Father & 5 Yr Old Son Showering Together Inappropriate?

Updated on May 04, 2011
J.S. asks from Dallas, TX
17 answers

My husband showers with my son maybe 1-2 times a week. This has been going on since my son was about 2, he is now 5 yrs old. He loves showering with Daddy. They will shower together after working out in the yard or playing sports together.

My son has on some occasions pointed out how they have all the same body parts and they are both “boys”.

The other day they were showering and I was hanging clothes in the closet. I hear my son say “Daddy, let me see your “P” (my son knows the proper word but don’t know if I can say it on here). My husband responded with “What? Why do you want to look at it?” and he started to kind of chuckle. At this moment my husband had his back to my son. My son said because I just want to get a closer look at it. My son looks down at it and says “Oh Daddy! It so ccuuuuute!!” and that was it.

My husband turns to me and says “OK no more showers together!”

He finished up while my son played with some toys he had in there and got out. In the meantime I was pretty much cracking up about what my son said!

This weekend we played basketball and my husband and son were all sweaty. When they got upstairs my son expected to shower with Daddy as usual. My husband told him that they could not take showers together anymore and my son was so disappointed! When I asked my husband if he still felt strange about what happened he said yes that he feels at this point it would be inappropriate to shower with him. I disagreed. It would not be inappropriate at all.

Now if my husband feels “uncomfortable” then that’s a different story, but I felt so bad for my son who was obviously really sad. No more showers with Daddy?? Say it isn’t so!!! =-)

My husband was clear – it is inappropriate now.

Instead I redirected my son by getting him a bath ready with his bath paints and he was happy.

What is your call on this? Would you say “inappropriate” after what happened my son asking to "look" at Daddy's "P"?

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answers from Seattle on

Whether or not we think it's inappropriate doesn't really matter. Dad is uncomfortable. Looks like bathtime will be baths and paints from now on!

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answers from Chicago on

can they do it in their swim trunks getting ready for summer or something to make the transition to no more showers? I think when it is no longer comfortable for one or both it's time to be done with this practice. I agree that if he is no longer comfortable with it then time is up and I think that would make me uncomfortable too.

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answers from San Antonio on

It depends... IS it cute?

12 moms found this helpful


answers from Denver on

Certainly, no one has done anything wrong here. Your son did what kids do and says everything on his mind!! Obviously nothing inappropriate. Your husband sounds awesome and like he did exactly the right thing. It was fine until someone became uncomfortable, and now it's done. If they continued to shower together with your hubby uncomfortable, that's when it becomes inappropriate.

Good for your son, good for your hubby. And you are reacting normally, too. It's sad to see a phase come to an end, always hard to see them grow up.

11 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

I wouldn't say your son's question was inappropriate--he's 5!
BUT, generally, co-showering by same sex people (adult/kid) is fine until ONE of them becomes uncomfortable. Your husband is now uncomfortable, but it's not inappropriate.

p.s. LOL, LOL, LOL about the "cute" comment!

10 moms found this helpful


answers from Springfield on

First of all....kids say the darnest things!!! So funny and cute....but he was truly prob just being curious. I have 2 boys myself and they always showered with my hubby as well...just so much easier. But 5 was about the age where they started showering by themselves. I would say if your hubs is uncomfortable then it is time. But, don't tell your son that...have your hubs tell him that he should start taking showers by himself because he is a big boy now. My boys always responded really well when my hubs told them that....guys like the macho thing. Good luck! If you are really having probs transitioning...you could phase him out with your hubs wearing swim shorts.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

That is so funny! My 3 year old girl tells me, "I like your big boobies mama!" Or "here, let me wash your bo-bo." or "I don't have hair on my bo-bo yet." Lol. It can get uncomfortable at times, but I just try to re-direct.
But, if your husband is uncomfortable, it's his call. Nothing wrong with your son or husband at all, just a matter of being comfortable.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Joplin on

Sorry, I know it is a bummer and I am for co anything sleeping/bathing etc until one is uncomfortable. I was sad when I could no longer put two kids in the tub together, and i am pretty sure the days of being able to stick my youngest in the tub with me are near as well ( I have a huge corner bath tub)
I would not say it was inappropriate at all, but you can not "unfeel" uncomfortable...the time has passed.

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answers from Washington DC on

If your husband feels uncomfortable then it's no longer appropriate. PERIOD.

Yes, it's cute and funny what he said - but it sounds like your husband would would like your son to retain some innocence of youth.....I am with your husband.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I don't think it is innapropriate at all.I think your hubby got embarrassed by him saying his junk was "cute" and he didn't like being put on the spot. Instead of dealing with it in a mature manner, he chose to be immature about it and stop everything because of what your son said. I would talk to hubby and ask him to have a heart to heart with his son about private parts and that its ok to be curious but its not ok to ask to look at daddy's privates because it makes daddy uncomfortable. If he was going to stop the shower routine, he should have prepared your son for it---by letting him know that it was ending SOON and the reasons WHY, so your son doesn't feel just awful and like its his fault. Kids always go to the ultimate of thinking everything is their fault-----You should nip this situation in the bud now before it turns into a bigger issue down the line--you don't want your son to have body issues and feel SHAME for his body parts or being curious. Good luck!


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answers from Chicago on

I agree with your husband. If he feels uncomfortable, then it is now inappropriate. I wouldn't feel it was as inappropriate if your son had just asked to look at his dad's body part or asked a question about it...but the fact that he said it was so cute is what would have weirded me out as a parent. I know -- it stinks and is more time consuming to bathe your kiddo separately. I am dreading the day when my kiddos stop showering with us altogether (daughter is 3.5 and showers only with mom; son is 2.5 and showers with either of us).

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

Yes, inappropriate. I agree with your husband. We have had some friends who have done this with no a "no big deal" attitude, but I've never been comfortable with the idea of parent and child showering together.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Youngstown on

I don't think what your son said is inappropriate, he was just curious. I think showering together should stop when it becomes uncomfortable or awkward for one of those involved. Your son will be fine and get past missing those times with daddy.

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answers from St. Louis on

There is a time for everything...probably it is time to stop..nothing wrong with it, but whether your husband or your son feel uncomfortable with a specific situation (even yourself) is just time to do things differently. Do not make a big deal out of it, redirect your kid's attention and change schedule for his baths etc.....do something different, get a new bath toy for your kid, etc.... Just go with the nature.......

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answers from Baton Rouge on

I wouldn't call it inappropriate - he's just figuring out what's what. When my daughter was that age, she was fascinated by my breasts.

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answers from Tampa on

Children are curious - especially about themselves and parent's bodies. I think your husband took it too sexually and personally instead of his son simply being curious. By saying to your husband "it's so cute" he was validating his own body as well.

Men/Husbands/Fathers don't seem to handle things as good as Women/Mommies usually do - so I guess you can't fault him for his gender.

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answers from Oklahoma City on

Yes, asking to look at it was a clear sign he's too old enough for it to be an innocent time for them. What would yo do if your some started talking to the other kids at McDonalds in the play area bout his dads "P" and how he looks at it in their shower time together....those kids mom's might be wondering if it's just an innocent shower of if more were going on. He's just too old now.

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