Considering Second Child: Adoption or Biological?

I adopted a 1 yr old child at the age of 47. We did an international adoption. Many countries like you to adopt in order so if your daughter is 4 then you need a younger child but sometimes it can vary. Some countries have 50 as an age limit. It can take 12-18 months to do an international adoption depending on country and getting paperwork together.

There is a great group in the tristate area- adoptive parent committee. They have monthly meetings and a large conference coming up in Nov I..

Hi there,
First of all, I want to say how lucky you are that you seem to have such a nice life with a supportive husband. I, too, am 44 years old. I am a single mom, to a beautiful almost 1 year old daughter. I wish like anything that it had worked out with my daughter's father but it didn't. It is VERY hard, but she is a miracle and I hope everyday that I do a good job raising her. I'm responding because I wonder how easily you got pregnant with your first. I got pregnant easily starting at 40 years old, but miscarried 3 times. I needed fertility meds to carry my daughter to term. And a lower stress job, less caffeine, less exercise, (in my case I was an exercise fiend!), no alcohol. I have friends that have gotten successfully pregnant at 46 and 47 years old. But people say it is dramatically different with 2 children. I would also like a sibling for my daughter, but I definitely need a partner first. That much I know, that it's way too hard to raise 2 kids alone! If you had no trouble getting pregnant the first time, I don't see why you would have trouble now. Good luck.

E, I.

there are many countries that will adopt an older child to you at age 46/47. the hassle with adopting oversees is really the red tape, the paperwork, the time you need to wait for a referral, the two trips you need to take oversees. i have a few friends who adopted that way and are very happy with their experience. i looked into it, but the two trips oversees were an issue for me because of other responsibilities i felt i couldn't leave. i chose to foster through DYFS with hopes of adopting a child who becomes available. there are many agencies you can work with to find out the requirements and cost of each country. i think its a great thing to do as there are so many homeless children in the world and since most people want infants, those slightly older toddlers/young children often just get overlooked.

good luck with whatever you decide to pursue.

I can't help you with questions #2 or 3 (though my friends with two have all said it is a bit harder, but definitely NOT twice as hard as having one). But as for your ? #1, I know a couple that went the adoption route in their mid/late 40's, and I recall them saying that they were not eligible to adopt in a lot of countries because of the age difference. They ended up adopting from Guatemala, and luckily found a child just before her husband turned 50, which apparently is the cutoff for that country. So, if you are considering it, I'd recommend talking to a professional soon and finding out the options.

Oh - and know also that the child you adopt, especially if you adopt a 3-5 year old, may likely have some developmental problems that will require extra attention from you, at least in the beginning. I know a few people who have adopted infants (9 - 15 months old), and the children were a little behind in motor skills and/or language skills, but caught up quickly once they received the love and attention they needed from a family. Of course, biological babies aren't guaranteed perfect either, especially at your age (sorry!!)

Hi M., First of all, congrats on your lovely daughter. In response to your questions: I don't think it would be hard for you to adopt as you can provide a good life for a child that needs a loving home. No one can predict if it will be easy or hard to conceive but pregnancy does take a toll and it is more difficult as we get older. As the mother of 5 I can say that each child has their own needs and individual personality. Whether you adopt or have one naturally you will have double the work but you also have help. It will be good for your daughter to have a sibling. Children learn about sharing and caring for others when there is someone else besides themselves. To me this is as important a lesson as anything you can learn in a book. I will pray that you have another child, whatever way works for you. Grandma Mary