Gap Year Between High School and College

i'd be more concerned about her leaving the country than going to college - there are boys/men in other countries too! i was 17 for my first semester in college - it wasn't a problem - her announcing that she's 17 will SCARE OFF 99% of the guys, at least that was my experience lol!

Depending on what state she is in, she may not be "jailbait" at 17 - in MI, the age of consent is 16.

Have you actually had a talk with her about sex and boys and sometimes what they expect and how she can't always be that naive?

I don't see how having her study abroad in a foreign country for a year is any less risky than having her go away to college in the states. Sex is not the only danger either. What about just having her start taking college courses at a local school where she would still be living at home?

There are 18-22 year old men in europe as well as in college. Sending her even further away at 17 is going to combat that problem.

As far as getting into the right school: you just have to be very well rounded. You don't need to be winning nobel peace prizes at 17. Very high SATs, exceptionally high grades, stellar recommendations, captivating essay, olunteer work, community service, clubs/activities, and leadership make for the well rounded student (sounds like a lot but it's definitely all things high school offers). If she's lacking in any of those areas, use this year to fill that up. I was accepted into Princeton, Columbia, UPenn, and Brown - and there were no dissertations to my name ;-)

As far as being naive - only you know your daughter, but I'd say 95% of highly intelligent 17 year olds are very aware of what boys could want from them. Has she dated at all in high school? That is really the learning period of how to handle boys and date while under parents' supervision before going out on their own and having zero experience and navigating the dating world.

Well I have as many questions as answers I guess.

First one is, what does SHE want to do? Next, is Ivy League THAT important to HER, or just you? Then, what will she major in?

Of course she is not 'jailbait' at 17. She is at the age of consent. And there are men ALL OVER THE WORLD, not just college campuses. If she is socially/personally educated, she will do just fine making her own decisions about who to or who not to sleep with. That is not really up to you anymore, sorry.

Believe me, I understand how scary those first few realizations are when it occurs to you you can no longer dictate every second of her life, but at 17, she is not REALLY a 'child' anymore, she is a young adult. And a very bright one. At this point the most you can do is cheer her on, support her decisions, and hope you've done your job well thus far.

My oldest went away to college in September at 17, he is very socially immature, but very academically focused. Had a couple nervous weeks, but settled in nicely and finished the year taking 2nd year classes, on merit scholarships with great success.

Next kid is a junior, so the process is starting all over again. He'll also be very young and immature when he goes, but I have complete faith he will acclimate as well as the first.

My 14 year old daughter is already looking at a 6 year doctorate program at Northeastern.

Take a deep breath mom, let her guide you, find out what HER hopes and dreams are (not YOUR hopes and dreams for HER), then relax and enjoy your successful brilliant girl!

:)

I don't know if this eases your fears any, but I went to College at 17 as well. I had no issues or problems with boys or otherwise. My mother was good about preparing me for all aspects of college life including boys, drinking, drugs and so on. I did encounter all those things, but I think I was well equip (thanks mom!) to handle things. It was a great experience for me.

If your daughter is gifted and beautiful at 17, she will be gifted and beautiful at 18 as well. SHe will be facing the same issues. This gap year will not help with the boy situation. I would be MUCH more concerned about sending my daughter out of country at the age of 17.

If you have concerns about her being states away, how will you feel when she is countries away? I grew up in Germany. Many of the attitudes and rules we take seriously are a lot more relaxed in Europe. I would also be concerned about her getting distracted from school. If you decide to send her overseas, do it during summer break. Mission trips happen all the time. She could do those during her school vacations.

It sounds to me like you just need to start having some difficult, open talks about what to expect and how she can react. My mother had these talks in the car many times. There was no eye contact and neither one of us could leave when it got uncomfortable about the topic at hand.

If the issue is solely what is best for her college applications, that sounds like a discussion that needs to take place with the school counselors. There are a lot of things that will help you get into college. I am also sure there are many people applying and being accepted into major universities, who have not traveled abroad. Start visiting some campuses and talk to people there. GL M.!!

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My daughter is not going to have a gap year and she is also going abroad.

We are visiting Duke (her choice) next week and the colleges don't put as much weight as you think on the SAT's. Of course, they are important but I know Duke looks for students who are entreprenural, student who have taken risk and failed as well as perservered. In other words, students who are "real" and have common sense combined with their smarts.

Make sure you are helping your daughter search for what SHE wants to do. It is hard to not have a lot of influence.... my hubby is a Duke MBA grad so my daughter has been exposed to it all her life. She wants to be in business and the business program is excellent. My daughter also wants to study in Italy. Most colleges have "sister" schools in other countries so students can take advantage of the program and still get college credit.

My daughter has given us her "plan" and we are moving along her plan because it is her life. Duke is at the top of her list but she has some other schools she is very interested in and open minded enough to see them all.

Don't you have the confidence that you have raised a confident young woman? I would never think so low of my daughter to lable her as jailbait. She is a very intelligent girl and does very well with her Ap classes as well HOWEVER, she also has a life that is filled with her cheerleading, friends, socially. She has a lot of common sense as well as a black belt and I know she has the wits about her to go to college and take care of herself.

Maybe you need to give your daugher more credit or get into some classes that inhance her socially.

Ah yes, we had this interesting situation also.. Our daughter was always one of the youngest in her class and then at college. She was a National Merit Scholar. Academics have always been HER priority.

She very carefully selected 9 top tier colleges to apply to and was accepted to all of them. When we went to the site visits, she found a perfect fit! I did not give my opinion unless asked.. It was EXTREMELY difficult! But I had to admit, she did an amazing job.

Her freshman roommate did not turn 18 till Dec. of that school year.. She is doing great. She is not a party girl, but loves having fun with her friends. Her priority is her studies. SHE keeps herself focused.

Yes, Maybe going to another country is a good idea, but maybe with her choosing a good match for her college she will find her place.

Has she considered any of the Sister colleges?
Wellsley, Barnard, Bryn Mawr, Mount Holyoke, Smith?She could attend her first year and then transfer to a coed University.. Especially if she is accepted as an incoming freshman.

Speak with your daughter about what her own vision is. Our daughter insisted that SHE was going to do the research and SHE was going to apply.. She had ownership from the beginning and made great choices. She is the one that has to live there and be successful. Time to step back mom. This is your daughters choice.

Our daughter is going to graduate next spring (with honors) and she is still not 21. She has never had a drink and was actually researching a perfect cocktail for her first drink.. She is like a Grandma..

Trust the good girl you have raised. I bet she can handle any situations, because she will make great choices.

It seems you have 2 concerns here - one, how to get your daughter into an Ivy League school, and two, should she go directly to college based on her age. It seems to me, based on your description, that she is more than qualified to apply to the schools you mentioned without taking a gap year, and that she would have a good chance of getting in to one or more of them. I'm sure the guidance office at her school could be of assistance in telling you if the schools she is considering are realistic choices. The more pressing question, I think, is whether she is READY for the college experience at her age - it seems that this is really where your concern lies. I guess it really depends on her maturity level and what you all feel most comfortable with. Personally, I would be more reluctant to send my 17 year old overseas for a year than off to college. I was 17 when I started college and 20 when I graduated, and my parents were living abroad at the time, so I didn't have much of a "safety net" or supervision and had never been away from home before, so the whole experience was a real eye-opener, to say the least. My daughter just finished her soph year in college - I would not have had a problem with her starting at 17, but that is because she is very mature and focused for her age. What does your daughter want to do? Whether she is 17 or 18 when she enters college, she will still have to keep her guard up around college boys and look out for herself in social situations - it is a learning experience no matter the age. If you feel the gap year will make the difference in your daughter getting in to the school of her choice, then maybe a solid internship or volunteer opportunity would be the way to go. If your concern is really just an age-related thing and not a maturity thing, my advice would be to let her go straight through to college. Just my opinion. Good Luck!

Well, one thought about college is that the student should reach for the stars, but I think not be so focused on THE school (when students are applying to an average of 8 schools each). My SS played sports, did charity work, had leadership roles, pulled a very high GPA. He was offered an almost full ride to a local campus or a lesser package at a different school. His coach said, "Go where the money is if it's a decent school" and he did. I'm not saying don't try for Brown but I think people get so wrapped up in the label they can really get depressed about the process. Your kid will go to college. She will get a degree. She will be fine. Really. The name on the degree may get her through the door but just having the education and using it wisely will take her far down the road.

As for the gap year, it can be beneficial for some kids, especially if there's something to DO. I don't like the idea of laying around playing video games. I also think that at 17 if you send her to a foreign country (even as a "high schooler") or you send her to college she needs to stand on her own feet. She might fail. A "man boy" might not realize she's 17 and hit on her. And she'll make some wrong decisions (but hopefully more right ones). The awkward phase of her leaving the nest is in part you trusting everything you've instilled in her for 17 years. I was a newly minted 18 yr old when I went to college and it's not like a few months magically changes you. It's semantics. If she's not a party girl, she's a lot less likely to find the trouble you worry about. And one day she might say, "Hey, Mom, this group of friends and I are going to spend our spring break backpacking across Europe. Here's the tentative plan. I'll see you in 3 weeks." And you realize she's a young adult and off she goes (that's what my stepson did during his semester abroad).

So do the gap year as an exchange student if it's right FOR HER, but don't do it out of fear. Now is a time of change, transition and letting go.