Discipline for My 2 1/2 Yr Old

Hi Victoria,
Every kid is different. My second child was very hard to discipline. I was at my wits end when I stumbled on how to get her to listen. I put her favorite toy (a blue ball) in time out when she was bad. She LOVED that ball and hated for it to be taken away. It is a lot easier to put a toy in time out than it is to put a head-strong toddler in a chair for two minutes. Good luck.

I have had great results with http://www.parentmagic.com/ 1-2-3 Magic and Love and logic. A combination of both works great for me.
K.

Boy, did I write this in my sleep? I have been tempted to post the same query. PLEASE, Moms out there....help!! I, too, am anxious to read your responses.

Three basic rules:
One two three magic. There is a book, called this, actually. One minute time out for each year they are old.
Time out does not begin until they are quiet and still for that amount of time...
Walk them back without ANY expression as many times as it takes.
This will work for many years to come! Boys really get wild at ages three and four. TV should be monitored, and video games not allowed until older.
Hope this helps.

TIME OUT AND DO IT NOW!!!!!watch SuperNanny and be strong

You've gotten a lot of good advice already, but I want to second the use of the 1,2,3 method - say what the consequence will be (if i have to count to three, then no tv today), then just count (hold up your fingers as well), have some pauses in between, then when you get to three, follow through.

There are books to read on the topic (I've heard 123 Magic is good), but I just made up my own system. It's important to hold up your fingers, because thankfully you can get to the point where you just have to catch their eye and hold up the fingers (1, 2...) and not say a word! Has been working wonders for my oldest since she was 3 1/2 - can communicate with her from across a room, and silently in a church pew or at a meeting. (She's 5 now, so doesn't even need any consequences spelled out, she knows she won't like them.)

I've just started this week teaching this to my youngest who is 18 months - she was carrying her cup of milk around instead of leaving it on the table. She's allowed to drink from it, but it has to stay on the table, not travel around the room. Did the 1,2,3 thing, then had to go get the cup and put it on the table. She cried and followed me back to the table, but then I soothed her and she had some more to drink. She tried to carry off her cup this morning and I started the 1, got to 2 and then she brought the cup back herself, at which I praised her all over the place.

It does work, you just have to stay calm, set reasonable consequences, and then follow through with whatever you said. Each of those three components are equally important.

Let's see, what else...keep at the timeouts, he will learn to respect them and if no other thing, timeouts are good for the parents as well as the kids.

Oh, and if he still laughs at you for attempting to punish him, 'punish' one of his favorite toys. My friend's 2 year old was doing the same thing, laughing at her when she tried to do timeouts and my friend found that putting her doll in timeout worked WONDERS. Not hidden in a closet, but out in the open where she could see it and be reminded, but not get to it.

Good luck!

I had a wild and wonderful 2 year old once - he is now a terrific, responsible, 16 year old all around great kid. I will tell you that 2.5 is not a fun age and neither is 3. You've got to nip the disrespect in the bud.

Time out - my son spent a LOT of time in time out. You need to be consistent. You need to make him do the whole 2 min. If he gets up, it starts over. Time out cannot take place in his room. It has to be the kitchen chair or a corner - someplace bare of distractions.

Tell him what he did and put him in the chair. Set the timer. If he gets up. SAY NOTHING. Put him back. Re-set the timer. You will have to do this a LOT the first few times. Some kids first time out ends up lasting an hour because they keep getting up. Trust me - I've been there. You need to make him do it. If you give up, he wins. They can NEVER EVER win.

It will get easier. I promise. Need to chat? Want more info? - email me.

LBC

Sounds like you have your hands full but trust me you are not alone. Discipline is something every parent has to do or at least should do. Have you tried reading any books on discipline. James Dobson is a good author of disciplinary books. He has helped me out a lot :) Also, have you watched Super Nanny.....this is if you don't have time to read. The biggest thing is being consistent with discipline.....not necessarily the correction method, change it up so he doesn't know what is coming, but the issue trying to be corrected. Tell him what you expect before hand and let him know that he will be corrected if he doesn't follow the rules. May not have been much help but I hope that I was. I'm saying a prayer for you.

I had this same issue with my "wild and wonderful" 2.5 year old son. He would get up from time out and run away, as well as laugh at me when I tried to get stern.

Here's how I broke that cycle...

When he would get up from time out, I'd pick him up and set him back down in the time out spot, without saying a word. I had to do this over and over again until he finally realized that it wasn't worth getting up because his little tushy would end up right back there.

I don't even bother trying to get stern with him anymore because that's the reaction he wants and thrives on. Now when he gets up from time out, he expects that he'll be put back, so it doesn't take so many times for him to catch on, plus I've started to tell him, "Your time starts over now." He's had to learn the hard way that even if he sits there for the majority of his time out, if he gets up before it's over, his 2 minutes start again.

At that age, everything is a game and they can't control their impulses yet. You have to think ahead and plan ahead. My son always ran away from the car when I let him out, so I would keep him in the car (he liked to "drive" in the front seat) while I got everything ready and then have him hold my hand or put him right into a cart or the stroller so he didn't have a chance to run. I always told him why these rules were important and showed or told him what I wanted him to do. People often forget to teach kids what they want them to do and give them positive attention when they do it. This is much more effective than punishment-where you give them attention for behavior you don't want, often reinforcing this behavior.

Honestly, sometimes you just have to let it go. They say "no" because they want to be in charge, but they're not-we are. No matter how often they say no, we are still the parents. Sometimes they say it just to watch our reaction. If we stop getting upset about it, it often will stop within a few days. When my son was that age he said no to everything for a while, even if he meant yes. Often, they don't understand the real meaning of these words, so try not to take it personally.

My son went through a big potty words phase. The more upset I got and the more he sat in time out, the more he said it. When I decided I was focusing too much on this issue and stopped punishing, it died out. I just had him keep the potty words in the bathroom and it worked. He got to say his potty words in the potty and I didn't have to hear them at the dinner table (he was 4 then).

Stick to a few rules that are really important to you. Plan ahead. Spend some time with your son, do something special, so he feels connected to you and will want to make you happy. Make sure he has a chance to let his energy out during the day, and has enough sleep, snacks-these can make a big difference. Remember-this too shall pass! My son was the same way at that age. Now he's 5 and is a different kid. I don't think I did anything special to form him, just stuck with my values and did the best I could at the time (which wasn't always very good!) My husband was deployed when my son was 2 so I let a lot go out of sheer exhaustion and he still turned out OK.
Good luck and try to focus on the good, so your son will too!!!

Hi Victoria,

Your son sounds like mine last year. Here is my advice...please keep in mind that I am still learning too. :)

(1) If you are a Christian (or even just willing to hear Biblical ideas) check out these books: "Don't Make Me Count to Three" by Ginger Plowman and "Shepharding A Child's Heart" by ?. These books have helped me understand how to discipline my child's heart.

(2) We also found that some of our son's defient, violent, and crazy behavior was related to artificials in his food. (i.e. artificial coloring, preservatives, etc. which are made from petroleum) I was skeptical at first, but we removed all artificials from his diet and within 3 days we began to see a calmer, more rational 2 3/4 year old who would actually respond to discipline. If you want to give it a try...go to www.feingold.org. (and I only tell you this b/c it helped our family).

Hope this helps!
J.

When you put him in time out, no matter how many times you have to put him there, put him there so he knows you mean business. Find something that he really doesn't like, and make him do it. I had to put my child in the bedroom and sometimes hold the door closed. It has lasted for hours, I am not kidding. And I had to do it more than a few times, especially when she was2 - 3 years old.

This is a battle that you must win. He is testing you in the only way he knows how, it is a game to him which is why he's laughing. Just do what you say you're going to do and stick to it no matter how long it takes. It will pay off later. Now all I have to do is start counting down from 5 and my duaghter starts doing what she needs to do. But that's only because I used that in conjunction with punishments that meant something to her at the time. Remember, fear is not a bad thing. They don't want to go back there where they didn't like whatever punishment you have decided works for your child.

Good luck.
A.

Lol......been there done that and I am sure that most mothers who have boys between that 2 to 3 year old stage have experienced it as well. First observe your sons habits. What toys does he like the most. What does he dislike doing the most?

My son who is now 5 years does not like being in his room. He has never like being alone in his room except during nap time. So his punishment was being in his room alone for about 5 minutes. However if you try this one be prepared to put him back in there a hundred times. He would also throw his toys through out the room. The worst time was when he turned his piggy bank (water jug) over and threw the pennies through out the room. Of course I wanted to Shake him but I didn't I quiet told him that he was going to pick every single penny up and put them back in the bank. Ladies I know he at least had 50 dollars worth of change on the floor. It took him 30 minutes to clean it up but he understood that if he did not pick them up he would still be in his room. I would also suggest time out from toys, TV or whatever. Whatever you do stick to it and be firm. Sometimes it will wear you out but in the end its makes a better relationship with your child.

What you need to do is SHOW him you mean business. Instead of setting him down for time out and watching him get up or getting mad when he does ignore that feeling. Put him on time out where you are close by. Not doing something he wants. If you normally put him on time where he can watch tv don't. Put him next to it so he can't see it. What ever he watches put him somewhere he can't watch anything. Next put him near you so you can watch his every move from wherever you are. If you move take him with you. At the first sign of him getting up or talking to you. Stop him. Say it's not time to talk or walk over and set him down when he gets up. Don't talk to him about it, don't get mad kids for some reason thrive on you being mad. They take it as a weakness and work with it. If you have to walk over 20times to make him stay than do it. But don't talk to him and don't interact at all with him. At his age he should set for 2min. Personally i wouldn't threaten the 2min thing he doesn't understand yet the time thing. But when you first set him down say "For not following directions you set right here until i say you can get up" When he gets up pick him up and set it back down. He knows what your doing. Be close he can only run away and laugh if he gets away so you want to be close so he can't. I set my daughter in a chair next to the tv or on the floor next to me while i do dishes or in a chair in a room while i'm reading or folding clothes. I make sure i can't get to her in a split sec. After doing this for a while. He will get mad but you know that means your getting through so keep it up he will learn quickly why he's there and what he needs to do to get out and not go back.

When my son was that age, he'd occasionally try out some behaviors he was picking up in daycare - potty mouth, acting disrespectful, etc. I'd ask him, right in front of everyone, why he thought it was OK to talk to me like that. I'd tell him it hurts my feelings when he acts like that and I do not try to hurt his feelings. It's not the way to treat people we care about. The daycare people would hear, and sometimes remember to remind the kids about nice manners. I'd tell him we do not treat each other or anyone else like that. If he forgot, then the TV would not be turned on for a day. I'd tell him right out (and at 10yrs old, I still tell him once in awhile), when we cooperate and work with each other, it's easy to be nice and want to spoil each other with special treats (a special show, an extra chapter of bedtime story at night, or an extra cookie now and then), if he's not going to work with me, no special treats. Reward good behavior and do not reward bad behavior. Works at any age.

Here is an article from Piedmont Family Magazine that may help - http://www.piedmontfamilymagazine.com/PMSection.asp?File=...

And a list of resources (books and websites) that you may find helpful for this - and more - in parenting:

http://www.piedmontfamilymagazine.com/PMSection.asp?File=...

One of my favorite books on discipline is "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" by Becky Bailey - good, easy-to-follow advice on how to effectively parent.

I am a mom of 3 teenage boys (19, 17, and 16) and a 5 year old girl. The best thing I ever did was to pick up the following book: Have a New Kid by Friday, written by Dr. Kevin Leman. I read the book and my husband is listening to the CDs. Whichever way you choose to do it get that book. If you stick with the advice the Dr. gives, it will be one the best things you have ever done for your children and yourself. I know...we did it for ours!

hi- we did the chair for our son- now five. Containment was a definate issue when we started using the chair. We had to isolate the chair in an area that he could not escape(so to speak-lol!). We have a small hall(goes to the basement door) beside our steps going upstairs, that was perfect(and safe) for putting a baby gate at and there sat the chair. So discipline was sitting in the chair for 2 minutes(Dr. Phil says a minute for each year of his life)with a timer. Now he wasn't allowed to get up/out until he sat down and was quiet(for at least a minute!), so sometimes the timer got reset. A timer actually helps- establishes a beginning and an end- a minute or two is an eternity for them at that age! It's actually harder on you getting thru those times teaching the life lessons. Nip it it in the butt now! If you don't address those respect and kindness issues now, it will only get worse, trust me- I work in a city elem. school and see blatant disrespect and deepseated unkindness every day in children. Kids learn what they live. Good for you trying to figure it our now! As time goes on, your particular circumstances will evolve as you figure out his currency and what else can be used as discipline. We still use the 'chair' as time out/detention, but the gate was gone after the first year and now he gets five minutes. He knows that when he does have to sit- a quiet mouth gets him up in 5, but on the rare occasion he 'loses his mind' , it's 1/2 hour laying in his bed-lights out. Goodness he hates to miss anything-you would think a Mom mandated nap period was torture! The early intervention stuff works tho- my son will actually tell another child- that's rude or that's not kind or you're not supposed to talk to the teacher that way or that's not a nice word. Can't tell you how proud it makes me to be raising a kind soul. Good luck and have a great day!