Constant Need to Be Carried

Hi K.,
I think this is absolutely normal. Both my daughters wanted to be carried all the time. I think this is why mothers all over the world carry their babies in slings, either front or back. What's been hard for me as a mother is feeling like I never get anything done because I always have a kid attached to me, but I think we have to remember that that IS the most important thing we do. It's so much harder when you have older children to care for. But I would try a sling, or even several different slings in the store and then buy the one that seems to work the best. Once the baby is 6 months old and you can use a backpack, it does get easier.
All the best,
J.

This was pretty normal for me. I did get away with putting my daughter in a Jonny jump up at two months even thought they say 4 she loved it & was fine in it. She also liked the walker pretty young too. As long as she could see me or her dad she was pretty much fine. I just had to take the rubber stoppers off of the bottom because even though she couldn't walk that early she still liked to move it. Just remember this is temporary & will pass. I got a great carrier when she was really fussy & I needed to get chores done, I put her in the back when I could otherwise it was the front.
Hope this helps.

My son went though this same thing at about the same age. He would WAIL if I put him down. Fo my own sanity, I did just put him in a sling and get on with my chores (cleaning, cooking, ect). I also could breastfeed and do other things with him in the sling. It was almost like trying to do these things while I was pregnant -- I had to work around the "belly". However, I didn't have any other children to tend to. Thanksfully, that phase only lasted for about two weeks. I know you were looking for an alternate solution, but that is the only thing that worked for me.

one of mine was like this too. I couldnt put him down at all. one day I HAD to, I had a huge stack of laundry that HAD to get done. I put him down and went to start it and he started crying.. It was horrible. he was wailing and I was crying cause I couldnt stop what I was doing! I was almost finished with what I was doing and he stopped crying.. I freaked out,, thinking he rolled off the bed, or he suffocated on a pillow or something.. I ran into my room (the next room) and he was asleep! after a sigh of relief, I realized that was TOO easy. I experimented with it the next couple of days and found that my 2 month old could and would put himself to sleep in around 5 minutes of crying (sometimes less and sometimes more) I was amazed. From then on I found that he actually didnt like to he held that much, he also started to even out his nursing schedule and be more consistent (he was nursing about every hour until that point.) I learned my lesson with my second son! I knew better after him and about 2 months old with my other kids, they learned to put themselves to sleep. and they were a lot less fussy when they did. It is good for kids to learn how to self-sooth early on or they will always look to you. I have 4 kids and I nursed all of them until they weined themselves. I only wish I had known this when my 1st was born. I held him all hours of the day and had to be nursed to sleep. but the time he was 6 months old he would only go to sleep if he was nursed, and he until he was about 5 or 6 still had to sleep with me to relax.. he did stop nursing when he was 18 months old, all my other kids stopped nursing when they were about a year, and I think it has to do with them learning to self-sooth early on. They didnt NEED to nurse longer because they could relax by themselves. Now my oldest lays down and falls asleep right away, and i have no more problems with him! For sure my first two were my fussyest babies. But I was still a learning mama.
Sometimes a baby needs cuddles, and sometimes they just need to cry. like both my dr and midwife said.. it is good for them to cry, it is to get rid of pent up energy.

This is a very common situation, but for a VERY good reason. Babies need touch to develop their neuological system. It's actually been proven that high-needs babies (ones that need to be held all the time) end up healthier than babies that will allow you to set them down a lot. An infant should pretty much be held all the time until about 5-6 months, then they can go down for more and more floor time (slowly).

There are some wonderful, super-comfy baby carriers on the market that will allow you to hold the baby close and get your work done. My favorite is the Moby Wrap for infants, then the Mai-Tai for toddlers. You can nurse in the Moby wrap, so you don't have to take it on and off.

Please DO NOT let your tiny infant cry-it-out. That method only works because babies think they have been abandoned and stop crying to conserve energy. Cortisol (stress-hormone) levels in a baby that's been crying-it-out are so high that it's painful for them.

If you want to learn more about the science behind touch and neurological development you can read the article below.

http://faculty.plts.edu/gpence/PS2010/html/Touch%20and%20...

Hey K.,

It is normal for a baby so young to want constant contact. I have an almost-2-year-old and a 6-week baby. I spend the day wearing the baby in the Moby (except when nursing/diaper changing). I find that I can keep up with my toddler fine and I've started doing housework/cooking, etc. In fact, sometimes when I'm cooking dinner, I wear the toddler on my back and the newborn on my front! Anyway, it's totally possible. I figure that anything that I can't do while wearing the baby just isn't that important to be done. My husband has to wear the baby at night while I'm putting the toddler to sleep. And then the baby sleeps with us in bed.
This works for our family; you just need to find what works for you. This stage won't last forever, and soon you'll be missing all the snuggle time with the tiny newborn!

Oh, and my midwife suggested swaddling to buy some time if I needed to set the baby down for a few minutes. It didn't work for us but it might work for you.

Hi K.-

I actually feel that close contact with your baby is important for those early weeks. If you think about it, your baby has been close to you, hearing your heartbeat and feeling warm and snug the entire pregnancy, so the sudden feeling of being separated is quite a shock and not something we can expect them to adjust to right away. I just had my third in November and have used baby carriers for each of my babies. I think as long as you start to get them used to sleeping on their own within the first six months you won't have too much trouble. The Moby Wrap is what I'm using this time and it's been the best carrier I've tried. It takes a little practice to get on, but it's sooo comfy (like a favorite t-shirt) and my baby girl loves feeling bundled up and close as she gets to watch me go about my daily chores. The baby doesn't get in the way too much and you get more done then if you were stuck holding them. There's also a good book on the subject called 'Attachment Parenting' by William and Martha Sears.

Also, I've noticed with my babies that right around six weeks is when they seem to have the most digestive issues. Their little digestive tracks are still adjusting to handling things on their own. Since you're breastfeeding it wouldn't hurt to check your diet for anything that may be irritating his tummy (garlic, chocolate, coffee, cauliflower, broccoli and sometimes dairy can all be irritants). If it's colic using a carrier will also help with the fussiness.

Hope this helps. Hang in there!!

-J.

I know how you feel! I have twins who were BOTH like that. They're 2 now, and life seems so much easier. As infants they just absolutely needed to be held, almost all the time. Crying it out definitely didn't work (we tried it out of desperation, but it was awful and went on forever) so I learned to do things (cooking cleaning, laundry) with a kid in a sling and on in my arm, or a kid in a backpack and the other in a front pack. I learned to use a laptop to do work from home while nursing them both or while letting them both snooze on my lap. Things didn't get done, but oh well. They now play together nicely, and are great kids. They still ask to be picked up and held more than some of their peers, but that's ok. We have lots of hugs, and my arms are burly... and now when I pick them up they can say "thank you, Mommy -- I love you!"

Ditto the other comments. My baby is now 5 months old and still wants to be held most of the time. When she was younger I held her constantly or had her in the baby pack. My hands were free that way. I also co-slept. I always started out with her in the bassinet next to my bed but ended up with her next to me. Whenever she was especially happy I put her on a blanket or in the swing and let her play while I ran around cleaning as much as I could in that small amount of time. There is hope! She is now sleeping through the night most nights in her crib in another room. She is taking naps without me holding her. Her "happy" time has increased, too. She's my last so I am trying to stay positive and cherish the time I spend cuddling with her. My husband is also very supportive and doesn't expect the house to be wonderfully clean. He says just as long as the kids are happy then the house doesn't matter. He cooks, cleans and does many loads of dishes. Good luck! Enjoy this time with your baby. They grow up so fast!

He is so young. Since he loves being held, have you tried to swaddle him tight so that he feels a constant hugging going on? It is also a feeling of security.

My baby was the same way and I don't know if there's anything you can do to change their nature -- but try the Moby wrap. It seems indimitating at first, but have someone a baby shop or a friend show you how to wrap it. You would be surprised at how much you can really get done with your little one happily snuggled in against your chest once you have your arms free. It saved us. It also keeps them upright, and my son had reflux which was causing a lot of the crying, so being vertical helps too if that's an issue. Good luck.

Slings, slings, slings! Can't say enough good things about slings. They are lifesavers. We are fans of the Peanut Shell (for brand new babies up to six months), the Baby Bjorn, and the Ergo (which now makes an organic sling if you're really hippified). They are particularly great during those first few months when your baby is so new he doesn't yet have neck strength. Plop them on in and you've got your arms free to move about. We're co-sleepers, too. And for the most part it's worked out great. Especially those growth-spurt nights when all he wants to do is eat every hour. Good luck!

Hi K.,

I know you've already gotten a lot of great advice. My 5th child is now 6 months old, and I bought a Sleep Wrap when she was born. I can hardly express how helpful it has been. I wish I had one with all my kids, and that I had taken the time to hold each of them more. My house is not emaculate, but I have gotten house cleaning done with baby in the wrap. Remember also that you need your rest. It is okay to let the house go a bit or try to get hubby and the kids to help out a little more. Your baby is still so VERY young. They grow and change so fast! My baby wanted to be held all the time too! It can be very tiring, I know. She is very content now to be put down in a seat to watch me do things, unless she is tired or hungry.
check out my site www.joyful-journey.webs.com for more about the wrap I use.

You'd be surprised how many things you can accomplish with a baby "strapped to your chest". It's a wonderful thing to be able to meet your newborn's needs for being held/carried while also having your hands free to help your other children and wash dishes or fold laundry. It's a bit of an art you have to practice until you get used to it, but it's worth it. :)

Having a 2 month old and 4 older children in our home right now, I can understand your concerns about wanting to keep yoru house in order (clutter does feel discouraging when it gets too chaotic). One thing we've done to simplify the chores around the house is to put away some of the kids toys in storage and pull them out on a rotation since much of the clutter around the house is due to toys and kid stuff being left out. Also, this would be a great time to hire a sweet teenage girl to come help you once a week or however often you can afford to just do basic things like fold laundry, mop, and clean bathrooms. I've found that the more children I've had the more other friends/family are offering their help. If you have friends/family offering to help, TAKE THEM UP ON IT! It's important to reach out to others for help--we weren't meant to do these things alone. Do you have a close friend who you can call on for help when you're in desparate need to get a mountain of laundry folded? Even if she came for 1-2 hours, it's worth asking. Grandparents love to hold the baby too, so you could have a grandma come over and have some baby-holding time while you sit, visit and fold laundry, etc. (just keep in mind that you are still recovering from the birth, so you need rest too!).

Our culture is one that emphasizes independence and self-reliance, and that takes a toll on families with young children; most other cultures are interdependent and they help take care of each other...we need to be more like that. This is not the time of life to be "super mom", nor is it a season for having a spotless home. This is the season for putting in the long hours of physically loving and cuddling and nurturing your very young children, even if it means the house is a bit messier than usual. Babies/young children need tangible affection at this age and some babies "ask" for that more than others. As another mom said, it's a NEED not a WANT. You and your child will be rewarded later for the physical connection you provide for him now.

Blessings,
J. (mom of 5)

It's amazing how easy it is to get stuff done with a baby strapped to you! I would recommend going that route and investing in an Ergo that will also allow you to put him on your back if he needs to be held as he's a little older. My daughter is nearly 20 months and I still wear her to get things done regularly! Our favorite way to vaccum is to strap our daughter to our back and just go for it. It's interesting for her and makes life easy for us!

Buy a sling or front pack and carry him around part of the time. The other part, when you are not able to do stuff with him strapped to your chest, put him down where he can see you. Talking to him while you are doing things and he is down will help also. He will get used to being down and get to know that you will always be there when he needs you.

God bless and good luck. Isn't easy to hear them cry.

Hi K.- My advice would be to get an Ergo or Moby (some sort of wrap other than a sling so you can distribute the weight evenly) and carry him. Wearing the baby is so good for him, especially during those early months...

good luck!
V.

My son was just like this, and still is a bit. He has gotten better though. He is now 5 months. My husband and I used a baby bjorn and carried him around all the time. When my husband is on duty, my son in almost always in the bjorn. He just wants to be near someone. We tried swings, vibrator chairs, etc. Holding him was the only thing that really worked. Our night routine is the same too! Just like yours. I think its because he is breastfed too. My daughter drank expressed milk from a bottle as she could never get the latch. My son still really wants to cuddle with my boob to fall asleep. When yours is older try using a shirt or something of yours that has your smell. That seems to soothe my son when I put him to bed. Your little one I think is too young to start the cry it out thing. I have read that between 4-6 months is a time to see if they can start to soothe themselves. Hope this helps. It takes a ton of patience. You are not the only one though! Good Luck!

He is six weeks old.. He still wants to back in the womb;-) I would get the book baby wearing by Dr Sears and try some of his methods. I don't think the cry it out method is healthy for a 6 week old.. You have 2 boys so you know how fast it goes....Maybe recruit some friends or family members to take shifts coming over and holding him while you get work done... that is what we did.

Does he have reflux? Reflux can be silent.. it isn't always obvious at first.. The spit up can come later

My first was this way, so I learned to do everything one handed (including typing!) from the get-go ... it was only with later kids that I realized constant carrying wasn't To Be Assumed ;). If you have a snuggler, you have a snuggler ... it's just different with each kid. And anything you don't give him now that he needs (and at this young especially, babies can't "want," they only have needs), he will keep needing, and it will only be harder (for him/you/his future partner) to access that infant-emotional-space to fill the need later, especially if he finds it is not "safe" to ask/want/need it at this young of an age ...

There are lots of slings on the market. I am small-shouldered and even the "smalls" didn't fit right, but the Moby wrap I borrowed (from a much broader-shouldered friend) was fabulous, especially since it distributes weight over BOTH shoulders and is stretchy.

As soon as he is big enough to sit up by himself, you can carry him on your back ... and if the housework etc. slide for the next 5 months, please remember you are making his and your and your husband's life easier for the next rest-of-baby's-life ... it is a short (if painful) sacrifice.

Two parting hints: I still wince to my environmental self, but it is a VERY good idea to have a stash of paper plates and cups on hand, for those days (it was about once a month for me) when the dishes just weren't going to happen at all. And second, a lot of "table" work (eg, laundry, reading mail) can be done on the floor, with baby laid across your lap or, when he is a little more independent, on the floor next to you (this gives your back a huge break!).

Hi K.,

I loved the Moby Wrap. My daughter was the same way until I bought one. It worked so well, I started selling them and I have helped a ton of moms get back on their feet again! You definitely need to try on some slings and carriers too. But I personally felt the Moby Wrap was the best for such a little baby and getting stuff done. I could put my daughter in there and she would nurse and sleep off and on for hours while I did things around the house, packaged order, prepared meals, went to the bathroom, etc, etc. It was a true lifesaver. What I liked best was the fact that I could bend over and she wouldn't fall out, I could lean against a counter and it held her above it so I didn't have to worry about accidentally leaning on her. And it evenly distributed her weight so there was no strain on my shoulders or back. Very comfortable especially postpartum. I would be happy to have you try some on and show you how to wear them. That is the best way to see if it's something that will work for you. You will be meeting your baby's needs while still taking care of yourself.

A.
www.punkinbutt.com
###-###-####

Just another voice encouraging a Moby. It is the best thing. You can have both of your hands free, and it's completely comfortable, so you can go about helping your other kids, doing the dishes, etc. without straining your back. If we could keep only one baby thing, it would be the Moby. Good luck!

This is a difficult time, but it will pass. I agree with other posters that 6 weeks is too young to cry it out. Your baby is used to being in the womb and is still trying to figure out so much. Please try a sling and keep him close, it is really not that bad to carry them around when they are so small. It will be easier on both of you. I used the moby and later the ergo carrier. The house and other chores can wait. Call on friends and family to help if you can. Hang in there sister! There will come a time when you will miss having them so close.

He just needs the physical contact. A sling is a great idea. We got an Ergo carrier when our son was born because he was the same way. My husband jokes about writing to the Ergo company to thank them for making our lives easier. The Ergo is expensive, but you can get one cheaper on Craigslist or Ebay. But it is very worth it, Our son is now 18 months old & we still carry him in it sometimes when we go out. The carrier is a bit big for a 6 week old, but you can fold a blanket inside or buy an infant insert. Another good option is the Moby...but have someone show you how to put it on, otherwise it can be frustrating. But it holds baby tightly against you & that might be what your baby needs. Either way, you can get lots more done when you use a carrier, but a regular sling might not be as comfortable (and the Baby Bjorn is very uncomfortable & not good for baby's physical development). I remember sudenly, I could garden again & was very happy. Good luck.

My daughter was like that and formula fed. Buy a sling or a Bjorn. It made the world of difference for us. You can actually do a lot of things with a baby strapped on your chest, even carry another small child. He is too young to cry it out and some babies just need that closeness. It doesn't make for a clingy baby or toddler either. It gives him the closeness he needs and you the free hands you need.
Good luck.

Hi, my son is about the same age and I breast feed as well. My son seemed to be clingy as well. Instead of laying him down or puting with his little toys I put him in a nursing pillow that has a strap on it to hold him in it. I place him in whatever room I'm in or his dad is in and he seems pretty content. Another thing you could check out getting a sling to carry him around in(carrying a baby isn't bad and normally they grow out of it, my nephew did...)chicken scratch slings are the best that I've found.with a sling you can do all the things you need to do.

Hope that helps ya!

Babywearing is the best! I just wanted to add there's lots of carriers out there - I tried a traditional sling, a Bjorn, and finally settled in on an Ergo. You might want to check in with some of the stores around town. I know Generations on Hawthorne offers babywearing help and have many styles of carriers. Also there's a great many second-hand/consignment children's shops and there's always carriers there. Finally, you are a very busy person but you can make your own Moby wrap for just a few dollars. At any fabric store, choose a knit fabric, like the material t-shirts are made of. Buy 5 yards of 60". Cut it either into two 30" wide strips or three 20" strips, depending on how big you are and how big your baby is. That's it!

Here's some info on how to use the moby:
http://www.peppermint.com/moby-wrap-instructions.html

Also don't be concerned about co-sleeping. If it works for you it's a great thing to do.

Good luck!

All babies are different. It may just be him I nursed all 4 of my babies and had one that was like that. I just held her. Good luck!

Um, yes. My son is 15 months old and still likes to be held and carried in stores etc. He will not ride in a cart for more than a few minutes at a time.
You probably don't want to hear it, but I think a pack or sling is the way to go. We would never get anything done done without ours. There are a lot of ways to carry a baby on your back too, even a teeny tiny.
If you are in the Seattle area (Seattle Area Babywearing-I belong to the group on Yahoo where you can find info on meetings and lots of people that can help), there is a babywearing group that can help you pick something comfy and versatile. Thebabywearer.com is also a good place for lots of help.
I feel, especially at this point that he is far too young to be left to cry. Babywearing is good for both parent and baby, results in babies crying far less and ultimately being more independent. He'll eventually want to explore his world, but right now he's just getting used to being on the "outside" and needs your comforting, warm body nearby. :)

i totally understand how you feel. all 3 of my children have had this need at different stages. my oldest, now 5 1/2, wouldn't let us put her down. we carried her in a sling that i made. it worked quite well but it was more difficult to get things done. thank goodness my husband wasn't too fussy about it so i just did the bare minimum. my second was easy until she was 9 months old. by then she was sitting up and able to keep herself from falling off the counter so i just put her up there with me when i needed to be in the kitchen fixing meals. my 3rd (a boy) has a hard time being away from me. we did the co sleeping thing until he was 9 months old and i wasn't getting any sleep. our doctor encouraged us to get him in his own bed since neither of us were not getting any sleep. 5-10-15 was the trick. he still has a hard time but this seems to work. going in at 5, then 10, then 15 and every 15 minutes to lay him back down or tell him it is time to sleep worked quite well. BUT since your little guy is only 6 weeks old, i would probably carry him around in a sling until he falls asleep and try to lay him down for the duration of his nap time. i am also a stay at home mom with 3 children. 5 1/2, almost 4 and 10months with one on the way. i also homeschool my oldest. so we do what is necessary to get us by and let the rest sit until we can get to it. i also have my 2 oldest help with chores. they make their beds, put away dishes, set the table, clean up their toys, fold laundry, put the clothes in the dryer. i didn't just start having them do all of these things at once. we slowly gave them one chore and worked up to being able to do all of these things. its just an idea. some parents have a hard time thinking that their young children are capable or even ready to help. try it out for a week. i encourage my children with stickers, play time, time with mom playing a game, going to the park, i also tell them that they are part of our family and we all need to work to together to get things done. hope this is helpful.

Hi K.,

Using a front pack worked well for me as well. I have never been a fan of the CIO method anyway, and I co slept with both of my children. I know it is exhausting, but it will pass and soon he discovers the saucer, you will be wishing he wants you to hold him so much. :) I know it's hard to let housework go, but no one expects a spotless house when you have a new baby. Don't be ashamed to ask friends, family for help. They are only this tiny once, enjoy it. :) Hope this helps.

He's too young to be crying it out. His cries are his way of communicating. The warmth of your body could be soothing to an upset stomach. But it is natural for a baby to want to snuggle. Wrap him tightly in a receiving blanket, swaddling will help. You could put a hot water bottle in his bassinet to provide the extra warmth. If the crying is happening all the time, go see your pediatrician to have him checked out. He could have a reflux issue. But everybody, every baby has their own personality and needs. Get yourselves a snuggli and wear him to get things done to provide you all with some flexibility. Take care!!

I want to add, Look for a Postpartum Doula. She would come in and help with holding baby, or with picking up the house a little. You could also use a teenager, or a neighbor. It is funny how many people are willing to hold a baby so you can do what you want to do.

I got a baby sling, and carried my kids all the time, except when cooking, or doing anything dangerous.
I also got a swing that would help for when I wanted to put them down.
Yes this is very normal. Babies get their comfort from mom or dad. And they love to cuddle.
You can also ask the older children to use the sling with the baby, if you feel comfortable with it.
There are a lot of different baby sling type things you can get. some that will hold them close, and some that dangle.
Keep in mind that a baby does not know the difference between a want and a need. To them, when they want to be held it is a need.
Do you swaddle him when you lay him down? You can try this, and lay him down with a shirt that you have worn, this will let him have your scent with him.
Are there things the older kids can do in the house to help out?
With my 5 kids, I would never do it without a sling. I loved it. It made it so that I could do things with the other kids, and still keep baby close. I also taught the older ones how to help with things they could do. They may not do it as good as I can, but it would get done.
I use to say, show me a house that is perfect, and I will show you a house with no kids.

I hope this helps. Good luck
B.

First of all, hats off to you!! I found someone that has them closer in age then myself! How do you do it? My three are three two and eight months and I find myself sometimes just sitting amazed i make it through breakfast. anyways. I didnt nurse my first two and by 8 months niether of them had trouble being left with grandmas or anyone. I am exclusively nursing my 8 month old and as soon as he sees i am gone he screams. He wont stop screaming until i am holding him again. he used to have to be held and carried at home while i was there all the time. as he has gotten older he doesnt really, only when he is tired will he crawl around under my feet until i pick him up. so yes i think it is becasue they are your new accessory that they need to be carried all though some moms may disagree, I dont!! good luck with everything!!