Friend Has Postpartum Depression

Make specific offers. Friends are good at saying, "Is there anything I can do?" which is nice, but hard to answer. Offer to take the baby for a walk while she takes a nap, bring dinner to their house, pick up something at the store when you go shopping, etc.

Your friend is lucky to have someone like you in her life!

I don't know if your friend is on any type of Omega 3 supplement, but she may want to look into that. I have suffered from Depression on and off. Sleep deprivation is a huge factor in depression, but a diet high in Omega 6 and low in Omega 3 is also a huge factor. I can tell a real difference when I add Omega 3 - she could even just do some research about it on the web and see if that might help her out.

Hope this helps.

Not sure if this was mentioned but Cathy McCall in Roswell is an excellent therapist and treats women with this conditiion. She is out of town right now so that does not help but I do suggest you pass her name along.
Margaret Strickhouser recommends her all the time to women who go through postpard. depression.

You and your friend should check out the Ruth Rhoden Craven Foundation at www.ppdsupport.org Its a local group for postpartum depression. The founder is a fantastic lady who is very friendly and willing to answer any questions and point you in the right direction for GOOD help in all areas. We hope your friend is better soon. You're wonderful to look for help and to remain her friend during this time. She needs that!

I had this really bad after my 4thand last child. The thing that helped me the most was a friend and neighbor coming over and simply doing some of the chores. Laundry, mopping and straightening. Seeing a relatively clean house helped me so much. I would just sit there hoolding this screaming baby and look around at all the mess and feel worse and worse., Perhaps you can get together a clean up brigade and go over a couple of times a week. It also helped when this friend would take this screaming baby home with her for an hour where I could actually sleep. Lack of sleep along with hormonal changes can be tough. I did breast feed so I was the one up with the baby all the time. If she even starts to feel guilty just tell her you've been there and know it's not her fault. V.

I also had post-partum depression. It's hard to admit...I blamed my feelings on the stress of being a new mom, etc. I finally sought medical help and went on a medication called Celexa. The darkness and depression turned into bright sunshine again. It was a huge difference for me.

I suffered from this after my twin boys were born. I had a lot of problems getting PG with them and was so thrilled when I finally got pregnant. I had a GREAT pregnancy and birth. So you can imagine my surprise and GUILT when I had PPD and wanted NOTHING to do with my own babies. It was horrible! I survived (and so did they - thank God!), but it was a very scary time. I do not look back on that newborn stage with any kind of fondness.

Things that helped me most:
1. Knowing that so many mothers do NOT experience love at first sight with their babies. That LOTS of mothers see their children as just eating, crying, pooping machines. LOTS of mothers do not like the newborn stage and NO ONE tells you that when you're preggo!!
2. Getting out of the house alone. My mother would come over every day for an hour or so. I'd grab my car keys and get the hell out of there! It really helped break up the monotony of the day.
3. Tell her a story about a time when you weren't at your best as a mom. It helps to know that she is not the only one who makes mistakes.
4. Don't ever tell her to snap out of it or any other such silliness. This is a chemical imbalance in her body and mind. She needs meds to fix it.
5. Let her cry if she needs to and don't say anything! Let her do the talking if she even wants to talk. Resist the urge to tell her it will be okay. She won't believe you anyway. Just tell her you're sorry she feels this way and reach out to her. Hugging is not required (it may be too much for her), but a touch to the arm or shoulder just in passing reminds her she's a human being still.
6. Sounds silly but take her picture with her baby. Even though she's miserable right now, she'll later want proof that she was "there" when her child was little. I don't remember the 1st 6 months of my boys' life. I literally blocked it out (that's how bad it was). I "remember" it all through pictures. And as unhappy as I was then, the pics still show me smiling with my little kiddos. And NOW that makes looking back at that time not such a bad memory.

I'v had postpartum depression with my 2nd child. It is such a huge help for someone to just take care of things - housework, preparing meals, laundry, etc. Also to get out of the house without children. The best is to be proactive - just going over to her house and taking care of those things you see need to be done. Encourage her to take a long shower or bath, put make up on (if she usually wears it), do her hair, wear something other than sweats. Just getting a shower and putting other clothing on can make a huge difference in how you feel. It is wonderful that you recognize this because as some of the other Moms mentioned, your friend might feel awkward to ask for help and does not want to feel like she is a burdeon to anyone. Keep reaching out to her with phone calls, visits, and notes. Let her know she does not have to go thru this alone. Keep up the good work!

I think Amber (the first respondent) hit it right on the head. Losing freedom and it not being all that Johnson & Johnson commercials make it out to be are a hard hit for a first time mom. That, and not understanding why you don't feel in control of your emotions anymore. I had PPD with my 1st, so I was doing everything I could with my 2nd to avoid it. I was basically scared to death of going through it again. It's really quite miserable. Here are some tips that I've told my friends who go through it:
- Cry all you want. Don't ever try to hold it back. Crying helps you cope and holding it in makes things worse.
- For me, I needed privacy. People (even my mom) coming over and cleaning my house made me very angry inside which was yet another emotion to go through- it was b/c I felt guilty, inadequate, and felt like I had to "keep it together" while they were there. Everyone's different, but just be sensitive to the fact that she might have TOO many people around her, and might just need the time and space to get back on her feet (assuming that she still gets phone calls and doesn't appear to have a desire to do anyone harm)
- Taking short drives by myself were lifesavers. I would turn some music on, and just drive around. That way, I could cry in the car, I didn't have to be with people, but I didn't have to be with the baby either. Fresh air did wonders. But don't try to force a PPD mom to get out and socialize. I think that adds a lot of pressure and aggrivates the condition. Do provide a way for her to get out and take a drive or a nap, even if you have to just show up and say, go! I don't think PPD moms wants to sit and visit as much as they just want an escape for a minute from this never-ending leach that everyone else thinks is so precious! And boy, do we feel guilty for feeling that way!
- Husband: huge part of this!!!! God bless them, they just don't understand this. It's hard enough for some women to understand. If you can get the hubby aside, let him vent some of his frustration with this to you (i.e., helplessness, confusion) and encourage him to get it all out to you so that he's not carrying that "air" about him. Women with PPD can sense this so much. My 1st husband was like this- he didn't want to deal with it- which made me feel all the more inadequate, guilty, and isolated. It made me fearful of crying in front of him, which like I said before, holding in the tears only makes things worse. Encourage the hubby to sense when she's about to fall apart and encourage her to do so, while he holds her and just tells her it's okay and there's nothing wrong with her, they'll get through it together, it's a big adjustment, etc. It's only when she feels unconditionally loved like that that she will start feeling hope. With my 2nd and a new husband (haha) we had talked about it and so he was prepared to find me crying at the kitchen table for no good reason. He would just come up and rub my back and let me cry. And then I'd be over it. Also, I encourage husbands to not help with the baby too much. I know, it sounds weird, but think of this: Moms are supposed to be so googly over their newborns, so bonded, so expert at this, right? When they don't FEEL that, and it appears that their husbands do, it causes resentment, feelings of inadequacy, and hopelessness. The best thing a husband can do is to praise her for being such a good mom at any opportunity he gets, show interest by asking questions to make HER feel like the expert, and if it appears she needs help, ask first. I was very resentful of my husband b/c his life hadn't changed, his body wasn't torn apart and hurting, and he still had all the freedom he wanted (that's how we see it anyway). The man needs to take a quiet supportive role at this point. Seeming too in control of his own life can be a real slap in the face to the PPD woman.
- Understand that PPD includes a cycle of guilt. You're sad, you feel guilty about that, the guilt compounds the sadness. Encourage the woman to NOT FIGHT THE GUILT. Accept it for what it is. Don't fight the PPD, just roll with it and understand that it too will pass. There's no rush for her to be functional again (our culture places extreme pressure on a woman to have a baby and get on with life). The worst thing she could do is to feel guilty about it. Tell her to take herself off the hook and just accept that this is the way it's going to be for now, but not forever.
- I must admit, my real turning point was when I went to see a naturopathic dr who gave me some herbs to take. I feel that there were some hormonal imbalances there that the herbs helped balance. That was around my 5th week postpartum. I am almost always against medicating, but at the same time, if she's not open to alternative remedies, medication might help the chemistry imbalance, if that's all it is. But I think it tends to be a muilt-layered problem that required multi-layered support.

God Bless you for being so supportive!

I don't know that I have a lot of good advice ... how old is her baby now? Probably a lot of her trouble has to do with sleep deprivation. I know it was with me. I don't know that this would be helpful, but I followed the Babywise plan for helping my babies start sleeping through the night by 2 months. After that, things really seemed to improve for me. Also, you might be able to do some research on nutrition and supplements (cherry juice concentrate, still taking prenatals, fish oil). I would think making suggestions in that area would not be offensive at all. Maybe even give her a gift of something like that. Hope you can be an encouragement to her. Just being such a good friend and letting her know that someone cares is excellent. God Bless.

BTW, fish oil is okay, depending on the source. You can get wild salmon fish oil from Whole Foods.

I went through PPD with both of my daughters. For the first one I didn't seek any help, yeah I know stupid, but I don't think I really knew how miserable and unlike my normal self I was.
With my second pregnancy I was very proactive. I started having issues during the end of my first trimester so my OB put me on Zoloft. I stayed on Zoloft my entire pregnancy and after the pregnancy, even upped my dosage, but it just wasn't helping. All I wanted to do was stay home in bed and watch tv. My OB advised me to see my PCP provider as she didn't feel knowledgable enough to adjust my medication or change my medication.
My PCP adjusted my meds. Kept me on Zoloft and added Welbutrin to help get me energized and motivated. It has helped alot. I can't remember when I last felt so even and happy in general. SO she may want to revist her doctor to make sure she is on the medication that is working best for her. The Zoloft chilled me out so I didn't worry and fret over every little thing, but it did nothing to get me moving.
Before I went to see my PCP I pretty much had a break down. I am a school teacher and share an office with the school counselor, who was a fabulous listener and friend. Somethings she did to help me were:
-Ask me every morning, before I started work, what the best thing that happened that morning or the night before with my family
-Ask me everyday what the best thing I did at school was the day before
As silly as it sounds it really did help. For a while I contemplated going to a counselor, I even ask my principal to work with me on getting time off so I could go to sessions. She was fabulous and so suportive and I have to say I felt a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders once I explained what was going on, how I felt and asked for help, it was truly my turn around point.
I think the best thing you can do is be there for her, but don't push too hard. Inviting her and her husbnd over for dinner would be great. Offering to watch the baby so she can go get her hair cut or her nails done. Help her husband plan date nights for just the two of them (this also helped me tremendously-although I was the one to initaite the date nights, but it doesn't sound like she is motivated to initiate anything at this time). Offer to go to the mall with her and walk around, get her to exercise a little every day, especially with the great weather we have coming. Being outside would be great for her and baby and may help the baby establish a better sleep routine. Ask her to pick one thing she likes to do (for me it was reading and working jigsaw puzzles-two hobbies I wasn't able to do too much once the kids were born) and help her find a 30 minute window to do it in. I would take a book upstairs and soak in the tub for 30 minutes and read in peace.

If she asks, I would also reassure her that not everyone feels warm and fuzzy after the birth of a baby. Nobody talks about not enjoying it (I did not enjoy my first daughter first 6 months of her life), I remember stories of it was love at first sight, blah, blah, blah-it was not that way for me. Remember she just lost all of her freedom (at least temporariy), her ability to go to Walmart at 1:30 in the morning if she wanted, her ability to just pick up a bag of close and go on a road trip for the weekend. That was the hardest adjustment for me. I also was not used to being sooooo disorganized, we were so late for everything the first month of my dd life, it took me an hour just to prepare to leave the house. It will get better, especially once the baby starts smiling and responding to her.It sounds like she really needs to get out and see people, encourage her to do so and offer to do it with her. Sorry this is so long, I'm just a little passionate about it :-)
If she needs someone to talk with who has gone through this, please feel free to contact me ____@____.com

A.

A.,

My heart goes out to your friend and her family. I am a mother of 4 (ages 3 to 11) and also a reg. nutritional consultant. Postpartum depression, by and large, is a result of the effect of nutritional deficiency on the body, particularly the brain. It is not a result of the effect of a lack of anti-depressants, though this is the measure used to attempt to manage the problem.

During pregnancy, of course, the baby is pulling everything from the mother to build a brain, bones, organs, etc. The brain is 65% fat and needs omega 3 essential fatty acids. Our bodies do not produce omega 3's, so if we don't get it from the diet, we are lacking. The fact is, most people are deficient in omega 3 essential fatty acids. But this issue is more critical during pregnancy, because the baby is pulling the omega 3's from the mom to produce a healthy brain. If the mom is deficient, the baby will pull it from everywhere (first non-vital areas i.e. the skin, etc.). But lastly, if the mom is extremely deficient in omega 3's, it will be pulled from her own brain (for the preservation of the species, the baby has to get what it needs first). So, the baby is born with a full-functioning brain, and the mom is left with a brain that is starved of an essential element, omega 3's. This can cause postpartum depression (among other mental conditions even in people who are not pregnant). The postpartum depression can be mild or extreme, but it is primarily due to the fact that the mother's brain is hardly able to function properly and the neurons can't make the proper connections because of the lack of omega 3's. Anti-depressants aren't what the brain/body is starving for...it's simply in need of nutrition. You couple that with issue with a lack of rest, stress, etc...and new moms can have a very trying experience. But knowledge is power, so us moms and people in general need to know that we can do something about our mental/physical health issues...Much of it can be resolved with good nutrition.

Omega 3's can be obtained from wild salmon, sardines, etc. Many people take supplements, but we do not recommend fish oil (contains mercury and dry cleaning fluid as a solvent). Flaxseed is the highest vegetable source of omega 3's; plus it is high in fiber, protein, vitamins, minerals, etc. We recommend the Northern Edge brand because it contains no cadmium, a heavy metal that is 1000x more toxic than lead. So, don't just get any flaxseed, even if it's organic.

You can contact me if you like regarding how to get it.
Hope this helps.
Kim
____@____.com

Wrap this family in support of family, church and other friends. Postpartum is very common because it takes time for the body to even out the chemicals including hormones. Since depression in Mom's adversely affects the development of babies this is really serious. Encourage her to use both a psychiarist for meds and psychologist to work on her thought process through counseling. Give her respite each week to do something special at first wtih someone then as she progresses alone. Encourage dates and alone time however brief with her husband. Introduce walking and other physical activity. Never underestimate the importance of good nutrition. Make sure someone is focusing on the meeting the babies needs too.

A.,

Pick up a copy of "Down Came the Rain" by Brooke Shields. This is a beautifully written book that details her journey through this perplexing but utterly devastating illness. And it is an illness, biochemically driven.

You are such a wise, caring person to take up your friend's cause. If more women had friends like you, maybe people like Andrea Yates would have had somewhere to turn before being compelled to do the unthinkable.

Thanks for what you're doing.

E.

I would agree with going about this naturally. I'd definitely up the Omega 3. Elimiating sugar is very important to do as well.

Increase the Vitamin D by perhaps getting her to get out and walk with you. Getting out in the sun is very important with any kind of depression. Definitely getting some form of exercise.

She may also want to get hire a doula that will help out around the house to help minimize the duration of the ppd. It would make it easier for her to deal with. Or you could be her 'doula'. Perhaps talk to a doula and she can tell you all that they do.

Some medications help some people, but not all. If it's not helping, there is no reason to continue on it. Perhaps encouraging her to do some of these other things and they help and then eliminating the drugs.

Oh, EFT is also good from what I understand. Haven't done it myself, but several friends have, so it's worth a try. I believe the site is www.emofree.com

I hope this truly helps.

A. ~ you are a wonderful friend to realize this lady needs your love and support. After my first son was born, I dealt with this issue alone ~ it was a difficult time.

In my opinion, it is the little stuff ~ phone calls or short visits just to "see how you're doing." Being willing to listen while this new mom talks it out; if she cries, encourage her to "let it all out" ... regardless if what she is crying about is just plain dumb in your book. For me, I had to grieve ... I had a son when I so wanted a daughter. How dumb is that ... a beautiful baby boy and I wasn't happy. But at the moment in the fog of depression, it matter a ton.

If you are able is working with her hubby to get her out of the house for a bit without the baby in tow; taking her out for coffee or shopping.

Another idea is to help her clarify her thinking. If she is all negative, gently suggest she write a list of all the things she is thankful/grateful for. Focusing on the positive is a great way to get your thinking straight.

For some women, they do need professional help. Be alert to talk of hurting herself or the baby ... it might be something so vague as "I'm just tired of living, crying baby, etc."

I had postpartum depression after the birth of my son and kept it to myself because I felt embarrassed. I also felt very lonely and overwhelmed with things to do. The biggest suggestions I have is to try and help out with household chores and to make sure she gets out of the house as much as possible. My mom would always tell me that "It will get better", but I could never see the light at the end of the tunnel- IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER :)

just love her through it with honest love minus criticism. Encouraging your friend to focus on being well rested and getting exercise every day will help.