2 years of his life. So I had to find someone I trusted and it is very scary and hard. Especially when they are so little and can't tell you what is going on. I got referrals and went to a lady in her home that was trusted. My kids love it there and I don't feel guilty about it. Good luck and know you will get through it :) :)

A.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

See if you can start taking her to the daycare once a day about a week before she actually starts just to play and meet everyone. THat should help you both. Once she feels alittle more comfortable there, that will help you too. Remember, she feels your anxiety!

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A.K.

answers from Detroit on

I took my daughter to a in home day care and we started her off 1 hour the first time, 1/2 day the 2nd time and full day the third visit.
From my experience and from what I have heard from other moms, is that centers are great for many, many reasons, but one thing that a few parents I know were not ready for is the amount of time their children were sick from being exposed to so many children (hence the amount of sick time the parents are using). Just yesterday another friend said their child had hand foot and mouth a few weeks ago and now has pink eye--the baby is 11 mths old. My daughter never got a cold until she was 7 mths old and by then, I was a SAHM.

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S.L.

answers from Lansing on

T.~

Good luck~ My son went to day care when he was 5/5 weeks old. It was hard at frist but just yeaserday he wanted to say at daycare not go home with me. it make me feel good that he has fun there and he is playing with other kids and learning how to deal with group situations. I understand that it is hard but smile and remember that your baby will be fine.( I trust you have look in to the daycare and they are good) I think you should start with one day a week before she has to go all the time, it will be easier on both of you :)

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H.S.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Hi T.,
I am a mother of three and also a daycare provider. I have been in your shoes and now am at the other end as well.

First the "stranger danger" that your daughter is showing is completly normal for her age, and in addition to a normal age thing she is also sensing your anxiety. When you are out with her and notice the stranger anxiety, just try to stay relaxed yourself and tell her that it is okay this is ____ mommy's friend.(or whom ever the person is) but do not force her to socialize with that person. Most children outgrow this stage... others do not ( my 11year old daughter is still very withdrawn around strangers, untill she gets comfortable then she opens up.

Second, the daycare thing... you will hear many people against centers and many people against home daycares. It all goes back to personal choice and comfort level. Centers do have more rules and regulations that they have to abide by from the state than home daycares. I know this because I assited my sister in her home daycare before we moved the buisness to a center, so i guess lucky for me i have been familiarized with both settings. One thing i tell all my parents is to read your children. after about the first week your child should calm down when you drop her off. she may still cry... because children even at a young age are smart... they know how to pull at our heart strings. If after the first week she has changed her moods and activity levels.. then something is making her uncomfortable.
Also talk to the provider... in the State of Michigan every center needs to have a primary caregiver for each and every room. In addition Infant and Toddler caregivers need to have additional trainings in development and social and emotional needs and behaviors of infants and toddlers. So ask them if they have all of their training hours in for the year. and make sure you keep communication open with her caregivers. One thing i tell all of my parents that they are welcome to call and check on their child at any time. They are also welcome to stop in any time aswell. However most of them don't stop in because they are at work or school... and when they do stop in it makes it harder on the children... because they associate mom or dad comming with going home, and when mom or dad stop in and then leave without them it usually creates crying spells for both child and parent. So i suggest making sure that the center has an open door policy and calling to check on your daughter throughout the day.One warning sign is check how many times your daughter was changed and how often and long she slept and if she is crying every time you pick her up. You should get a paper at the end of the day from the center as to what she did through out the day and how often she was fed, changed, etc.

Good luck with every thing and remember your daughter will "tell" you if something is wrong with the arrangements that you have made. Sorry I was so long winded This is my life passion is to help parents with childcare needs and concerns.

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M.C.

answers from Detroit on

I can relate. My daughter is 13 now, but I clearly remember how scared I was when I had to put her in daycare. The first week your baby is at daycare will probably be the most difficult for both you and her. Usually, the staff of the daycare is very aware of both your anxieties and hers as well which is very normal by the way, so they will try to comfort her as you leave. Your daughter is very young, so she will adjust quickly to her new environment because she doesn't have much experience to relate to otherwise. I had a harder time controlling my emotions than my daughter did starting her new daycare. I can remember bawling as I left the daycare because I was so worried about my baby. Eventually, my daughter became familiar with her daycare and loved going. It's great because the children learn to socialize. One of the most important things is to get to know as many staff members and parents as you possibly can--this makes things easier for you and your baby as it is a community type environment. Attend all open houses and chat with as many people as you can at the daycare. The more familiar you are with everyone, the more at ease you will feel. Also, make sure that you are getting alot of positive feedback from other parents about the daycare--word of mouth is the best way to find a good daycare.

Good Luck,

MC

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S.H.

answers from Saginaw on

My daughter has been going to day care since she was 3 months old, so the transition was never very difficult for her, but to prepare me I had her go for 2 1/2 days the week before I returned to work. It allowed me time to run a few errands and adjust to the idea of her being there.

Then I was able to arrange my work schedule so that my husband always dropped her off in the beginning, as I went to work 1 1/2 hrs before him. So I didn't have to go to work with all that guilt...she was still sleeping peacefully at home when I left. And I always got to rescue her at the end of the day.

Now our schedules have moved around some, and sometimes I drop her off and he picks her up...but we are all well adjusted to the day care center and the daily transition works fine for all 3 of us.

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