Almost 4 Year Old Is Dreaming Some One Takes Her.

My daughter did the same thing! We ended up "buying" Monster (bad-guy) Spray to keep the bad guys away. It was a simple squirt bottle with water and green food coloring. She had the power to squirt the bottle at anything that scared her, and we presented it to her as being so powerful it would keep anything away. She kept it in her bed or on her nightstand. We wanted her to believe she had the power to control her environment.

Her dad also went into her bedroom, locked the door and "fought" away the bad guy. When he finished "fighting", he came out, dusted off his hands and told her that that guy would never be able to come back because Daddy won the battle. It reinforced that Daddy was the good guy who was strong enough to get anyone out of the house and that he would always be there to protect her.

Good luck!

Our regular nitetime prayer is this:
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
Guide me safely through the night,
And wake me with your morning light.
May God bless... (then we list family - with my son listed first, the church, our troops, the government, and those going through hardship, natural desaster, or crisis - and whoever else we can think of or those on our church prayer list)

Don't know if that helps, but it certainly doesn't mention dying.

Hello K.,

She could just be going through those dreaming stages. Normally, it's the same dream everyday. My son is 11 now, but when he was much younger, he dreamed every night about snakes. This child was so frantic, that I realize the dream of snakes is going to hurt this child. I started to talk to him before bed, telling the "snake" he cannot come into my son room anymore. I just wanted him to feel like I had control and the snake did not. Later the dream of snakes faded away.

My daughter is now 7 she also went through that stage of dreaming, her's were monsters, and I did the same with her, talk to those monsters and told them not to bother her while she sleeps. Now, when she dreams, she gets bold and fuss back at them, when they don't stop she comes running to mom bed and share with me.

Give it some time, let her know that mom & dad is not going to let nothing happen to her. Show her how strong you are and you can handle "the big fat man".

Good Luck,

very first thought: TV...what has she seen? & this would apply especially to your older child....what does he watch, play on video games, ect. All it takes is one innocent glimpse & that can trigger the younger child's fears. & this almost always happens by accident - so please don't think he did it on purpose! It's all part of having children of different ages....& I know....there's 9 years between my sons.

To help alleviate these fears, get her to draw a picture of what she's seeing. Then come in behind her & draw you/Daddy/brother rescueing her. Post this picture prominently in her room, & then each night....spray the room with room freshener to chase away the bad dreams. If she wakes thru the night, get her to help spray again. This truly does help....as does leaving on a special low/night-light thru the night. Hope this helps.

I had recurring nightmares as a child, mostly in the form of "chase dreams" where someone or something was chasing me. Depending on my age the chaser could be a monster, Bigfoot, a wild animal (lions, sharks, etc.) or a scary man with a gun. What we did to stop it, and it did GREATLY reduce the occurence, was add one little thing to my bedtime routine. When my Dad would say good night, he would say "sweet dreams". I was older than your daughter when we started this, but it became so much of a routine, and something I really relied on to ward off the nightmares, that I had a hard time falling asleep if my dad wasn't around to say it. I also turned this into a mantra for myself, repeating in my mind, "sweet dreams, A., or no dreams at all" over and over as I was trying to fall asleep.

I agree that nightmares are not something that a child can "cry out". All kids will have some nightmares, but some do seem to have more than others. I don't think I'd focus as much on the doors and windows being locked as I would the fact that you are there to protect her (unless she seems to really respond to it). Locks are kind of an obscure concept for a little kid, and there's the magic of Santa Claus - he can get in, so someone else may be able to also. With prayer, choose your words wisely, asking God to watch over and protect and bless you is one thing, but the rote prayer, "Now I lay me down to sleep..." very ordinary and second nature to adults, can be terrifying to a little kid ("if I should die before I wake...")

I wouldn't rule out counseling, more as a means of finding ways to conquer your daughter's anxiety and find tricks to help her not have nightmares, than to find one true cause. But, I would try incorporating some kind of special routine to ward the dreams off first, just stick to it! You could buy her a dream catcher, draw a "no fat man" symbol to hang on her door and windows, or try the "sweet dreams" code. Just give her the sense that this special thing will ward off her dreams, and say it like you believe it with your whole being, something you are excited about that will work before she goes to sleep (not something you are trying in the middle of the night out of desperation and exhaustion AFTER the dream has occurred).

Good luck!

It sounds like even though there have "only" been 4 caregivers, it's too many of them for her. It takes children a long time to establish trust, and if she's had to let go of one trusting relationship and had to establish another one 3 or 4 times, she probably hasn't really let herself feel too safe around her current caregiver yet, just my opinion....but, my daughter, who's 7, has always had nightmares. Sometimes she doesn't like to even go to sleep because she's afraid of having nightmares. When she was younger, I used to explain to her "I know nightmares aren't fun, but they're not real either, so when you wake up and realize it was just a dream, squeeze your animal and go back to sleep" Now that she's older, I've been able to explain to her that I believe people with more creative minds tend to dream more than those who are less creative. I believe my daughter and I are extremely creative, me in a decorative sort of way, and her in a writer's sort of way, and we both dream every night. Now, my son and my husband say they don't remember their dreams most of the time, but they're more literal. So, now she's less afraid because she understands that her creative mind likes to make up stories, even while she's sleeping. It takes a lot of the fear out of her dreams for her.

Hi, I know it's not fun dealing with sleeping problems. I have a 3 year old that it's hit or miss if she sleeps thru the night.
First thing that comes to mind with your daughter is that this person is real and has scared her at some point and she's reaching out to you at night. Second thought was your son might have teased her when he was watching her and now she really thinks some guy is going to get her. I don't know anything about your son or his age, but I do know how teenagers can say something they think is totally innocent and it really has an effect on younger children. Been there and done that.
I think your idea of seeing a counselor might be a good idea.
I hope you can find the answers you need. I hope you aren't too mad at me for suggesting your son could have said something as well.

You have received so much good advice, I don't really have anything more to add. I just wanted to tell you what a great mom I think you are for recognizing your child's fear and refusing to let her cry it out. It seems like that is always the first thing somebody tells you to do when there are sleep problems - "cry it out, they have to learn to comfort themselves". I think you are so right in this situation.

I like the idea of drawing a picture of the big fat man, and I also think counseling would be a great idea. Good luck and please let us know how it goes.

I feel for you and your family. This sounds so scary! Her imagination is quite vivid, and she doesn't know enough about reality to fill in the blanks for herself. People have different opinions about how much exposure to reality they will give their children, but at this point, she seems to need some concrete answers. It's possible, when you showed her the locked windows and doors, that she's imagining the person breaking the window or getting her when she's out of the house. You can address these to set her mind at ease.

"I won't let anybody get you." I heard someone tell their daughter this once, and I wondered how the child reacts to this statement. Can we, as parents, really stop someone from doing that? In my opinion, no. And it's possible that your 4 year old wonders about this, too.

My son went through a cycle of sitting up, crying at night, saying, "That guy! That guy!" I was stunned when it first started happening. I tried not to say that it would never happen. Instead, I said, "There's no guy! I'm right here to hold you." After awhile, when he would persist, I would explain how I would fight off "that guy" -- complete with getting out of bed, pretending to punch him, call 9-1-1, and tell that guy to get away. He hasn't brought it up since, but I strongly believe that it's going to resurface. It's a real fear for children AND parents.

It's possible that she has more anxiety than the average child. She may be like my son, and he responds well to basic, truthful explanations. There are counselors who specialize with children with anxiety, but I don't know any for a referral. I wish you guys the best!

Are you sure she hasn't been exposed to a man outside your home that resembles the guy in her nightmares? I'm not saying she was abused or anything, just that maybe there is a parent or friend that has been at one of the caregivers homes that she finds scary and it's translating into her dreams. I had chronic nightmares as a child from as far back as I can remember and was forced to deal with them on my own most of the time. I don't think it's a good idea to let her cry it out. If it continues much longer, I'd consider therapy.