Daughter Feeling Left Out! - Cloquet,MN

Updated on February 12, 2008
R.B. asks from Cloquet, MN
4 answers

I am a mother of a beautiful six year old girl who is in the first grade. I am also 5 months pregnant with baby number two. My daughter came home from school on Friday and said that no one in her class would play with her during freetime. She cried for about half an hour and was obviously hurt. Then, on Saturday we were supposed to go somewhere together and I went in her room to get her and she was crying again and said, "I just can't forget about yesterday". I told her she should have just sat down with the kids and played and she said that she did that and they told her to go away and that she couldn't sit there. I explained that kids can be very mean but maybe she just had a bad day. I do have a call in to her teacher and am waiting for her to call me back so we can talk about it, but what do I tell my daughter? If I tell her to tell the teacher then she's a taddle tail and if she lets it happen it's just going to keep happening! Any advice on what to tell her to make her less sad and more confident?

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B.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

Teach her to be outgoing or to enable friendships. I have a 6 year old only child and we've had those days too where she'll cry about it for 2 days too.

I have taught my daughter to look for the child who also is alone or don't always try and play with the popular girl with 3 friends around. I've told her find someone else who has noone to play with they will most likely be so thrilled to play with you you'll have a great time. I've also taught my daughter to give compliments to her friends.

Doesn't it just break your heart though when they come home crying and there is nothing you can do about it? My daughter has done this alot especially in the summer time with the neighborhood girls. In that case though I'll go outside with her or take her somewhere and get her mind off of things.

I would definately tell the teacher and explain how long it has bothered your daughter there maybe something else going on that you have no idea about.

Is she in any extra curricular activities like Daisy's or Brownies or Gymnastics?

My daughter is in Brownies and plays Soccer and has her own little click of friends just from that. She see's the girls at school, at Brownies, at Soccer so she's really made alot of great friends and I have met alot of nice mom's that way too.

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A.M.

answers from Minneapolis on

does she have any friends at school that she could have play time with outside of school?
my kids have had some pretty rough days with kids being clicky for a day or two but for the most part they get along very well but they did have friends who they played with or had some kind of contact with outside of the school day and I think that really helped with their relationships during school.

Sadly it never ends. My oldest is 13. She has had some pretty rough days with her friends being snobby to her. she has come home feeling sad or frustrated that they - her friends - would say things to her that made her feel bad. The great part of age and experience with my daughter is that she can understand that if they are going to continue to behave in such a way to her they aren't worth waisting her energy or feelings on and she can at least walk away knowing that there is more to life than worrying about one day.

I would suggest asking your daughter if she has any good friends that she would like to come and play for a few hours and see if that makes a difference in how they treat her at school.

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K.C.

answers from Minneapolis on

I just had the same conversation with my kindergartner. I am fortunate that I have been in his classroom enough to know some of the kids. I suggested certain children for him to play with. I also set up some play dates with children who I had observed to have similar personalities to my son (shy and quiet). It seems to have helped for the time being. Though I know these social obstacles are continuos throughout school. If you are not familiar with your child's classmates, ask the teacher for his/her input on who could be a good companion for your daughter. See if you could set up some "play time" outside of school with these children. It seems that "outside" relationship can transfer back to the clasroom and make play time more enjoyable!

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C.M.

answers from Cedar Rapids on

That is a hard one to deal with, we have 5 kids and one of our six year olds is also having the same issues as your daughter. We observed her actions with other children and to our dismay, she is personally the cause of the other kids being mean or not wanting to play with her. I do not know what your personal situation is, or if that could even be the reason, but we sat our daughter down and discussed the issues on her level. I explained if Sally, Joe, Tara and Tom are all feeling the same way and do not enjoy playing with you, maybe we need to look at how you are treating others. Yes, there were tears and she thought she was bad, I reassured her she isn’t bad that she sometimes makes bad choices and she really needed to watch other kids play and see how it should work. We are still in an uphill struggle with her social skills and her ALWAYS wanting to control other children, but I know with our hard work and dedication, someday things will turn around for her. I hope you do not feel offended, this is just my personal situation regarding a child feeling left out, best regards!

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