Advice.....Help.....Please

T.,
I have two kids. Mine are 4 and 8 yrs old. Maybe I am missing something BUT I don't feel this is a holding/spoiling issue. (I believe in holding children too...and not the spoiling theory anyway.)

However, my gut is saying something isn't right. It could be rather simple...and probably is. But I think maybe it's not the route others are going with this. I don't know why exactly I feel this way, but I have always believed that Mothers have instinct for a good reason.

I had a situation with my son at 4 months. He SCREAMED at bed time, and I don't mean just crying...I mean full board throwing up screaming, turning blue the whole nine yards. NOTHING would comfort him and it usually lastd a couple of hours! He slept great for naps, he did not have colic, he was happy otherwise.... Blah blah. The pediatrician said it was night time routine issues. It was colic, it was that he needed a strict schedule, blah blah... after a couple of weeks and SEVERLE Dr appts and nothing working...the nurse even told me "You are a first time Mom and worry too damn much !"

To make a long story short... I knew there was something more going on. He had a gastrointestinel infection and it was causing him pain at night. Now the symptoms were strange because it didn't bother him for naps. But I KNEW something was going on and I believed in my instinct and starting calling specialists until someone would listen. After the 1st treatment he NEVER did it again and was very happy and slept great.

My point being that I don't have the answer for your child. I do feel that if YOU think that this is odd, that it may be and you should keep at it until you figure it out. To me it seems that maybe physical comfort...maybe sitting in the car seat soothes him from something he feels physically. Like back ache, reflux.... I don't know just ideas to start you thinking.

BLESSINGS!
M.

If this is your 7 month old, it's simple.

All of my kids wanted to be held from about 3-8 months. If not held, then the feeling of being held.

Thus, the carseat cradles her body like your arms do.

To be honest, there is nothing wrong with putting her in the carseat while you are with her. My kids sat in their car seats while I preformed basic functions: bathing (in the bathroom next to the shower or just outside the door in my bedroom), cooking (a safe distance from the stove and where I was cutting up food), and folding laundry. It saves your sanity and allows you to get work done while giving your child exactly what they are wanting-comforting.

Some kids are Snugli/Carrier/sling kids. Some are arms only. And some are carseat kids. It's a phase, and it will pass.

Does she want to be held ? Does she stop crying when you hold her ? I know I might be a little on the spoiling side, but when my kids were little, (and my neices & nephews too), I held them when they wanted held because I think, they grow up so fast. Before you know it, they dont want to be held and eventually they show thier independence , by not wanting you to do for them all the time anymore. I know its hard sometimes to hold a child, and try to get anything accompished, but if things need to wait til later, or if ya dont get to something today, its ok. Tomorrow your children will be grown up and you'll have plenty of time to get everything done. My daughter is 5, she be 6 in June. She is at the stage, where she doesnt always want me to do things for, she tells me you dont have to watch me mom, or I can go outside by myself. The independence is a good thing, we all want to raise our children to be independent but sometimes I miss doing things for her. My son is 3, sometimes he will still ask me to carry him or hold him, and I do. Soon enough he'll be tellin me I cramp his style, as far as the car seat. My kids both liked thier car seats too. I think sometimes, its as if its a security to them. I hope I understood your question. Take care

My daughter was like this as well and I started carrying her in a snuggly just about ALL the time. It was the papoose kind, that kinda just goes around your neck and you still have your arms free. Maybe your child will need something like this with the sitters/you if she needs to be held that much. I don't think there's anything wrong with her needing held that much - like others have said on here, they DO grow up so fast. I know the crying seems like it will never end and you'll go crazy before it does ;), but try to hang in there and just hold her until she outgrows this. Not to depress you, or anything, but for my daughter she wanted held till about 12 mo. old (from about 3 mo.). She finally was too big for the snuggly, so I had to "wean" her from it, but now we have a really close bond that I think started with me giving in to her needs as a baby. Some kids just need that physical affection more than others... Also, if you feel something's not right, listen to that mom-gut-feeling and don't let anyone else make you feel silly for it. Good luck, hon!

Around 6 or 7 months, seperation anxiety hits. Maybe your son didn't experience it, but it does occur in most babies/kids, right around your daughter's age. It can even occur with people she is used to being around (like grandma). I am sure it is normal and it will eventually fade.

you got lots of good advice T. (and i didn't read it all so forgive me if i say something someone else already did) but how old is your daughter? the 'profile' thing says seven months . . . could it be stranger anxiety starting? my son is about the same age and he's starting to realize that there are 'strangers' and people he knows. in fact he hasn't spent much time around my dad and now every time he sees my dad he cries a little.

if it is stranger anxiety, just take a litte extra time . . . you know, before you leave her with the sitter, you hold her and let her watch the sitter play with your son, and then have the sitter play with her while you're still holding her, and then let the sitter play with her while you're in the room but not holding her, and then leave. it's just another great phase, and shy babies are so cute ;)

anyway, just my two cents, hope it helps. good luck

Hey there, my son just turned 10 months, and when he was younger he was the most layed back, pleasent baby. but around 7 months, he just started being cranky and crying all the time. I think part of it was seperation anxiety, and part of it was just development related. Just give him a little extra love and attention, and even though he may not get it, let him know that mamma will always come back for baby. Believe it or not, peek-a-boo helps, if you play it around the house, getting them used to mamma beeing unseen, then seeing her, etc. It won't last forever!! I promise :-)

I agree with the other moms who have said:
* needing to be held is normal and good at this age
* if the screaming just doesn't seem right to you, consider a health/medical issue that's causing pain

My little guy needed to be constantly held or else he was miserable, and I could just tell from the way he was crying that it was more than wanting to be close - it was a cry of pain/discomfort --> this happened when he had an undiagnosed food allergy (to cow's milk, in his case). As soon as we eliminated anything derived from cow's milk from his diet, he was so much more comfortable, seemed less fragile (didn't cry nearly as much, and if he did cry, it wasn't that pain/discomfort cry). I'm not saying your child has a food allergy, but just using that as another example of the crying being an indicator of something more going on. OK, well, noticing now that your daughter is 7 months old - if you are introducing new solids, she could be having discomfort due to that (changes in stool, possible constipation, possible food sensitivities). But it could be teething, separation anxiety, or many other possibilities too.

Anyway, I suggest a good baby carrier - like an Ergo carrier or a comfortable sling so that your daughter can be held as needed to make her comfortable or using the car seat as long as you are with/near her (don't leave them unattended in a carseat that is out of the car - they can tip & injure the baby). Hope she feels better soon!

My son also used to cry all the time when he was a baby. I couldn't figure out what the problem was. My midwife suggested taking him to the chiropractor. Though I was skeptical, I was more desperate, so I made the appointment. It was the best decision I ever made. I took him to Granger Chiropractic, off of mcnaughten (on the east side). They were super nice and did a wonderful job, nothing wierd or painful. It worked, the day after the first visit the crying stopped! Its worth a try and I think most insurances will pay for it!

ok im not sure if this is gonna help but my daughter use to scream and i didnt know why. sometimes i would cry. its could be an upset tummy! maybe gas! if you want to put gas releafer in her bottle and see what that does. im sorry if i didnt help!