Don't Know What to Do About My 5 Alomost 6 Year Old

I wished I could give you all the education I have but that would be to long of a post :), but I'm a love and logic teacher and you can check out there website for more info, I highly recommend love and logic to all parents.
I suggest getting the basic tools down before practicing higher levels of the Love and logic but I'll just give you and example of some love and logic parents have tried. And I'll do my best not to make it to long.
A love and Logic example is:
A mom buys an alarm clock for the child, shows the child how to work it, they set it up together and mom tells the child " when the alarm beeps, you turn it off by pushing this button and you get up and get ready for school" (some kids need to act it out a couple times so its not so new when the morning comes).
Then they have a back up plan for when the child fails and the parent "Hopes and Prays the Child Fails" Because every wise love and logic parent knows the road to wisdom is paved in mistakes.
Mom calls (Mabel- the baby sitter from hell) or a friend, and arranges for them to be at the house at a certain time.
Morning comes, Child sleeps through alarm, Mom kisses child "Good bye" and child says a bunch of silly stuff like "What about me?" or "where are you going" or "how come you didn’t get me up", Mom puts a HUGE sincere grin on her face and says "Awww sweetie, you must have forgotten to wake up to your alarm, but don’t worry! Mabel is here to baby-sit you, and she only charges you 3 dollars an hour if your sweet, 6 if your nasty, I'll let you work out how your going to pay her, good luck, I love you, have a great day".

Harsh, I know, w/o knowing what Love and logic is, this story seems ridiculous. But I don’t have any other advise other than what I study, I too want to be the best parent I can be, and that parent, to me, is to teach my son how to be completely ready for the real world when he's big, so I create an environment as much like the real world while he's small, and hope and pray he makes as many mistakes as possible while the price tag is still small so he doesn’t have to make them when he's big.

Just real quick, some love and logic one liners are :
" I love you to much to argue"
" I argue between 6 am and 6:30 am on Saturday Mornings"
" I charge .25 cents a minute to listen to arguing"
or the famous "energy drain" where child is acting nasty, and mom has an energy drain and has no energy to cook dinner, go to the park later, read bed time stories, what ever you feel is right for the situation and age.

Love and logic gives tools to parents so they don’t have to resort to anger and frustration,
"Anger and Frustration Feed Misbehavior"
I've never seen a mom yell at her kids and a child to say "you know mom, Your right, I'll stop that and do it your way"

If you want, check out the web-site, listen to funny parenting stories, there's books and CD's, articles on the site you can read, weekly e-mails, lots of fun stuff for us parents to learn.

http://www.loveandlogic.com/audioclips.html

My son is ADHD and Love and Logic has saved our family and made me feel real good about how I parent my child.

Good luck with your little one. Sounds like he's ready to start learning :)

well my six year old i still have problems alittle bit with to on that,but i found out it is easier to get her up earlier so we take time and not rush things like she has to be at the bus stop at 730am so i get her up at 6am so she can have alil bit of time to wake up and get dressed and watch tv nickelodeon ,she eats breackfast at school,but as for the other part with the anger part with temper tantrums i get that also and the sibling rivelry between them all and i tell ya it makes yer head wanna explode but i put them in corners if it gets to bad and they know when i mean business with the tone in my voice,but this is all i can tell ya to try from my experience with my kids cause i got 2 daughtors 8 and 6 years old,and a son that is 3 years old,and it is hard and there is really no way of doin parenting wrong no one on earth is perfect at it no matter what they say the thing is teaching them what ruels and boundries are in life...but feel free to get back to me let me know if ya tried what i do,and thing is to not give an inch cause kids will take it a mile,and they know how to play the fields with parents!!!

if i was you do you send him to his room for a time out that work for me with my kids dose he like school some time kids don't not like school at all i hope you can help him out have you ask his teacher if has this at school
do you spend time with him he get home from school some time that help with his homework

I would try to really choose your battles so that you aren't always having battles with him. I'd really back down on the issues that you've been unable to solve together. Try not to nag at him, give him specific instructions for what you want him to do and then give him the space to do them. If he doesn't eat everything on his plate, don't worry about it so much, he'll eat when he's hungry. We went through a big food power struggle with our kids, and once we backed down, just offered whatever we were having, like it or not, the kids started trying everything. I think it's important to have a couple options too, like eggs, sausage and toast, or a bagel and cereal.
Try some different new foods. Check out some books at the library (they have millions of interesting books about positive discipline, defiant children, Nanny 911 . . .books about creative ways of cooking for kids and having the kids help you make breakfast). I know you have to get him out of bed but if he doesn't want to eat, maybe he's just not hungry. I would check into school to see if there is some bullying or something going on there. Ask him about school sometime when you have time to have a chat. Ask him about lots of things when you have the time to really listen to him. He might be jealous that you are at home spending time with other kids for the daycare, even though you are his mom and it sounds like you are really busy and you don't get enough time to just sit and play a board game or go do something fun just the two of you.

My three year old has been really stubborn lately. He was literally driving me nuts, but since I checked out tons of parenting books and really tuned into him, things have been a lot better in the last week, so from what I read, hopefully I've been able to pass a little on to help you work things out with your little guy.

Good luck

what i did with my oldest was i bought her a alarm clock and set it to go off to wake her up for school if she got up on her own with only hitting the snooze once then at the end of the month if she had more then half the day she did it she got reward of some kind her was beanie babies

Try waking him up earlier. Kids aren't as efficient with their time as we'd like them to be. I used to fight with my daughter to get her ready in time. Waking her even 15 minutes earlier helped. Then I have time to give her hugs or snuggle with her before we start getting her ready for school. The first 15 minutes of her day is filled with "i love you" instead of "come on, hurry up".

hope it works for you.

Your son sounds just like my 8 year old daughter. When she was 6 she had many problems especially at night and in the morning. She could hold it together at school, but the meltdowns were unbearable sometimes.

My best suggestion is to get him into a counselor. My daughter sees a great art therapist that has turned her around completely. She has not only worked with my daughter, but also with me on different techniques to help her.

Also, read the book called "the explosive child" by Ross Greene. That book was my daughter to the "t". It had many great tips. We are finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and I actually enjoy coming home from work now!

Email me if you want the name of her counselor.

C.

I would stop punishing him and I would reward his good behavor. Also, I would check into school and find out what's happening there. Something is really frustrating your son and he is asking for help.

He is not at home with you as much as he was before, he might be having a hard time ajusting. You might want to concider some alone time with just you and him. This might give him a chance to open up to you and for you to get at the bottom of the problem.

Coming from a parent & teacher's point of view, It sounds like he could benefit from some positive checklists or chart with a reward system set up. Whenever I've done this to help my daughter get over a bump, it has worked! She's only 3.5, but I also know it works in the classroom. The thing is you need to be organized in your approach (before you show him) and you will need to be consistent.

You can buy pre-made things like this, but I would suggess you just customize it. Stickers are HUGE to kids - boys & girls alike! They're cheap, and fun...they can have a choice in what they choose when they complete a task, and will SEE the steps and the rewards!!! Start out by dividing it into many, simple tasks. Here are some examples...

1. Getting out of bed after you wake him up: Try explaining that if he is able to get out of bed by the time you count to ??? (I use a counting thing with my daughter, I count to 1, it's a cue that I need her to do what I asked (without getting myself angry or frustrated...or having to repeat myself 100 times), "2" = "this is it...if I get to three, you don't earn the sticker...(or whatever)... for me... "3" is a time-out, which wouldn't really benefit him in the morning because he would be in bed! I would have him "earn" his tv, computer or game times...like, if he is out of bed by the time you say "2" (before 3), he can put a sticker for 5 min of time on one of his favorite activities (which he can use at an appropriate time...) Customize it to your needs.

I make a sheet that is colorful & has a grid (large enough to put the stickers I have in the box) on my computer. THEN... I put it in a plastic sheet protector over it!!! The stickers stick, and come off at the end of the week. You can reuse them or he can put them in a special book or spot.

Each line has a different task (use words & pictures for his age): 1. Getting out of bed, 2. Getting dressed, 3. Eating breakfast, 4.) Brushing teeth, 5.) combing hair etc... Give him things that he does well too (even the walking to school) so he can see success!

Help him pick a "big prize" that he wants to earn... maybe going to the local jumping gym, park, etc. Decide how many stickers he needs to earn each day to get towards that reward. Use positive reinforcement...and if he doesn't make the minimum amount on a certain day...say "That's okay, we'll try again tomorrow!" Help him to know that you are working WITH him rather than against him...praise him each time he earns a sticker etc.

In the beginning you will need to do more step-by-step instruction & praise...in a couple days, he will understand and help remind you about the stickers... Have him put the stickers on the chart!

I did this when Sophie wouldn't go to sleep at night (in fact, I need to do it again...) and it worked like a charm. If you would like a sample copy of what I made for her bedtime routine, email me and I'll get it to you. ____@____.com

I hope that's not TOO confusing...I tried to explain it well but maybe I just rambled? :) GOOD LUCK! You might consider doing something similar (and simpler since she is younger) for your daughter so she feels included.

ALSO: Once this starts running smoother, the counting will work towards the anger outbursts. Remember to be consistent, he should have a "time out" for the 1 minute for every year of his age. (If he's 5.5, then 5 1/2 min!) During this time, do not yell at him or belittle in any way. Just say "I'll be back in 5 min (you may want a timer for him to help) to get you out. (This will also take practice to get started, but he's probably familiar with it from school). When you get him out, talk about why he is in time-out (ask him to tell you), and ask him how he can do it differently next time). This structure (kids NEED and WANT this!!!) will help. I can almost GUARANTEE IT!!!

GOOD LUCK!!! You will see your "good boy" again, VERY quickly, if you prep yourself!!!

My six year old is very similar to this. A few things that helped us are:
1. We pick our clothes out the night before and as soon as she is ready for bed and in bed I climb into bed with her and let her talk to me about anything she wants for 5 minutes.
2. We bought her an alarm clock so that she is responsible for getting herself up.
3. We told her that if she gets right up and dressed, she can come and lay with me in my bed and snuggle for a few minutes. She is only allowed to do this if it is before a certain time- which means that she must get right up and dressed or she won't have time to do it.
4. I made her a little poster that hangs on her wall that says: Good morning beautiful. Don't forget to get dressed and be happy!
5. She gets a point for every day that she gets up and cooperates and is pleasant and those points translate into priviledges like tv or computer etc.

Hope this helps a little.