Party Etiquette- Is It Tacky to Be Asked to Bring Food, and Drink??

This is completely normal where I am from. Usually everyone takes a small plate of leftovers home and what is left is left with the host, alcohol is usually left as well if it is not all drank (but we all just bring wine or beer, nothing hard). The host is still providing, if not food she is providing the space, set up, and clean up.

That sounds like potluck to me and very normal for guests to bring something to share.

I typically take a favorite of mine for the event in a disposable dish that I leave with the hostess when I leave the party.

In the past, we've hosted large parties (100+) and we supplied the burgers, hot dogs, all condiments and crawfish boil where we supply all main items and guests bring a dish to share.

Pot luck is no biggie to me, most people are eager to share a dish.

I bring what I'm asked to bring, and leave everything with the host unless they specifically ask me to take it home. BYOB and potluck isn't tacky at all in my opinion.

This is not "tacky" but it might not be something you enjoy.

What the host is providing is space (with maybe some nice air-conditioning in this summer heat, lol) and a reason for people to get together.

For alcohol, never bring anything you would not feel comfortable leaving. One good option is a bottle of wine that is not cheap junk but not so expensive that you'll be offended if people at the party drink it quickly. Or a bottle of gin with one or two bottles of tonic water on the side for people to make basic gin+tonics, etc. (I would always expect to *share* alcohol with the party group...maybe some places have different social "habits" but if I bring alcohol to drink at a party it is a contribution to be shared...if people bring alcohol there is generally a "bar area" where everyone puts the alcohol brought and then everyone at the party can serve themselves.)

And, at least at parties I go to, I would only take anything home if the host suggests that everyone take something home.

(I'm not sure what you mean about bringing a game.... If you bring something like a board game you would bring that home with you, but for an adults party I think "party games" are often things that can be done without an actual boxed game - like "pass around a piece of paper and everyone writes a word and then...." etc. Maybe the host meant "let's all think of fun ideas for games we could do together".)

All the time. And I certainly don’t mind!
Feeding a crowd is expensive. If I have people over for a potluck, and I provide the main dish or the meat, the soda, the paper products, and the dessert, it’s still quite a bit of cash to put out.
Every party we attend, we always ask if we can bring something and arrive with a plate in hand.

Having hosted many parties, it’s a really expensive thing to do. I’m grateful when someone else host and I will typically bring a bottle, a fruit tray and a small dessert.

In many places it's normal to have potlucks. We lived for 15 years in Alaska and it's the norm there. Our friends here in New Mexico are mixed. Most people seem to have potlucks where everyone brings something to share. Some people never do...their opinion is you are having a dinner party, treating your friends, and you supply everything. Neither way is right or wrong. I enjoy both and we do both...for me the main point is just getting time hanging out with friends. We like to always bring the hosts a bottle of wine or 6 pack of beer as a gift even if we are also bringing a dish to share. If some of our food we brought is still left I always offer it to the hosts. Often they do not want any...sometimes they take half and put it in a tupperware. I don't care either way.

sounds like your basic potluck to me.

if i throw a dinner party (which i tell you true, i haven't done in years) then i provide everything and am clear to my guests that they don't bring anything.

but in a more casual setting, which is much more my cup of tea, a potluck is terrific. it makes it less stressful for the host, and ups the ante of fun and surprising dishes showing up.

i'm having two potlucks in a row next weekend!

when i bring food (or booze) i expect to leave it unless the host expressly says 'my fridge is overflowing, PLEASE take it with you.'

i was amused last year when my brother brought a gal to our annual summer cookout. they arrived late so most of the eating was done, and when they left they took their untouched pie with them. no biggie, but kind of funny.

khairete
S.

It's a potluck.

I've thrown parties without asking people to bring anything. Some will bring wine, and that's nice. But a lot of food and alcohol costs a lot of money, and it's always the same people we invite. So sometimes my evite will go out saying "potluck" and I will list what my husband and I are providing (usually two meats and the drinks, and I will specify it it's beer, wine, liquor or what the combination is). Sometimes we have a great spread brought, and sometimes it's not that good. I think it's a good way to let people be mature about helping, and the onus isn't always on me to do everything.

I don't think what you're talking about is tacky. And some of my friends take stuff back with them (not the wine) and some don't.

Does this friend seem to be the person who always does the inviting? If so, then they truly are looking for help. It might be nice for you to do the inviting to your home once in a while to give them a break, if that's the case.

Depends on what the custom is with the crowd invited. If you're a group of "everyone pitch in" on every party, no problem. If you specifically invite it as a "pot luck," no problem (but pot luck means pot luck, no assignments). If it's the classroom end-of-year party or the scout troop meeting, fine.

But if I have a party under any other circumstances, I assume I will provide everything. If someone offers to do something, I either say, "Don't bother, thanks" or I ask them what they want to do. I do not assign. Not at all. If the second person offers to bring something, I'll say, "someone is bringing paper goods, so beyond that, what would be convenient for you?" But I would never say BYOB.

If you bring food, I think it stays. If you bring supplies (hot plates, serving dishes, cutlery), I think they go home with you. If you bring a game, it goes home with you - it costs you nothing and I think it's fine for them to offer a vague "if you have something you enjoy, we'd love to share it with you." I go to a group "dessert and game night" every few months - people bring what they want but this is a big group in an organization, not a private party.

If you bring 3 bottles of wine and the group only drinks 2, you leave the 3rd as a gift to the hosts. If you really want to ration things, you leave extras in your car and only go out for them if there's a shortage ("Oh, my. Looks like we're running low. When I stopped at the liquor store, I bought 2 extra bottles for my house, but let me get them now.")

I have friends who give 2 huge parties a year (they have big families, and include a number of neighbors like us). They provide everything and say something like "Desserts and beverages appreciated" but leave it at that - if you bring something, fine, and if you don't, no one (including the host) notices. I usually call her to see if my stash of folding tables, serving pieces, chafing dishes and so on would be helpful. She either accepts or declines, depending on what others have offered. But these are large parties of 50+ people, not small parties of 10 like you are describing.

I used to provide everything for every get together we hosted, and it gets EXPENSIVE! I realized if we wanted to socialize more, there's nothing wrong with asking people to bring a little something to share. If it's a kid's birthday party, I wouldn't. In that case we provide everything. But in my family, I'm the only one with kids so we end up hosting all the holidays. It was way too expensive for us to keep paying for everything. So we divided up the menu. My dad would always bring the drinks. My sister and mom would each bring sides and/or desserts. We would always provide the main dish. With friends, same thing. We all pitch in. I provide the main course and then I tell them I'll have some beer or wine, but to bring whatever else they want. I used to over buy everything, trying to make sure I had everything everyone could possibly want. That gets even more expensive if you're including alcohol!

As for leftovers, I personally don't expect to keep them. But I've been to friend's houses and when I went to take my stuff they ridiculed me for taking it back! So now I tell them they can keep the leftovers, I just want my dish/container back. If I really want leftovers of whatever I bring, I make extra and keep it home before we even go to the party.

Sounds like standard procedure for a pot luck.

Bring your own beverage - not necessarily booze - you just drink what you bring (others drink what they bring) and take home what you didn't drink.

The food gets shared.
Take home what ever side dish/salad/dessert you bring that wasn't used up.
Some people don't want to take home leftovers - no fridge space or they already have more than enough at home already - in which case if anyone else wants to take some, they can divvy it up and take a plate of it home.
Our neighborhood has several pot lucks during the year.
Sometimes the host assigns general dishes or asks what you are bringing so everyone doesn't bring potato salad (too much of the same thing).

Unless you know everyone really well - bringing a game might be the hardest thing about this - not everyone is into Trivial Pursuit, cards or board games.

We hang with a very casual bunch so this is our norm - yes. However, our friends don't say "bring the dish to pass" we just do. It's just a casual appetizer. It could be chips - but people bring brie and stick in oven, with nice crackers.

You always bring your own booze, and you can leave some (like if you have a few leftover nice beer or cider), or you take it back with you if you've not put it in the fridge. That's kind of the rule of thumb there.

Games - we don't typically do, but that sounds like fun.

It just sounds like a very casual evening. It sounds like the kind of thing that's more like a casual get together of people, and the host just offered up their house as the gathering place. Think of it that way.

*If it's a holiday gathering, then we will bring wine as a gift. We always leave our food and never take any back with us. We also leave our booze. I have always done that but people don't frown on the people that take it with them. I don't think people pay attention.