Advice on How to Start Potty Training

M.,

I used the book "Toilet Training in Less than a Day" by Nathan Azrin and Richard Foxx on my 3 kids when they were 2 and it worked well with all of them. It is the same strategy Dr. Phil recommends. One bit of advice: It works like a recipe. You can't pick and choose the parts you want to try and expect it to work. You have to follow it exactly.

Good luck,
S.

He is too young. If he is not showing any interest in the potty then he is not ready. The most I would recommend doing is reading books about it but not putting any pressure on him until he leads the way. Otherwise you are just setting yourself up for a LOT of frustration. Look for signs that he wants to sit on the potty without encouragement, that he wakes up from naps or nighttime with a dry diaper, that he starts telling you when he has to go pee or poop. By all means talk about things and help him understand that when he is ready, you can help him, but don't get excited about getting rid of diapers for your sake. Most boys don't potty learn until between 3 and 4 (a few earlier and a lot don't until 4 yo).

Once he is showing some interest then you will have to figure out what works best for him. Some kids do well with having a schedule (ex. always try the potty 20 minutes after eating or drinking), some kids do better with a reward system (either a sticker chart or even a treat), and there are a ton of other methods. Whatever method you choose, just don't get your ego or expectations too wrapped up in the process because it will turn into a power struggle.

Remember, potty training is a misnomer. There is no way you can train your child to successfully use the potty because they have to be able to control all those muscles by themselves and there is nothing you can do to speed it up. All you can do is create a positive and supportive environment for them. You can help them learn what it means to go to the potty but you can't actually train them to do it.

My daycare lady introduces kids to the potty at 16 months and my 20-22 months they are day potty trained with a few accidents a month. She uses a chart and puts stickers on it. She tries to refrain from giving treats but my daughter did best with the treats. She bought sweettarts and would give one individual candy each time she went potty. We give two for poo's. Eventually you do away with the candy and only give it if they stay dry all day and then finally do away with candy and chart.

I can certainly understand how having two in diapers would make you crazy. But boys are tough, and I think you're setting yourself up for a lot of battles if he's not interested. He may not be into it for another year. My daughter is 2 1/2 and is very interested in using the potty--what a difference it makes when you let them decide they are ready. My son was 4 before he would do it! Another thing with boys is to wait until summer and let him run around outside without pants on--he'll figure out how it works pretty quickly. Good luck!

Just keep suggesting it to him, and the one thing I found that got all my boys to at least pee in the potty is the teach them to pee standing up. Since they are obsessed with their *** anyway, they think it's pretty cool to watch while they pee out of it. Sounds weird, but I was having a horrible time potty training my oldest, and one day I brought him in to go potty and he started going while we were getting his pants down, so I just showed him how to "aim" and he started laughing (and made a bit of a mess)but after that he wanted to go standing up and I didn't have a problem with at least that part of the training. Hope that helps!

When my daughter was 2 1/2 years old, I took her to the store and told her that she could pick out some panties because it's time for her to use the bathroom just like daddy and I. The next day I put the undies on her and showed her where the bathroom was and what to do if she feels like she has to go. Of course, she had some "accidents", but it honestly only took 4 days and she had it down. We never told her when to go or anything like that because we figured that would only turn into a power struggle. We left it all up to her.

I never used pull ups or used diapers, except at night for a few months. I know people who used pull ups and it took forever to potty train. I would invest in a small carpet cleaner if you don't have one already (to clean up all those piddles on the carpet).

All I can say is if he doesnt seen interested in it then back off from it for a while. Put the potty seat/ chair away for a while. HE will tell you when he is ready. IT just may be too soon for him.

Hi M.,

My son is 17 mo and i bought a potty chair for him also. I didn't start him sitting on it with his clothes on but off, including his diaper. He is starting to not like putting his diaper on since we started this. I try to put him on it right after he wakes up in the morning and after naps. He doesn't mind sitting on it and will go over to it during the day and sit. He has gone a few times in it already. It makes music whenever he goes so he likes it. Just take it slow and he will help show you what he likes and doesn't. My daughter didn't like the potty chair but did like sitting on the toilet. Just take your time and there was a lot of good advice here. You will find something that works for both of you. Good luck!

1st they need to show interest

2nd they need to be physcially ready like waking up from nap or in the morning dry

If they are doing that then start gradually and work your way up. If he wakes up dry it's a great sign because he obviously needs to go so go immediately to the potty and try if he's willing or wants to.

I've found the more you push or want it the more they defy you and resist.

Hi M.,
What we did with our twins was begin the process with the "potty timer." We would set the timer--microwave, oven, egg--for somewhere between 10-30 minutes (depending on the last time they went potty. Each time the timer went off, we had a parade to the potty! They were so excited when the timer went off because they loved the parade part. Even if they didn't go, we celebrated them sitting. If they did go, we would increase the legnth on the timer. We did this for about 3 days and by the end of day 3 they were pretty much trained! Email if you have any questions!

L.
mom to Gentry and Ainsley 11/03

I totally agree with Kris. My oldest didn't start consistently using the toilet until he was 4. Everyone told me that boys take longer and I had a lot of mothers whisper to me that their boys were still in diapers almost to age 5.

Once he starts being interested in it, he will start to decide to use it. To encourage the toilet, we used twizzlers cherry bites as a reward whenever he used the potty. One for pee, two for poop. That helped. But one day my son informed me that he was a big boy now and didn't need his diapers. And he didn't. We occassionally have an accident at night because he is such a sound sleeper, but they are infrequent and far apart.

Don't push it before he's ready though. You'll end up in a power stuggle and it will take even longer to get him to consistently use the toilet.

Good luck. Just keep reminding yourself how many school-age kids do you see in diapers. He'll figure it out sooner or later.

I'd try getting some picture books & a video on potty training to start to get him interested and make sure he understands all the 'logistics' involved. We found 'Potty Power' was a good video and my kids liked Everyone Poops and a number of other potty books. Once he seems really interested and understands then I'd start trying training.

We had great luck w/the book, "Potty Train Your Child in 1 Day". Our 2 1/2 yr old had no interest in using the toilet prior to the weekend we dedicated to potty training but was still fully trained in 1 week. He was really proud of himself.

The book is all about throwing a potty training party one weekend w/lots of rewards. It worked for our son.