Advice Regarding Pacifier and Toddlers

My son is 36 month and still uses his pacifier only for sleeping. Since he was potty training we decided to hold off a bit before we took it from him. The pediatrician said that it wouldn't really effect his teeth unless he still had it at 4-5 yr's old. My daughter, who is now 8, also used one and I was able to take it away from her very easily at 3.5 yrs old. She never even missed it.

My sister-in-law gave me a hard time about using them but her daughter sucked her thumb and consequently needed braced as a direct result. It's easy to take away a pacifier, not so easy to take away a thumb. I think if it's used only for sleeping it's not that big a deal and all kids are different. Both my kids sucked their thumbs in the womb so I knew they were going to need something and I didn't want them to suck their thumbs.

Oh & BTW a good trick to get them off of it when you are ready is to cut the tip off of the pacifier. This will eliminate the sucking sensation. So the child will still put the pacifier in their mouth, won't know what has changed and will not want to use it anymore.

I have to be honest J., leave him with the pacifier and night and nap time. Our son 22 months has only used it for night time and nap time. I too have been stressing over my dr. telling me to get rid of it but he'd go right to sleep with no problem and ONLY would get in the crib. When he woke up, he'd throw it back in. One night about 2 months ago he handed it to me and said Mommy, throw away. So I said okay and put it in a drawer and pretended I threw it away. He went right to sleep and then the next night when he asked for it, I told him I threw it away like he told me. Hasn't asked for it since. I feel that if they need it for soothing at night it beats having to have a non-sleeper. Do what your heart tells you, believe me he grow out of it soon since he's not an avid user.

Your son is only 20 mos. old! He needs to have at least some comfort to hold on to. Using a pacifier at night is not a problem. He will stop on his own as long as he feels secure in his homelife. The reason why your husband's six year old is still sucking his thumb is because he still feels the need for some secutity. There have been many studies on this subject, including a correlation between babies who were weaned to early or had their security blanket, or pacifier, or bottle or what ever taken fron them befor they were ready, start smoking at an early age, or have trouble stopping smoking because of the "security" feeling that they recieve from the cigeret. Your husband is typical of a lot of people, both men and women who want their boy to "be a man" and start behaving "like a big boy" slow down! Why are you in such of a hurry to make you 20 month old grow up? It also may make him harder to potty train, as you are trying to take all of the things he needs to feel secure away from him. Let him be a baby for a while longer. You will have a more secure adult in the future.

Hi J. i have a 21 month old little girl and she has her pacifier for sleep and for soothing.I have a friend that tells me that its time to take it away but am not yet because i feel that she is still small and why make these kids grow up so fast they are still little i think that you should just give it some time.And remember its going to be really hard to take that way do you really want to go through that right now? Because i know that i dont.Good Luck.:)

Go with your motherly love on this one! If it's not bothering you and your husband can agree that you can wait until his birthday or other major event! I did this with my daughter and her bottle! she had until she was two! Helped her get to sleep. I told her the a story of the birthday fairies who needed her bottles and would leave her a special gift in return! Worked very well and I was more nervous than she was! they are ususally more excepting then we are! If your fine with it don't cause the stress right now start mentioning that the pacifier may have to go bye bye soon and how would he feel! They are smarter than we give them credit for! Good luck on whatever you decide!

Hi J.

I think 20 months old is still young enough to continue the pacifier at bedtime and nap time. It is a comfort, and I am sure it does help your son to relax and sleep. I would suggest start telling your son, that when he turns THREE, he will be a BIG boy and mommy and daddy are going to throw all pacifiers out. That will prepare him for it, and hopefully when he turns three, he may willingly give up his pacifier. You can make it a special day, take him for ice cream, or his favorite toy that day.

My grand daughter, Mya, just turned 4 on July 29th. I get her every other Saturday and she spends the nite. She has been wanting her 'binky' to sleep ever since I can remember.
However, she is 4 now, and I think she should be off the binky by now. My husband, opposite of yours, thinks it's ok, if that is what comforts her at nite, let her have it.

Unfortunately, she has three different environments she is used to. She has joint custody between her mom and dad, so they each have my grand daughter part -time, and that makes it difficult to keep the rules the same. For example, Mya's mom and dad rarely agree on anything, and the communication is poor, so Mya's schedule is totally different at her mom's then it is at her dad's. And it is different here. So it makes it even more difficult to get her off the binky.

I have been encouraging Mya for the past month, that she will be FOUR soon, and a BIG girl, and we are throwing all binkys out. I have been discussing this w/ my daughter too. I will let you know how it goes after tonite to see how she responds w.out the binky.

I am not totally optimistic, b/c I believe she is still having the binky at her mom's and dad's at bedtime. So, it will make it more difficult for me. Cross your fingers! And I hope my advice helped you w/ your son.

J.,
Just went through this with my 2 year old. (All three of my children took a pacifier only after they were weaned from nursing!) I started with a brief explanation of how it was time to say goodbye to the binky, and we needed to give it to "baby Ella" because she really needed it. That's what big kids do: help the little ones. We then added a couple extra stories before naptime to "reward" her good deed. There was not alot of resistance or fussing, and within 3-4 days, we used the same procedure for nighttime. She also went with us to the dentist during that time, as the bigger kids were going in for their cleaning. The hygienist suggested we put the little one in the chair to let her experience what it was like. The hygienist reinforced our story about giving the binky to a baby who needed it.
It all went very well. Just made it all seem very matter-of-fact...and never had to pry a thumb out of any of the kids' mouths!!
You'll do it!
P

Hi J.! My son just turned two a few days ago and I am in the same situation as you. He only uses his pacifier for naptime and bedtime, but I agree that it's time for him to give it up. I just need to figure out how to get him to do it. My 12 year old son was a total pacifier baby and he was about 2 1/2 by the time he gave it up. This is what we did with him: He used to love to watch the garbage truck come and pick up the trash. He would get so excited when he would hear it coming and would run to the window to watch. One day we took him out to the truck for a closer look and told him, "Why don't you give your pacifier to the truck? You are a big boy now and you don't need it." He hesitated for a moment so I said, "Go ahead an throw it in, you can do it!" So he, himself threw his beloved pacifier in garbage truck and we praised him and celebrated. After that when he rarely asked for it I reminded him that he gave it to the garbage truck and he is a big boy now. I think it was easier because "he" made the decision to give it up instead of me taking it away. So now I am looking for a similar way for my 2 year old to voluntarily give it up. Maybe you know of something that you can use to get your son to give it up himself. It could be anything, but it has to be something that he really likes so he has the desire to give it up. My little guy loves Mikey Mouse, so a trip do Disney and meet with Mikey may do the trick. He can give it to Mikey as a gift maybe! and he will feel so good that he gave something he loves to Mikey. Keep thinking...I'm sure we'll both come up with something! :-)

Unfortunately I would try and break the habit now before he gets any older. THANKFULLY, my son stopped on his own with the pacifier at 11 months. They always say "break a habit before it becomes a habit"... I know it will be hard but you don't want him to have a problem with his teeth in the near future. Good luck!

I found that all 4 of my children needed something to soothe themselves at bedtime. For only one of them it was his thumb, and we are working on breaking the habit. For the others it was an object, a blanket or stuffed animal. I found that when it's an object, it's a lot easier to handle. My oldest son's object was a quilt, which became threadbare after a few years. I took him to the store and had him pick out what he wanted for his new blanket. We made a big thing of him getting this new blanket and had him give me his old one to hold in a safe place. At first the safe place was on top of his dresser where he could see it, then my closet. For my daughter it was a bunny, which became nasty after awhile. We then had her pick out a bear (because we couldn't find the rabbit) in the same color and made a big thing of this new bear. We moved the bunny up to "watch over her and her new bear" on top of her dresser. When we moved last year, the rabbit got tossed and she didn't even notice. We also bought a second identical bear that we rotated with the other one occasionally to slow down the wear. Even after she discovered the extra, she was content to only sleep with one at a time. A pacifier isn't exactly the same thing, but trying substitution might help. You could even find a rag toy that is safe to chew on.

Hi, J.. Well, I have to compliment you and your husband on raising a little one who is not chained to a pacifier! I think it's great that your son only uses the pacifier once or twice a day, just to help him get to sleep. What I have heard from pediatricians in terms of problems with using the pacifier, is in situations where the pacifier is always in the child's mouth, deforming the teeth, interrupting speech development, and creating an atmosphere where the child is learning only one method of coping, which is to suck on something, rather than learning how to relate to his environment.

That does not sound like your child. If he can go all day without using the pacifier, then he is getting very limited contact with it, and he is developing in healthy ways. I think that taking away a pacifier from a not-yet-2-year-old boy will open up a big can of unnecessary trouble. You will encounter problems getting him to sleep, which will create anxiety that may keep him from staying asleep, which can lead to night terrors, and this will disrupt the entire family.

It sounds like you have a really well-adjusted toddler; do you REALLY want to throw a monkey wrench into his peaceful world? Please don't.

If your son is able to learn all kinds of ways to relate to his world without the pacifier during the day, then I am pretty confident that he will give up the sleep pacifier all by himself when he is ready.

Peace,
Syl

My daughter is 3 years old and I really wish I had tried to break her of her thumb habit earlier because now it's going to be really hard. They say that it can really affect their teeth and their speech as they get older as well. Then there's also the factor of her continuing on to do so until she is in school and then being embarassed if someone finds out and makes fun of her.

I know it's hard, but you really need to just break him of this now while won't remember for too long. The best thing to do is to go cold turkey. That's what we did when we broke Leah of her bottle and it worked. Eventually they forget about it. You may have a bad night or two, but since your husband is so on board with breaking your son of the habit, make sure he knows that you expect his help on this too! You might want to do it on a weekend.

Each child is different. My son had his pacifier until he was 3, and my daughter never took one. When we finally took Andrew's away, it was no big deal. The first couple of nights were rough, but then he didn't ask for it anymore. My pediatrician once told me that it takes three days to break a habit, and I've found that to be true.

My daughter is 4 and like you I give her the pacifier to go to sleep and when she naps at home. In her school naps she doesn't use a pacifier. I also feel bad taking it away from her for her sleep. I have a friend whose daughter is 5 or 6 and used a pacifier all the time and she left it on her own when they went on a family vacation with other kids and she was embarrassed. Really, if you think about it they use the pacifier to fall asleep but then it falls out of their mouth for the rest of the night so they're really using it for about an hour. I am a believer that when they are ready they will let it go. Don't know if I was much help but I feel the way you do about the pacifier =)