Balancing Two Kids, How Do You Do It!

Don't expect to get it right the first day. Get the basics done: feedings, story time, changing diapers and baths. The rest will fallow and you will get the hang of it.

I felt really overwhelmed and depressed after my third one. We made it through and some how we all do so. Just relax and sleep when the girls are sleeping. It will all come together in time.
C. B

We had the toddler take nap at the same time as the baby's afternoon nap. I usually slept then, too, even though there was a lot to be done. Sometimes I would feed the baby and let him sleep more rather than have wake time. You're only 3 weeks into this. It'll get easier in a few more weeks. Hang in there. Let us know if you need encouragement next week!

Hello there -- it is very important that you incude your 3 year old in as much activity as you are doing. Getting diaper ,wipes, and throwing them away for you and how about haveing an activity basket next to the place where you nurse you new baby.put some granola bars and bottle of water for you and add a sipppy and a snack for your three year old. Also include a coloring book and crayons and maybe some new stuff from the dollar store so that it will peak her intrest. And maybe that could be a reward system so if she is a good girl while you are busy with the baby then she could have a new surprise every week. Flash card and even some safty scissors and construction paper.

Plus don't forget to have a pad and paper close by so you can write things down that you remember . Because as nusy you are you will forget all the little details.
At dinner time i would give her a corner in the kitchen with a small table or play mat that she could do playdough and use a kitchen utensils to make her own dinner

here is another idea have her up to the sink to wash her sippys and dishes of the day . They love water play . And you kill two birds with one stone. Even if you don't have any dirty dishes i am sure that it won't hurt to pull some out of the dishwasher. Good luck and if you need more help call me at ###-###-####

A.,

I understand how you are feeling and the first couple weeks after having a baby is the hardest. I promise it gets easier, but until that time comes, try not do anything more then the bare minimum. I was laughing when I read the comment about bath time and how each child got less baths as she got to 3 kids. That is exactly how I was when I got to kid #3. LOL

Take this time to watch movies with your little one while you nurse the baby. Make easy meals or order out. It's ok to not be doing tons of educational things with your 3 year old, less baths, or not cooking wonderful meals, while your in survival mode. Try to find activities that keep a 3 year old busy, like going outside and letting her play in the sand box and then let her run under the sprinklers to clean off all that sand. When it comes to naps and reading to her, just lay down with her and the baby, and read to her while you nurse the baby. Also, let your daughter help you with the baby. Have her help with the baby's bath, changing diapers (have her hand you the diaper and wipes) and let her hold the baby on the couch while you sit next to her helping her support her head. This will give her a great bond with her sister.

One thing that I would recommend is spending time with other adults (friends with kids, family) in couple weeks, so you don't feel cut off from the world.

Last year when I had my 3rd child, my husband was working 2 full time jobs and had to go back to work 1 week after I gave birth. I don't have family nearby, so it was very hard, and I completely understand what your talking about. For me the hardest part was laundry and house cleaning. My advice is do just enough to get by.

Congrats on your new baby!!

K.

Wow...everyone has already said such great things, so I'll just say "dito" to all of that! I wanted to add a couple of small things. Yes moms with small children can feel like they are going crazy sometimes (I think we all feel that at least once!), but it goes by so fast. While you are just surviving at times, all of a sudden a stage is over and it is something new. I have been trying to enjoy the little moments and keep trying to have patience and see the fun little kids can bring. Remember to laugh even when you might be crying. ;) (i've done it many times.)
Also- one of my favorite quotes is, "Behind every successful mother is a pile of dirty laundry." I hope my children will remember the times when i played with them, read to them, etc. and not how clean or not clean the house was!! Good luck!

A., having two kids is hard but you will be totally fine. It will all work out. Your baby is young enough tha tyou can put her in her bouncy chair while you're taking care of your three year old. I have 2 girls and a boy who is now 1. When he was a baby I was having a hard time and someone said to me, that the girls would remember what was going on and how much attention I gave them but the baby wouldn't remember how much I held him. It's one of those things that might take some time to work out, but it will. Don't be nervous. Just take one day at a time and you'll figure out a new schdule that works.

I was very overwhelmed with the thought of being alone after I had my second and a two year old. Honestly, once my husband went back to work, I was able to settle into a routine, by myself, with the girls. At naptime I would put the two year old down and then lay down with the baby. This was time well spent with the baby, as you know they grow fast and soon won't want to cuddle as much. I had to let household things go a little but it was well worth it.
You will also settle into an evening routine...Don't worry, you will find what works for you. The three year old is at a perfect age to be your helper...they love this, so take advantage. Good Luck!

We had the same situation when our second was born. School, work. CRAZINESS! It's rough, but you are still adjusting to your new "normal" schedule, whatever that may be. The biggest thing for me was to get enough sleep at night. Having the three year old who did not nap, I did not get the chance to make up for lost sleep during the day. I used my mom's trick for the baby instead. She had all 5 of us sleeping through the night by 6 weeks. Even me, and I was a preemie! Keep the baby awake between about 6 and 10 pm. Don't let her sleep more than a few minutes to take the edge off if she's getting really fussy. This little routine sucks for the first couple weeks. Baby's tired and wants to sleep. You will get nothing done during this time, just plan on that. I had my 3 year old help me keep the baby awake until it was time for my toddler to sleep, then I'm on my own. I used a damp washcloth and just played with her constantly. I did this with both kids and guess what! By six weeks, they were sleeping through the night. It WORKS! It also establishes a routine, which is always good for baby. Good luck!

Hi there,

You'll get the hang of it; don't worry! It's all about finding that perfect routine and going with it. The first few months with a new baby are very difficult for any mother, no matter how many children she has. I have four boys, myself. It is very difficult to have two so young, yet at such different stages. My first two babies are 15 months apart and my second two are 20 months apart. You have one running around getting into everything and another crying and needing to be held and nursed. It is difficult at first but you'll get the hang of it and it will become second nature to you. I have a 9, 8, 2, and 1 year old and I also babysit a 6 year old boy 12 hrs a day, 5 days a week, so I feel as though I have 5 boys. I still go out to the grocery store alone with them, and the post office, etc. You'll get it! Hang in there!! :)

I called my husband over when I read your post. I have a 5 week old baby girl and a 3 year old girl! My husband goes to school in the morning and works at night, until 11:00pm actually. He also took three weeks off after we had the baby. So we have a lot in common! I just got through the second week on my own. I know everyone is talking about schedules, but a 3 week old really doesn't have a schedule yet. I just took it one minute, one hour, one day at a time. I'm learning to do things one handed! I also started using a sling last week and that really helped. Try to nap when it's nap time. It hasn't worked everyday for me, when my oldest daughter went down, my baby would be awake! But if I can do it, you can do it. I just have to have faith that it will eventually become a normal, easy day. Especially when my youngest does finally adjust to a routine. Good Luck! Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it! And if you every need to talk to someone in your same boat, I'm here!

It's really not that bad, once you get the hang of it. For cooking dinner, put the toddler in front of the tv...I love sprout...and put the baby in a swing or bouncer, preferably in the kitchen with you so the toddler can't "play" with her while you aren't around. For bath time, I would put them both in the tub at the same time, wash the baby, get her out, and put her jammies on, then let her lay on the floor while you wash the older one. Get her out and into her jammies, and then let her play by herself while you get the little one to bed. After that, your older one can have you to herself for stories, and what ever else you do.

It is really hard to juggle a baby and a toddler. My son was 2 yrs, 2 months when my 2nd was born. My older son was on a good eating and napping schedule, so I worked to get the baby on the same schedule. After a while the baby's feedings were around the same times as my toddler's meals and snacks, Eventually they were napping at the same time too. I had a c-section, so there was a lot I couldn't do with the toddler for a few weeks. My husband took over bath and bed time and then I slowly worked my way back in. Eventually (and still 3 years later) we take turns puting each child to bed. Good luck!

Hi A.-
I have a soon to be 3yo and a 4 month old. My husband works the occasional night and I had so much anxiety about dinner, bedtime, bathtime etc. A friend of mine who recently went through it too said to me "someone is going to be crying and no one is going to die." She was right, especially early on I just had to plow ahead and let someone cry for a few minutes while I attended to the other. And everyone survived. :) sometimes I was able to put the baby in the bouncy seat in the toddler's room while doing bedtime or in the bathroom during bathtime and keep her entertained that way. For naps now instead of reading to the toddler in her bed, I read to them both while cuddling them on the couch then just go up and tuck her in while the baby plays on her floor gym or bouncy seat. Now (baby is 4 months) the baby goes down before the toddler so it's been a little easier. But for awhile i just had to shorten the bedtime routine for the toddler and make some routine changes (like reading to them both on the couch). It's starting to work itself out though and it will for you too. You will get a routine down and you'll be fine. Good luck!

I feel your pain. My first 2 were 27 months apart and the night before my husband went back to work I completely melted down. I bawled and told him I was never going to be able to do it by myself. I felt completely overwhelmed. The good news is, I found out I was able to do it. It was difficult & very busy the first few weeks, but before I knew it, I worked out a system that worked for me. I agree that routine is a good thing and having your three year old help as much as she is willing & able helps a lot. I also had to get used to the idea that the baby was going to have to cry from time to time - I just couldn't get to him immediately every time he wanted me. As long as he was fed & dry, I knew he was okay to cry for small periods of time. That was h*** o* me, but as a result, I actually think he was more able to play on his own as he got older - so something positive came out of it. I found activities or tv shows to entertain my daughter while I breastfed. She eventually got used to the fact that she was on her own during feeding times. I made sure I spent some time with her while the baby was sleeping. Other than that, I just tried to keep each kid on a good schedule for their age & juggled the best I could - doing stuff for dinner, laundry, etc. when kids were sleeping or in a bouncy seat or snuggli. Good luck! The first few days will be rough, but you'll get through it & things will get easier. Best wishes

When my dd was born I kept a 2 week journal to see what the schedule was like. It stayed the same for the most part of 2 months and then of course the changes went with her. I started watching a friends baby about 9 months ago. my dd was about 15 months and the infant was about 4 months old. The parents didn't have a schedule for her so I started a journal for her believe it or not I was able to get both the kids down for there after noon nap at the same time. I enjoy those 2 hours of my time to relax. So take a deep breathe and relax. Enjoy the children while there home, remember every little thing counts with them.

Mine are fifteen months apart so I think it is a bit easier. Not sure on the nap as mine just did at age one. But I guess you might need to just have quiet time in her room. It is what it is...this is your time to play quietly and mine to rest so I am not so grumpy." 3 years is old enough to reason a bit with you and understand consequences. I didn't go much of anywhere until I had a good routine going. I also ecouraged my son to nap when my daughter did as he got older and slept less instead of whenever he wanted. It isn't easy. dinner becomes microwave for a while and if your husband wants a good meal...he should get Outback or chili's to go on his way home once a week for you all. I did grill every Sunday night. I also tried to make double so I could heat up a meal or make the chicken into enchaladas (on Wednesdays). Feed your kids at 4:30. Get your dauhter started and then nurse and snack yourself at the table. then eat a bit more later. Your nursing anyway so it is better to eat five smaller meals or snacks anyway. also, lots of my friends set up a special box or bag to pull out when you need to nurse, clean up stinky diapers, or need some quiet time. Practice a routine of sitting quietly for five minutes through out the day. this is hard, but you figure out when this is and just do it. I had a lot of post pardum and doing this helped me. And...it is okay to just lock your daughter in her room if you need to. Try just sending her to her room. but if doesn't work for her to stay, then switch the lock to the outside or put on a toddler knob. If you just can't handle it, put her in there for just a minute and know you aren't going to go crazy on her because she is safe in her room. This is okay...don't feel guilty. then hold her after you get the baby to sleep and spend 100% time with her for ten minutes. Even if you are tired,get in the little quality time throughout the day. She will learn that mom is with baby now so I ned to just give her ten minutes...then she will play with me! Just me! And you probably won't have to do room time anymore. It is sort of like training a dog to kennel time. Good luck and know lots of us have been there. sign a lot, breath consciously, say :"It is what it is and I am here doing this now right a this moment, nothing else." And lastly, get with a MOMS Club or other group. Exchnage kids or invite a girlfriend over for a bit. The older gals will run up to her room and play dress up for an hour and you can just sit and hold the baby and reload your bateries listening to all the giggles.

I had three kids under the age of three while my husband was still working on his master's degree so he was usually gone from 7am till 9 pm. I don't have any family nearby and I do a lot of freelance art from home so, things can get pretty crazy.
I don't have any cool advise on schedules and stuff like the other moms, but I just wanted to add my two bits.
People always say to me, "I don't know how you do it! You are a super woman!" But you know what? I'm not! You simply do it. That doesn't mean its easy, in fact most days, at some point, I'm ready to pull my hair out. But you know what, you just do it, one day at a time. Some days you simply survive and others you love.
And I find that recording all the messes and crazy things that happen around here really make me smile later and feel like a cool mom for surviving so much.
No worries! You'll get the hang of it! You can do it! ( I know because my mom had 7 kids in 8 years, no twins, and my dad worked long hours, and believe it or not, she's still sane!)

my husband has the same schedule. i hired a 12 yr old neighbor girl to help me. much cheaper than a nanny! she'd clean, play with the kids, get them ready for bed, whatever i needed that day and as long as i needed it until i felt like i could handle things myself. also, my oldest had a 9pm bedtime for a long time, but once the second baby came i was so exhausted and needed time for myself. moving his bedtime to 8pm made a huge difference. if my oldest wouldn't take a nap and i needed one, he got to watch a tv show while the baby and i napped. i don't like them watching much tv, but things are so much better for all of us when i get enough sleep, so it was worth it.

This was me back In October. For awhile I tried to keep a bedtime routine separate for each of them to give them personal time, but it was getting extremely hard to get them to bed early that way. I started just singing to both of them on my lap, and then putting them both to bed at the same time. With my 2 year old I usually put her in her high-chair to eat, and give her something to eat on her own, then I feed the baby. Bath time, I started bathing them together. I put my little boy in his baby bath in the bathtub and fill up both and my little girl goes in there. Usually one or the other is happy to stay a little bit longer while I get one out and dress them. I of course stay in the bathroom to keep an eye on the one that is in the bath still. Then I get the other one out and dress them. Nap time has been interesting. My husband actually has been the one staying at home with them until recently and our 2 year old always would climb into the crib and wake up our baby. Something I am trying now is putting her down first to go to sleep and then when she's asleep put the baby down because he is quieter. If I go anywhere alone I have learned it is vital to have a stroller, it is easier to control my 2 yr old and keep her close to me that way. Even if you are driving somewhere I would recommend bringing one. Also it is probably a good idea when taking your kids out of the car or out of a stroller to take out the baby first, because they can't run off while you take your other one out. Anyways, I hope this is helpful. It ends up not being so bad.

I am lucky because my son is 6 and he can do so many things for himself. But,. with that said I think the key to any household wiht more than 1 child, is organize! Make dinners and freeze them, so all you need to do is pop it in the oven or microwave. split up bath time, your infant in the morning and your toddler in the evening, etc. Good luck

Hi A.,
My husband and I used the same eat, play, sleep schedule for both of our babies (now 2 and almost 4). That took care of naps and bedtime.They still both take an afternoon nap at the same time and are in bed at 730p and are up around 630a every day. Whatever you decide the best thing for both kids is consistency. I think (it may be a bit of work on your part)it would be great if you started to do a few things in the late afternoon/evening with your little ones...walks, going to the park, shopping, gardening etc. This will help fill that gap of time that you are alone with the kids. That's the type of activity that helps me get through the day without the hubby. The most important thing you can do for yourself and the kids is relax...and enjoy this time, it too shall pass. God Bless You!

My kids are 21-months apart and it is hard, especially at first. While your baby is probably not on a schedule yet, the best thing you can do is try to get her on a schedule as soon as you can. (And I don't mean a strict schedule, just one where you know that she'll nap/eat around the same time each day.) Once she's on a schedule, things will get a whole lot easier since you'll be able to plan your day around that schedule.

In the meantime, I found it was easiest to get my older child engaged in something before I sat down to breastfeed - coloring, looking at books, etc. And then after the baby is fed and changed or down for a nap, then spend about 10-15 minutes focusing on the older child. That way they don't feel pushed away because of the baby. If your oldest is still napping, then try to have both of them nap at the same time and then rest. Forget the dishes, laundry, etc. I know that seems crazy, but do it for the first 8 weeks or so until your body has had time to adjust to the sleep deprivation (well, as much as it can anyway). If she's not napping, if your not already doing it, implement a "quiet time" when the baby is napping in the afternoon. (Maybe you can catch a cat-nap on the couch while she watches a movie or plays/reads quietly.)

Also, involve your 3-year old as much as you can in taking care of the baby. Have her help you with diaper changes, baths, and just talking to the baby. She needs to know that the baby needs her big sister, too.

I think for the first week or so, it's best to put a lot of focus on your older daughter. After that, you can then try to do some chores or fix meals while your baby is napping and your oldest has had a little bit of "mom time."

As for the evening, everyone is tired, so I understand it can be a bit overwhelming. Dinner can be challenging, so stock up on some quick fix meals - sandwiches, jarred spaghetti sauce for a quick spaghetti dinner, frozen meals. Anything to make live easier for the first few weeks. If your baby is going to sleep right after her bath, then I suggest bathing your oldest first, then giving her some books or toys to play with while you bath the baby, feed her and get her in bed, then go back to the oldest and read to her and put her to bed. I tried to get both of my kids to bed around 7:30 or 8 pm, enough time to allow me a couple of hours to myself and with my husband.

I hope that wasn't too much information. Just remember, it does get easier the older your baby gets. It might be a lot of work now, but it's so much fun having two kids! Good luck and best wishes!

I know how you feel. It is hard at first. When i had my second baby my older boy was 3 and I wondered what I got myself into. My husband was working and going to school in the evening and the only time I saw him was the weekend.I would actually try to put both of them down for a nap in the afternoon so I could get things done. Find easy things to make for dinner so you don't have to plan big meals. sometimes I would have my mom or a friend come over to help out. even now I am still trying to balance time and getting everything taken care of and it is a year later. I had to learn to get into a routine and that everything doesn't have to be perfect. my baby goes to bed around 8. Take one thing at a time. and don't be afraid to ask for help from someone else. That was my problem. eventually you will figure how to work things out. I think it gets a little easier when the baby gets a bit older. I don't know. Good luck and I hope things work out for you and I hope some of this helps. Know you are not alone in your feelings.

My kids have about the same age spread. You have to balance to keep the older child from feeling supplanted. Communication is critical - talk about how much the baby needs help - she can't do anything for herself like a big girl can. Enlist big sister's help but don't make her your or the baby's servant. Have your older child get a book(s) for you to read to her while the baby nurses, this will give you plenty of snuggle time. Baby will sleep more than older sister so some of that time is for the two of you. You may have to let some household stuff go occasionally, start simplfying and streamlining your cleaning. Get your older child involved in the kitchen. You will probably find a front pack invaluable. I used to do yard work and some house work with baby in the front pack and toddler in a back pack. There's some weight training for you!
Give yourself time to find out what works for the three of you and expect things to change day by day as the kids and you go through different stages. Millions od parents have handled it just fine and you will too!

A.,

Yes, my husband works evenings too, and it can be really hard, as that's the part of the day that I dread the most. I have a 3 week old, a 2 1/2 yr old and a 4 year old. My biggest problem with that the toddlers weren't on a strict scheudle and with it being light out later, it made it even worse.

So over the last 3 weeks, I have moved to this schedule, dinner at 6, bedtime routine starts a 7 (includes bath) and heads on the pillow at 8. Previously, it was taking 2-3 hours for the kids to get to sleep! Routine has made all the difference for us. My 2 1/2 yr old continues to have many sleep issues and this routine had helped (also we put cardboard on the windows to darken them at night)

Baby does last feeding at 11pm. I have the baby in a sling while doing bath, pjs and books. I also have a rocking chair near the toddler bed that I nurse in while reading books to the other children. I use the bouncy seat for the baby while I cook dinner. I try to cook things that I can bake or start early (4pm). My rice cooker is my friend! Maybe even ask friends/family to bring over a few meals to get you started into your routine.

Also, go into the evening with confidence and a smile! You can do this!!! Good luck!

It is very hard at first! But it does get easier. My newborns didn't usually go to bed until around 11:00 at night, yikes. My pediatrician told me that 3 months is an ideal time to train them to sleep, so that's when I started the whole bedtime routine thing (bath, stories, rock, bed) and I wouldn't nurse them during the night anymore. They got used to it pretty quick and then they would go to bed around 7:00 or 7:30 -- hooray! With each baby I felt panicked and like I would never be able to do anything again, but by the time they were 5 or 6 months old, I would be in a good groove. I found when I had a 3 year old and a 3 week old that things got a LOT easier when my older child started soccer and preschool. He stopped having sibling rivalry issues when he had something of his own to do. Also, my 3 year old naps at 1:30 or 2:00. Good luck!

A., we all learn to balance it. one thing that i found helped (my husband went to school in the morning and worked at night) was to have a routine. I also learned to breastfeed holding with one arm and doing other things with the other so yes if your right handed you learn lefthanded. I still breastfed sitting when i could but my kids were 21 months apart and my older one needed help alot and i got really tired of latching on and off just to help her.
it takes time to figure out what works for you the best as far as routine goes so think about what you want , Like do you want time to yourself at night ... put the older one to bed at her bedtime and make a routine for the baby around that either put her to bed then the 3yr old or visa versa if your baby is like mine i put her to bed at 6 and then at 9 she got up and fed and went back down. and i put my older one to bed at 8 ish time. so I still got time for just her but i also got my time then time with the baby and more my time and hubby time when he got home.
I feel like i have rambled her so if i have im sorry
good luck finding what you need
M.

At age 29, I found myself finally at home alone with my new baby and 3 year old daughter and I remember suddenly feeling so scared. At the time, all I did was sit on my bed with the baby and read books to my daughter. This was calming at the time and it helped me realize that things were going to be okay. This is what I figured out: I let go of thinking I HAD to get dinner cooked...sometimes sandwiches with some canned soup was just fine. I realized that as a SAHM, the truth was if my children were my first priority, I actually had all the time in the world and as long as I made sure they were taken care of, nothing else really mattered...not the laundry, the clean house...none of it. Some days would go perfectly and everything would balance out and get done...some days it wouldn't. Taking the girls to the zoo so my 3 year old could run around and I could just relax and stroll the baby and just follow my older daughter was a great thing. I kept my oldest daughter's schedule the same when we were home and also enrolled her in a MDO program. This time really helped me. My greatest advice I can give to you as a mother of 3 who's husband travels A LOT and so I'm alone A LOT is to just be laid back. Put your toddler down for a nap when you normally would. Keep up the schedule you have for here as often as you realistically can...sometimes my new one would be crying or for some reason cause me to get my oldest daughter to bed late...but oh well...she lived and everything turned out fine. My second daughter more or less created her own schedule...I just went along with her flow and it all worked out fine. I'm telling you this because when I tried to figure it all out because I thought I was supposed to and when I tried to keep a strict schedule just sure that's what a good mother would do, I drove myself batty and was not a happy mother for my children. When I relaxed and just went with the flow of life and realized that life would go on no matter what, I became a happier, more relaxed mother and I know that my children benefit so much more from that than from all the things I thought I had to do or be. Don't stress, don't overthink things...you will be okay.

Mostly you need to get a routeine down that works for you. We put our other children to bed first and then our baby so that the others don't wake the baby, or keep her up. Make sure your baby isn't totally throwing a fit and do your routeine for that child and get her to bed and then tend to your baby it has worked for us. We make sure that each child gets a little time with mom. We get in bed sing 1 song and I sit with each child after their personal song for 1 minute and then I move on to the next child. We have 4 so this works out great. The others have to stay in bed to be able to get their song and minute with mom. My husband went to school and worked in the evening also. I found this to work the best for me. But find a niche that works best for you and your girls.

A., This will be the most adjustment in your growing family; baby number 2. Now, take heart, once you realize it isn't THAT bad, you'll have a lot of confidence and hope for any future children.

Do things WITH your older child. When you nurse your baby, have your older one get a couple of books and read stories to her while your baby is filling her tummy.

At nap time, have your little girl get a book, go into her room, sit in a chair and read to her with baby and then sing to her--it just does NOT matter if you think you sing well, children ALWAYS think you're a STAR!!

Since you're needing to rest and recover, too, you should make sure your daughter knows it's nap-time for EVERYONE and then when you leave her room--GO TO BED!!

Think about TOMORROW's dinner today--even better, plan them out a week in advance or more. (this will save time and money,too) This is summer, so everything can be super simple--salad, salad, salad. If you have ANY kind of grill, plan for BBQ something where hubby can be the King of Meat and Burnt Offerings!...most men LOVE to grill.

Let you're daughter know this is HER baby, too. Give her some ownership of baby and include her in the caretaking. This will reduce (not eliminate) any sibling rivalry and feelings of displacement by you're older child.

Bedtime and bathtime don't need to be difficult or complicated if Daddy is doing his job of being a Daddy and not just some guy home from work living with some woman who has kids. Give Daddy the baby and go bath your daughter or have Daddy do bath and bedtime--trade off.

As far as baby bedtime...that is all a matter of philosophy, you'll have to decide that. I, myself, am a cosleeper--I'm not going to get up a million times a night to sit in a chair to nurse and I REFUSE to let my babies cry for hours on end until they give up on me to sleep...so, cosleeping with me until --well, until the magical change of the moon when we all know it time for them to be in their own bed, it was a little different for each of them but I've never had a forever child in my bed! lol

You have to decide what is right for your family and what you're willing to do and not do.

At this point you need to have minimum standards for yourself; today I will feel accomplished if dinner is on the table when hubby gets home and ANYTHING else is bonus, or I'll feel accomplished if I've gone outside, the floor is vacuumed and dinner is at least started, or I'll feel accomplished if I'm out of my pajamas and I've actually brushed my hair...slowly increase yourself upward each week or two, avoid at all costs overdoing it--that is a sure way to cause yourself setbacks and prick an onset of depression...from fatigue, frustration, and a sense of failure.

EAT well, lots of veggies, protein (not just meat) and continue your suppliments--even though you're not pregnant, you're still growing a baby.

DRINK lots of water--dehydration will manifest itself in depressive feelings, hungar, fatigue, headaches, moodiness, sleep disturbances, nursing issues like lower supply or clogged ducts, etc...

Have simple snacks ready to go during the day for you and your daughter while you nurse your baby: cut up apples, baby carrots, oranges, bananas and graham crackers, celery and peanut butter...

You're going to have this down in no time, you'll see...!

Trying to balance more then one kid can be hard, but it is easier then you think. When your baby is sleeping is a good time to do things with your daughter and other wise alternate, first your oldest gets a bath then the baby, have your eldest help you give baby a bath. Three year olds love that! If you just go moment by moment it will be a little easier. I know that sounds crazy, but its gotten me threw three kids by myself. Another good thing for any parent with more then one kid is at least one night were you get on hour or two with out any kids a week. It helps with the sanity.

My first baby had a bath every night. My second baby had a bath once a week. and my third baby had a bath once every 2 weeks. haha!

Involve your older daughter as much as you can. After you feed/burp baby, ask if your daughter wants to hold baby. Daughter sits on the couch with her back against the back of the couch, a pillow under her arm, and show her how to put her arms.
You sit next to her while she holds baby. If baby fusses or she gets tired, ask daughter if she's done holding baby.

Baby is the center of attention. Daughter holding baby becomes the center of attention. Don't expect to run and grab something or clean up while she's holding baby. She'll only want to hold baby if you're sitting there watching her.

Daughter will take cues from you on how to treat the baby. "Oh, she likes you! Oh, she's just crying cuz she's hungry/needs a diaper change - she'd cry if I was holding her, too. That's the only way she knows how to communicate."

Bathtime for us was moved to saturday and sunday so daddy could do it - bonding time w/ the baby and break for mommy. If bath is part of your daughter's go-to-bed ritual, you'll need to do it while baby is eating or sleeping.

same with bedtime stories - ask your daughter to turn the pages for you while you read and hold sleeping/eating baby. or sometimes baby will be ok in a swing or a bouncer for a while if you're in the room, too.

Baby's needs will change every couple of months. at 3-4 months you'll be able to get her to sleep in her own room on a schedule. 'til then just enjoy the mother-daughter-daughter bonding time.

It's do-able it just takes time. The schedule always changes, especially as your youngest moves to new stages. I had my daughter when my son was only 11 months old and I had those "what have I gotten myself into days" :) I laid out both of their routines separately as I only had one or the other. Once I did that on paper I saw where his nap could be scooched later and hers could be scooched earlier. There were days when my youngest got the ol' wipey wipe down instead of a full bath. It took me a few months to get both of their routines, my chores and cooking dinner into one day, but we're there. Here are ways that I cheat:

(1) In Ogden we have this place on Harrison and 5000 S (I think it's 5000 S there's a new Starbucks on the corner) behind that shopping center is a place called Dinner's Ready. They make great meals you heat them in your oven while giving your toddler that one-on-one attention she needs and maybe the infant naps. With food prices as they are, it's not too much of a stretch on the budget, especially if you think how much your time is worth. They also have another location further north.

(2) Order groceries online at Albertsons. As your infant gets older you will begin to dread trips to the grocery store with the two of them. Albertsons delivers your order for $10 but you save so much money. We have shaved $50-$75 on each 2 week grocery order because I plan my meals in the comfort of my home, check my recipes online, get everything I need the first time, sort the search results by price per unit to make sure I get the best deal available. I've always been very thrifty so I never thought I was too susceptible to impulse buys. I will have a list in the store, but I found myself making better decisions of want versus need when I could see my receipt mounting and I could just get rid of things that weren't musts with a click of a mouse. I also can check the weekly sales flyer on their webpage and plan my meals around what's on sale that week. You can also add to your order if you forget something while initially putting in your order. And now that I found the best double stroller in the world, I only have to pay $4.95 to pick up my grocery order in the store and someone else does my shopping for me, saving me even more cash.

(3) The best double stroller in the world. The Chicco Trevi Twin Stroller. It change me and my children's lives. It reclines very well so that either could take a nap. In real life it reclined better and much more than they showed me in the store so it would work for a bundled up infant. They both are comfortable and quiet while they're in it. My older one (now 21 months) loves it. We had a tandem stroller and it was a nightmare. This one maneuvers very well. I can go shopping with them and glide around. It folds up very small. It's very portable and only weighs 23 lbs. It has saved me a ton in gas. Instead of taking them for a drive to relax we can all go for a walk without my husband at home or drive to the park close by and my baby can nap in the stroller while my toddler swings and runs around.

You're right that there's a nighttime crunch. I ask everyone in my life not to call during the hours of 7-9 PM unless an emergency. My husband teaches at night so I have a similar set up. The easiest nights, I plan roasted meals that just go in the oven and concentrate on the one who is going to fall asleep for the night first as the priority. I have my infant in bed about an hour before my toddler. So baby goes to bed b/w 8:00-8:30 PM and then I finish the routine with my toddler, brushing teeth, PJs, diaper, bedtime story. There were periods that my toddler had to take his bath in the morning during his sister's nap and it was no big deal. It didn't throw off his sleep to have his bath early.

Take shortcuts whenever you can, don't be h*** o* yourself it is difficult, but stay optimistic -- it's completely workable it just might take some time.

Best!