Daughter with Bad Language and Doesn't Listen.

Hi Elana- I just responded to Jennifer that what I would do is start each day off with 20 pennies in a jar. Everytime she uses an unacceptable word, she takes a penny out and gives it to you. Let her know that when she has earned 100 pennies, you will take her to the dollar store for a special prize. Hope it helps. S.

Hi E.,

I have a wonderful nephew who will be turning 4 soon. He had always been a loving child with occasional meltdowns. They are horrible! He kicks and screams and does not care what punishment comes his way.

In his situation, I found that giving him a little time to calm down and then talk to him once his calm has always been better. Believe me, your daughter knows she has done something wrong. She feels safe with you and your husband so she only displays this undesirable trait with you. My suggestion is, when she starts mouthing off, give her a hug and tell her you can't deal with her naughty behavior right now and that you can talk later when she's ready. It mostly frustration. Even as adults we get frustrated when we don't get our way. We just sometimes display it in different ways (sometimes similar ways)

Be consistent. You may not think it's working but you'd be surprised. Don't buy into the it's just an age thing. This may be so but still be consistent in your reprimand. Sometimes it will take longer. I have another nephew who was such a disrespectful child when angry. Hearing sarcasm from a 5 or 6 year old can almost drive someone to beat a child (ALMOST). I tried the whole guilt thing on him, Telling him he can go to hell for what he's doing ( He was in Cathechism). He says "Yehey! I wanna go there" "You're not the boss of me" " I don't care!". We (the family) was just being consistent and now he is the most caring 7 year old in the planet.

So hang in there!

Hi E.,

My son will be 2 next week, but he's been quite the little booger lately. Because of that, my sister-in-law bought me this book, and it's well worth the read. There's some really great info in here. You might want to check it out!!! Best of luck to you!

L.

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Logic-Magic-Early-Childhood/dp...

I have been through every aspect of this, more than once (my children are 14, 11, and 7), so I offer these suggestions, which may or may not work for your situation, but are worth a try.

First, the reasons for this could be many, her age, her personality, her reaction to her sibling who is now developing a personality of her own (and getting attention of her own that doesn't revolve around simply taking care of her needs).

My suggestions to you is to remain calm. This is the most difficult part of the whole thing (it is really hard not to react), but if you come unraveled every time she throw a fit, then you are both in the same boat. Someone has to be in control, especially when the other person is so out of control.

Next, let your action fit the behavior. If she is using bad words, simply say that you cannot hear ANYTHING that she says when she uses words like that. She will have to repeat what she is saying, minus the bad words, if she would like you to hear and respond. Same goes for whining. If she is throwing a fit, let her know that you'd be happy to talk to her, once she pulls herself together, and walk away, if you are at home. In public, remove her from the situation, and explain that she cannot return to this place, whatever it is, the store, a restaurant, playgroup, etc., until she can control herself, and then DON'T GO for a week or so. Then try again, reminding her of this as a second chance. If she does it again, extend the time of not going. Repeat as long as necessary.

Lastly, if she is throwing her belongings at you during the fits (I had one who did this), throw the things away. Seems harsh, but really works. I told the child that if you throw things at me, you must no longer want them, so they are garbage. Some things (like happy meal toys, etc.) truly went in the trash. Other toys that I wanted to pass on to younger siblings later, went in a different trash bag that went into the attic, but in either case, they no longer belonged to the person who threw them.

These things are really hard to do, because they sometimes require you to give up something that you want to do...be at the store, or a restaurant, or just have some time to do something for yourself. It probably won't work instantly, consistenty is the key. Once she realizes that you're not wavering, she will have to change her behavior in order to get what she wants.

Hi E.!
I would love to read your responses also! I just posted a similar problem with my 5 year old. So pray for me and I'll pray for you, or should we be praying for our kids, lol :)
J. in Macomb

Sorry but I have to ask...where did she hear such words? When my son was that age, he did have a milder potty mouth. I told him that if he did it again I would wash his mouth out with soap and I bought the Dove soap and had it standing there. I never had to use it because he was scared to death I would do it (which I would have)

E.,

Try turning your back to your daughter and let her have her tantrum. Show her you are not affect nor interested in that kind of behavior. When she is ready to talk then you will sit down and listen. Explain that you are not going to watch her do this.

Best of luck!

P.

Where in the world did she hear those words to begin with? Kids are smart. They repeat everything,remember everything,and they will mimic everything you do. If she is hearing these things in your home, she just wants to be like the adults. If she is coming home from daycare with these words, I would check with whoever she is spending that time with.