Dinner Parties with Friend Etiquette

In my circle of friends, the expectation is that you bring something. People shouldn't come to dinner empty handed, so better something that can contribute to the meal vs. some meaningless hostess gift. I don't ask people to bring things, but everyone offers to and I always take them up on it - things like a salad, a bottle of wine, or dessert. I tend to know who likes to make or bring what. For example, I am the dessert lady so everyone suggests dessert when I offer. I have a friend who is great at appetizers, one who likes to throw together beautiful salads, one who loves to bring desserts from her favorite bakery, and one who is great at picking out wine. It's not a potluck - whoever hosts provides the main meal, beverages, appetizers etc. but it's nice to welcome extra dishes from those who offer to provide them.

If we are the guests, sometimes I will offer to bring dessert or a salad or something specific or sometimes I ask a more general "what can I bring". Sometimes my friends will accept the offer, sometimes not. If they tell me they are all set, then I pick up wine or a small gift.

When we are the hosts, I assume we're providing everything from appetizers through dessert, including drinks. If someone offers, I may take them up on their offer or, depending on what I know they have going on in their lives, I may not.

I was taught growing up that it was polite to ask if there was anything you could bring. If I am told that nothing is needed, my husband and I will still bring a bottle of wine or a sweet as a hostess gift and a thank you for the invitation.

We are asked, usually, if there is anything the person we invited can bring and we usually offer something like soda or a dessert, because I think it puts them at ease knowing they are contributing. I will even say, "We are happy with you bringing just yourselves but we are having lasagna, salad and garlic bread and if there is something you would like to have also then feel free to bring it."

It's just the old school ettiquette, but I kind of like it.

Depends on the closeness of the group and the size of the party. If it is a dinner party with only a family or two, I will bring a bottle of wine or a hostess gift. If it is a neighborhood cookout or lakehouse gathering with multiple families, I always bring a dish to share to alleviate the burden on the host family. It's a good idea to make sure the host family wants you to bring the dish and that it goes with the meal they have planned.

What matters the most is sharing fun times with friends, neighbors and family. If that means I need to run to the store for a block of cream cheese, then I'm happy to oblige!

L.

Around here, it's not unusual for a party to be "pot luck" or close to it - where the guests are expected to offer (or are asked) to bring part of the meal.

I think you're wise to be proactive and let the hosts know what you can bring before they think of something else.

But your parties aren't required to be along those lines. You'll just have to be proactive in that, too, by saying, "Yes, we'll expect you about six o'clock. Don't bring anything except yourselves because we want you to relax and enjoy!" Unless they're discourteous or stubborn, they won't argue.

I never go empty handed. If they come to my house they do not need to bring anything. If they ask I would say surprise me! I do not think to much about it. Don't over think it and go with the flow.

We (DH and I) enjoy hosting dinners for friends. When we invite our friends, we don't ask them to get anything. Once in a while, some friends suggest that we do a potluck. Sometimes we insist on doing it all and ask them not to take the trouble, sometimes (if we know for sure that its not too much trouble for them), we just give in and say, ok, why not!

When someone invites us to a party, I always offer if I can get something. I love to bake, and so I always usually bake some brownies or cookies and take it to the dinner, even if they don't ask me to get anything.
So, in our small circle, we all take turns doing it each way!

I usually always bring wine or dessert. I ask also what they need?..Even if they say they have everything I still bring alchohol or something don't want to show up empty handed. If you don't need it and you have enough just keep it for another day.
Usually my friends will bring something. If i need something i forgot to pick it up it i will ask politely usually ice or wine or beer.

It's common for people to ask if they can bring something. So, if they ask, then have a suggestion ready. Such as a side of fruit, or their favorite salad/dressing, a plate of brownies, an appetizer like chips and salsa... We usually bring our homemade guacamole and chips when invited over.

If they are hinting that you bring something, than you can certainly ask if they would like to bring something as well. But usually, it is the one who is being invited as the one who asks, the other way around seems a little odd.

I think it is typical and good manners to ask "what can I bring?" whenever you are invited to someone's house. The answer should be something you can just pick up on the way over like wine, or desert that aren't critical to the meal.

Very usually, our friends have potluck style gatherings. I love it... I love getting to try everyone's new favorite dishes.

I think it really depends on what the individual host likes to do. It would be very sad to equate this with people 'being cheap' or not wanting to do the work... some people like to make a whole meal, and others probably think that potluck-style works best for them. Breaking bread together is such a great way to feel close to those we care for. Personally, if a person is willing to clean their house and make a main dish, I'm more than happy to bring something to share. It seems more like a gathering of our community of friends that way, when we can all wow each other with good food and know that the hosts can enjoy themselves too.

Semantics issue:

Dinner Party: host provides, guest do hostess gift (wine typically)
Dinner with friends: never come empty handed (host does main, guests bring sides)
Potluck/Cookluck : split equally

It's a formality question

Like cocktail party vs drinks after or date vs hanging out

Of course there are variations within each level. Take dinner party:
- assigned seating (placards), 3+ courses, served all the way down to buffet & cocktails.
- garden party
- themed
- special occasion
- catered
- etc.

Compare and contrast that with a potluck BBQ

Its just different levels of formality

My friends almost offer to bring something, and I usually say, "just bring yourself!" knowing full well that they will bring something to eat or a bottle of wine or other alcohol. So, lately I've started suggesting that they bring a dessert or a side item if they say "are you sure?" or are insistent, since they seem to want to bring something. When I go to a friends', I usually offer or go ahead and take a dessert, wine, or flowers. I was always told not to show up empty handed, so I feel like I should take a little something. I think that's a carry over from our parents generations.

When we invite people over we are going to do everything -like you. Food, drinks and everything!
I have a sister who insists on having the parties all the time and she starts expects people to bring food and drinks. Her most recent is my mother's eightieth birthday which I thought we were going to do something special and here she goes again, about how it should be at her house and we should chip in if she caters it or bring something. I said we don't have a lot of money and we will bring chicken or something. I am really not wanting to pay for a party that is in her yard when she insisted that we shouldn't have a backyard party since it's supposed to be special, then turns it back into her house. So, I'm getting there...sorry, too much blabbering. I think if one is having the dinner or party or whatever then that person can be responsible for the occasion. If someone wants to bring something then they can. On their own in addition to what I am doing. I think it's perfectly great to be on top of it like you are if you are invited and tell them you have a perfect salsa and chips and you would like to bring that. Or you have a connection for really cold ice. Asking in my opinion is not totally very nice, but then again I thought that's how I was raised, but maybe my sister didn't pick up on that.

As a host I never expect my guests to bring anything.

As a guest, I would never go to a dinner party empty handed.

That said .. As a hostess, I expect nothing but if someone truly wants to brin something... A bottle of wine, dessert liqueur is appreciated.

We are not into sweets do if I have a friend who is... They may provide a dessert option. I have desserts covered even tho we aren't sweets lovers

It depends. With one family, we sometimes bring dinner to them! They have 4 kids. During the winter months, we dont' all fit in our tiny kitchen/dinning room, so sometimes we bring dinner to their house. Sometimes they come here for dinner and we tell them not to bring a thing!

Usually we tell people to not bring anything, but sometimes I will request a salad if asked.

We are having a large BBQ at the end of the month and I may tell people to bring their own beer. There are some serious drinkers coming, none of which will drink from a cheap keg, and I have no desire to go spend $400 on beer! We will provide wine and other beverages, but I was just thinking of asking the beer guys to bring something to share. Usually these friends bring beer to share.

I am a baker, so I usually bring dessert no matter what.

MIXED MESSAGES! Most people bring at least a bottle of wine or a hostess gift. You seem to be sending a mixed message. If you invite people who are thoughtless and want them to contribute, ask them to bring a dish.

If it is friends we hang often with, than we usually all pitch in. Sometimes not if I have a dinner planned already.