Another 2 Yr Old Behavior Question,,,,,,,

He is doing this because as you said you are walking on egg shells and pretty much not dealing with them. I had a child just like this (now 25) I learned that he was the type of child that you had to prepare him for things. Example okay one more time around and then we are finished because daddy is tired. He will probably still cry but at least you have warned him and given him time to prepare. Also, when he does have a fit ignore it do not try to comfort him, unfortunately life is not always easy and things are not always going to go his way so he has to learn to control his emotions and deal with disappointment. My son would throw a fit in a store if he couldn't get something. So before we would go in I would tell him we are just running in, we do not have time or mom doesn't have extra money today for something. If you cry we will leave, after one or two times or me following through he got the message loud and clear. Even if I had to bring him home and go back later and leave him with my husband I did it. Giving in is the worst thing you can do, I know at the time it seems easier but in the end he will do it for EVERYTHING!! Trust me. He will do what gets him the best results. Get ear plugs, and stay strong, this will pass as quickly as it came if you deal with it head on. Good luck

He needs time limits. It sounds like you're abruptly cutting him off. Tell him when he has 2 minutes left before the end of an activity. Or when you are getting ready to leave, tell him you have to leave in 10 minutes so he has 5 minutes to play and then it will be time to clean up. Then tell him he has 2 minutes to play and then clean up time. Then clean up time - 5 minutes left, 2 minutes left, time to say good-byes, time to go.

Did they give him a warning about having to stop on the bike? I find that sometimes my daughter needs an extra 10-15 minutes before we can stop an activity. Transitions are so important. I tell her, 10 minutes, 5, minutes, 2 minutes, 1 minutes, two more times, 1 more time. Then, if I sense she wants to keep doing it, I tell her that we have to stop for the day, but we can come back again soon or do it again later.

We have a rule in our house that I tell my daughter frequently: if you do not cooperate or if you stomp your feet, we will not be able to go out and have fun. I usually do a counting thing too, letting her know she is very close to not going or to going home (Her behavior usually improves on 2, since she knows that on 3, "that's it.")

We have another rule too: you can go to your room until you calm down enough to have a conversation in your normal voice. So when he starts to scream, etc. calmly tell him that if he cannot calm down, he will have to go to his room until he does. Then, pick him up and put him there. My daughter quickly learned to pull her act together, as she didn't want to be alone.

One more thing, my daughter is very, very agreeable when she is well rested. Is your son getting enough sleep? Sleep is so essential in keeping toddlers level headed. Prevention is 90% of the game here.

Boy that is draining!!! I second reading Magic 123, love that book! Also I realized over the last few years that I explain too much (not that you do, but just in case). No does mean No! But if it means yes 1 out of every 10 times, your son will pick up on that. I now explain things in enough words that my children understand, but not too many so they tune out. It has worked great in our house. You sound like you are very patient parents. I might have put my son on the bike for a minute or 2, but 20 would have been to much for me to handle. Make sure you set clear boundaries for your son, he will be happier and you will not be so tired ;)

R.

walking on eggshells around a toddler is always a bad idea. he is only 2. he is way too young to be responsible for his mom's state of mind. you need to take control back, not in a gestapo sort of way, but in a kind way that allows your toddler to be a toddler without the terror of having to create his own boundaries.
as some other wise moms have pointed out, many littles need to know what's coming next in order to prepare themselves. my younger was a demon for needing to have his entire day lined up for him. once he knew what was coming next he was okay with changes, but it was important for him in ways that didn't and don't make sense to me to KNOW what was on the agenda.
it sounds to me as if you were feeling as if more time on the bike should have made your child more satisfied with the experience and more cooperative about getting off. remember, 2 year olds don't apply adult logic. if everyone else was hot and tired, he probably was too even though he WAS having fun. you're the mom. you need to observe and pick up on subtle clues, not just 'are you ready to get off?' (few children will say yes, even if they are indeed overheated and overstimulated.) learn your child. tell him in advance 'you get to ride for 5 minutes.' tell him at 3 '2 more minutes!' and then again at 1. and when the time's up, off he comes.
say what you mean, and mean what you say.
the tantrums won't magically disappear. warn him in advance that tantrums mean the fun ends and you go home. be prepared to haul him home a lot while you re-direct what he's learned thus far. when he's screaming and trying to hit you, it's no good getting at eye level and giving him long explanations. keep those for the calm before and after. while he's in freak out mode, put him down and walk away, still within eye-line but no contact, no fussing, no threats, no explanations. if he's melting down in the car, let him rage, while you listen to music and enjoy the scenery. quit giving him big emotional reactions, and quit giving him the power to direct the situation. he's very small. he doesn't know what to do with that.
khairete
S.

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this - some of it sounds like "normal terrible 2's" but some of it sounds pretty extreme!

I have just started reading a book called 1-2-3 Magic that is a book about discipline and helping kids with their behavior. The concept seems pretty simple and trying it couldn't hurt!

Good luck.
blessings,
Stacy

Hi! I'm a developmental therapist and deal with toddler language/behavior issues everyday. What you are going through is extremely frustrating and normal! At 2, receptive language (what your son understands) is much higher than expressive language. He is understanding everything that is going on, but can't appropriately express how he is feeling, so he screams, hits and bites. He's also understanding that he is a his own person, ownership is coming into play. He's probably starting to say MINE a lot more. This also contributes to tantrums as he learning boundaries and social cues. Once a tantrum has started, COMPLETELY IGNORE him (but make sure he doesn't hurt himself or you). Don't try to reason with him or offer choices, your talking can escalate the trantrum more. The reasoning part of his brain has literally shut down at this time. I know ignoring him can be very hard, but if he is following you around to continue his fit, it is obviously attention seeking. His behavior will probably get worse for a couple of days when you start to completely ignore him. This often happens with behavior modification. Throwing a tantrum has worked for him in the past, so he'll kick it up a notch to see if you are really going through with this. If you can remove him to calm down, that's great. Once he understands that screaming, hitting and biting will not get him what he wants, he will find something else that works. Make sure to offer lots of positive praise when he is making good choices. He will still throw fits once in awhile, but they will be much shorter and less intense, afterall he is still 2. Good luck :)

Sounds like a combination of a few things contributing to your frustration. One, at least some ot the times, I'm guessing your son is getting over tired and therefore more cranky which speeds up the triggering of the tantrum (his response to not getting what he wants) and in some cases at least makes the behavior even more dramatic. Any attempt by you to rationalize with talk is going to be useless. 2 year olds do not understand talk. They understand action. If crying/acting out gets him what he wants (maybe not as long as he wants, but what he wants), you are teaching him a negative form of manipulation. He keeps raising the stakes (getting louder, embarrassing you) because it helps his cause -- he still gets at least a form of what he wants, or it MIGHT. I only raised daughters who are now 17, 13 and 11, but I remember the 2 year old stage well. Only my 17 year old had a tantrum at age two, and only one of them. Why? Because when it happened I watched quietly in awe (it was in the middle of a mall on the floor with the full fists and feet banging on the floor like she was swimming!) and when she was done (and I had never reacted nor did I care what others in the mall thought) I told her how entertaining her floor swim routine was, dropped the subject and moved on. The tantrum, not getting her what she wanted, did not work for her! Stop walking on eggshells, that's no way to live! Note his sleeping/eating schedule. When he's the sweetest thing ever, what does that look like and how do you let him know you like it? How do you know he likes how you communicate you like it? Good luck!

I also have a two year old that can be as sweet as can be, and be out of control the next minute. One thing I have noticed is that his diet plays a big role in his behavior. If he has any foods with artificial colors/flavors/perservatives he becomes extremely irritable, aggressive, and hard to control. My brother and I had the same issue as a child, so that is how I figured it out. I am extremely careful what I allow him to eat, but for example my husband wasn't thinking and fed him an Eggo's Blueberry Waffle the other morning, and the entire day he was a mess. He got so upset in his carseat that he got bruises from the carseat straps because he wanted out, there was no calming him or reasoning with him.
Food sensitivity might not be your son's problem, but you might want to keep a food diary, and note his behavior to see if you see any connections, or start eliminating processed food to see if behavior improves.
Good Luck!

First of all, YOU'RE the boss not him. You are letting your 2 year old run you, your husband and your house. Stop it! If you do that it will only get worse.
Second of all, instead of stopping activities abruptly, say to him "OK, one more time around the yard, then Daddy needs a break." Or "We're going to leave in a few minutes, finish up your play." They aren't fool proof and you are still going to have to deal with the tantrums. The best thing to do is to walk away. You can't reason with a toddler. It's great to get eye level and explain to him that you know he's upset, but it's not going to work when he's in the middle of a tantrum. He's not listening, he's getting madder and madder which is making you more frustrated. Yes, letting your son throw fits where others can see him is embarrassing. People might look at you funny. But, it's best in the long run. If he starts at a place like a company picnic, take him to the parking lot. Let him have his fit. He'll calm down eventually.
Don't fool yourself. He knows that his throwing fits are getting a reaction out of you. By leaving the picnic or trying to "reason" with him, you're reinforcing his bad behavior. Walking away is hard. It hard to hear your kid scream like that and chances are, it'll get worse before it gets better. When you're at home, move him t a place where he can't hurt himself and has plenty of floor space to thrash about. Then let him have at it. Go in another room if you have to. Once he realizes that he's not getting what he wants, he'll calm down. Then you can explain to him that it's time to go, or that Daddy was hot and couldn't push him anymore.
OH! And if he p itches a if at someone's house, make him apologize.
If you don't take care of this NOW, he'll just get worse.
Good luck to you!

If your trying to reason with the child and have a conversation thats your problem. He's 2 and does not know better. I would recommed the following books, "1,2,3 parent magic" and "The Happiest Toddler on the Block." Your are a parent and his teacher not his friend. After 2 seconds all your son is hearing is Blah Blah blah. Both of these techniques work well. Never allow a child to scream in a car its unnerving for you, especially if you are driving, At the first possible chance you pull the car over, roll down the windows and you stand next to the car with the screaming child inside it and tell the child he is in time out. The time out will begin once the fit stops. I have had to do this myself but in 90+ degree heat I will not stay in the car for the screaming child but will make him as uncomfortable as I am. I once had a policeman stop when I was pulled over by the side of the road. It scared my son and he has not pulled a fit since.

I also agree with the other advice. My now 8 year old use to through similar tantrums occasionally. We found that if we put him in his room alone he had a chance to cool down. We also informed him that if he had a tantrum in public we would go home (had to deal with it for a short while). The trick is to follow through with the threat. If you are at the park and he throughs a tantrum, calmly grab him put him in the car and go home. Put him in his room and tell him he may not come out until he has calmed down. Good luck.

Consider giving your son Fish oil supplements or some variation of that. Read up on them to make your own decision. But they do help many kids who physically over-react. It may take a couple of weeks to notice but it's a healthy supplement even if there's no change.

Perhaps instead of focusing on what he can't do, start doing what it is that he will be transitioning to. Make it fun and playful and he will decide that HE wants to do it too.

Playful Parenting is a great book. Another one is Raising your Spirited Child. It's really hard to win an argument with a two year old and these books give you new ideas and an understanding of where they're coming from and even, yes, how to see the positive in that personality trait.

My two boys were exact opposites too. My older son had some issues with biting and throwing royal temper tantrums (dairy intolerance, and auditory processing disorder were diagnosed at 2 and 10yrs.). I got training in a basket hold to help him with the tantrums and removed all dairy products (and most highly processed foods). Laying on my back and holding him with additional pressure calmed him down, knowing I was in control and a soothing voice occasionally telling him I love him, I'll let go when he's calm, etc.
Putting him in time-out to calm down did nothing. He needed the physical pressure on particular joints and at 11 will now ask for "bear hugs" to help himself.
We also did 2-5 min. warnings, and a coin phrase that told him I meant business. "it's time to Rock n' Roll", worked for us. If he threw a fit, or didn't stop and follow me, a swat to the bottom and consistent immediate removal taught him that I meant what I said. It took 6 to 9 months, but I don't have any issue with transitions now, with either child. Their friends, and cousins also recognize the phrase.

I understand where you are coming from. Our middle son, can be like this. He used to be worse and we called Early Intervention and he has been getting developmental, OT and behavioural therapies and he has improved by leaps and bounds. He still has his fits, but we are learning more of his triggers and what to do when he goes off. the social worker who does the behavior part tells us all the time to ignore him, because he's just trying to get more attention from us and when we try and talk to him or reason with him, it is only giving him what he wants. She suggests walking him to his room and telling him that no one wants to listen to him like that and that he can come out when he can be nice. When out, we find that 1-2-3 Magic works well with him. No talking, just counting. Just count to 3 and give him a time out wherever you are. It night be embarassing for you, but thing about how it could embarass him, especially when he's around his friends or cousins.
Also, I don't know how you feel about physical discipline, but a firm swat on the behind now and then seems to get the point across as well. ((open hand of course))
I understand the frustration and the roller coaster of emotions and the feelings that I can't do this. Been there, it sucks. I will say that it's very important to get him back in hand now, or you'll regret.
A few books we've found helpful in dealing with our boys are The New Strong Willed Child by James Dobson and Bringing Up Boys, also by Dobson. Another is called Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax. We also recommend Wild at Heart by John Eldridge--this is more for a man to read to give himself more perspective, but I found it helpful as a mom of all boys as well.

Good luck with all this, you will get through it. Just be firm and loving and don't give up. You will win ;)

When my son hit this stage we tried 1-2-3 Magic (I've recommended it a million times!). There is a book and a video. It works really well and it works for any age. So, once you establish the "rules", you can use it forever.

Hi, Sorry to hear about your situation. I don't know what the environment is like so my advice is like a shot in the dark. You might be aware of if he is tired or hungry at the times he is throwing his fits. He might be overstimulated. If these aren't the problem try this.
Don't be afraid to upset your child.
Tell him no more often about various things. The more he hears it the easier it will be for him to cope with it. If he does not throw a fit give him a reward (but not so much that he expects an award every time he does the right thing).
Time outs work if they are consistent. The rule is 1 min./year away from tv/toys. I usually give two warnings, on 2nd warning tell him if he does whatever again he will go on timeout.
Supplements to timeouts are taking away favorite toys or activities for bad behavior. This is a deterrent from future bad behavior and a consequence for present bad behavior. But take it away for a couple hours so it actually means something.

If he throws a fit and starts to be violent then he needs to be gently restrained. He is two. You would be able to keep him from kicking and take your hand to his forehead and stabilize the back of his head against your chest so he cannot bite you. Tell him that you will let him go once he settles down. Once he knows that he has no control and you are actually the one with control won't have so many outbursts.

The point is that you need to take control instead of your child having the control. I hope this helps.

Take into consideration too that if he elicits repetitive behaviors, is sensitive to certain textures on his hands or mouth, and other behaviors he may be autistic. If you suspect he may be take him for an evaluation.

I don't want to scare you. I can only go by what I read and other stories I've heard my friend tell me. She said her son would throw outrageous tantrums regarding change of any kind. After years of testing and years of her trying different approaches reading books on correcting behavioral problems, he was diagnosed with autism. She says that once they diagnosed him correctly she felt horrible about how she would do time-outs and other methods since it could have been different. She manages it with medication and routine. He loves routine. Also, diet was a big factor. I don't remember what he couldn't eat. Anyway, maybe have him tested?
On the other side, I have a really good girl friend who used to hold her breathe til she turned blue and passed out...as an infant!!! Doctor said she was fine. Tantrums until she was about 8 years old. She's completely normal now. ;)

Talk with your doctor.
Also consider parenting classes
You son is either extrememly spoiled which does not seem to be the case, it sounds like you are consistant even when it would be easier not to.
Your son may have a disorder such as somewhere on the autism spectrum he can be very high functioning but sounds like he has trouble transitioning from one activity to the next. It overwhelmes him and makes him angry. Seek out professional help - a development program may be able to help with transitional coping. You are not alone - but you need to find out why and how to make it better or it will rip your family apart.
Best wishes

Have you tried to throw a fit right back at him? I have done this a few times with my 2yro and it seems to stop him in his tracks? I also let my guy cry for a while and then say "are you done" sometimes he says yes and sometimes he says no.. and I let him get his frustration out.

Other than that be consistent in what approach you take. if you ignore the fits all the time, he will get the message that you are not giving in.

Being Eye level, is a good idea. However, wait until his fit is over to do so..

You are absolutely right - reasoning, ignoring, and warning do not work with 2 year olds. When he starts having a fit put him in his room, alone, and tell him this is where he can throw a fit and he can come out when he's done. Then leave. If he comes out, put him back in. Stay calm and consistent. When he's that worked up he can't even really process what you are saying.

After he's done, keep it short and say "I know you didn't want to leave, but that is not how you act when you are mad. Got it?" After a few days of being consistent you probably will see pretty good results. It sounds like you realize the tail is wagging the dog, so you need to get back in control in both his mind and your own. Good luck - it can be hard but it's well worth it.

My daughters pediatrician recommended a book called 1-2-3 Magic. My daughter had just started throwing tantrums when got the book. It has worked beautifully for her. I can't remember the last time she had a tantrum. (knock on wood) Great, great book. It's very simple too.