Being a Mom

I am no doctor, but it sounds like you may be suffering from depression. I have suffered from it in the past and it is not fun. My feeling were similar to the ones you stated.

I began taking St. John's Wort (herb pill you can find at almost any food/nutrition store. It is recommended for depression as a way to "promote a happy feeling". I recommend it as it did help me.

I later found I just needed a sense of purpose in my life in addition to my kids. I searched for something to fill that void and now I have a home business that I work on to fill my void and it helps give me that sense of purpose.

I hope that you can get out of the rut you are in and feel better about yourself and your life again.

Remember to think POSITIVE!

S.

Being a mom is not a job filled with much gratitude however the rewards in prospective are enormous! You being a mom is a definition of raising three great kids and giving them the guidance, knowledge and foundation to being amazing grown ups. So when they are out of the house, they can look at you and thank you tenderly for all the times you were there for them, for the laws you laid down, for the lessons learned, it will pay off, promise.

It is hard, not fun and down right exhausting. Being a referee, chef, maid, errand runner, etc..it is a lot! Nobody appreciates you and at the end of the day there is all this energy sucked out of you with little left for you.
Then you need to carve out time for YOU every day. Get a sitter, go to the park, ride your bike, run around the block, get a manicure, something that is all about YOU!
I suggest that you put down what makes you unhappy in the order it makes you feel overwhelmed the most. Tackle one thing at a time.

The house doesn't have to gleam, the meals don't need to be gourmet, the children don't have to sit, behave and have perfect manners, however you need to decide what you are feeling and if it is depression or a funk. We all have funks, believe me! If it is hormones, depression those are treatable and need to be addressed not ignored. If it is a funk you can get through it.

Find what motivates you, join a church of your desire, finding substance and hope ,that helped me through a very rough time in my life and I look forward to going to church and just releasing my stresses. Turning my burdens to God gave me more strength then I knew I had. If you aren't religious, meditate on what matters to you and give yourself hope.

Get a life coach maybe just write a dream board, with what your hopes, dreams and goals are. Work a little each day to get to them. Include your children, focus on the good in each one of them. Write down five of your favorite things of each child, individually. Doing this will point out how unique they are and how much you can enjoy these things.

Kids grow up fast, think hard what memories you want them to carry with them when they are older and have children of their own. That helps me daily! I think of the times we laugh and the silly things we do together, the places we go and explore. Then the times I want to pull my hair out however am so thankful they are noisy and fighting because that means they are healthy kids! :)

Good luck, God Bless, for me watching the news just a few nights a week is enough to stop, breathe and thank GOD for my blessings.

You are not alone!! I have been working outside the home now for about 15 years and I love it. I think a lot of it is the social interaction between adults. Cleaning up puke doesn't quite hit the spot like being the life of the party. I often think about going back to being a stay at home mom and how hard it would be. I love my children and want to see them grow up to be prosperous adults and I have to say that I would give it all up for them. I think you are going to have quite an adjustment, but you have taken the first step. This sight has been a tremendous help for me. Just venting is wonderful. You are going through a traumatic experience. It is not like a car accident or something similar, but your body does need an adjustment time. You might think about getting your hormones checked. It sounds silly, but it is really not an age thing. I suggest that you go to a doctor that does the bio-identical ones. These are the ones that are similar to the ones that your body produces and so you don't get the side effects. My friend told me that before she started the hormones that she was on 4 anti-depressant pills and after a while she did not have to use them. I take them and my progesterone was low and I have a much easier time dealing with life now since I started. Good luck to you!!

When you look at your life you know you should appreciate it, logically it looks good, anyone would want the life you have. Your kids are good, your husband is good, you get to do stuff you want to do. But you feel numb to being able to actually appreciate any of it.
I've been there. After I returned from an intensive, but exhausting, volunteer experience I got married and went back to college. I was exhausted all the time and ended up diagnosed with chronic fatigue -- sleeping 20 hours a day. Once I got that under control I started to feel the way you describe. I was married to a great guy, my life was exactly what I wanted it to be, but I was numb to feeling appreciation for any of it.
And that sounds like depression or a backlash to running on adrenaline and exhaustion for a while. An extended run on low sleep (or like my case extended sleep) can mess with your melatonin levels -- and messed up chemical levels in your brain can lead to depression. You need to talk to someone, like a qualified doctor, and not make any big decisions or life changes right now. Intellectually you know your life is good -- rely on the intellectual while you get help for the emotional.
In my case, I didn't do anything -- I relied on the intellectual. I just kept on the same track I was going, ate well balanced food, and made sure I got only 8 hours of sleep at night. Eventually it passed and I began to feel grateful for my life again. With a history of chronic fatigue, I make sure that I don't get back in a situation where I feel that way again. You're not alone and it will pass, but you might need help (talk therapy is proven to be as effective as drugs in minor cases of depression) to get over it.
Good luck to you.

No, you are not unique. I am very familiar with the "this job of being a mom SUCKS!" feeling. I also have three children who are now 13,15,and 17. I went through many, many years feeling just like you do, guilt and all. I have now, however, found a place of peace and contentment in being a mom that I didn't think was possible (especially with all teens!) Don't get me wrong, I still think being a mother is the hardest job on earth and therefore I now have and use regularly the tools and support for it to have moved from "this sucks" to "wow, I am actually enjoying this".

The key for me was learning to put myself first on the list, asking for help, receiving help, educating myself on parenting skills such as communication and discipline, and self-care, self-care, self-care.

I also dove into all my "stuff" and healed many of my old, destructive belief systems. I started to recognize the "shoulds" in my life that were making me miserable. I became more aware of the unconcious beliefs such as "I am inadequate" that were undermining everything I was trying to accomplish. I learned to give myself a break and to have compassion for myself rather than continually, visciously, verbally assaulting myself with negative messages of judgement and guilt.

Some great tools I use and recommend to the women I work with (I am a Life Coach and support many mothers that feel like you do) are: "The Work" by Byron Katie, Parent Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon, (of course) Mamasource, Books, Webinars, Journaling (especially Anger Journaling), Women's support groups, therapy, coaching, strong, supportive friendships, wise women, SELF-CARE, etc.

I hope this helps support you and validate that there is nothing you are experiencing that tons of other mothers aren't also facing and that there is a way out of the abyss you feel like you are in. In support of You, T.

Since your children are older now, enlist their help where you need it and praise the heck out of them for helping out, cooperating and so on. This can go a long way.

Also, since you love music and the theatre is there a way to involve your children in this to a degree. Even playing some of your favorite tunes while you are hanging out could be a mood booster. See if your kids would want to put on a show for you.

Stay in touch with those who can help and keep you thinking positive. There are times when we all want to escape, but continuing in that line of thought can be unhealthy. Sometimes my escape is a cup of tea and some white chocolate and it does help.

Hope things get better for you. I will keep you in my prayers.