My daughter is in her first year of cheerleading. She is 6 and this is omething she has been wanting to do for a while now so we signed her up and she is very excited. They have had a few practices and up until yesterday she has been doing fine. Practices were originally scheduled for Monday and Thursday evenings but due to a scheduling conflict Monday practice was moved to Tuesday this week. I did not find out until Saturday and was unable to cancel a work committment in order to take her myself. My husband stepped up and was more than willing to take her and see what they will be doing this year. He wants to be involed in her activities but since it's cheerleading he wasn't sure what he could do. Taking her to practice and hanging out for an hour seemed appropriate. I got a text about 20 minutes into the practice saying that she was not participating at all and my husband was concerned about the rest of the year. I waylaid his fears because this is only the 3rd practice and games haven't even started. It takes her a few practices to get into the groove. I was able to sneak out of my work thing early and made it for the last 20 minutes of her practice. They were taking a small break when I got there and my husband commented to me that our daughter completely shut down. Wouldn't do hand motions or speak. She is shy and takes her a few times to be comfortable but this is so unlike her. Shortly after that the break was over and they started again. She was fine. Yelled just as loud as all the other girls, did all the motions, even did a jump which is brand new thing for her. My husband was astonished! It was almost as if the light went on when I got there. Even her director mentioned something after practice. Could it really be just my husband there causing her distress? When I talked to her she mentioned being nervous because she's never done cheerleading in front of people before and admittedly there were more parents there than usual. But now my husband feels like he shouldn't be involved at all and I would hate for him to continue to feel that way. What can I do to encourage both of them? I am toying with the idea of each of us taking her to one practice a week. What would you do?
Good grief, she was just shy in front of dad. She will get over it. She needs to anyway. He needs to not take it personal. It's rather cute anyway! She wants to make a good impression and got a little flustered.
The more he comes the better it will be...unless he is critical and makes her feel bad about herself. Then he needs to just say very little except "awesome job today".
More Dad involvement in her life not less. The stronger her realtionship with him in all areas of her life now, the better their realtionship later.
Having a great realtionship with Dad (or another positive male figure) is so important in growing strong, independent girls. Encourage his involvement in all levels of her life and don't read too much in to 20 minutes of a six-year-olds cheer practice.
heavens! way over-thinking this. yes, she was a little shy because daddy was there. yes, your husband should stay involved. rotating weeks makes perfect sense.
khairete
S.
I think she will get over her fears and everything should continue as normal. I think that who ever can take her does don't skip out of something you NEED to be there for work to take her because she's being shy. She's going to have to shake off the shy and get into it or she won't make a very good cheer leader. My grandmother was a cheerleader coach for decades and ran cheer clinics after that.
She would likely tell you to just keep doing what you are doing. Don't baby her. She will get used to it, it's only her first year and 3rd practice.
Okay, it was only the third practice? Way too early to start reading into it. She's only 6, give her some time. After a few months you'll be able to see if she's enjoying it or not and you can reassess then. Also, does a parent NEED to stay and watch? Some kids are distracted and anxious with their parents watching. Maybe dad should say, honey I'm going to run a quick errand while you practice,is that okay? She may be more comfortable with that (as a matter of fact many programs discourage parents from watching for that very reason.)
Remind him she did FINE with him there as soon as you were. She probably had stage fright / didn't want to disappoint him (love the mind of a child, better to throw a screaming fit, than to miss one tiny aspect no one would care about!).
In my humble experience, the way to get over that is to have dad do MORE, not less. Times where you are both there together, and times when he's there alone. Which will also help her stage fright in front of strangers, as well as dad.
_________________
Mmmmmm....
So in this Olympic season... I used to be in training for the Olympics. But my first several competitions I was a stilted, jerky mess. Absolutely shaking with nerves. My coach solved that by starting to invite people I knew beforehand. Not to make me comfortable. To make me MORE uncomfortable. I barely made it through my first routine.
Okay! Again!
Wha?
Okay! Again!
Okay! Again!
By the end of it... I was spot on. I don't even know how many times I redid my routine.
And then he took me to a bleeding different gym, and made everyone watch me. And again. And again.
By the time my next comp rolled around, I was pure authority. I was in my element. I OWNED that floor.
But it took Dozens and Dozens of stilted, jerky, failed attempts.
She was just a little shy in front of dad for whatever reason. I think its very healthy for you to switch it up and let your daughter get more comfortable with her dad. But I also think your husband should have a private talk with her about how proud he is of her and how she did such a great job and how he enjoys being able to watch her. This may help her feel more comfortable around him.
Actually I don't think you or your husband are over thinking this. My sons are both use to me doing stuff with them because their father is enlisted and so often times can't be at practices or other functions. I have been teaching our oldest to drive cause I have more patience than my husband. (off track a bit but I had to teach myself to drive stick cause my husband was freaking out so much while trying to teach me.) Anyway my husband has tried to let our son drive with him in the car. My son that normally does just fine with me freezes and goes extremely slow with dad.
Our other son plays soccer. When I'm there he is focused and practices just fine. The few times I have had my husband there he isn't as focused and messes up a lot. But that was at first. After a couple of practices of dad showing up or it just being dad he returned to his focused self.
So it is very possible the change of Dad being there threw her off. Have him join you for a few and then like suggested switch off so he can be involved. Maybe even have him help her practice at home.
Looks like you've gotten a lot of good advice. Dad needs to be there more, not less. Sounds like you've taken it on yourself to be the parent who does everything with her, so she's not used to her daddy being there. The only way to fix that is for him to be there more. You should both go to practices together, so she gets used to his presence. And then a few practices down the road you should leave about 1/2 way through (but give her a heads up that you'll be leaving . . . maybe to run to the store to pick up dinner, etc.).
I don't want to read into this too much, but just how involved is your husband with your daughter on a day to day basis? Do they ever have daddy-daughter outings, or sit down and play together, or read books, etc.? From your description it just sounds like she she doesn't get much one-on-one time with her daddy . . . but maybe I'm wrong about that?
And I'm not sure why it being cheerleading makes any difference. He doesn't need to "do" anything other than be there for her and show enthusiasm and not have some grand expectations. She's 6 . . . last I checked, young children don't always have the greatest attention spans! And we all have off days so perhaps this was the case for your daughter.
Having done sports all my life, and watching my little sister, and my oldest son....I can emphatically say that I agree 100% with Gamma G. She was stressing out because she wants to do good in front of her dad, doesn't want to look dumb, she got flustered. You are her "security blanket" and she's more willing to take a chance or show off in front of you. It's a confidence thing, and that evens out as she gets more experience and skill under her belt.Tell dad not to get his feelings hurt; he can end up being her greatest cheerleader. It's pretty common. (I've also watched this at Kung Fu practices with a couple other students, where they do super good in front of one and are scared to perform in front of the other.....but they do get over it with practice and some time). Try to BOTH go watch practice a few times together, and see if it gets better when it's just daddy then?
Catch your daughter in a moment alone and ask if there is something wrong with Daddy being at cheerleading.
I would encourage him to take her once a week. She may have just had a breakthrough after break time and was feeling more confident. She may never shut down again, but I certainly would not assume that one incident was hubbies fault.
She wanted to impress her Daddy. I think it's sweet. I think he should definitely continue going, be involved, encourage her, and tell her how awesome she is doing. How great will that make her feel?!
Would it be possible for both of you to take her to practice several times so she will get used to cheering in front of Daddy? After a few practices with both of you then start alternating.
Peace and Blessings,
T. B
