Answering Questions

Lie? thats a lie? I thought that was a pick up line for someone wanting to step out on a relationship already in progress.... so why does lying bother you? Nothing WRONG with getting to know someone, but what you want to do with that someone while someone else is at HOME waiting for you. Is the problem. Oi

Think of it this way, you want to endanger Mr. GYM for some fun??? boyfriend is unstable at best.... stop the insanity. Get rid of MR. BOYFRIEND. THEN play with Mr. Gym.

I read your previous post. You are in over your head.

You need to resolve any issues you have with your current boyfriend. As a man? I can tell you we can be snakes. Your boyfriend sounds like a snake. This guy at the gym might be harmless, but you might be leading him on. Not good. We men can't always tell the difference between a woman flirting and being nice. You, however, don't sound like you are just being nice. It sounds to me, if I was that man, that you are encouraging me.

Do not start a relationship with anyone until you resolve the one you are in.

You are obviously not happy with your boyfriend, but have kids with him. So you will be stuck with him for the rest of your life. If you aren't happy, fix it or leave.

This sounds very much like a 17 year old who knows the best thing is to work on herself and take some time away from dating. But keeps asking and pushing -

well i'm not daaaaating...we're just talking

well it's just coffee....we're not dating

well it's just a movie as friends....we're not involved

well it's just a weekend away...we're not serious

Nobody cares that you talked to a guy. But obviously you have a voice in your head telling you that it is more than just talk. Listen to that voice. That voice is your conscience. Your conscience will guide you. Your conscience already knows this has "HUGE MISTAKE" written all over it.

So to try to pacify your conscience, you post here.

Notice how you ignored 20 something answers on your last thread? Notice how you are searching for someone to agree with you? THAT's why you phrased the question as "what is wrong with getting to know someone?"

Nothing. But that's not the real question, is it?

T.,
It's true that it's more peaceful at the gym at 10 p.m. You don't need to give a stranger the run down on exactly why you're there late at night. But it does sound like you're using this guy as a potential fantasy to escape your unhealthy home life (I read your other post).

T., I know you don't want any of the answers in your last question by both this question, and the SWH you wrote on your last one. I'm sighing and shaking my head.

I wish you would at least try to see the posters points of view. I realize you want people to give you permission to be with this new fellow, but what they are saying is really in your best interest.

Dawn

T., It sounds like you just want love and attention. There is nothing wrong with that--everyone wants to feel loved! However, you can't start looking while you still have a guy at home. I read your other post and it sounds like things aren't good, but you need to end one before starting another. It sounds like you have messy/nasty break up ahead of you and two little kids to worry about--with all of that, you have no energy, right now, for anyone else. Sorry.

Sigh, and when your already abusive manipulative controlling BF finds out you have a 'friend' at the gym, how much better will that make your home life?

Think girl. Be SMART. Go out (or go to the gym) and have fun with your GIRLS.

Be SAFE, work towards a better life for you and your kids. Will THIS make it better?

Lie to Mr Gym friend again, or better yet, avoid him all together.

"Get to know" an attorney, or a therapist.

:(

There's nothing wrong with getting to know someone, but I don't think it's that simple. You said you felt a connection with this guy. BUT you are already connected, for better or worse, to someone else right now. You need to break that connection before embarking on another.

And if you're scared now, how much more scared are you going to be when your jerk BF finds you flirting with another man?

If this guy has punched holes in the walls, then you need to get yourself and your kids to a shelter before he punches a hole in you! Get a restraining order, temporary custody of your children, temporary child support and get moving.

Your local courthouse should have a family law advisor that can help you. Or the local battered women's shelter.

You are playing with fire and this fire could have a serious impact on your health and happiness! Get you and your kids out of that house now!

You have a boyfriend and are scoping out another guy.
Um, yah.
Good idea.
And you have kids.
Do you want them... to think, that women/parents do this and its okay? To have a Mom with a revolving door on male companions?
And what of the safety of your children?
What if these guys are molesters or pedophiles etc.?

I hope, your kids are not home alone, after you go to the gym, while they are asleep.

You just wanna flirt and get to know a guy at the gym.
Knowing it is the wrong choice for "your" situation.
What is, "getting to know someone?" A guy.

Playing with fire.

Hi, T.:
You did not lie. You do go late because it is peaceful. You know people have to say something to start a conversation not to get to know your business right off.

I would suggest that you get into a support group like co-dependents anonymous (CoDA). Do you go to a church? Do you have friends?
Do you have family? What kind of trouble did you get into to be in this situation?

Looks like you have made some destructive decisions and then brought children into the situation.
How do you see yourself standing up for yourself?
You already have one male you don't know what to do with, leave the guy
at the gym alone. He can tell you are in need. Men have sonars that pick up on your situation.
Good luck.
D.

You can't keep your sanity by playing with fire. Leave the guy at the gym and all other men alone. Call and cancel all the cards before they get higher. The next time he puts a whole in the wall, go to a shelter with the kids and get legal aide to help you. ONLY YOU can change the way things are. But playing around, doing sleezy things with strangers, flirting, or leading a guy a long that doesn't even know you have kids... That's all going to make your situation WORSE.

If mr wacko finds out you are meeting someone at the gym-I can only imagine-pick a stranger on the street-they will be nicer to you than he is-have them drive you and the children to a shelter/safe house for battered women-it is only a matter of time.

Think about 5 years from now -- or 10. Do you want your children growing up in this house with a horrible man punching the walls and ruining your life and their lives? You have to get out now while you can, and before your children are harmed mentally by this man. It doesn't matter if he's their dad. You need to leave. Find a shelter or ask your family for assistance.

I think you were right to say what you did. He was being friendly - not asking for your life story. If you want to be friends or more than friends or whatever - you start out slow and give more snippets into your life as time goes by and trust builds. Nothing wrong with that. That said, you need to figure out your life and make some moves for the better. Do NOT just find another man to "fix" your life - I've seen people do this and it never works out well! YOU have to fix your life. You need to find someone that you can move in with - relative, friend??? You need to get yourself and your children away from an abusive situation. He hits walls? Yea, had a friend in that situation and yes, she was next. Get out, apply for social services, find a job, find a child care situation, file for support from the ex, get your license back and get it together...if not for your sake, then for the sake of your children! 1 more thing - cut up the credit cards, call and cancel them (doesn't mean you have to pay them off right then) - tell the creditors why you are closing them and that you do not want to be responsible for any further debt that he incurs so they know not to allow him to reopen them with your name on them!

AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED:

You are playing a very dangerous game, not only could the saftey of your children, your "friend" and yourself be in danger. You need to resolve your first issue before becomming involved with another man.

If your husband uses the wall for a punching bag, you are right, you could be next and then who knows??? Get out, get to a shelter, take care of your children....once you are actually STABLE, then you can move on.

Blessings....

Tell the truth and see where it goes. Nothing wrong with getting to know someone new....everything wrong with starting with a lie....espeically about your children.

Blessings.....