My husband plays computer games every single night when he gets home from work, which makes him slower to help me around the house. He will take breaks to help with the kids or hold them while he plays, but I'm just wondering if I'm alone in this situation. It just seems like something a 37 year old married family man shouldn't do. I will add that compared to who he used to be, I'm at least glad that he's home every night when he's off work, but it's frustrating sometimes! Anyone feel my pain? Not looking for much advice, just some sympathy and company!
I'm cracking up over how many women are in the same situation! Thanks everyone for letting me know I'm not alone!
I do get some revenge my grocery shopping for two hours or spending way too long in the shower. Sometimes I just ask him to watch something with me or have to ask him three times to help me do something. He was great after my c-section although sometimes he would have his brother come help me (so lazy!), and went back to some of his ways after my 6 week checkup recently. Now I bag up the garbage and sit it in front of the front door so he has no choice but to take it out, or put things in front of the stairs so he has to take them up or down if he goes!
Our three year old will bother him while he's playing too so I think he understands sometimes that she needs attention. The worst is when he puts on the headphones then can't hear me when I need something. We have agreed that he leaves one side off so he can hear.
The funniest thing is that sometimes he will ask me for something and I shout back, "not right now, I'm in the middle of a mission!" Heehee...:)
You are not alone!!! My husband is 35 and loves the online Call of Duty that he plays every night and every weekend (that is what I am listening to and watching right now as I am typing). Yes it is frustrating, especially becauses we have a 8 month old. Anyways, I voice my opinion to him and he has cut down alittle, but what else can we do.
Oh you are not alone and I am glad I am not alone ether! My husband plays Gears of War on the Xbox 360 EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! we just had a discussion yesterday about it. I told him its getting out of hand. Every night about 8:30 he starts it up he plays it so loud. for the first couple of months it was kinda fun to watch him but now its just gone too far. granted the kids are already in bed or about to go to bed but he plays it so loud I cant go in the other room and watch TV because its just too loud and I cant hear so I end up going to bed at 8:30 even on the weekends. its hard to sleep too because he has it up so loud and because he can talk to the other players over the mic he is cussing and yelling. I told him it has to stop.
Sympathy given. Interesting new dilemma. Usually it's the kids that cause us grief with their game time. But the mindless entertainment is too great a pull for many people.
And I completely agree that it's far better to have them at home than out and about.
Good luck to you.
oh dear!!! you are NOT alone!! LOLOL my husband does the same thing. We've been married almost 13 years. Our girls are 5 and 3. He takes a break for supper and bedtime stories... LOL It really didn't get to me before children since I like to watch TV. (Can't do without my Oprah LOL) He never complained about my TV so I never did about his computer. But now of course with children, it's different. I think women have an easier time with being in touch with their children anyway, men sometimes have to be taught. I say sometimes because this isn't always the case. It seems that the men who do spend a lot of quality time with their children have wifes who don't appreciate it and find something else to complain about. LOL When I read your post, I actually chuckled out loud, because...... you are soooo not alone!!
hey honey i feel you! my husband comes home from work about everyday and play about 2 to 3 hrs on his game. i think at some points its ok. but everyday is a bit much..especially since he goes to the gym 3-4 days out the week; and plays his games on those days too. I've decided to start leaving the house as soon as he gets in and show him how it feels. I mean he comes in and we greet each other.. he gets settled, and then he starts his faithful routine of playing his game. so for now on i want his to see me greet him at the door and walk right on pass him and pull off. them he will get the point. It bothers me so much cause we already talked about his hobbies interfering with family time, and says ok he'll alternate days or cut the game off at a certain time, but by the next week he forgets our whole conversation. I don't know whether to take him ignoring my feelings personal or not.
My husband has been playing video games for so long that it's starting to drive me insane! We have a three year old daughter who (of course) needed lots of attention. We both have lost our jobs due to down sizing and now he spends more time than ever on the computer. I have confronted him about it but all he says is "I am not on it that long" I tempted to video tape him to have evidence but I think that might be a little crazy. I am so tired and worn out from competing with his stupid toys! I don't know what to do the next best thing right now would be a clean slate.
Video games are very addicting, but unfortunately a LARGE waste of time and are mainly antisocial, because usually you're not talking or participating with anyone, or learning anything. It doesn't mean they should never be played. All of us love to play, however, and need recreation. When you watch a movie with your family, you're all experiencing something at the same time. That is not the case with video games, so it can cause more friction than in the old days when daddy plopped down in front of the TV and let mom take care of everything after work.
I would suggest talking with him and figuring out a schedule where he can help, but also have time for his hobby. Video games - television - I don't see a lot of difference. These games - I know from personal experience, can gobble up huge chunks of time, and it seems like 5 minutes have passed when actually 2 hours have passed! The only way to curb this one is put a timer on it. I've been a video game junkie in the past, myself - in the old days I used to frequent the arcades for hours every other day. Kids also need one-on-one time with Dad without something else taking up his attention, otherwise they will feel like THEY are not important.
I myself am a workaholic and learnaholic. I love to learn about everything, and am always trying to figure out how to fix computer problems with my database or my computer. If I don't watch it, my family will become neglected. I have to make sure that I take time out for my children, put a timer on my computer and business habits, because they will take over my life if I let them. I love reading about the latest question that has popped into my mind about something on the internet (are those Arbonne products REALLY natural - I'm going to look up the ingredients list on the computer) - for example (LOL).
I hope you can work out something with him so frustrations don't mount, but that you get the support that you need, and he gets the release in a hobby he enjoys, to meet his needs.
I am suffering from this problem right now! I got married less than a year ago and this is already happening! :( My husband plays poker on his phone 24/7 and he is 31 years old! Is this like a mid life crisis?? It's really annoying me, because he is playing ALL the time and hardly does anything else, he's like a robot that occasionally would drop in a line or two every once in a while to let me know "he's there" but I know I don't have his full attention at all. Am I complaining for no reason? I mean to be fair, we do not do much after work and after dinner we just sit around and watch TV and talk but still he is different when he is playing his games and its just annoying to see him holding his phone while walking to the bathroom, in the bathroom, while brushing his teeth, sitting on the couch with me, getting water, in bed before he sleeps. UGH its so annoying, I don't mind if he plays like an hour or two even but like this is crazy, don't you think? or am I turning into the controlling wife? :( Like yesterday I wanted to do something *wink wink* but just seeing him so into his phone like that and sometimes when I say something he wouldn't even answer me bcs he is not focused with me, it turned me off so much I just went to bed.
Yup! My husband is a gamer, playing on-line interactive games at night. And that's our agreement... he can play AFTER our girls (3 and 1) are in bed. Until then, it's family time. The downside is that sometimes we don't get enough "us" time... but the second he starts complaining about that, I just point at the computer and he gets the message.
I totally understand the need to 'decompress' before coming in and interacting with the family, but videogames aren't the best way to do it. Perhaps he could stop at a gym or take a walk or do something else physical on his way home? Even just parking the car and taking a walk around the block before coming inside can help. I know it works for me after a stressful day working, and keeps me from unloading all my work-related garbage at my family.
I have the same problem im 28 and hes 29 i work and he dosent, he picks up takes the kids to school and pick them up. but were in the procrss of moving out from aour home, so we have been packing. its hard because i work 10 hour shifts and still have to come home clean and cook and pack because he spends most of his time palying video games, and avery time i tell him something he says he just started playing and he doesn't play alot, but i get up to go to work at 2:30 and he is bearly going to bed what else he does i dont know. But what i do know is that im getting tired of it and he does not understand. On the weekend we always have to wait on him because hes playing video games i come home and hes playing i dont know waht to do.
This is my house, too. With my husband, it's either TV or the computer (we both play games on the computer, but he ONLY uses it for games, while I do a ton of work on the computer, too...and sometimes his Playstation or X-box, too, though not as much lately) He gets tuned into the game or TV, and it's hard to feel like I have his attention. If I ask for him to help out with something, he will, but it feels like an effort to ask, and I dread what attitude he'll respond with. If he sighs, I don't think he means to imply the attitude I "read into it" all the time, or maybe even any of the time. But if he's playing poker, and it's NOT even for money, just tokens, he sweats me about getting up in the middle of a game, even if I really need him. And sometimes I can't tell if he's seriously put out by this, or not. (that's a whole other disagreement we can have, "are you serious or kidding" and "why can't you just tell if I'm serious or kidding"....sigh)
It is kinda frustrating to me, too. I don't really feel he "shouldn't" do it, but I think a choice between house/kid stuff should be a non-issue compared to "being in the middle of a game". And, when he's "playing with our son", it's usually with TV or computer on, too, so the kid isn't getting his full attention. I have to admit, I do that, too, but only when my son is happily focussed and playing pleasantly by himself, or watching Sesame Street, and engaged with a snack....I will turn everything off and focus fully on him, too....and I really wish we could all have more of that time where we're totally focussed on each other without an outside distraction like TV or a computer or video game. I think maybe we're conditioned to having those "electronic distractions" to occupy our brains, and we are working, slowly, on changing it to have more "human interactions". It's a process, that's for sure. I'd rather talk more, all that good "woman" stuff. I understand sometimes he just wants to "zone out", especially after his job, which is SO physical, and such long days. But, I guess, I keep hoping he'd view time with us as the ultimate pleasure on how to spend his time.
(that's a lot!! sorry if I rambled all over the place, but yes, I have a lot of feelings about it, too, so don't feel alone!!!!!!)
I feel your pain. My husband is a video game fanatic (he was one of those kids in the '80's who would COMPETE at Nintendo video game trials!) We have a 2 year old, were married for 8 years before we had kids and we always had some sort of video game system at the house....until I got pregnant. We (actually, more I then him) decided that the whole video game thing wasn't conducive to family life and we didn't want the temptation of having it around for all the reasons you mentioned. He still hates that we don't have one, but we don't have the issues surrounding it like we use to...i.e. playing until 2 in the morning, not helping with things around the house. You don't know the pressure I felt this last Christmas to buy him a Nintendo Wi!
Anyway, I know you didn't ask for advice, but it would be good if your husband could set some limits on playing for all of your sanity. It makes us as mom's resentful when, after a REALLY long day at home, our DH's plop in front of the video game to relax...meanwhile, the kiddos still need us and we feel abandoned! Maybe you could kindly suggest that he wait until the kids are in bed before he plays, so he won't miss out on what they are doing?
I'm in your boat. My husband is 45 and works swing shift. During the week it is just me and the boys. They like to stay up until my husband gets home so that they can play X-Box 360 with him, but I force them to go to bed. I will wake up at 3am and find that he is playing online X-Box with people from all over the world. It doesn't bother me that much unless we have something planned for the following morning and he can't get out of bed. Our 4 yr old had a Valentine celebration at preschool that both of us were going to attend. He was up all night playing games and couldn't get up. I was so infuriated. When I got home I chewed him out so bad. Now, if we have agreed to do something before he has to go to work and he has been up all night, he still has to go no matter how tired he is. I PUT MY FOOT DOWN. He works all night while I look after the kids and all of their other activities. I deserve to have some help. Video games are addicting and can take time away from togetherness. I am a single mom during the week and a video game widow on the weekends. I make sure that he spends time with our boys on the weekends even if all three of them are playing games. I have begun to go to the spa for a massage once a month just to have me time. It's expensive, but I always feel rejuvenated and rich.
The boat's not sinking, but it can feel a little overwhelming sometimes.
Take care, A.
Been there. My husband was basically addicted, from age 33 to 36. He used to play until 3 or 4 in the morning. Then we had a kid, and he stepped up without any prompting: he said the games sucked him in and made him a bad dad. Plus I think sleep became a priority. I can't tell you how glad I A. that he quit! It's not a bad habit (lord knows, there are much worse things a husband can get into), but it was a time suck and a money suck. We sold all his gaming gear on Craig's List.
Men are big kids. My husband has been the same way for the last 5 years, until about 2 months ago. He actually decided to SELL his Xbox 360 and take up a new hobby, remote control cars. At first I wasn't thrilled, but this new found addiction includes our 4 and half year old son, and he loves spending time with daddy. Plus, it gets him off the couch and outside. And on the days it's raining, I take advantage! So maybe see if you can't steer him towards another kind of game, something that includes you and the girls. This makes it less threatening.
Okay, so you've gotten a ton of advice/ responses to your request already, but here's my two cents...
I have a video-game playing hubby, and I'm a SAHM of 3. I sit with him, ask him questions, and try to understand the games he's interested in. I got into his world, and now he's more willing to come into mine.
Nagging and getting irritated never helped. Genuine interest, caring, and respectfulness are the way to go.
I know it's frustrating, but you can get thru this!
I went through this with my son's father. We are no longer together for other reasons. He would neglect everything for video games. Told me that he didn't have any money to help pay for bills, but could afford to buy his cigarettes and video games. I was hurt by this. He also started talking to me in video game lingo about the games he was playing. I had no idea what he was talking about.
This is a hard habit to break. It's a matter of knowing when it's acceptable to play and when it's not. You might just need to speak with him and have a compromise. This way he can still play his games, but you and your children have a daddy to spend time with. :D
Oh I feel ya sister. My husband really has no bad habits. He doesn't drink or smoke or go out with his buddies very often, but I hate his computer games more then anything. He can sit at this computer for hours. If I didn't complain I don't think he would ever get off here. He too plays every night but it's usually after our boys go to bed and for 4 to 6 hours every weekend day. I know I shouldn't complain because he is a very loving man who is great to his hole family, but man a little bit of time together at night would be great. It can feel very lonely. If he put half as much time into his artist talents as he did those games he would be a great success. I so feel your pain. I don't think he will out grow it anytime soon so I guess we must suffer. ;(
I totally understand what you mean! My husband has always been a huge video game player, to the point I actually had to send the new X Box 360, when it first came out, to Iraq! I've learned that it's his "personal" time away from us. Although, you have little ones still, so he needs to understand that you still need him. I remember when we were first married, he would stay up until the wee hours of the morning and never come to bed! Drove me nuts! All you can do is tell him how you feel, and keep in mind he needs his time, but you need your time too. I work full-time and started my own business as well, so my evenings that I do my Spa Parties are my time. I get to visit with adult women and spend a few hours pampering ourselves! Of course, once the children get older he'll have them playing...my daughters play their Wii and I shocked them all by playing for a few minutes the other night!
Mine used to and it drove me NUTS. My son was about six months old and we had temporary custody of my nine year old niece. I was studying for the bar exam and asked my husband to watch the kids for a couple of hours each day (especially on his days off) so I could have uninterrupted study time. I'd hear the baby crying his eyes out and would come out of the bedroom to see the baby on the floor and my niece watching tv . . . no sign of my husband. The first few times I'd call for him and he'd come upstairs. My niece told me that he would go back downstairs as soon as I left. I started getting really irritated and crept quietly downstairs. He was playing video games on the computer. I have to admit that I gave him an absolute earful about leaving a baby in the care of a nine year old and a few other things.
That was four years ago. Now, when he gets a new video game he'll go nuts playing it until he has "conquered" it but I'm just very clear about what I need from him. I still get a little grumpy over this childish obsession, but I figure that as far as vices go this isn't a bad one. (He doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, watch every single sporting event, gamble or even GOLF!)
You are certainly not alone in this. My 37 year old husband plays computer games every night. Sometimes I find it very frustrating but most times he will take breaks and help me with the girls.
When the girls were younger I found it problematic, but I sat down with him and we discussed how much "guy time" he needed when he got home. We set some rules together on how much time he needed to unwind from work and his over an hour commute.
Now that they are older it has become sort of a bonding time for him and the girls. They sit and cheer him on and give him advice on how to win. Especially the family friendly Wii games. My oldest beats him at bowling much to his chagrin!
Anyway, take some time with your husband and let him know how you feel. Set some ground rules together and he can play (maybe not to his heart's content) and you can get help with the girls.
I feel your pain, and here's my advice. Guys need an outlet after work. It's just that simple. They have a hard time coming home and jumping into helping out around the house, like we'd be able to do. It would be hard on your relationship if you asked him to do that. On the other hand, there has to be balance. Insisting on balance will also be hard on our relationship. I think that honesty and communication will help you with this one. After you've fed him a great meal and the kids are happily playing, let him know (without emotion . . . because that's how they work!), that when he plays games for a lengthy amount of time that you feel disconnected with him and so do the kids. Then, express (again, without emotion) your desire for his help with the kids in the evening. Let it be a request for help. Guys like to help the damsel in distress. However, they don't respond real well to an emotional breakdown. Every experience that before?!?! I sure have. Doesn't work. Good luck!
Oh this is funny to me. Not only are you not alone, plus the responses you are getting, I have friends and syblings around the country who are dealing with it too. Ours is online Xbox 360 though! This started to cause alot of problems with my husband and I. We just made ground rules. The game can come on when dinner is done, the chores are all done, and Ive had a break from the house for a min.(that can mean running to town for milk, going and taking a bath upstairs, or sitting at the computer and chatting with the gfs) If he is any sort of understanding husband he should stick to these rules. Coming straight home and getting on the computer is not fair to you. He hasnt been home all day and now its like he still isnt home. Good luck to you sister!
You have a great deal of sympathy! You are not alone. There are many people who use the computer as an "escape". I went thru it after my two girls were born. I was lonely & isolated & then eventually so bitter I divorced him after waiting 16 years. I recommend you talk to him about how you are feeling & try to agree on spending time together as a couple. My girls are 13 & 15 now. I've been divorced for 1 year. I found out he & I love each other still very much & wish we would've gotten counseling. The game isn't an excuse & setting time on the side for each other is very important to keep the family together.
You are not alone. My husband plays WOW and a couple other PC games. There are definitely times when I got frustrated and a little jealous of the time he was getting to himself. I work full time from home and balance all of the normal daily stuff as well as a demanding job. Now when he gets home from work, he spends 30-45 minutes with the kids. Only a few nights a week does he play for long periods. The other nights, he will log in for just a short time so he can help me with dinner, baths, etc. It really has helped. Also, now once or twice a month, I have started going out with a couple other Moms from our neighborhood to have dessert and just relax with friends usually right around the kids bedtime. Nobody can be expected to be supermom with only 4-5 hours sleep and maintaining the demanding schedules we have. We get tired and run out of gas...sometimes they just need to be reminded of that. My husband says he forgets that sometimes because I work so hard to keep our family on top of things. Best of luck!
My husband and all 7 of my brothers or brother-in-laws play video games. I think most men that generation do. The key is just finding a balance that works for your family. In our house, playing video games is like me reading a book or watching TV... something I do only when the kids are in bed. It's time he laid down the controller and helped out equally. If you resent him playing, then you need to go back to square one with him and agree on some limitations.
I'm with ya! I am in the same boat. I have had to lay down law about it, because it can get to be very overwhelming for us. I've got lots of history and knowledge about this subject and where it can lead. I can write a book, and believe me, I've thought about doing just that! Hang in there. Drop me a line, we can talk more!!
Yes, yes, I feel your pain! My husband plays guitar and Xbox and he is also 37 years old. I make Sundays family day where I dont sit on the pc and email and he doesn't play with anything other than our little girls guitar (backyardians) There are days that I want to form a group called Mothers Agaist Xbox :)
A little about me
I have been married for four years now and we have a very pretty little girl Olivia. I work four days a week during the day and my husband works at night, so the time spent with her is equal. I feel that I have to compete for his time somedays so I know it can be hard. Hang in there!
My husband, 49, and teenage son, 16, both play computer games every night and are hard to get to help me around the house, too. It is sometimes like pulling teeth to get them to help with anything. But, I guess it is better than them going out every night. LOL
My hub bought a wii for his birthday this past year. at first i thought it was going to ruin me. now i actually use it to my advantage becasue he plays child friendly game and my two boys like to watch him. But when i need him to put the darn thing down and clean something thats another story. Then he complains that the dishes in the living room are piling up..well thats where he left them anyways yes i think it is a mans way of getting away from it all some husbands go out to the bar together some stay at home and play games...i think its all dumb personally but hey at least he is at home!
Yes my Husband does the same thing but he plays with our 5 yr old son and then they only play after dinner until about 7:30 and no later than 8:00... But then I get time to go on the computer for alittle while. I work 6 1/2 hrs a day.. I do feel your pain...oh and my husband is 44.. Sorry..
LOL Is there a man alive that doesn't play video games? Even my dad plays some video games, or at least used to and he's in his 50's. My college boyfriend played video games and would only stop if I had something specific in mind to do...not just "let's go out and do something", but a specific destination...and even then it was hit or miss. My ex-husband played them non-stop...ignored me until I went to bed (and guess what he wanted then lol...needless to say I was not inclined)anyway, he wouldn't stop for anything...sleep,work, earthquake, house fire, whatever...you could not tear him away from them or even get him to listen to you while he was playing. My fiance plays them all the time too (27 years old) and my son sits on his lap and watches the ones that are okay for a toddler to see (doesn't show the ones with killing, gore, etc.), but I am really fortunate because my finace will stop for anything I ask him or just because he thinks I might want his attention. Not many men are like that. I can definately sympathize with you. Since your husband seems to be willing to stop to help, perhaps you can ask him for a specific time each night that he be available and not on the computer.
I have a 37 year old husband too. We have an 8 almost 9 year old son, actually Rich is his step-father and both of them are into video gaming. My son more so, and we only have those Plug-n-play ones (like the old Atari games, and Star wars). My husband was obsessing with those last year, especially when he got a really bad headache (and he gets those often). I am not here to give advise, just sharing my experience.
I work part time as a retail merchandiser, and so does my husband, sometimes we even work together. I work for 5 different companies, he works for one. This may get a bit long winded, so sorry for that. Rich and his brother (a twin) have been creating a Ghost story for years, they would write and work on it then stop for awhile, and it takes place inside a lighthouse. Well, Rich is using a particular one that no longer exists (The Cleveland Light) and supposedly a lighthouse in Rhode Island (East Block) has the same floorplan as the Cleveland one. So here is what is making me a bit crazy this year. A few weeks ago, Rich got the idea about creating the floorplan, so he could write the ghost story better, and now he has gotten (get this ladies) LEGO's. My husband is now obsessed with Lego's. He went out and bought 4 tubs of them to build this replica of the house, not the lighthouse tower part. And he is actually running out of legos, and needs more of them. Also the company he works for hasn't got any work for him next week, so unless he comes and helps me with my work, he will be downstairs in his art studio building this thing. And on top of that he plans to paint it so it looks more like the house.
I do love him dearly and he does help out now and then with the vacuuming, and dusting and cooking, but laundry well that is all mine. Now if I can just get my son to start helping, that would be a blessing.
Maybe it's the age. All I know is that my husband would be very boring to be around if he didn't act like a kid himself.
God Bless you and Good Luck.
I feel your pain alright. I had to have a chat with my husband and give it a time limit (feels like a 3rd child sometimes), but the online game playing was getting out of hand. Since he agreed to put a time limit on it we have all been much happier. He did not realize how much time it was chewing up until it was brought to his attention (time flies in the gaming world).
I am so sorry. My husband was totally this way too before our daughter was born. And it drove me INSANE! HE would be up for hours, until ealry the next morning playing thse STUPID on-line games. I threatend that once our daughter was born he had to not spend so much time playing video games. IT helped, he found a new hobby, photography. But now he's online every night on a photo chat group. I figure this is a little better than playing video games. One thingI tell my husband when I feel he is not spending enough time with our daughter "you better take in every moment because you'll never get this time back." I think it's helped a little :)
Well I can feel your pain, I told my husband that I don't mind if he has an outlet we all needit but it is not fair to you if he can't hold off until the kids are in bed. Tell him that is what you have to do and that he should be fair to you. I totally understand. He is a product of the video game boom and the games they are making now are not for the kids now, but for the kids inside the adults who grew up playing them. They have some kind of psycological hook in them that the poor guys can't seem to fight. hehehe men are just silly but we love them don't we
OMG I feel your pain. This is the biggest arguement in my marriage (which is otherwise great). He says since he doesn't go out with the boys this is how he hangs out with his friends (X-box live). However he would not be going out with his friends everyday so it's a horrible excuse to me. I could go on for paragraphs about how much I hate the video games but instead I'll just say I feel your pain and maybe when their say...50 they'll outgrow them? Email anytime to vent or comiserate (I can't spell) on the subject!
My husband doesn't play computer games, but he sits on his computer doing who-knows-what the minute he gets home from work until he goes to bed! It drives me absolutely crazy since he doesn't help much around the house either. I sometimes think that men are just "big" boys. I sometimes wish I could hide the computer, but then he would just sit and watch TV. I guess that's why us women live longer and tend to be closer to our children. Anyway, good luck to you and let me know if you find out any tricks to get your hubby away from the games!
Just the sheer number of responses alone is funny!
Years ago I divorced a guy who did nothing but play video games, but I should have realized before I married him that he wasn't going to change once we got married. I believe he's still lost in WOW and I actually searched for his current wife's name on this thread to see if she was having a problem with it... :-)
My current husband plays poker online every night from 9 to 1pm. The difference, though, is that he's beginning to win a lot of money doing it! If it pays the rent, I'm not going to mind.
What's funny is that while I was reading this thread, my 21-month-old baby started tapping me on the back with a stick and forceably turned my chair around. So, it's time for MOMMY to get off the computer and go play!
LOL Well this one hit home for me. When hubby and I were dating he did the same thing. Believe it ot not it's now our business. You are thinking right. He's home at night. I had to realize that he could be out somehere else doing heaven knows, but he's home. So I had to learn to pick my battles. But you know. I's better than the alternative: being home and drinking. I knows it's hard to deal with, but you are NOT alone. In fact he took such a HUGE risk 2 years ago and quit his full time job with benifits to do this "Hobby gaming" full time. Sitting down for this? He is making almost 2 1/2 times his salary with the business, we have 15 employees 24/7 (in different shifts), we have full benifits. Believe me it wasn't an easy thing to do, but anytime you need to talk my door is open to you. I was VERY frustrated when he would play, but it's been almost 17 years of marriage and a 1 1/2 yea engagement on top of that.
You are not alone. My husband plays video games most of the time he's at home, either on his phone or the computer. It seems he has no other hobbies and is a way to unwind, but actually takes him away from us (me and 2 girls, 6 and 8 years) even when he's at home. It may be somewhat of an avoidance issue, or just his way for downtime. However, I agree with you that it shouldn't be something someone his age should be doing so often. We're still working on talking about such things, but perhaps you could talk to him about it and see what his view is.
Wanted to reassure you that you are not alone. There are three of us just on my block alone. My husband now plays mostly weekends butthat means anywhere from 4 to 8 hours. Sickening isn't it?
I too have an almost 4 year old girl & a 3 month baby girl so I can relate.
hang in there!!!
all the best,
I feel you pain haha, My husband also plays computer games when he is home, Its a very frustrating feeling when I have been home all day with our kids and he comes home and gets on the computer so we made a deal that when he comes home he plays with the kids for one hour while i make dinner and then after we eat I get the kids in the bath and then to bed while he plays his games then after the kids are in bed I will keep myself busy for an extra half hour to give him a little more time by then he has played enough and we spend our time together before bed. Doing this little routine has made me less irritated when he gets on his games. I know you didnt ask for advice i just thought I would share with you our idea because gaming can really get ANNOYING! hahaha Hope this helps!
That is totally my husband! And I totally feel your pain! He gets so absorbed in the computer games that he gets irratated when I talk to him. He has gotten better over time, but sometimes I just want to chuck the computer out the window. He plays WOW all the time. The funny thing is that in order to spend time with him doing something he likes I started playing too. I wait until my son goes to sleep though. You can email me anytime you fee the need to complain! ____@____.com
My husband plays his computer games every night when he comes home from work. I don't mind so much except when he doesn't understand me needing a break from the kids after having been around them ALL DAY LONG. I do everything including bath and bed for them and so I can definitely sympathize with you.
If it is something that really bothers you, then it's something you two will have to work out (like what you want/need him to do before he gets on the computer, etc)... otherwise... just resign yourself that this is how life in your house is hehe. I understand how frustrating it can be and how hard it can be to explain it to others.. but I don't think it's as strange as it seems!
My husband used to. Originally he was a computer game, then he had the Xbox 360 and I told him the games were too violent and I didn't want our daughter hearing or seeing it. So, he traded it for the Nintendo Wii (on Craig'slist), which has more family friendly games. However, after a lot of talking and explaining on my part, he rarely ever turns it on. Good luck!
oh girl, you are not alone. my husband is an avid World of Warcraft player and it drives me nuts. When i get home, my daughter prefers to play with me, so he automatically goes upstairs and starts playing one of his 3 online games. sometimes i don't mind, but he knows how much i hate it when he just leaves us to do it. AND he will stay up until 1am every night...which means i wake up with our daughter every day, no days to sleep in. i am actually going to have a little talk with him about it because it makes me upset. We used to alternate weekend days to sleep in, and i think we should start doing this again.
WOW...77 entries and counting! Yes, my b/f does this too...with three kids sometimes feel like a single mom, etc...
THe bottom line is that HE need me to either ask him, or nicely tell him that he needs to help with the laundry, dinner, errands...
On the other end of things, I finally decided instead of being pissed about what he wasn't doing with me or our kids that I would find my own hobby outlet to nurture who I am.
I recently became a Sensaria Rep...I nurture who I am...make money on the side and when he is playing "vids" at night (like now, the kids are asleep), I am checking email and getting ready for my next Spa Experience! I feel so empowered and I have my own outlet...the funny thing is, he has started to complain at how much time I have been spending with MY thing...I don't need to focus on him and what he's doing when I have ME!!!
I would love to share Sensaria Natural Bodycare products with you!
It is sometimes hard (especially with little ones) - but there will be days when you are glad he is occupied. You can have your time to chat on the computer, talk to friends, read - whatever you like to do!
Our family has always played video games as a family. Of course the gory stuff was played after the kids went to bed. Some of them I don't like to watch - so I do something else.
Everyone needs their own hobbies - even if they are non-productive! As long as you have some quality family time - there is no harm done!
Yeah, I feel your pain too. It's not so much computer games, but TV (sports). They love their kids I know, but just wish they could interact and help out a little more.
A. ~ work at home mom of two girls.
My husband is a major video game player. It used to drive my crazy, but like you I am just glad that his hobby keeps him home. My husband is on deployment right now, but before he left he actually decreased his playing and spent some more time with him family. I am just hoping that one day he will be tired of it, but until then I forcus on the positives - like the good quality time he spends with our daugther and myself when he is not playing games.
Perhaps you could work out an agreement with him in regards to the amount of time, like a time limit.
I know this is going to be challenging. My husband goes in spurts with the computer games and he uses it as a way to unwind.
My husband has a very stressful job, but it has allowed us to have me at home for the past 15 years. I would not trade that for anything.
I completely understand why he needs to do it but he does not do it every night. This is very addictive stuff and it is hard to remove yourself from it.
Perhaps if you can communicate with him in a understanding way about what you need from him and if you can understand that he needs time to unwind when he gets home you can come to some type of agreement.
My husband used to freak out when he came home because I would instantly expect him to relieve me. I know being home with small children all day can be hard and you want a break when he walks in the door.
The instant my husband would walk in the door I would want something from him, help with the kids or whatever.....but this did not allow him the space and time he needed to unwind.
Once I figured that out, it created the chance for him to be welcomed in the front door without me instantly asking him to do something, I gave him the time he needed to read the paper or whatever and then, he graciously would help me with dinner, the kids or what ever I needed.
Communication is the key, being able to let him know how you feel and what you need and also being responsive to his needs as well and coming to an understanding to create a situation that can work for both of you.
My husand just turned 44 and is exactly like this. We call it his "I don't care time"! There are days that it doesn't bother me because we have nothing else going on, and then there are days that it really irritates me because I feel like I am running ragged.... or bored out of my mind because the tv is in use and there is no conversation/companionship available because of it... while he sits has a controller glued to his hand. However... I have to say that if he at least pauses it to help with the kids, he's better than my husband!!! I do know that it's a wind down time for him some days because his job was pretty stressful that day and he's mentally exhausted.
The only advice I can offer is to try to communicate your feelings with your husband and come to an agreement... I know I can tell my husband when I'm starting to feel neglected and he will usually (if it's put to him in the nicest way possible) shut it off, or we'll make a deal about how long he'll be on it that day.
You are not alone! My husband is the same way, but he is playing computer games on line. He comes home and goes straight to the computer after saying hi to me and our son. And he is there until he goes to bed. I have had to talk with him about it several times. He will help me out if I ask for it, but at times it seams that he doesn't want to.
We have had to come to an agreement that he can play as long as he helps me out and only be on it after our son goes to bed at 8:30.
Hang in there and I am afraid it's something that guys never grow out of. Good luck!
I feel your pain! My husband plays online video games as often as he can. He sneaks into the office to play every chance he gets! He's 37 as well. We have a 7 month old Amelia ourselves.
He does help out when I ask, but he doesn't volunteer very much.
He also reminds me that at least he's home and not out and about. I'm still at home with our daughter, but will probably find something part-time in a few months. I feel like I need a bit of a break, or just some adult conversation and am frustrated at the time he spends online chatting and playing with his gaming buddies. I do feel like I need to give him some down time as he's had a stressful day at work and needs to decompress. I try to just let him know when I need him and would like to spend time with him, but it would be great if he just volunteered to hang out with us some time too!
I'm 38 staying at home right now with my 7 month old Amelia married 6 years to a great guy.
My husband is an avid gamer and has been for many, many years long before he knew me. He is 36 incidentally and it seems that our generation of kids have grown up to really enjoy the online gaming phenomenon. My hubby has struggled with addiction to computer games in the past and has been able to break free from them as well. It definitely can be a huge time waster/escape for many people. Have you talked to your husband about the time he spends on the game? This site might give some helpful advice as to how to confront him and has a self test to see if one is addicted to online gaming. http://netaddiction.com/resources/online_trading.htm
Men need their escape time it is true to wind down from work stress, etc. but it is important he knows that you need him too. Perhaps you can reach a compromise that on certain nights he not play the game and help you and other nights he can play without being interrupted barring some emergency.
My husband came to stop online gaming on his own, but it was through the conviction of the Holy Spirit on his life...not by any wonderful thing I did. I am thankful for this, but take no credit for doing anything special to elicit the change. I will pray for your situation, that you will find a way to communicate this to your husband without it becoming a big fight.
I am sure you will have LOTS of replies to this one! :) You are NOT ALONE! My dh used to do the same thing. We talked and I expressed to him that I understand that this is his 'down time' but I also needed his help when he got home. He still gets on the computer for a few minutes when he first gets home and I am ok with that. I realize he does need to 'debrief' for a few as he comes home to chaos every evening. The noise level in my home is a bit high as I have 3 small kids and usually have a neighbor's kid or two. We have the Wii now and it has turned into a fun family time for all of us. It is still not my favorite, but it brings him joy and I want him to be happy. BALANCE is what is't all about! I do feel your pain. Congrats on having your one day a week with the adult world. I dream of that sometimes.
My husband used to play video games for hours and hours and hours. It was a serious source of contention between us. Now, he's gone back to school and is working as well, so he just doesn't have time to. He still talks about wanting to play though. He still spends more time in front of the computer than I'd like, but at least it's reading the news or doing something somewhat useful, instead of just mindlessly shooting people on a video game. My brother spends too much time playing video games too. He's a successful business man with his own thriving business and 3 kids. He and his wife disagree quite a bit about how much time he spends playing games. He's actually the one that got my husband stuck on this one game that I wish was never invented! Also, my aunt complains that my uncle (50 something dentist) is addicted to the internet and spends all his time glued to the computer. I think it's a problem between men and women. I've learned to accept that my hubby will be "away" at the computer for periods of time that I'd rather have him paying attention to me. Like your husband, he'll take breaks when I need him and is wonderful with the kids. I just don't want to have to ask for the help, but he says that It's something I need to just do. It doesn't bother him when I ask, but it's always something he wouldn't think to do himself. He's not as in tune with the kid's schedules and stuff. So, I just ask now and don't let it bother me that I have to. Your Olivia shares my birthday, a winter solstice baby. So, there you go, some company. It's true. Men love to do mindless vegetative things and there's not much we can do about it!
You are not alone! I also heard on Doctor Laura that it is ok. He needs time to let his mind wind down when he gets home from work. We just can't wait to hand off the kids so we can get things done like cooking him dinner, etc.
My husband is a WOW player- after enough nagging from me, he has agreed to choose one night a week as his "game night" that I know I'm on my own, and the others if he plays more than like an hour I get pretty cranky with him! I'm with you- their dad's now, right?!
Boy! Did YOU hit a nerve!!!!! I have to admit, although I have a really great marriage, the computer video games thing really has put a wedge between me and my husband and sons. They are in front of their games continually and it used to drive me up a wall. Then, I started an internet business and now I have joined them! Although I am not one for the video games, I spend hours with my computer making money and then doing fun things like Mamasource. Don't beat 'em....join 'em! They have to come looking for ME now!!! If they want, they can call out for pizza and use paper plates and napkins instead of dishes...then the sink doesn't pile up! Yeeeeshhh...what is this society coming to????????
Omg I went online this morning 8am to see if any other women are experiencing this foolishness too and it drives me so crazy when there's things to be done in the house or he has that damn headset on and can't even hear how loud he really is or when he plays from sun up to sun down, I'm big on conspiracy theories and illuminati and symbloism and I research symbolism in video games and all call of duty games have a lot of symbolism it it, and I really don't want him to play but he's addicted now and the whole spill about atleast he's home and not out , please first of all your a grown man with kids you shouldn't need a game to do the right thing it just irks me all the way around
I do understand what you are going through-but my situation is a little different. I have grown kids and have a bf- that soon as he gets home he hits the computer (video basketball.) I do understand this on a different level as you-because you still have little ones around whom needs their dads attention. You have been there all day for them and now he is home and you want him to share that. Whereas I am all ok with my man winding down in this manner...at least I know he's home with me. I after raising a family enjoy the quit times.
Especially after I made him relize it's just a game.(Explain below)
I feel that maybe it is good he comes home and have a wind down time. Maybe you can talk to him about a limit- or time frame to be computing. Maybe after the lil ones are in bed? So that you all have family time together. I am not a selfish person-so please don't get me wrong, but possibly you can have something to do when he gets home and ask him to watch the kids? You don't have to leave the house -but you be as absorbed into what you are doing as he is so he can see the outcome? How the kids react etc.
I can see where this is frustrating to you...and if you 2 really love one another it can be talked about and delt with. I have learned through time men need to learn from example. One can be tasteful about this, not childish or petty.
Also just explain to him you have been home all day w/the kidos and you want some help and spend that time with them. after you put the kids to bed, then you and he has some time together and then he can compute.
OR do it like he does, compute first but with a limit- to wind down-then kiddo and wife time,then more after the kids are asleep? I do feel it's all about CARE and COMUNICATION. Don't be afraid--it's your life too. I hope this helps or at least just having a range of ideas can be helpful. Have a great day and good luck.
P. from St. Helens, 4 grown kids 28-26-24-21. 5 grands ages 15 months,6,7,9,9.
PS- The only problem I had with my bf and his computer games is he was very verbal and would get mad-just as if he were watching a game live or on tv. He has a very strong voice and this was very nerve racking to me, I could not even think. I simply stated to him that he's playing the game and he's only getting mad at himself and it is just a game. That if he gets that upset...maybe he should not play something that raises his blood pressure so high. And too, his anger was really playing on my nerves...geez it's a game-not real life. NOW he is very good about being quit during his computing now-Thank goodness. COMMUNICATION!
I can sympathize. My husband is 45 and pays a bunch of money to play Ever Quest or (EQ) one whole day a week and plays some other game online for free at least an hour a day. I miss my husband. We never conect like we use to. He was supposed to teach me how to play Chess years ago, still hasn't done it.
My husband was playing World of Warcraft much more then I felt was appropriate when my son was born until 6 months. I believe that setting boundries around his playing time is very important for your children's self esteem. I ended up playing with him after our son went to bed and it ended up being so much fun. He got to show me the ropes, and we put limits on when we could play. I am now able to show him a lot about the game AND we have our family time as well (parks, dinner, cleaning, etc.) Good luck to you in what you decide to do. I hope this was helpful!
Hello, This is such a frusterating situation my ex-husband was really bad all he did when he was at home was play video or computer games. When my daughter was an infant he was little to no help around the house he would hold her while he played and think that was being helpful. He is now my ex and is still playing video and computer games my daughter now 11 complains that when she is at her dads house all he does is play on the computer. The only upside if there is one is he is the one to buy her all the latest coolest electronics that everyone wants. He is very computer savvy. I felt your pain. Good luck
My significant other plays video games on a gaming system and his computer. I can sooo relate to where you are coming from. My BF is very considerate and all I have to do is tell him I need his assistance. I have dated a few adult 'kids' and one was terrible about playing video games. He would put the baby in a seat next to him and play to his hearts content, ignoring the fact that baby needed to be fed, changed, ect... I had NO luck with him changing his ways. I hate to admit it but because of his game addiction and other bad habits I ended the relationship. So I suggest trying to explain to your Man what it is that is bugging you and what you need for support from him. Remember to keep your statements in a way to not insult but use 'I need' or other I statements. Mention maybe a time limit or whatever would be a middle ground.
I am married to a wonderful man who I knew was a gamer when I started dating him 13 years ago. When we got married (10 years ago) I became a gamer as well and enjoyed many hours of Nintendo64, Playstation, and PC games. Now that we have two children (adopted daughter, age 19 and biological son, age 3) we both do less gaming but I find that sitting at the computer for a little while after work really helps my husband relax. He has never been a big helper around the house, although he does cook dinner, so I don't complain much. He will watch our son and will also play with him on the computer. There are days I feel your pain and others I just let it slide. He is good about giving me time to play, whether it's computer games or scrapbooking. We all need a way to unwind. Talk with him about it and share how you feel.
It looks like you have already gotten a lot of responses, but I didn't notice anyone mentioning they came up with a solution. My hubby plays WOW too, and it really annoyed me for a long time. We eventually came to a compromise though. He can play all he wants after a certain time of night. So that means no playing during the day. On the weekends he has to spend at least one evening with me either playing board games or wathching a movie (usually the later). As long as he gets up at a decent time, I don't care how late he stays up to play. I do get a bit jealous though. But I remind myself that it is no different than me doing my crafts....which I would do non-stop if I wasn't in school!
Tiara: This is probably not what you want to hear, but you are so blessed. You have a husband that comes home, that loves his kids and wife. I have a daughter, single mom, with her daughter having a dead-beat for a dad!!! She would give anything to have a husband. Being a stay-at-home mom, you are so very lucky to be there every day but one, to see your kids grow and play and be able to play with them. Please don't get upset that he plays video games, he is at home!!!! You will soon turn around and your kids will be grown and gone!! Enjoy them while you have them and don't worry about the dust. Once your kids are grown you will have all the time in the world to do the dusting, the washing of clothes, the vaccuming. Just enjoy your family while you have them. There are so many that would trade you in a heart beat and want to be in your shoes right now!!! Hang in there and know that your family loves you and appreciates all that you do for them even if they don't tell you every day!!! Mom's have the best job in the world!!! As for your husband............spoil him and when he sees your unconditional devotion, he will want to return the favor. It might take a little bit for him to see it but don't give up. Keep positive thoughts at all times. Good luck and God bless you!!!
My husband also plays video games. He like the car racing ones. One race took him more than 3 hours. Granted, he'd pause the game periodically to take care of stuff, but that's still 3 hours he was tuned in to one race for. He still helps with the baby and with the household chores. But he likes his video games. You're not alone.
I hear you and believe it or not it is pretty common... I thought the same thing. I do feel your pain it is crazy that a game could demand so much attention when there is so much to do... I think that is why we are mom's lol.... hang in there. Look at the bright side at least he does take a break to help... Have a great weekend. Ju
my husband is turning forty this month he to does alot of video playing he says that its to unwind sometimes i think its a diversion of what actually needs to get done i deffently feel your annoyiance,
p.s. my brother inlaw is almost fifty and also does this but like you said they could be doing worse lol, J.
Yep, I feel the same way. You are not alone. I get the most upset when my husband is supposed to be watching/playing with our son so that I can work or study or cook dinner or the like and he is too busy on the computer to even pay attention to what our son is doing. Really aggravating.
Yes, I feel your pain. My husband, 37 also, plays games on the computer and on our new playstation. It used to bug me a great deal, but as we've "matured" (been married for 10 years), we've found a pretty nice balance, so I can't complain too much. He has a few tasks around the house that he consistently helps with and occasionally he even makes dinner. He's a great provider for our family (so that I can work part-time rather than full-time)and most importantly, I know that he loves me and our 2 daughters. Now, don't get me wrong...I'm not trying to brag. :) We have those days. You know the ones. I'm overwhelmed with chores, work responsibilities, errands, deadlines, etc. and he comes home and sits down in front of the computer with what seems to be not a care in the world. Ugh! But as you said, it is nice having your husband home every night, even if they are playing a game.
Howdy! My husband loves to fly his flight simulator. Thankfully my 2 yr old son loves it to...they do play often and it is a good time for me to have with our 7 wk old. But sometimes it does interfere. My husband likes to stay up late. So we've gotten to where once the kids are down, he'll fly. He also likes that because our son doesn't have a long attention span when they fly together. But that also means I often go to bed alone...oh well, the bed is bigger that way! =-)
Definetly not alone. My husband has done the "Every night/every day all day" video game play for gee...almost 8 years now, I'm just used to it. He does break away to do chores etc around the house, but pretty much every other waking moment that he's not at work he's on his computer playing world of warcraft (Before that it was everquest).
I would advise though, to talk to him about it, and let him know that it bothers you, otherwise it'll fester and become a problem. I wouldn't try to make him stop or do it less, just let him know that it bothers you A LOT!