Discipline and Behaviour - Saint Joseph,MI

Her age plus the presence of a new baby in her life are probably the culprits. Quality time with her, lots of gentle verbal communication, and lots of cuddling apart from the tantrum times would be good. Downplaying the tantrums and taking them in stride as much as possible, perhaps isolating her nearby for a bit. Identifying her anger and wish for whatever it is she's yelling about and verbally telling her you know she wishes she could ______ and it's so hard when she can't do or have _______ is probably a good tactic. I definitely wouldn't give in or be harsh or put her down. She's having a hard time and doesn't know what to do with her rage. You'll have to help her through this, as unnerving as that is. You're gonna get through this, S.!

I had an aggressive 3YO at one time......that behavior brought on a time out until he could control himself (usually more than the suggested minute-per-year). Although VERY normal, that behavior was not allowed in our house. After a few minutes I would go back and ask to talk about it calmly before letting him out of time out.

I wouldn't give in - that's only encourages more of the same behavior.

I believe shortly after that time I also resorted to the "bad behavior money jar". He was very attached to money, so I fined him when he threw a fit. It worked for a while, and he was expressing his anger in words not violence. At seven, he still resorts to yelling at times and still does not gt what he wants when it happens.

Hi S., My eldest daughter was the same way. She would hold her breath until she passed out! Pee on the floor, do a strip tease in public, etc.. I had to learn that I was the problem, not her. I had created her behavior by giving her what ever her heart desired. And letting her call the shots. My no's really meant "NOT NOW", and changed to "MAYBE" when she started her fits. But changed to "YES" when she upped the anti to my breaking point. I had to learn to "mean what I say, and say what I mean". If I said she couldn't have a snack until she picked up her toys(with help of course), then I had to stick with those words in order for my daughter to believe what I said. If I said no, then I had to stick with that no. Your little girl will get much worst before she gets better, because she has learned to up the anti each time she hears no. So for a while she will up that anti to the point you have never seen before! You must walk away, go to the basement, walk around the house if you must. What ever it takes to help you stick to your guns. Attention is a reward that lets her know you are still in the power struggle game, so don't talk to her, touch her, or even look at her during her fits. Turn your back to her if you have to stay in the room. Think happy thoughts or play upbeat music while you try to pretend she isn't there. Remember, this is a phase she is going through, so it will not last forever, but the lessons you learn will be valuable when she goes through her teen years. It will also give your daughter a sense of safety and security when she knows that an adult is truly in charge. Good luck S..

Discipline with a 3 yr old can be challenging at times. When she has a tantrum stay as calm as possible. Go somewhere private, so you don't have an audience -esp. in public places. There's nothing worse than total strangers staring at your usually sweet child. In public it might be best to just go to your car and put her in her car seat. At home, calmly bring her to her room, close the door, and walk away. I assure you, she won't harm her voice permanently. Once the tantrum is over, talk calmly with her about what happened. Also, begin using sayings like, "use your words to tell me how you're feeling" etc. When my child would shout, I'd calmly ask for an 'indoor voice'. If that didn't work, I'd tell the child, "I'm sorry, I can't hear you when you scream," and then walk away. Worked after a short time. Just remember, if you give her what she wants to avoid her harming herself, that's way more power than a 3 yr old can comfortably handle. She's asking you to be strong enough to stop her inappropriate behavior. Best of luck. Please let us know how this turns out for you. S.

You pretty much answered your own question. Sounds like she is running the house. Never and I mean never give in to her demands when this situation happens. If you continue with this, she will end up doing more harm to herself and finding different ways of getting what she wants! In fact, I would suggest walking away from the situation when it happens.

Okay, who's supposed to be in charge here? You're giving in, and that gives a 3 year old the power.

Nip this in the bud now. Get a time out chair, and when the wrong behavior starts to erupt, give her a warning, and put her in the chair if she doesn't quit. Explain why she's sitting there, that you don't think what she wants is necessary, this is not good behavior, you won't even talk to her until she can stop screaming and talk in a normal voice. Give a hug after her time's up. A few rounds of the time out chair and she should start to get the picture that her way is not working for her anymore. Let her cry it out. Time out can be in her bedroom. If she throws things around, have her clean up the mess.

You have received lots of good advice here. My kids settled down faster if they couldn't see me during time out (of course you need to make sure they are safe so sometimes this doesn't work very well at first). Make sure she is calm when her time out is over - at first it may take a lot longer than 3 min but it will be more effective in getting your point across. If she has not settled down she will be right back to the behavior you were trying to stop. When things get tough remember - she is only 3 and is able to control you. What will happen when she is a teenager? Be firm and consistent. You need to control the situation and be the parent now so that she will be in control when she is older.

Yes, she may scream herself hoarse or give her self a head rush from shaking her head so hard... BUT there is NO reason to give in to her temper tantrum. She needs to learn self control and self discipline. The only way for her to do that is for YOU to guide her in those paths. Let her scream till her voice cracks. BUT DO NOT YELL BACK!

Be prepared. You have a fight brewing. It will take patience and consistency to stop this. You will have to be tough. But the alternative is having a child who rules YOU and shows her younger sister how to do it also. Do you want 2 kids screaming at you?

No means NO! Do not say it more than 2 times. Do not yell it back. Calmly say no and give her the reason (close to dinner, not enough time, nap time, mommys tired, etc)If she continues, say no again and then comes punishment. If you are in a public place, pick her up and carry her to a quiet place for it, or leave. DO not give in at all. I have had my kids stand with their noses on the bathroom wall at times. Even my 2 yr old will put himself in the corner if he knows he's done something worthy of punishment.

You may want to avoid going out until the training at home is being comprehended by her.Start by sitting down with her and telling her that the screaming is not allowed. The temper tantrums are not allowed. When mommy says NO it means no! Make sure that anyone else around your kids follows this also. Their no means no...
When she does melt down punish her (not sure what your stance is on spanking, but in this situation spanking WILL make it worse)by time out. Time out means NO interaction. Put her in a chair somewhere she can not see a tv that is on, no toys, not in her room. you sit across the room. Do not look at her or speak to her. QUIET! Get a book and look at it. Act like she's invisible. Let her scream if she wants... But if she gets up walk over tell her calmly "Its time out. You have to sit here for 3 minutes. Calm down. We do not act this way. Mommy said NO" Say this everytime. It explaines to her WHAT you are expecting and WHY she is in trouble. Then put her back in the chair and start the timer over.
I have had some pretty bad kids that got the idea in one day and others that it takes longer to get them to understand time outs. (I do daycare and have 3 of my own)
Once she understands the idea of a timeout chair it will be easier to insist on behaviour in public. But do not threaten unless YOU will follow thru. If in a store and she needs a time out push your cart to customer service, tell them you need to go out to your car for a bit. Take the kids and go out in the car. Have the time out in the car. Not only does this get what ever shes screaming about out of sight... But it lets her know You are serious. If she does not calm down move the car to the farthest end of the parking lot and let her scream it out or go home and try shopping again later when she is calm and agrees to listen.

Keep track of WHEN she is having melt downs. Is it afternoon? She may need to still have a quiet time/ nap.

The roads you pave when they are young make life a lot easier when they are older!!! As motivation to stick to it, If your worried about this when she is 3, think of how she will be at 12/ 13 and she knows swear words and how to be purposely mean and disobedient.

There are lots of moms out there trying to do the same thing. Its called raising a respectful child. YOU can do this!

No means No! When you give into the "fit" you are showing her otherwise. My son was exactly like that and it is very exhausting behavior. You will continue to have these stand-offs with her, but they will lessen as she gets older as long as she realizes you are not going to give in. I still have struggles with my son from time-to-time and he is 14 now. They are strong-willed. You need to stay stronger than them (lol) and stand your ground, she will eventually learn that she is not always going to get her way.

Oh, the testing phase! Hated it! What ever you do, stay calm. She will outgrow this. In the meantime, help her to express herself and work through that anger. She doesn't know what to do with it. And, stick to your guns. You can't give her everything she wants or you will pay and so will she.

We have a generation of kids in this world that think they should have what they want when they want it. Believe me. I work in the school system and see it every day. It is scary!

Take a look at "One-Two-Three, Magic". It worked for me, still does 9 years later!

S.