My son is 4 and has been in the same daycare/preschool since he was 3 months old. He has always been a well behaved child and never had any problems listening to his teacher until recently. Last month he was moved up into the pre-K class with 4 and 5 year olds. Several times a week I get reports that he has not been listening to his teachers, has been playing and not completing his work, talking back to his teachers, or talking durng nap time. The thing is, it's not just him doing this by himself, but there are 2 other little boys who are the instigators. My son will follow what they do. When the other 2 boys are not there my son will behave and listen. Yesterday was an especially bad day so we took all his priveledges away (watching a favorite movie and going for a walk after dinner to look at Christmas lights) and also put him in time out when we got home. My son knows his behavior is unacceptable because we talk about it. I've tried to talk him into befriending other children who are well behaved, and he says he will play with them, but at the end of the day he ends up playing with the 2 instigators. The teachers are doing everything they can to keep the 3 boiys separated, but what else can I do to help? The other parents of the other 2 boys are very young and apparently are not taking the discipline issue seriously. Thanks in advance.
I would say lots of positive attention in general. My 4 year old is definitely testing me, and it seems that his bad behavior always coincides with a period of not getting much positive attention from me. As weird as it sounds, negative attention is better than no attention to a 4 year old. When he acts up (and I've recognized my inattention) I try to step up my game.
Wow... he sounds like a real problem child..NOT, he sounds like a typical 4 year old boy. He will have to figure it out on his own, the teachers will keep on him and you can use positive reinforment, but I agree with the others on here. Punishing him at home for something that he did at school isn't going to work. He isn't old enough to understand the difference. I like the note thing (someone else suggested it) and rewarding him for what he does right, but punishing everyday for something bad is not right. Remember mom, kids are going to pick their friends, no matter how old they are, the more you push, the more they are going to do the opposite of what you say, they are kids afterall and everyday is a learning experience to them. Trust that you are raising him right, he will decide that they get him in too much trouble and eventually move on.. (keep your fingers crossed anyway) :-)
First, it's preschool, so I wouldn't worry about it TOO much. He will mature quite a bit even in a year. There's a reason why schools take 5 yr olds and not 4 yr olds. :o)
Second, I wouldn't feel responsible for what your son is doing at school. That is the teacher's job. And actually I would be a bit put off that they would expect me to fix something they couldn't. After all, aren't they trained and experienced? They know what to do to have it not happen.
I would talk with a 4 yr old about making choices on friends, but I don't think it will "stick" until he's more mature. It seemed like at 4 yrs, it takes things longer to change. The toddlers and preschoolers are really aggravating, but it seems in 6 months they are worlds better. Sometimes it can take my son a year or even longer until he can use a lesson we've been working on.
I don't see how taking away home privileges will help with school behavior. They seem too far removed from each other at 4 yrs old. Maybe reminding him who to hang out with and to have the teachers do the same would prove more helpful.
Offer positive reinforcement at home. In kindergarten mine was given chocolate milk at dinner for a smiley face from the teacher. t worked the whole year. She can give a sticker or something, I used to do that for some of our little motors in preK.
In fact we had a xeroxed note to the parents
______________ had a ___good ______bad day in school today. then we would fill it out and send home in the take home folder.
I think you can even buy the notes at the teacher stores now.
Dear S.:
If there is another class that would be the best solution. If not, perhaps you need to consider another school. He really needs to get the message to not be disruptive before starting Kindergarten, so just leaving him in the same situation isn't a good idea.
Good luck.
L. F., mom of a 15-year-old daughter
I think we can all remember a time when our parents objected to that certain friend because they were "trouble" as our parents would say. Now that I'm a parent, I can completely understand where they were coming from. Use this year as a teaching opportunity. Let your son play with these boys , if he chooses, but let him know there will be consequences for inappropriate behavior if he decides to behave as they do. One missed birthday party or soccer game(or something he truly enjoys) should open his eyes that you are serious about consequences for bad choices. As a parent, it is tough to take away something important from our little ones, but the lesson learned lasts a lifetime. Good luck!
Lots of kids go through this at your son's age especially when changing classes. My son went through that when he changed to Pre-K and I was going out of mind trying to figure out what would work for him. I finally discovered it is better to reward good behavior than punish bad behavior. I would take things away from him but it didn't solve the problem. Then someone gave his a Toy Story fold out bed for his birthday that I don't especially want him sleeping on every night because it is just foam; however, for every 2 stickers he gets (one sticker for each day he has cooperated with his teacher) he gets to sleep on the beloved Toy Story bed. He has gone from maybe 1 out of 5 stickers per week to almost all stickers each week. Find something your son really likes and let him earn it through good behavior. I also make a big deal out of each sticker he gets and we talk about how he earned that sticker by making good decisions. He still has an ocassional day he doesn't get in trouble. I don't make a big deal out of it but we do talk about how he could have done things differently. Don't worry too much and good luck!
