Desperate HELP with 13 Month Old Sleep!!!!

I am also not a fan of CIO. We actually did a great deal of cosleeping, because we realized it was just easier for us. We always put our little ones to bed asleep, but then brought them to our bed if they woke up. We didn't always love having them there, as we got kicked in the head quite a bit. But we were happy with our decision.

If you're up for reading another book, you could try Elizabeth Pantley's "The No-Cry Sleep Solution." (for babies) She's also written "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers," and "The No-Cry Nap Solution." She gives a lot of tips for recognizing your child's patterns and helping you to find the solutions that are right for you.

Good luck! Sleep deprivation is torturous.

I agree with the PP about having a plan. I did the CIO with checking on increasing increments of time. And do NOT pick him up when you go in--only pat, say "time to sleep", no lights on, etc. It will be MISERY for a few nights, but you've got that already, right? ;-)
Hang tough, mama, it WILL get better. Decide what you want to do and how you're going to do it and pick a date & START!

Before you go any farther you need to figure out your game plan. Are you going to let him cry and if so how are you going to do it? Do you want to close the door and let him go for as long as it takes or do you want to check on him in increasing intervals to make sure he's ok? If you are going in every few minutes to check on him, you probably are disturbing him/stimulating him. The first time, check on him at 5 minutes, then increase to 10 minutes, then increase to 15. You could go up to 15 or 20 minutes depending on what you are comfortable with. I think the big thing though is to have a plan before you being so that you know what you're going to do before the crying begins. Also, read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. You will be convinced that good quality sleep for the whole family is important for everything (health, learning, mental functioning, as well as moods), and he gives lots of ways to make it happen. CIO and others. Good luck! The fix may take time, but it'll be well worth it in the end.

Well you are not alone. We have two boys who don't seem to like to sleep well either. I am not a fan of the CIO. We tried it one night with or three year old when he was a baby it was a nightmare I will never repeat. He screamed for 2 hours fell aspleep for a half hour then woke up again screaming and that was the pattern the whole night. As a baby he woke up all night long, usually every 45min to an hour. My husband and I took turns getting up with him. A little over a year old he started sleeping through the night. Then at about 18 months he started waking up again and this was when we moved him to toddler bed. Which was a challenge at first but eventually he stayed in bed and started sleeping better. He still wakes up on occasion in the middle of the night but most of the time he will go back to sleep on his own. I guess my advice would be 1. if he's already sleeping with you but still keeping you up then I would move him into a crib. 2.he probally doesn't need the second nap during the day so I would try to put him to bed at his normal time. Other than that hang in there! It will get better.

Ok, I'm a foster parent, but I do have a 1 yo who had a lot of sleep problems (waking up every hour or two, night terrors and sleeping tantrums). Being that we never had children before the three we have now we first capitulated to the childs needs at night worrying about his welfare we would get up and rock him to sleep again making sure to check his diaper and if he needed food. We found out that he would only get up and cry because he knew he would get some quality time with mom and/or dad. It only took a few days to break him of this behavior by only checking up on him for his needs and not picking him up unless needed. It may seem cruel, but he sleeps through the night comfortably (8-10 hours +2 hour nap during day) and so do we.

I have had similar issues with my 13 mo old! Actually the problems with sleeping started around 8 mos. I too was breastfeeding and but started to have problems with supply (being on the go and not pumping regularly wasn't helping and trying to take care of my 3 year old stressed me out). I reluctantly switched to formula out out desperation at 9 mos. She began sleeping 10-12 hours! Around 12 mos the sleeping became interrupted again and I discovered she was hungry and I wasn't giving her enough solids to accompany her milk throughout the day. I never understood why she wouldn't go down for the night after not having a second nap. She isn't a perfect sleeper now, but food seems to be her issue.

Hi!

I hope this finds you well. I am sorry to hear about the sleep issues you are having, but don't worry. Things will work themselves out and you'll find what works for you and your son.

I'm not sure if I understood correctly, but does your son sleep with you and then you switch him to a crib? If so, how would you feel keeping him in bed with you the whole night? Would he still wake up as much? Have you tried putting his crib in your room?

With my daughter, who is now 22-months' old, I have always found that following my gut, no matter what anyone says, is what works best. I've done her sleep in stages based on what I felt she needed and made her most comfortable--first co-sleeping, then she'd fall asleep on me (for about 15 months) and then I would put her in her crib. Now I stay with her after putting her in her crib until she falls asleep.

I don't have a second child, so it is definitely easier to do these things, I know, but what do you think your son needs to help him to sleep best? Does he use any sleep associations (animals, music, white noise)? Is his room dark enough? Is he eating enough before bed to be full for the night? Is it possible that he just misses you and needs you to fall asleep?

I know you said you've tried everything, and I know taking sleep in stages as I have done only makes things harder in the end, but it may help you for now. Also, when switching my daughter from falling asleep on me to falling asleep in her crib, I contacted Isis Maternity's Sleep consultant, who helped me through the transition. It does cost $99, but I found it extremely helpful. They are very supportive and really help you to get on track with your child's sleep. Here is the link if you're interested: http://isisparenting.com/classes/programs/sleep_support

The most important thing is finding the routine that works for him and sticking to it. Good luck and hope you find what works best for your son soon!
Take care :)

I know you mentioned you co-sleep (and that's fantastic) but how about at nap times lying down with your son until he falls asleep;...then inching your way off the bed, letting him sleep? This may take up some of your time but if it gets him to nap for an hour or so it's worth it.

My son never put himself to sleep...I always lied down with him for naps and bedtime.

I wouldn't look at your situation at all in terms of "my son is too dependent on me and it's my fault"...some kids just aren't good sleepers...my son is 4 and still wakes at night sometimes and boy did I have problems with his sleeping patterns when he was a baby.

Perhaps the book "The Vital Touch" by Sharon Heller will help you out. Your local library should have it or you can find it on Amazon.com

Good luck.

http://www.PenPointEdiorial.com

i highly recommend the sleep lady's book (good night sleep tight by kim west). cio was too harsh for me but the no cry sleep solution by pantley was too weak. my hubby and i were going crazy. i could've written your post (in fact i think i did write osmething very similar) a few months back. finally i got kim west's book which is a mix between cio and the no cry and it really worked. its still hard if you can't stand to see your baby cry at all (which i cant) but its doable. you basically start out being next to his crib until he falls asleep (but no picking up), then 3 days later, move a few feet away, 3 days later, move midway, etc. until you make it all the way out to the door in a couple weeks time. he'll cry but he won't get hysterical b/c ur right there. you really should read the book though for more details plus some moral support. if you dont understand why you're dong what you're doing, its going to be hard to be consistent and consistency is KEY. if you pick him up one time but not the other. or if you go into his room one time but not the next time, he's going to be confused and he's going to get WORSE! best of luck. i've been there! my son (16 mo) sleeps through the night now. he'll wake up once or twice and cry still sometimse but now he knows we're not coming so he puts himself back to sleep within 5 min.

First of all, it's not your fault. Blaming yourself for what you did or didn't do will only make coping now more difficult. Some kids are just bad sleepers. My DD would rouse herself around 45 mins into her naps and i needed to nurse or comfort her back down at that age. The problem today may be that he didn't get enough naptime. Bad naptime/overtired baby = poor sleep and won't go down. So you might try to get the naps going better so he won't be overtired. I know in my case sometimes that meant sleeping in the sling or on me. Sling would probably work better since you have an older child to deal with. Then I would be aware of the clock at at that 40/45 min time I'd be there to comfort if necessary before she awoke. Another thing to consider is food intolerance with both kids or maybe reflux with the little one, acid coming up and irritating him?

It is absolutely normal for a 13 mo old baby to be depending on you at night. Just because many people leave their kids to cry and sleep alone, doesn't mean that is normal for babies. I parented my DD to sleep and nursed her back to sleep until she was 2 (we coslept so it was very simple and a lot less disruptive to our sleep). She is 4 now and occasionally wakes in the night (less than I do!!) but has been sleeping fine since 2. So parenting her to sleep and comforting her and nursing her when she awoke did NOT permanently make her a poor sleeper. That is what she needed when she was a baby and that is what I gave her. Please stop feeling like you created a problem, it won't help solve it, it will only frustrate you further.

I second the recommendation of the No Cry Sleep Solution. Have you checked out what Dr Jay Gordon has to say on helping babies to sleep longer? http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html There is no reason to make that baby cry and torture yourself. There is a reason it feels wrong to do it, trust that voice. He's a baby and should be depending on you. But it is not cry it out or have a baby who does not sleep. Check out that book and website and maybe that will help. Good luck!

I have what I think is a good idea, it just came to me. Ok, so you get rid of the crib and get him a toddler bed. I know it's a bit early for one but they have safety rails etc. He'll be fine in it. I think the reason he hates his crib and is crying constantly is because he can't get out. It's restricting him a lot. So with having a toddler bed he will get out a lot but to resolve that, you keep bringing him back to his toddler bed with out talking to him. The first night it might be 35 times he gets out but it really does work. because I believe he needs to see that even when he can get out of his bed, mommy is not going to give in. (that you'll bring him back to his bed) btw I think your daughter is having problems because of your sons constant waking. I don't know if this will be tailored to your specific situation but I hope it works. good luck!