Feeling Lonely When at Home with the Kids

Hi, I joined Dupage Mothers & More www.dupagemothersandmore.org and it was a life saver for me. I had worked for 17 years in the city before deciding to stay home with the kids so felt VERY isolated. The mom's group really helped with that. Good luck!

I completely understand. I am a SAHM, and there are some days that it is just hard to get through the day. I get soooo lonely, it is almost like being depressed because it presses on you.

Try to plan things to look forward to on these days. Schedule a lunch with a girlfriend, a trip to the zoo, or even just go to the park or the gym. You don't have to be out all day, but it helps to get out at least once every day that you're home by yourself. Make sure that you're interacting with the kids instead of focused on housework so that you don't feel as lonely, and also take time for yourself to just sit and read or watch TV. Make sure you have plans for each day (even if it's just what you're making for lunch and when naptime is) so that you know at what point each thing will happen. I also keep a couple of my friends' phone numbers handy so that I can call if I really start to feel like I can't stand it. I wish you luck.

You are not alone feeling like this! I agree with every one who said getting out each day helps, and having a plan so you feel like you have small goals to accomplish. Look around your community to see if there are any moms groups. Once you make a few at-home friends, you can plan to meet at the library for story time, the park, at the McDonalds with the indoor play place, grocery shopping, ANYWHERE really, to have a little adult conversation. Having a few other moms you can call just to chat with on the phone during the day can really help too. I have a mom friend in several time zones, so there is always some one who might be available. While it may be the norm in our society that at-home parents are totally isolated from other adults, I don't think it's enjoyable or healthy. Get out and find some fun!

what helps me is plan an outing, park, library, bookstore, movies, playdates, beach whatever. get them playing for a few hours, have lunch packed and brought with us, fresh air does us good, then we come home and we're ready to take it easy. i then ask kids to each get a book and read in quiet, while i do housework, or i put a movie on, make popcorn and let them veg out for a while.
then we have art hour (more like two hours). i give them topics, for example draw a story of princess who....and they do.
the days i stay indoors and don't take them out i am moody, exhausted even if i didn't do anything really, and just plain bored.
when we go out we all get energized.
try to venture out.

Hello S.-

I was a Nanny for many years, and I know what you're talking about. It's amazing how much you miss a talk that doesn't involve Elmo!

Try finding a play group of some sort, it helps. Also just getting out to a park was a life save for me.

Often church groups will have parent groups, if you belong to a church you may want to see if they have something.

Good luck.

R. Magby

S.,

I joined a mom's club when my kids were 3 and 1 and it helped so much. Actually it was the playgroup that I was put in that actually helped. I am still friends with one person from back then and we still see each other regularly and my kids are 5 and 7. Just having someones house to go to once a week was nice for me and the kids. I got closer to some women than others and then some weeks I would get together with one of the moms and her kids and meet at a park. It is amazing what adult conversation can do for us moms!!
Also, at some point I wrote a daily schedule, and that helped. For example on our home days I would do an inside obstacle course from 10 to 10:30 and then we would do a table activity (coloring, puzzles, games, etc) from 10:30-11:00. It is not possible for me to get out every day and so having this schedule on my "home days" really helped set the tone.

Hope this helps. You are not alone :) If you need help with activity ideas feel free to contact me.

R.

sounds like depresssion..

I am mostly home with a 3 and 4 year old.. I work 2 days per week.. we try to get up and dressed adn out of the house every day.. home in time for lunch.. then naptime and the day flies by.. hubby comes home at 5 pm..

I suggest you find an activity for every day. taht you are home.. get up and go to the library park, mall etc.. then it is lunch and nap and the day just moves along. a whole day at home is long lonely and boring.

Your situation sounds very similar to mine! It's hard to get out when trying to work around nap schedules. Even the mom groups are too far-fetched for me but I have friended some moms in the neighborhood and that helps some. Also, we walk ALOT and go to the park. It doesn't necessarily help with the adult conversation but it kills the time. Sometimes I get together with friends that have kids a similar age as my kids. Good luck!

Try meetup.com for a mom's group. I joined a homeschooling group through meetup.com and now I'm happy to not only have other moms to connect with but I have other people for my daughter to play with.

There are lots of meetup groups in our area. Mine arranges field trips and all sorts of things. I've also formed some friendships. If anything it gets us out of the house and I can have some adult conversation!

((HUGS))

I highly recommend MOPS (Mothers of Pre-schoolers). It's for kids from newborn through kindergarten. I quit my job when my son was 7 months old and I thought I would lose my mind! You can check www.mops.org to find a group in your area. I know I couldn't live without it anymore!

I also think you should try meetup.com! MOPS is only if you are Christian; so if you're not, try a group on meetup. Having other mom friends will make a world of difference!! You won't need to be gone all day. You'd be surprised how fast the day goes when you have a playdate to go on.

After I had my baby (she's 4 months now) I was feeling very lonely and depressed during the day when my husband was at work. I hated feeling that way. I asked my OB/GYN to put me on zoloft and I feel so much better now. It's a very low dose too. Many meds would help if you can't deal with it on your own. Getting out more, now that it's nicer outside might help too.