Pre- K 3 Feedback

Hi my name is J., I am 9monthes preg, so not a mother just yet, but I did raise my younger nephew who is now 6, and had a very, VERY similar problem with him in school, except he wa one of the "timeout boys" lol. We issued a reward system to use for everyday, and even after the problem was resolved, we kept up with it, and just used it for other circumstances, such as chores and things like that...What we did was, each day, we gave him a sticker on the calender when he was well behaved at home, and then we'd spoken with the teacher, to have her give us a note or sticker, for each day he was well behaved all day in school. When he received X-amount of stickers, from home, he'd get to do something like a trip to the park, but then if he got x-amount of stickers from school, he got to do something better, like a trip for him and a friend of his choice, to Chucky Cheese....It worked wonders, and is still in play now, except without the school part, because now they reward them in another way that he enjoys.. But like I said, he was quite the disturbance, and he really got excited about putting his stickers on that calender, and counting the days to his rewards..

I was a teacher's assistant at a Head Start Preschool for almost 5 years. At age 3 and 4 children are sometimes more distracted by their surroundings. At home your son has your one on one attention and the surroundings are more calm. It sounds like possibly his teacher has given the situation with the "time out boys" more attention thus making it look more appealing to the other children. Mainly children at this age (all ages) will test boundaries. This is something you cannot keep them from doing. To me his behavior sounds normal and almost typical of a "only" child and they are more easily distracted by other children who are disruptive. Your key to any success in parenting and teaching is Consistency. Sounds to me like you are on the right track in trying the reward system. Also the programs you've looked into for extra activity and bonding sounds great for your child and yourself. I'm a firm believer in some type of reward system, as long as it isn't food. Stickers on a behavior chart will work while they are small, especially if you let them put the stickers on by themselves, this could be a way to reward him from a good day at school. Open communication with his teacher and seeking her or his advice on working with your child at home is very helpful as well. Hope I've shed some light on your parenting task. Good parenting!!

How long has your son been in pre-k? That makes a difference too. The longer he's with his teacher, the more she will get to know him and thing's should get better. Good luck M.!

I'm a mother with 4 grown children and a 3year old grandson

Dear M.:
First of all, a little contraryitis is not abnormal at that age, and it will likely soon go away. The bigger deal you make of it, the longer it may go on. I noticed that you were told in December, and you already took action during the break and (before that) sat with him in class. Therefore, his behavior cannot have gone on for too long, at the most a few weeks. I may not understand your exact problem, but a couple of nudges may do more than total control - I'd save that for the big problems down the road.

As to where that behavior could come from:
"(...) the teacher has stated he has been doing the opposite of what she asks of him."
"I have thought about moving him since she has stated that she would like him to stay in her class (...)"

My 2 cents is to relax a little and see how it goes. You seem to have taken care of the hitting problem that way.

Regards,
W.

To be successful in managing behavior, little ones need a positive to negative reinforcment response of 4:1. Is your son in a private pre-K? I can only assume so. I am not sure what the requirements are for teachers in those programs. From what you described, it seems to me that more attention is being paid to what he is not doing right than to what he is doing right. What clues me in to that is there are 4 out of 7 kids known as "time out boys". How tempting is it to be part of the group for a little one? Kids in a group have pack mentality and they develop this quite easily when more attention is being paid to one group over the other. So if the teacher is placing importance on the behavior of the "time out boys" then she is making it appear more attractive for the others to be "one of the guys". I am suprised that a professional teacher has taken this approach. That is why I don't know what her qualifications are that give her a classroom. To be honest, if this is at a day care, I do not think they have to have a teaching certificate in order to "teach". To me, that is one thing you need to be sure of, that adequate training has been done to ensure your son receives an appropriate education. If this is a public school and you still have problems in the next few months, I know someone that can guide you. It is important to have the guidance of someone that works with the schools as early as possible when you are facing a school career and at this age they are attempting to label your child as a trouble maker. Teachers talk and from one grade to the next they will hear in the break room "Little Tommy is such a pain" and when the teacher next year gets little Tommy she already has an opinion about him thereby setting him up for an uphill climb. You have done well by setting up a reward system. You need to start spacing out his rewards from daily to every few days and keep a chart with stickers in between. So many stickers equal a reward. Then over a few weeks increase the quantity of stickers required to receive a reward. Ideally, you should get to the place where he gets a physical reward once a week then every 10 days, then every two weeks and so on. Find out what his reward interval works best at and keep it there. This will take consistency and hard work but it is do-able. If you want someone that is much more experienced than I, let me know and I will put you in contact with her.

C.