Am I Wrong to Want to Go Back to Work?

S.,
I wonder if it isn't the fact that you are going back to work that bothers your husband, but the *type* of work you want to go to. I don't want to be a wet balloon, I know it is your dream to be a cop, but think about your son. What would happen if you were shot one day and he had to grow up without a mommy? Sometimes, when we become parents, we have to wake up to a different reality, a different set of responsibilities. You cannot just think about yourself anymore, now you have a son to think about. How would his life change if you were not there? Who would your husband select to raise him? It's harsh to suggest, but if you truly want to be a cop, you have to ask yourself these questions.

I am not suggesting that you continue to be a SAHM, because I am not. But I do think you should reconsider what you want to do. Perhaps you can do something in the criminal justice field that does not put you in harm's way every day. Maybe go into social work, or some other field that does not jeopardize your life.

Unfortunately, too many women today don't respect their husband's authority as the man in the house. I'm sure he is not trying to squash you - just concerned about you being a police officer. I would not "keep myself available" to be at his beck and call - I agree he should try within this year to find a job that does not require him to travel as much. But I would reconsider your personal career plans as well, and maybe find solutions for both of you.

Some things you could do that are a little safer include being a park ranger, you could work in the court system as a bailiff (no guns allowed in the courtrooms!), you could work for the Attorney General - do a google search for CJ careers and I'm sure you will find many different, safer opportunities out there.

You are never wrong to follow your dreams!!! What would you tell your son to do if he were having this problem? I can understand your husbands concerns about being away from home and that someone will have to be here for your son. My only question is Do you have someone to rely on if your husband is out of town and you are busy with testing or whatever else you'll have to do?

Your husband doesn't have to like your decision but he should support you. You guys need to weigh out the pro/cons and then go from there. Don't let this come between you and your family but don't resent him if you can't do this.

Definitely, go back to work. If you were the Dad of a 2 year old, no one would question your choice of field. You can always change your mind and decide to stay at home again if you feel like it isn't the best decision down the road. I stayed home for 4 years with my 2 girls and have been back at work full-time for one year now. I can see that I am happier now. You have been supporting your husband's career by staying at home with your son and now it is his turn to be supportive of your career.

Being right or wrong is not really the question. We all have different circumstances and all have to do what is best for us. I am a SAHM of 5. I have waitressed here and there to make ends meet. I have an associates degree, but haven't had the chance to finish college yet. I do enjoy getting out and being around other adults, but I still ultimately want to be home with my children. Not all people feel the same and I think that is OK. Just don't get caught up in wanting it so much just because others think you can't or shouldn't. Make sure that it is worth doing over other things in your life. Make sure you won't regret not being with your son and that the risk your taking is worth it to you. People are in dangerous fields all the time. You could get killed in an auto accident. You just have to weigh your options and decide for yourself. My husband and I have the type of relationship that I would have a hard time doing something that he didn't agree with. I think if I were passionate about it, he would understand. If the two of you can't come to an understanding you are chancing a wedge in your family relationship. Is that worth it to you as well? IF you are both going different directions it may eventually cause problems in your relationship. Just ponder your decision. I know that at times I have really wanted to finish my education and make a difference, but a short period of time passes and I have other things I want to do. I realize that I am making a difference in my children's lives and my husbands by being at home. I find other ways to reach out to the community. Is it always easy? NO WAY, but for me it is worth it. I know you feel you are working against a deadline, but when is the next one. There is nothing like feeling forced to make a decision you aren't ready for. Maybe aim for the next dead line to make sure. It may be what is right for you, but just make sure your ready for the consequences, good or bad.

I was a SAHM for 4yrs after the birth of our first (and second) son. But it was getting to me, the long hard hours and little to show for it. I graduated with a business degree and have been struggling to make my student loan payments. So I decided to go back to work.

I love it! Working is so fulfilling. I really enjoy the adult interaction and the paycheck, lol. My kids have adjusted beautifully to their daycare center. I don't regret my decision at all.

I agree with Jennifer - If your husband wants to see more of you and your son then let him be home more. I also understand what it is like to have a dream and want tp follow that dream! My husband has been trying to get on with the Fire Department and IT IS TOUGH to get into those fields!! I'm sure that your husband is concerned about you as a person as well. You have to decide if you will have more children - they come along unexpected (all 3 of mine did and the 4th one due in Oct.,too!!) Things happen in life that we don't expect. Sit down and discuss scenarios wit hhim. i don't know if you are "religious" or not but pray about things! i know so often when I feel strongly about something I find that if I pray about things then God will change one of our hearts - mine or his - to work things out the way HE wants!

Everyone has to do what is best suited to their family. I have been on both sides of this. It seems if I am at home I feel the desire to work, and if I work I want to be back at home. This is an inner struggle with many people that I know. Though I can say entering my thirties and having older children I do realize how fast they grow up an how little time you really have with them. When they were younger everyone told me this but now I realize it myself. Time is precious when it comes to your child, So make decisions wisely! Good Luck!

I don't think you are wrong at all. I have been a sahm for 2 years as well. Lately, I have been considering going back to work too.

Your husband should realize that if he wants to see his son more often, instead of you bringing your son to him, have him get a job where he can be home more often. You should be able to have a career of your own too. Hopefully you two will figure out a compromise soon. Good luck!

S., I do not think you are wrong to want to go back to work. My children are all grown now, all girls and the youngest 21 and just moved into her own apartment. I worked while the first three grew up and missed so much with them. With my youngest two I stayed home for awhile, then went to work, got cancer and had to quit, recovered with God's blessing and then chose to stay home with them. I decided to baby sit and have been doing that for 20 years now. Longggg time. But fit the need at the time. It allowed me to make some money and participate with all the school activities and other activities with my two girls. Okay that's the background. Today I have decided it's time to get some adult conversation, enjoy life and have fun and still make some money myself.

I chose to begin a homebased business called BeautiControl where I choose to spend 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 hours an evening two evenings a week or a couple of hours on Saturday teaching women how to take time for themselves and sharing the best skin care products with them.

I know that you said being a policewoman is what you want to do but perhaps maybe your husband would be willing to agree to your spending just a couple of hours a week earning your own money, doing a safe job and getting some time for yourself to be with other women while your little boy is still so young. This might be a way to ease your way back into the police department. God Bless you in whatever choice you make. J. L