Bedtime Routine - Ladson,SC

No one has offered this one. Get her a twin size bed. She might not like the crib because of her sleeping in a big bed. Take her and let her "help" pick it out and the sheets. Yes, she will cry for the first couple of nights. And for the zippy cup, water down the juice slowly.
Good luck.
S.

Hi R., I'm a single mom as well. I had the same problem with my 2 oldest children until I finally buckled down and set up a routine. ROUTINE is key. I do dinner, bath, then take them to their rooms, read a book (or 2/3 lol) and then turn the lights out. I ask the same 2 questions every night before I leave the room "What are you allowed to do right now" and then "What aren't you allowed to do right now". My son is 2 my daughter is 5 and this works like a gem. It's a little bit of interaction with me before I say "GOODNIGHT". Regardless of if they whine, cry, or try to ask any questions (no matter how cute) to strike up conversation I simply repeat "Goodnight". Then I go up and check on them every 5 minutes until they are asleep. I kiss them and say "Goodnight" again.

IT WORKS. The first 2 -5 days when you initially try it will be a battle, but even if she gets out of bed, simply walk her right back to bed, lay her down, tuck her in and say "GOODNIGHT". Don't get angry, they want reaction. CALM is key.. and remember... don't interact or engage in conversation. You're the boss! :)
God bless!

R.,
I'm in the same boat. My 3 year old daughter will NOT sleep in her bed either. She might fall asleep on the couch or in her brothers room but always comes back into my bed at night. I try to move her to the floor next to my bed and she will wake up and come back up on my bed. I don't know what to do either.
My finance has a problem with this more than I do, but I do realize it's time for her to go to bed in her own bed. Any suggestions you get please keep me in mind. Thanks-T.

There is a wonderful book called Sleeping Through The Night by Jodi Mindell. It covers all sleeping problems including how to break bad habits like what you are experiencing. Unfortunately, according to this book, you will have to let her cry. It gives you step by step instructions (plus explanations) on how to do it. Supposedly, it doesn't take long (generally a few days) before it is under control but in the meantime, it will be difficult.

I'm curious, does your daughter take her naps at daycare without fighting it?

Good Luck.

L.

Wow, a female version of my son!!! I didn't think anyone else had these issues. My son just turned 3, and has recently decided that he needs a cup in the middle of the night. Does you daughter take a nap during the day? What time? Start a solide routine--Bath, pj's and brush teeth, story, NIGHT NIGHT and a kiss....I started this with my son at about 2 1/2, and much to my surprise, it worked! He would stay up 'til 11 or so, when he would finally fall out. Putting him in a big boy bed of his own helped also. Tell her every evening during the routine that she is a big girl and must stay in her bedroom tonight, and she can't open her door. Your might have a few nights of crying, but she will eventually get the point that she must stay in her room. She doesn't necessarily have to go to sleep (don't tell her that!), she just has to go to her room at a set bedtime.

R.,
the best thing to do is to make a routine and stick to it NO MATTER WHAT. It can include bath, books bedtime (our three b's) or whatever you feel is a good routine. When she does not stick to it, and tests, there needs to be consistant consequences. My daughter got a spaking the FIRST time she did not stay in her bed. I don't believe in giving chances, as any child WILL USE all the chances...they WILL test..it is their nature. Chances are like giving them permission do disobey you a few times and that is not how our house is run. No matter what, you are her Mama, and you are the boss...not her. It will probably get worse before it gets better. Know that a child her age needs at least 10 hours of sleep in a day to be "caught up" so some of her misbehaving IS that she is sleep deprived. If you know you are in for a battle, then start early,,,like 7:30pm. The lady with the gate idea might be a good one. It does not work for everyone though. Whatever you decide to do, STICK TO IT NO MATTER WHAT. Your daughter just has to learn who is boss. Once she starts getting good sleep, everything will seem easier. :-) Again, be consistant. Most important thing. And the juice/milk thing...i would just be worried about long term tooth issues. i have scary stories about that sort of stuff from friend's kids. (major cash needed to fix rotten kid teeth that are going to fall out anyway from juice/milk bedtime stuff.) My best to you on all of this,,,I know it is a hard time,,,but you are the Mama and the boss and if you exercize that right, you will take care of this. (and your neighbors will just have to deal with it while you take care of it...your life and the life of your daughter come first...if you tackle it head on,,it will be fixed sooner rather than later) Feel free to write any time. I will be thinking of ya!!!! Jenny

Hi R.,

I too had (and have) a hard time getting my daughter into a bedtime routine. I also had the issues of letting her cry because of others. If you know your neighbor's and I guess even if you don't, I would try going to them and giving them a brief explanation of what you are doing, and about how long you expect they may here her screaming, usually 1-2 weeks at most. And usually only an 1-2 hours each night.

Then set up her routine..bed, bath, story, music (WORKS WONDERS), and whatever else. I do agree TV/Movies is not always the best idea, but each child is differnt so that is truly a momma decision. When you put her to bed say it is night night time, I love you, make sure she has a sippy cup (I still give mine heavily watered down juice), pacie, whatever. Then leave. If she gets out of bed, without any emotion (yes I know how are this can be) put her back. Let her cry, she will stop once she knows you are serious. Not caving is hard...I know.

This was recommended by my doctor, she had done it with her kids, and it works great. Piper only gave me fits for 3 days. She still sometimes thinks she is missing something, but she is doing great with the routine. I really hope this helps.

C.

Wow. Sounds like you are really having a rough time each night. We lived in apartments when our oldest was a toddler refusing to sleep and we actually told them what was going on so they wouldn't call DSS. It helped that we knew them a little bit.
A great book to use as a resource is Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems by Dr. Ferber. His method really is NOT simply letting your child cry it out. It's helping your child find their own way of going to sleep on their own, which will involve some crying. Our daughter yelled for 45 min the first few nights, then less each night, then went to sleep on her own, in her room, in her crib by about 10 days.
The basic idea is that you limit late naps, caffeine, andything that might cause your toddler to be wakeful. Then have an established bedtime routine - ours was a bath, then read stories in a rocking chair with a cup of water/juice/milk, sing a song or say a prayer, then a kiss on the head and put the toddler in the crib. She had a favorite teddy bear and blanket, so we put that in the crib with her, and left the room. She yelled and carried on, then we went back in to make sure she was ok at 5 min. No removing the child from the crib, just make sure she's not hurt, tell her goodnight again, pat on the back or a hug or something. Then go out again and wait 7 min. this time. Repeat the process as many times as necessary, adding a few minutes to each wait time, never taking the child out of the bed/crib, but making sure she's safe. It was a bit of work, but REALLY paid off in the long run.

Hi, the only thing I can tell you as the mom of twin girls is that they will take as much control as you give them. As a two yo she should be going to bed between 7 and 8:30. This early in the evening your neighbors should not be asleep. Also, if she wakes up in the night and screams, I would go talk to my neighbors and tell them you are trying to work with her sleep habits, but for the next week they may hear some screaming in the night. Everyone knows you sacrifice some priveledges when you live in an apartment. If you are firm and do not give in to her, it should not take more than a week for her to learn you are not accepting her behavior anymore. She will fight like crazy, but soon enough she will understand that you are in control, and she will feel secure in that. I would hit up the library for some books to give you ideas for dealing with your two yo, but I have always found that setting boundaries and sticking with them is the best thing.

Bake your neighbors a batch of cookies and let them know they may hear some screaming over the next week. Its hard to say no, but stand firm, no more juice at night- causes cavities. Once she knows you are taking control she'll back down. Right now its a control issue. We were having some of the same issues.
since she's old enough, is a "big girl" bed an option for you? Take her with you to get a new big girl bed, have her help you pick out her new big girl sheets.
you could also try playing music instead of a movie. Most important is to get into a routine and keep it.

I admire you being a single mother,you have a tough job.
It will hurt your feelings more than hers, but stand firm, and no means no.
Good luck!

Hi R.. My first son is now 13 months and I had trouble with him to sleep in his own bed. I know how easy it is to get into the "you can sleep with mommy" routine. I was pregnant with my second, when I decide this had to stop. Alot of people told me to just let him cry, eventually he will go to sleep. I set up a routine of dinner, bath, calm down time (reading, movie, or just mommy and me time) then off to bed at 8. I did try letting him cry, but went in his room every five minutes to lay him back down, giving him his favorite sippy cup (if he wanted it) say I loved him, and leave. Yes he would start crying again, but he eventually got that mommy was there if he needed me, that he was safe. Sometimes I would hold him and rock him before I put him in his bed, but I then slow took that away. It took almost two weeks of doing this, but he finally sleeps in his own room only waking maybe once or twice a night. He now doesn't want a sippy cup either, if he does wake. If you decide to try this, I will tell you it is very hard to hear your baby cry, but it will pay off in the long run. Because she is a little older, I would try setting and sticking to a nightly routine even if she doesn't like it. Eventually she will understand, like my son did (as I typed earlier) that mommy is there if she really needs you. Also I, too, live in an apartment and my husband hated the fact that I was letting our son cry, but you will have to do what is best for you. If you have good neighbors, they will understand. I never heard complaints from mine. P.S. Try laying with her in her own bed at her bed time, explain its night night time, stay a couple minutes, tell her you are near if you are needed and then leave. I hope this helps. GOOD LUCK!! A. F.

R., one thing you have to remember is that she is 2, and YOU are the one in charge. Now is the time to take charge and let her know who is in control or otherwise can you imagine what things might be like when she is 15??? I know that may sound a little out there cause it's just bedtime right?? Well, the earlier you establish your role as a parent the easier it will be for you and her.

So, all you have to do is figure out what you want bedtime to look like, and consider what your little girl likes. Whether it be bathtime, a story, maybe a back rub, whatever. But decide on that, and stick with it. You may have to talk to your neighbors and explain there will be an adjustment period(maybe buy them some ear plugs as a friendly gesture) and ride it out. Since she is used to getting her way for so long there is no question that she is going to protest, scream, cry, yell, whatever. But if you stick to it she will soon find out that Mommy means what she says, and there will be a bedtime routine that both of you can live with.

I have a very strong willed 2 year old daughter, and we go through "battles" every now and then. We just have to decide the best way we know to deal with it (and many time explain choices, and consequences with her) and stick to what we decided. Many times it seems like it isn't working, and we wonder if it will ever work, but 9 out of 10 times if we just hang in there she eventually understands that what we have set down as boundaries are there, and we aren't moving on them, and so she complies. Lord knows, that it takes more work on the front end than giving in, but in the long run it is worth it for you and for her. When she sees Mommy being strong and standing up to her, she will feel safer and more secure for it. I really hope that helps. Let me know what happens!!

Dearest R.
Wow you have your hands full. My heart goes out to you for being a single mom. Hats off to you. Keep up the good work. I have a 21/2 yr old and a 4 yr old. Bedtime routine is tough. The way I got my girls down was music. NO movies, b/c that becomes the routine. Sleeping with you is tough also, that is a long overdue habit already formed. Being firm is not being a ""meany". YOu are the adult and she is the child. I have been fortunate that my girls go to bed at 8 or 8:30. We say our prayers and then we give kisses and it goodnight, lights out. I tell them I will see them in the morning. Sippy cups with juice or milk is NOT good. Especially at bedtime. I have seen too many children in my career have to have their teeth pulled because sippie cups rot their teeth. NO LIE! 4 and 5 yr olds all their teeth. Just remember you are NOT alone. THere are other parents with bedtime woes. Routine is the key word and stick to it. Good Luck ssmchargue

I have to agree with everyone. She is 2! Your the Mom and you need to let her know that. Set a bedtime routine that's no more than 30 mintues and stick to it. Also make it at the same time everyday. When she gets up just turn her around and walk her back to bed. Tell her it's bedtime the first 2 times but put her right back in bed. After that just walk her back without a word or eye contact. She will cry and fuss but be firm. It wont take long for her to figure out she wont win and go to sleep. If you let her keep this up she will carry it through to other things later and you will regret it. Remember kids feel safe and secure when they know what to expect. So set a plan and stick to it. If you can call a mom friend to help support you the first couple nights so you dont cave in. With my 1st I just called a friend everytime I thought I would give in and she would remind me of the big picture. Good Luck.

I highly recommend the book "Secrets of The Baby Whisperer for Toddlers" by Tracy Hogg. I am sure you can find it at amazon but the website is

http://www.babywhisperer.com/babywhisperer.html

I could give you advice based on this book but it would be much better to read it for yourself. I PROMISE if you follow what she outlines in the book it your child WILL sleep through the night!

You have to be fim and stand your ground. Children learn their behaviors and unfortunately you are the unlikely source that allowed her act the way she does. Be glad that she has such a strong personality but she's only two and children need structure. I can tell just by reading what you wrote that out of frustration you tend to cave. Be firm with a loving hand and tell your neighbors that you're training her to sleep in her own bed. You'll look better as a parent with tough love than one who lets their children, especially an infant, run all over you. Put her in her room with a night light and reassure her that you're right outside. Have you thought about getting her a build a bear and having her put her bear to sleep? She might be a more willing participant if she's the one "teaching" her bedtime pal the rituals of sleeping on time and in their proper bed. It's worth a shot. Good luck!

if she knows that you think you've lost the battle, then you will never win. Decide to be firm...no juice or milk at bed and that's it, she may have water or nothing...Let her scream...a night or two is better than dealing with the getting up throughout the night for the next few years and all the other problems you are setting yourself up for. I let my son play before he goes to bed in his room as long as he's quiet. I have found that if I keep his routine the same every night, going to his room around 8, that he does best. take most of the toys out of her room if possible and put books in instead; this is what i did. Not only will she be learning but she will be relaxing and starting a habit of reading to soothe herself to sleep. i allow my son to leave his small light on unless i hear him hollaring or otherwise causing a racket...he knows then that i will come in and turn the light off. Decide what you are going to do and stick with it. if you allow her to whine and whine until she gets her way out of you it will only get harder and harder to break this...it will not take long to stop this behaviour as long as you are consistent and it will also be a life lesson. good luck!