Do Your Kids' Friends Open Your Refrigerator and Pantry?

I've never heard of anyone foraging at someone else's house.
It's rude and shows a lack of manners.
I'd tell them they are not allowed to do that.
If you want to have something for them to snack on have some bananas and apples out on the counter - and they can ask if they may have some before making a grab for anything.

My older daughter had a friend that did this and it drove me batty! I have a very open home and kitchen but I also find it rude to just go in someone's house and start going through their cabinets without asking first.
Just say girls, are you hungry? And then offer them something healthy and cheap, like a piece of fruit and shoo them back outside :-)

When my kids were younger, I found it rude, and blamed (if you want to use that frame of reference) the parents for not having taught them better manners.

Now that my kids are older, I presume that MY kid is who led the charge, and my kids know how I feel regarding snacks (what, how much, and when... is appropriate). At their ages (tween and teen) they are learning to be the host/hostess. And they know the house rules. So it is on THEM. If I don't like the way things are going... then I take my kid aside, not say something to the guest.

But when they are little kids? (under 8 or 9) then I would do as the others have said... swoop in and gently push the door closed as I ask them with a smile if there is something they need or are they ready for a snack.

Hi, Sally:

You are correct in your assessment of the inappropriate behavior of the girls.

Now a days, many parents do not teach their children RESTRAINT. The parents do not teach RESPECT of other people's property.

This is the one of the duties of parents: Honor your Mother and Father.
We all are elders to children and many parents have forgotten what civility means.

Have you ever wondered how many children and youth are placed outside of the home because the parents have failed to discipline their children when they were toddlers?

Our society in America has changed to instant self gratification.

Children's inappropriate behavior is a tell tale sign.

When the Children come over, sit down with them and tell them the rules of the house and if they need anything, come and ask you first.
Good luck.
D.

Sally,
Then, I am old fashion too. I taught my kids that opening the refrigerator, closet, or pantry in others' house is rude, even they know that they never should go into a room if they are not invited in at their friends' houses. Two of my kid's friends did that once, and I just asked them politely: "Do you need anything?, if you do, I 'd appreciate you let me know. Thanks!"
It doesn't matter how old the kids are, kids learn good manners very young, I started to teach my kids this kind of things at the age of 3 (repetition works wonders!). It is amazing how early children can learn good manners!
Every family has its own rules, some are more relax than others, but still with mine, we always have our kids' friends over, and they say they like to come here, which it is nice!....The kids are offered snacks of course, but my kids or myself provide them..it is our home after all.....
A. :)

I believe that it IS rude to do that at ANYONE'S home, and perhaps these sisters don't know any better.

I agree, you should walk over, gently close the refrigerator door and then ask if they need a snack.

My DD knows that there are certain foods for friends and certain foods for us. For example, juice is expensive so I don't serve juice to her and her friends. They can easily drink an entire $4 carton of orange juice!

I have foods for friends, I usually keep some frozen lemonade in the freezer so my daughter knows she can make lemonade for her and her friends without asking. She also knows she can make popcorn or share our chips. We always have mini carrots, celery and dips and peanut butter to share.

I also ALWAYS have a frozen pizza in the freezer as well, that she can make for her friends without asking. They can make PB & J sandwiches or toasted cheese, but lunchmeat is expensive and we save that for my husband's lunch.

I would be upset at any child that just walked in and opened our fridge. They all know to ask me or my DD for any type of snack! Still, I would curb the behavior as nicely as I could.

I tell them "oh, we're not doing that. If you want a snack, just ask me" as I close the door they've opened. My son is 6.5 and I can't say it's a compliment on the friend's part, as they often haven't even been here once before they start to think my house is some sort of hands-on children's museum. :)

I agree--- some parents really haven't taught their children how to be in other people's houses. When I was a kid, you did whatever the adults said you could do. I don't mind if a child asks for a snack (as long as it's not immediately before or after a meal-- I know little tummies get hungry) but they do not get to help themselves. And you'll likely get apples, cheese and a few pretzels or the like. I also notice that some kids feel entitled to watch a video (they ask for tv) or just explore my home, which I do stop right away. You are here for two hours to play, not watch tv, and you may not be in my room or any other area of the house which is not for kids. Simple, respectful rules I would hope my son will show to other families.

You didn't say how old your child is. For the tween/teen set I like when kids feel that comfortable at my house. If you want to know what your kid is up to, be the house where they want to hang out.

That means good food, lots of snacks, cooking for them and letting them cook and most importantly relaxing a little bit. Feeding people is an age old way of showing love and I have yet to meet the kid who doesn't appreciate a well stocked fridge.

My kids must have well-mannered friends because they have never done this.

I like what the other moms have suggested. Don't be afraid to set guest rules in your own home.

And I've never had a problem telling a child that what they are doing or asking is rude. Kids don't know unless you tell them.

My brothers are between 23-35. I have 4 of them. Every time they come to my house or go to each others houses they open up the fridge and pantry. I don't know why. It doesn't bother me at all.
L.

Yes,My Nephew came over with a friend and his friend went though my pantry,

I ask them "Boys are you hungry"?

It is more of a compliment with how comfortable they feel in your home and around you-I'm sure you can tell them nicely not to do it without hurting their little feelings.

Not generally. There are a few friends we know so well we might as well adopt them and they can rifle through the pantry if they want. But most of the time, the kids need to ask. Even if it's a simple, "May I have...?" I don't mind if a kid asks if they are hungry or thirsty. But if the kid is just self-serving, um. Please no.

If you know they will come over hungry, you can suggest they bring a snack with them, or you can say, "We are not having a snack today. Please close the fridge. Why don't you girls go play outside?"

Further, you do not have to buy chips and soda. If your version of a snack is crackers and cheese or cereal or fruit, then that is what you can offer if you want. The rest is off limits. One of DD's friends asks for soda and I simply say there isn't any. Does she want water or milk? She may say no, but I'm not buying soda for one kid.

I disagree that it's a compliment. It's a sense of entitlement. I had one of my son's friends do that. I yelled at the kid out of shock! Oh no.

Yes, family can do that. But, even when a nephew pulls put a candy bar or juice box, he holds it in the air and asks my permission before eating it.

With my nieces and nephews, I see it as a sign of comfort, but not for my child's friends.

One of our very good friends daughter does this every time she comes over! It doesn't bother me one bit, I don't mind sharing our snacks at all!! It does drive my husband a little batty.

She is the only one of my kids friends that do this. We eat healthy for the most part but I do allow my kids to have a couple non-healthy snacks in the house (fruit snacks, chips, teddy grams) my friend who is the mom of this little girl is so Organic her idea of a snack is kale chips (nothing wrong with this!!) but I think that's why she goes through our stuff cuz she knows it's her opportunity to get it.

Like I said it doesn't bother me but if its an issue for you, tell the other mom. A lot of the time when we get together for playdates the text will say:
tomorrow at so and so's house, 11am BYOS (bring your own snacks)

My daughter is 11. When her friends are over sure, I have snacks/drinks for them. These are friends of her's that we know well and I also know the family well. But, being they are 11, and per my daughter, she and they are perfectly capable, of getting drinks/snacks as they need to themselves, from our kitchen/fridge etc. And it is fine.
Why?
Because, they are not being rude. They are NOT taking "inventory" of our fridge or pantry. These are mannered kids.
They ask, first. Then go. I tell them they are old enough and can help themselves. And they do.
My daughter and her friends, even bake when they are here and they do it all themselves and have the kitchen to use and the ingredients. Its fine.
I let them.

Then per my daughter AND my 7 year old son and when they have friends over.....AND if I don't have much drinks/snacks available, then I SAY that, to my kid's friends. I will say "I don't have much right now because I didn't go grocery shopping yet, but so what we have is what we have. But this is what I do have...." and I show them and tell them. And it is FINE. Its just normal everyday, living.
AND if a certain snack is only for my kids' school snacks, I TELL my kids' friends, that they can have other things, but not the "crackers" because that is only for school for my kids. And it is FINE and no, big deal.
I just say it like it is. The kids don't mind. Its a home.
I don't feel put on a spot.

I am rather new to friends coming over but I have found this to be true with boys. I got really annoyed yesterday when they ate the entire container of yougart drinks that was supposed to feed my kids for breakfast all week. I told my son that next time he would be paying to them. They also raided my Halloween candy.

If I have kids over for a play date I expect to supply snacks. If it is just random neighborhood kids playing outside then I have cheap items like ice pops the kids can share. But I do agree that they should not just walk up and open your fridge without being offered to first.

We are past that stage now but when my daughter had friends over, they were welcome to have snacks or drinks.

My pantry is always well stocked and I have a spare fridge in the laundry room that is just drinks.

I never had an issue with them getting something to eat or taking advantage of the opportunity. Most of the time, it was the same group of girls who were here and I guess they felt comfortable and welcome in our home which is what I want all of our guests to feel like.

If you prefer not to offer any snacks or drinks make your house rule known upfront. Your child will also have to relay the message to her friends that the pantry and fridge are off limits at her house.

Kids come to my house know the rules. We have water, juice, or milk to drink. There is a bucket in the pantry that they are allowed to pick ONE snack from or there are premade bags of veggies and fruit in the refrigerator that they are welcome to. Otherwise it is not an open cafe.

I don't mind at all feeding other people's kids...I expect if my kids are hugrny at a friends house they won't stay that way for long. But I also don't expect my kids to raid panty's or refrigerators for anything. My kids know the rules at my house and that those rules are to be followed no matter where they are.

I think it is a matter of how comfortable they are with you. If they feel comfortable enough to sit with you, on you, or cuddle with you, they probably feel like family and make themselves at home.

You may just tell them, we don't open the refrigerator. But on the other hand, does the other mother tell your child to help herself when she wants a drink or something to eat?

I keep one shelf in the pantry for snack foods that we offer unexpected company. If I know in advance that we will have guests, I buy for that visit. My daughters know what to offer people and when to say,"Sorry, that's not available." It was a good lesson for them in setting limits with people.

My daughter doesn't really have friends over yet, but I have certain friends who, when I go to their house or they come to my house, we're comfortable enough to get stuff out of each other's fridges. We have one friend that frequently stays the night and we had to eventually tell him that the next time he asked if he could go get a glass of water, the answer would be no. Because we don't think he needs to ask.

That being said, if I didn't know the kid, or was not super close friends with the person, I'd be weary of just going into someone's kitchen.

My daughter's friends were welcome to help themselves to snacks. They knew this and still asked before rummaging. If it's a problem, speak up to them.

Only if they've been invited to do so. Sometimes not even then. My older son's best friend just can't bring himself to do it even after hanging out here for years. Mostly, one of my kids will ask "Can we have ___?" and they go from there.

In your case, you need to shut the fridge door and calmly inform them, "It is rude to open other people's fridges, cabinets and drawers without permission. You do not have permission." They may simply have no idea that what they are doing isn't generally done.

If they keep doing it, then the give one warning - "I've already talked to you about this. If you don't follow the rules, you can't come over to play anymore." and mean it. If they do it again after that, send them home immediately.

The only friends houses I went to and that they cbame to minr were people who I have known forever and we didn't even knock we called each others parents mom n dad. But yes I dont go and open people fridges neither does my daughter
Even. At her grandparents she won't at my mom n dads and grandmas I will every time im there but thats just habbit as I lived with each at some point

If this was a kid that visits regularly then they would know they can ask for food at any time. If they just went in and started going through stuff they'd get an ear full.

If it's a stranger's kid then they would not be in my home without a parent with them. I'd make sure the parent knew their kid was allowed to ask for a snack if they got hungry.

This has happened a handful of times over the years. I politely tell them in our house our rule is only family members can open the pantry and fridge. I stay calm..but on the inside it drives me nuts.
With my own kids beside our fridge the only other fridge they can open is my parents. Many people just don't think basic manners are important.
My good friend her kids frequent my house. Her son is in 1 st grade goes over to my fridge and opens its. I was shocked. Basically her kids are mannerlly. Wks later my friend was talking to me about manners. I brought that up...like what would do in this situation. Without bringing attention that her son was the one. She didn't think it was a big deal to open someone elses fridge.