Daycare Question: Teacher Yelling at Kids

Hi J.,
I have worked with children between birth and 6th Grade. Although I have done some of what you're worried about, NO teacher should do this on a regular basis. If you are observing such behavior often, it is time to talk to the Child Care Director. In my experience the teachers are often offended when a parent questions them about their teaching style directly. Speaking to the director will also aide them to self evaluate their center. The director will, or at least should, speak to her directly by the end of that business day. They usually address it from the “I was noticing that you …” or the “One of the parents mentioned that …” approach. They rarely reveal whom the information came from directly, which protects your child from unfair treatment; or extra privileges that can also be damaging because it can set them apart from the class. Once you have spoken to the director, give it about a week to improve. If you still don’t see ant changes, ask the director if they have yet had a chance to speak to her about your concerns. If yes, tell them what you are still seeing, and start looking into another center, because chances are this teacher is going to be hard to break of these habits. Start looking for another center so that you can move your son if it doesn’t improve within the month. If she says “no I haven’t talked to her yet”, just say “okay, I was just wondering.” Then immediately when you get home find another daycare center. If the director hasn’t taken action within the week then the center is not working for you, they’re working for your money!
Also keep in mind; even if she does improve immediately, it takes time to remove habits completely. She will likely relapse on occasion. If you notice it’s getting out of control again, go back to the director and ask that she be spoken to again. Another side note- have the teachers been changing in the other rooms a lot too? If this is the only room with excessive staff turn over, she MAY be the problem. Often people that speak abruptly to kids do it to adults too. When co-workers speak abruptly to each other, it can create tension, often making the newer staff member feel insecure.
I hope that this was helpful. Let us know how it goes, -J

J.,

I am fortunate enough to be able to be a SAHM, and believe me, there are days when I would like to just throw a tantrum myself; and unfortunately, I have lost my temper...then I cried because I felt horrible for doing it! LOL

However, IF I were to entrust my child to someone else's care, I would not allow them to treat my child the way that you describe. Have you noticed this behavior more than once? What do the other parents think? Is there a "Superior" that you can speak to? If not, I think I would try talking to her, i.e. "I know it is probably hard...blah blah blah, but..." making sure that you state what has made you upset and how you would like to see things change. If you notice that it isn't just a one time thing, I would explain that you are going to be looking for a different daycare...

My thought, and that of my friends in the "Child Education" field, is that if you can't keep it together in front of the kids...or you are mean to them, you really don't belong working with them. Whether you have kids of your own or not.

SO, in short, I don't think that you're asking too much for her to treat the kids with kindness and respect.

Good luck! :)

I unfortunatly have has very similar problems. Most recently when I picked child up he has two skinned up spots on his forhead and near his eye. I was told he fell in the playground, and from watching my son play I can belive that. However, I was beyond upset because I did not get a phone call and I would have liked to go and check on him, give him some tylenol, or see for myself if he was disoriented (maybe a concusion) They are not nurses or doctors and I was Pissed off when I left there. My husband and I spent the night talking about it and I decided to go and talk with the owners the next morning. I have known this family that owns it for over 15 years and went to school with her children. I explained why I was upset and continued to explain some other problems I was seeing with a particular caregiver, and she and I then sat and discussed in length. I even started getting so upset I made her cry, which i definitly didn't mean to do. I did feel awful about that. But after our conversation and her discussing things with other parents, that mean teacher no longer works there. ( my guess is that there were other complaints) I have already started seeing changes in the daycare in the last 2 days since the incident. they have started doing things much differently. So, you really need to talk to the managers, or owners asap and get off your chest what you feel needs to be done for the safety of your child. You are the one who pays their bills and they are there to watch over, protect, and hopefully love your children. You are in control in the end, not them.

Hi J.- I have to say that I have walked in the teachers shoes....... I am a daycare provider and have also worked in the daycare center as well as the school sector from new borns all the way up to junior high. As well as with special needs children. Sounds like your teacher is overwhelmed. When there is not a regular staff you often take on the roll of everyone. It is not always practical to walk across the room to address someone because you are trying to handle a situation with another. Although getting down to the childs level and talking with them is the appropriate way it sometimes has to be handled across the room for safety reasons. As far as pushing in the chair with your foot I have to say that I have done that. It is not in any way a mean or hateful thing. It is called multi tasking. Maybe she had something in her hands or serving food and you need your hands to remain sanitary for food handling purposes. The child on the play ground....Sometimes you have to access things from across the playground. She might have thought that something was wrong with the child and wanted to see if they would respond to being told to get up. As far as pulling them up by one arm....could she have possibly just been holding the childs arm and allowing them to pull themselves up which could look i suppose like she was hurting them. How does she talk when she addresses you. Does she just have a loud voice. Remember that she is having to talk over 12 two year olds. Just my opinion because I have been there and done that. If for any reason you are not feeling right it is best to address the issue because I think that the school needs to have a consistent staff to help support this teacher.

I would love to know if it's the same place my daughter is...she is a nationwide chain in Fountain Valley and your story sounds like ours. She is going to be starting a new school in July! We're on a waiting list.

Hi J., I think you should address either the teacher or director of the preschool. There is nothing wrong with expressing what you have just put in writing to either one of them.

You are absolutely right about the praise and positive reinforcement. Kids learn from those type behaviors very easily and it is not fair to expect him to say to anyone else if he was taught to be abrupt by someone like her. Teachers are suppose to set examples, although we both now not all of them do. It is a tough job (I am sure), but at the same time she has to realize she is dealing with small children who are at their learning stages.

If confronting them does not work, I would move him into another school. Hopefully you don't have the problem we have here in Vegas where the preschools are all packed!

Good luck.

Growing up in an in-home daycare, I understand the frustration one can have with little kids.

That is why it takes a special personality type to work in these enviroments.

It doesn't sound like the teacher there really loves her job.

I would talk to the managment staff about the attitude you have witnessed. Express your concern for the children to be exposed to a loving enviroment. And you don't think they are getting that from her.

If they don't talk to her & you don't see an improvement, go to the top of the chain.

This is your child, and you deserve to get the best for your money. After all it is hard enough leaving them in somebody else's care.

That is absolutely no OK. What you are seeing is a lack of training. You said that this teacher has been consistent in the program, but that staff turnover is a problem. Maybe this teacher is stressed out, but regardless of that she either needs more training or a different job. No child in any type of care should be yelled at. They need to be either redirected or coached with problem solving. She should also be using her "please" and "thank you" with the children. Again it is part of the job! Children will respond much better to any situation with positive examples and positive reinforcement. I suggest you bring your concerns to the director of the program and inquire as to what type of education is required of the staff and if there is any training available for them. Usually big chains will offer all types of trainings. In the meantime is there another room for you child's age group? You hopefully will see some changes in this teacher soon, otherwise she should not be in childcare at all!

Talk to the teacher about your observations. If that doesn't go well talk to the management. If there is not a change IMMEDIATELY in the teacher's behavior, then find another day care.

I have 5 kids and have had a lot of daycare experiences. I used a large daycare, the teacher had 12 kids 3+ and early 4. She was kind, soft-spoken, gentle, always polite with the kids and parents, gave generous praise to kids for all the little things they do that adults want to encourage them doing.

When I think of the nannies that I have had, all the good ones were soft-spoken, gentle, kind women who truly enjoyed children. Go with your instincts, if it doesn't feel right, change it.

Dear J. -
My 6 year old daughter has been in daycare since she was 18 months old. My expectation is for any childcare provider would be that they treat your child as you would treat them - no less. I am so grateful for the staff of the school where my daughter has been. They are incredibly loving and caring and exactly where I would want her to be since she can't be with me. They are there to provide you and your son a service - you need to make sure that the service you're paying for meets your standards. If you feel that isn't happening - PLEASE talk to the director of the facility. He or she should be more than open to hearing your concerns - and they are legitimate concerns.
Good luck and make sure that your little one gets all the love and hugs that he needs.

I would approach the teacher. tell what you observed. If she were treating your child like that and another mom saw it wouldn't you want her to speak up? I don't think she should be pulling kids up by one arm. What if it hurts the child, even by accident? Also, she is an example to thekids. She should use "please" and "thank you". It is possible you caught her on a bad day. If she doesn't know how to treat the children, maybe she is in the wrong field.
If talking with her gets you no where. go to the director. I would also make sure if there is another classroom for your child's age group, that your child is put there and not with this teacher.
Our kids can't speak up for themselves. its our job.