Feel like a Jerk- 1 Year Old Cries for Hours Before Falling Asleep

Could he be hungry? Could it be adic reflux or anything like that? I've read that sometimes that can be much worse lying down than sitting up, so it affects kids more when they lie down.
Also, maybe he needs an earlier bedtime. I've read that when kids are too tired, it's actually *harder* to get them to go to sleep. Have you tried reading No Cry Sleep Solution? There are a lot of ideas in it that might help you.

Also, here is an article on crying in arms. It's very different than CIO. Sometimes kids just need to cry to get it all out. It is important that they do that in the loving arms of a parent. http://www.awareparenting.com/comfort.htm

Ever try music? I remember when my girls were young (they are now 17 and 13) they would love to listen to their Disney Songs before going to bed. I would put them on, rock them for awhile, sing to them and then lay them down. Also, try giving him a nice warm bath before bed if you don't already. Or a gentle massage of his legs and arms and such.
Good luck going back to work after a year off.
Good luck with the sleeping baby :)

My son is 18 months and is generally a pretty good sleeper but we went through the same thing with him about a month ago. Usually when we put him to bed we give the kids a bath, brush teeth, read books, then I put him in his crib, turn on his music and turn off the lights, and he usually goes to sleep without making a sound. But all of the sudden he just kind of decided he didn't want anything to do with his crib or with sleeping. We tried pretty much the same things that you did and he just wouldn't sleep although we could tell he was tired. Eventually we just put him in his crib, said goodnight, and let him cry even though we knew it would go on foeever. You're right though, it totally does make you feel like a jerk and I think hearing your baby cry for that long can make anyone fell like they are going crazy! We were exhausted and out of ideas though so we stuck with it because he needed to sleep and we needed to sleep and nothing else would work. For three nights it was terrible and he cried forever but after that he just kind of accepted that he was going to bed no matter what and gave up the crying. Now he will actually point to his bed when he's tired because he's ready to go to sleep. I know you've tried crying it out already, but I think sometimes that is all that works and it may take a couple terrible days before he gives up and decides bedtime must not be negotiable.

I think they just go through stages sometimes were they don't want to say goodbye to their parents or they are just so excited with all of the new stuff that they are doing and learning that they don't want to stop so they will try to resist bedtime any way that they can.

I would make sure he's well fed before bedtime, make sure he's not coming down with something(check his temperature, check for new teeth, etc) and then know that you have done everything you can for him and that its bedtime so he just needs to go to bed. You're not a jerk - you are just a caring parent who wants to make sure your child gets all of the sleep that he needs and you need rest too. When you hear him crying just pretend that he isn't crying he's just saying "i don't want to go to sleep" over and over because that's probably what he is thinking - that made it a little easier for me to cope it anyway.

Good luck and I hope he passes through this phase soon!

Girl I feel your pain! I used to rock my son to sleep and then stand on a stepstool hunched over the crib with him still in my arms till he was dead weight asleep. He so much as FLINCHED and I froze. Go see if Kellymom.com or askdrsears.com has any answers...also check out The No Cry Sleep Solution. They got me through my first couple mom years!

K.-
What a trying time you are going through right now. We have had our sleep issues in our home too.

Was there anything changing in his life when he started this new "non"-sleep pattern? Did he get a new babysitter or were you spending more time away? Did you just start new disciplinary ideas? Can you think of anything that would throw him off his normal ways? Sometimes if you can pinpoint something that contributed to the change then it's easier to create a solution and to be compassionate to what he's going through, without being so h*** o* yourself.

My son (2yrs) always goes through a fussy night time phase after he has been sick, or after we have traveled. So I anticipate his sleeplessness and plan accordingly. But my plan always changes. I have used the cry-it-out with him and it has worked in the past, but other times I feel his cry sounds different and I do respond. And I have had great results with that too. So I don't believe that if you answer his cry even once then you undo all your hard work.

Trust yourself K.. You are the mom that God gave this little boy to. He gave him to you for a reason. And guess what? You two are a unique dou. There has never been a mother like you in the world, and there has never been a son like him in the world. So with that said, it's also ok for you to put the childhood care books down and trust yourself. What feels right to you?

I love reading childcare books, but they can mess with your head sometimes, making you feel like you're doing everything wrong if you don't follow their suggestions of if their suggestions don't work for you.

Sometimes when my son is having a difficult night I will let him cry for a while, but then I feel a twinge in my heart and I go in and rock and hold him. My husband gets mad and says, "he'll never learn...you're making it worse." But you know what "puh" on him and on those books that tell me to stay away. When I do go in there and lay with him a little, he always clams down. Then when I put him back in his bed (and he's still wide awake) he falls right to sleep. He just needed a few more mommy minutes. So who knows, maybe I am damaging him, and he'll require counseling later in life, or have a sleep disorder because I'm a bad mom and don't follow the book's rules, but I believe that my intuition and love for my son is stronger than any suggestions that any book can make. Power to you K.! Trust yourself, and remember that you are irreplaceable to your son! You are number one to him, and you decide what is right!

Good luck and God Bless,
E.

I know that some people have already responded and it sounds like you may have found a solution to your issue. I have a 2 year old and she is my 3rd out of 4 children. We have been having issues with her wanting us to lay with her every night to go to sleep. Recently we borrowed a "fake" fish aquarium and it is working like a dream. I sit outside her room and she has to lay in the bed and watch the aquarium - if she gets up I threaten to turn it off. She has been great about just falling asleep watching it and not getting out of bed.

Best wishes!!

Is he getting enough stimulation and exercise in the daytime? Does he take a nap? Try cutting donw the nap or out altogether. Make sure the routine in the evening is the same every night. Dinner, play, bath, snack, read books, go to bed. Does he have a teddy bear or other favorite that he can take with him. Don't rock him to sleep, lay him in bed, talk softly to him, tell him no crying, that you will see him in the morning for breakfast.

The other suggestions for how to cope with him crying it out are good ones. My son went through a phase where he would cry for at least an hour...when we decided to let him cry it out, I made sure to put him to bed early enough so even if he cried for hours (and he did for a few nights), it wouldn't be super late. Have you read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"? It really helped me.

Is he still napping twice a day? If he's already down to one nap, he might be too tired to fall asleep. Have you tried putting him to bed earlier? Just a thought...

Those times are the worst because you're trying so hard to help your child, and feeling like nothing's working!

The only tips I have are:
* Be consistant. You're trying so hard to spin the wheel that consistancy might have taken a back seat. Both my girls love routine - it could be the routine needs to be adjusted because he's getting older or something
* Someone suggested trying music. When we had trouble with our oldest, the movie "Finding Nemo" was part of our "magic nighttime routine guaranteed to get her to sleep" (more about htat later). Classical music is great - there are baby einstein CD's that are great.
* Maybe get a humidifier with a nightlight? (I think Walgreen's has one, Sunbeam makes one that has fishies in the tank) We have one in our girls room and it's got a gentle blue nightlight that shines through the tank. Our oldest really likes it being on.
* Make sure he isn't gassy and has a full tummy

Our "magical nighttime routine" is to make sure both of us are with her, everybody's together and near her to make sure she feels safe. We would get her a bottle of milk with a scoop or two of cereal in it (at one point she decided she'd rather have water - we have 8 oz. bottles of water that we get straws for - works great for kids). We would go into our bedroom with her, turn out the lights in the bedroom (but leave on the one in the bathroom), have the bottle, and watch Nemo, and just chill. We had to make sure we relaxed too - it's amazing how kids can sense if you're tense. It was amazing when we did this because it was inevitable that withint about 1/2 hour (from when we sat down, fed her the bottle, chilled while watching Nemo) that she'd fall asleep.

Once we were very routine and consistant - (after we realized this was working for all of us), she finally was assured that we weren't going anywhere or anything, and she finally got past that stage.

Now she's 4.5 - and we go upstairs at about 7 to chill. She sleeps in her own room with her sister (right now they go to sleep at different times - but she goes to sleep first). We have a TiVo in her room that she has a few shows we have "season passes" for (Pinky Dinky DOo, Scooby Doo, Dora, Handy Manny, Little Bill, Max & Ruby, etc.) and we'll watch shows (the other night, she actually requested Lady and the Tramp), she has a leapster game that she might play with some - she might have a snack (some of a pop-tart or a banana). We turn off the TV at about 8:00-8:15, read a book, and I kiss her forehead, she kisses mine, I tell her how much I love her and how sweet she is, and to have good dreams. She likes the door to stay open - and 15 minutes later, she's asleep.

My daughter went through a period where she would cry if I put her in her crib. I put her in the crib and told her to lay down and I would rub her back until she fell asleep. It did not last very long, but for a period she just needed to know mommy would stay with her. She is back to putting herself to sleep after we read stories, say our prayers and sing a couple of songs (our normal bedtime routine).

Good luck...it is so h*** o* everyone without enough sleep!

The miracle sleep solution for my child and many of my friends was from the book "healthy sleep, happy child" by Marc Weissbluth. The basic concept is helping your child get to an earlier bedtime so that they can fall asleep before they are over tired. If your 13 month old is acting really sleepy at bed time, they may already be over tired. It worked like magic for me to put my daughter to bed at 7:00pm before she was too tired. She's now 2 and still goes to bed early. If I wait too long to put her down she has a really hard time going to sleep. I'm not a big book person, but this one is worth a browse. You don't have to read the whole thing to get the idea. Good luck!

When you've let him cry it out do you eventually go in there? If so, then you didn't "really" try that method. When I decided to let my daughter cry it out, she cried for a couple of hours that first night too, but the second it was for a shorter period and the third even shorter. The fourth night, she went right to sleep and slept all night.

Hi K.! I agree with the others that letting him cry it out no matter what is the best thing to do. Let him cry it out and then stay away. If you eventually give up and go into his room, then he has learned that he can get your attention by crying. Don't feel like you are a bad parent for doing this. It may be the only way to do it. The idea about music is a good one too. You can also try tapes or cd's that have soothing nature sounds such as rain or the sound of waves etc. Does he have a favorite toy such as a stuffed animal that he could sleep with? Sometimes that helps a child feel more secure. Having a set routine is a good thing to do as well. It might also help to have him drink some milk before bedtime. Milk does actually help people sleep. I don't have any other suggestions. I hope that he gets over this stage quickly so that all of you can get some rest. Good luck!!

Chrckout Dr. Sear's "The Sleep Book". It might be helpful.

You should not feel like a jerk. Sounds like he is trying to control the situation and having a wonderful temper tantrum when things aren't going his way.
Lay him down, sit next to the bed, read him a story, stay calm even if he is crying, when the story is over, give him a kiss, turn on the night light, a little soft music, leave the room and let him battle it out.
Tough love is a dreadful thing but in the long run it works out best.

How about a book on tape or one of those relaxation...ocean waves, etc tapes or CD's?

How about reading? Sit w/ him and a board book or something while you're rocking to occupy his mind - taking it off of the impending SLEEP.

Does he have a mobile or something like that over the crib to occupy his mind and hands?

Does he need to exert more energy in the evening...activity/playing....in order to wear him out so he will sleep? We use this method ALOT! WORKS GREAT!

Any small cuddly animals? Security is a HUGE deal.

i feel for ya, i have a five year old that has always had sleep problems (trying to fall asleep) we tried everything.we gave lavender baths. we tried tv in the bedroom. we had him in out bed room . we let him cry it out six hours later. and they say if you do it for a couple of weeks they will learn not my son. we finally went to a dr. and he told us that he needed melatonin maybe. so he takes that. and it works great. but that is a last resort. but with my other son it seems when i give him oatmeal and yogurt and a lavender bath and read lots of books he does great going to bed. i notice with him if he is not really full before bed he has issues going to bed. but i feel for ya good luck

I can empathize. I have a daughter, who just turned a year old, who is going through the same thing. I used to brag about what a wonderful sleeper she was. Now, as soon as she is put into her crib, she starts screaming until we pick her up again. Then, she'll fall asleep on us. We've found that the only thing that really works is to just let her cry. You could be confusing him if you let him cry sometimes and then pick him up other times.

He needs his sleep. He is definitely old enough to cry it out. Try it for 3 or 4 days in a row. My daughter has been a lot better since we started doing this. I know it seems mean, but it works. I think they are just starting to go through separation anxiety, especially at night. My daughter is a huge mommy's girl now. She takes her naps well, but seems afraid at night.

Well, I hope this helps. Take care.

May be too late to implement this, but we've used music when the kids go down to sleep. It's part of the routine, and it's the same CD each time (until our son got old enough that he requests different music for different times.)
It's either a Christian music or lullaby CD, or some sort of music w/o words (calm/peaceful). Though my son, now 3, enjoys some of the Bible sing-along CD's, and still sleeps to them even though they're upbeat.

Best wishes, hope you find something that works b/c I know what it's like having a child cry it out for hours, and there's nothing much else to do!

Could he be cutting teeth or have an ear infection? My daughter went through a phase like that, but she was sick. She was getting about 6 teeh at once and had a raging ear infection. If it's not that, then he's just experiencing a normal stage in development. Does he have any toys in his crib? When we took my daughter off the bottle, we put a couple of her favorite stuffed animals in her bed. She will lay awake and play with them at naptime, night time and after she wakes up. It usually only lasts about 10 to 15 minutes, if that. We do the same routine every night. Bath, milk and books and cuddle time, brush teeth and then to bed. We tell her night night, give kisses and say "love you!" (She says it back now...too cute!) and turn off the light. Hopefully you're little guy will get back on track soon!

You say he falls right to sleep when you rock him so why not just continue doing that? He will eventually go to sleep on his own. If this is something new that he is doing he must need you. Two hours is a really long time to let a baby cry. It can't be good for him (or you). I would play soft music and rock him to sleep. Have the babysitter do the same.