Hello,
I have three children. Our eldest is a boy who is 6-years old, then our daughter who is 5-years old, and then our youngest son who is 3-years old. Both of our boys are very outgoing, both physically and socially. Neither have problems with going up to other children and talking with them. Our daughter is extremely shy. Sometimes she's not as shy if both of her brothers are with her but it's not like she's all chatty. Now I was an only child and very shy growing up.
Let me give an example (not using names)...On Wednesday night my eldest son had basketball practice and at the end of the practice a little girl (1st grader) came to my daughter and asked if the party hat (she had gotten the hat at school that day from her teacher) was made by Mrs. ______. This little girl is the daughter of Mrs. _________. I was right there with my daughter when the little girl approached my daughter asking the question and my daughter wouldn't even look at this little girl. I told my daughter that she was the daughter of Mrs. ________ and that she could answer her question. This little girl asked my daughter 3 times the question about the party hat and my daughter would not answer her.
I'm a SAHM and so our children have never done daycare. My eldest son did go to preschool and our daughter did not. She is now in a Young 5's program and she has some boys that she likes to talk with but she doesn't seem to interact with the girls in her classroom. I chalked this up to the fact that she has brothers at home that she plays with so she's just more comfortable with boys. Within our group of friends there's only a couple of girls her age but we have only had but 3 play dates with one of the girls. She really hasn't had much contact with girls. But still, she's still extremely shy with children, boys and girls, and adults.
Have any of you other Mothers out there had a child that is/was this shy? Does anyone out there have any suggestions on what I can do to help her come out of her shell some. I'm totally OK with her being shy some but this is extreme and would like for her to be able to chat some with others.
Thank you for your time.
Yes. Do playdates with girls.
Enroll her in a "team" activity - even arts and crafts at the YMCA.
Tae Kwon Do is a FABULOUS confidence builder because they have things they say outloud as part of the routine. That is probably the first thing I would see if she is interested in joining.
My daughter is shy with children (not adults) and I talk to her about practicing doing things that are a little more challenging. We role play introductions "Hi, what's your name? My name is...", I emphasize how much I love and value my own friends, I attempt to model being friendly, and if we are not within earshot I remind her to say "hello" to friends.
Part of it for her is that she's in her own world, but for truly shy children, gentle, yet constant exposure is wonderful. She may take a little time but like doing anything that we're not comfortable with, practice, practice, practice.
Too, I don't ever call my daughter shy. She may be feeling shy in the moment, but I don't want her thinking she is limited to just shy. I also let her know sometimes I feel shy, sometimes more outgoing, but I think about how my behavior affects other people so I make the attempt to give a "hello."
I would recommend that you enroll her in a class like gymnastics, dance or another sport through the the rec program, all can help boost confidence and make friendships along the way. Keep having the playdates as well. She may begin to outgrow it or always just be a little reserved. My kids are not shy but I was a little shy as a kid, one thing I can tell you not to do is call her shy. I always cringed whenever someone called me shy, I hated when a teacher would label me as shy. Even though it probably wasn't meant negatively, I took it negatively and it really upset me, almost making it worse. Just a tip :)
I was very shy growing up too. But I did answer people. We had a son like this and some of his was being shy and some just almost being rude. We told him to answer like you did and he wouldn't. We had to start doing something when he got home, sitting in his room, etc. until he got the idea but he still was often 'rude'. Now he's very much the opposite although still an introvert more than extrovert. You just need to talk to her about how the person feels and how she'd feel if she was ignored and tell her it's rude and unkind. Try to get her around some girls her age at your house first, where she's more comfortable, and then go from there. I don't mind the being shy but the rudeness did really bother us from our child. That's about all I can tell you because you can't really make someone care or be kind even if you discipline them. Don't talk for her though and try not to be involved in conversations when a child or adult talks to her and see if she responds better without you there.
